Rich Quotes in Adventureland (2009)

Rich: Park's closed, Em.

Em Lewin: [chuckles] Yeah. Rich, you scared the hell out of us.

James Brennan: Rich, it's me James.

Rich: Park's closed, James.

James Brennan: Okay. We'll leave soon, okay?

Rich: Better leave now. The park's closed.

James Brennan: Alright. We better leave now.

Em Lewin: Okay, here we go.

Rich: I saw Em and Connell in his car.

Tommy Frigo: What were they doing in the car, Rich?

Rich: They were doing push-ups in his car. They didn't have any pants on.

Tommy Frigo: No pants. Naked push ups, retard, for fucking! James, they were fucking!

James Brennan: Frigo, Frigo shut up. When did you see this, Rich?

Rich: Like, a while ago. A while ago.

Tommy Frigo: It was just a couple weeks ago. Right, Rich?

Rich: Dave, can I get a re-fire?

Dave: What did you just say to me?

Rich: The guy at table five wants it cooked a little bit more.

Dave: No! They asked for it medium rare. It's perfect. If he wants it cooked more, tell him to go shove it up his ass.

Rich: You want me to tell that guy to cook this in his ass?

Dave: Yeah, within the inside of his anus.

Rich: I don't care how much you plan for your future. You don't know what it's actually gonna be like till you live it.

Rich: [voiceover] I know a man must die, but I didn't know that he was bound to die twice. Long before he's put into the ground, he must trade the man of his youth, his goals and dreams, for mowing lawns, taking out the trash, and weekends of antiquing.

Colin: Nice ride, Mr. Chaplin.

Rich: [voiceover] That's kind of like dying, right?

Rich: You ever wish you were someone else so that you could be free to live the life you were supposed to?

Tony: Who doesn't?

Bill: Look, we didn't plan on the financial burden of a baby. It's puttin' a strain on our marriage.

Maggie: We're hoping you had some advice.

Rich: Well, figure it out soon because lawyers are more expensive than children.

Rich: [giving his sermon] So, how does the story of the prodigal son end? Kid comes home after squandering away his father's fortune, and he is - y' guys gonna love this - pretty much, he is treated like a rock star. Huh? You know, when you... a rock star!

Rich: [wailing an imaginary guitar] Wah, wah, wah, wah! Huh? Rock star on the drums. Dsh-dsh-dsh-dsh-dsh-dsh-dsh-dsh-dsh-dsh-k'chshshs! Ahhh! The crowd goes wild! And the respectful son - right?, the guy who stayed home and he DID... THE RIGHT... THING - you know what he got? Does anybody HERE... KNOW what the guy that did the right thing got? Nada! Nothing! Zip! So, there you have it. Life is unfair. That about covers it.

Rich: How come I'm not in the picture?

April: Because you haven't wanted to be.

Rich: It's a Wonderful Life?

Tony: 1946. Frank Capra's iconic masterpiece. The answer to your dilemma rests in here.

Rich: You're saying I'm supposed to watch this movie?

Tony: I'm saying you're supposed to LIVE this movie.

Rich: Am I dead? Is this... Heaven? Why is everything so wet?

Rich: [voiceover] Let this be a lesson: Babies...

Maggie: Goodnight, sweet girl.

Rich: [voiceover] ... are people, too. They just want a little love.

Rich: Young lady, you are grounded till the rapture!

Big Earl: [singing while playing the blues on a harmonica] A boo-hoo, boo-hoo. A crybaby you. A boo-hoo, boo-hoo.

Rich: That's a little rude.

Big Earl: Well, you were having a pity party out loud so, naturally, I assumed everyone was invited.

Rich: It's never too late to go home.

Rich: So, how'd your mom react when you told her about the wedding?

Waverly Jong: It never came up.

Rich: How come?

Waverly Jong: She'd rather get rectal cancer.

[first lines]

Rich: Whoo! Whoo-hoo! Oh, yeah!

Halley: Okay, you're great. You got the line?