Max Cartwright Quotes in The Final Girls (2015)

Max Cartwright: You just fucked with the wrong virgin!

Nancy: Am I really gonna die?

Max Cartwright: Yeah.

Nancy: So, I guess I never grow up or fall in love or have kids. I had this dream that when I graduated college, I would meet a guy and we'd have a baby. A girl. And if she ever needed me, I would do anything for her - anything. I would've made a really great mom.

Max Cartwright: The best.

Max Cartwright: Gertie, you're a virgin.

Gertie Michaels: No. Well, not anymore. Last summer with that guy, Jerry. He had like the weird mustache and he, like, winked. Remember?

Vicki Summers: Isn't he autistic?

Gertie Michaels: Yeah. Yeah. He is. But he was also very romantic.

Nancy: You were right about one thing, you know?

Max Cartwright: What?

Nancy: I'm a movie star!

Amanda Cartwright: Honestly, if you ever become an actor, don't ever do a slasher flick.

Max Cartwright: You wouldn't catch me dead in a movie.

Max Cartwright: [the kids prepare to watch Camp Bloodbath, which Max's mother starred in]

Max Cartwright: Today's the anniversary of her death. At least I get to see her. Even if she is being chased by a psycho with a machete.

[the kids find themselves living inside of the old slasher movie that they were watching]

Duncan: Okay. So, we're in the movie.

Max Cartwright: Uh-huh. How do we get out of here?

Gertie Michaels: Yeah, I like that question. That is a really, really good question. Duncan, can you answer that question, please?

Duncan: What are you talking about? It's 1986! Our homes don't exist yet, they're probably just landfills waiting to be turned into crappy subdivisions. WE don't exist yet. I know for a fact my parents haven't met because I was an unplanned child.

Max Cartwright: You shouldn't have sex.

Nancy: Why?

Max Cartwright: Because I heard that sex can kill you.

Max Cartwright: We will pick this up again. Is that understood? In the meantime, just stay away from Kurt... and keep your shorts on!

Gertie Michaels: Hey, just keep on keepin' on.

Max Cartwright: What does that even mean?

Gertie Michaels: It's something my therapist tells me all the time.

Max Cartwright: You have a therapist?

Gertie Michaels: Mmm-hmm.

Max Cartwright: Does it help you deal?

Gertie Michaels: No, not really. She's a physical therapist, so...

Max Cartwright: Vicki, you don't have to die.

Vicki Summers: I'm the mean girl in the 80s horror movie and we're past the midpoint, so, you know, I'd say that I'd overstayed my welcome.