Chris Briggs Quotes in The Final Girls (2015)

Kurt: What are you, a fag?

Chris Briggs: My dads are gay, so shut the hell up.

Kurt: Yeah, right! Gay guys can't have kids! They're too busy going to discos and having sex with each other. It's actually a pretty cool lifestyle.

[the kids strap Tina into a lifejacket and tape oven mitts to her hands]

Tina: Why do I have to wear all this stuff again?

Chris Briggs: Because you're scripted to do a striptease at the slumber party, and when you take your top off, Billy comes running.

Tina: But why does he hate my boobs? Cuz they're not big?

Kurt: By the way, what's with you and Max? Are you guys having sex? Because if not, I wouldn't mind bench pressing her with my dumbbell.

Chris Briggs: Listen, brah, you're not bench pressing anyone with your dumbbell! If I so much as hear your dumbbell took a Pilates class...

Kurt: What?

Chris Briggs: I'm gonna cut it off.

Vicki Summers: Tyson wanted to come here tonight and I was like, "Oh my God, no," but here we are. So, you win, Tyson!

Chris Briggs: So, you didn't see my post about it, or anything?

Vicki Summers: No, I don't go on your stupid Twitter. Which, by the way, has lost three more followers today.

Chris Briggs: What are Bathematicians?

Duncan: Camp Bloodbath fans. It's kind of our awesome nickname.

Gertie Michaels: Did you know that a nickname immediately becomes uncool when you give it to yourself?

Chris Briggs: God, you are so pussy-whipped.

Zack Butterfield: Oh, fuck you, Chris, I'm not whipped. That's so ridiculous.

Chris Briggs: Right, like you're not the most pussy-whipped guy on the planet fuckin' Earth.

Zack Butterfield: Just 'cause I not a Neanderthal like you. Just 'cause I can actually be friends with a girl.

Chris Briggs: Whipped! Like everyone doesn't know? Give me a break. Man, lately, every time I ask you something, it's always "Emily this, Emily that".

Zack Butterfield: Come on, grow up. You just hate girls. You prob'ly still run up to 'em with dead frogs.

Chris Briggs: Oooh, hate girls? No, no, no. I don't hate girls. I *love* girls. I just don't like them when they're standing up.