Jonathan Brewster Quotes in Arsenic and Old Lace (1944)

[discussing the body count]

Dr. Einstein: You got twelve, they got twelve.

[angrily grabs Dr. Einstein's necktie]

Jonathan Brewster: I've got thirteen!

Dr. Einstein: No, Johnny, twelve - don't brag.

Jonathan Brewster: Thirteen! There's Mr. Spinalzo and the first one in London, two in Johannesburg, one in Sydney, one in Melbourne, two in San Francisco, one in Phoenix, Arizona...

Dr. Einstein: Phoenix?

Jonathan Brewster: The filling station...

Dr. Einstein: Filling station? Oh!

[slits throat]

Dr. Einstein: Yes.

Jonathan Brewster: Then three in Chicago and one in South Bend. That makes thirteen.

Dr. Einstein: You cannot count the one in South Bend. He died of pneumonia!

Jonathan Brewster: He wouldn't have died of pneumonia if I hadn't shot him!

Dr. Einstein: No, no, Johnny. You cannot count him. You got twelve, they got twelve. The old ladies is just as good as you are!

Jonathan Brewster: [to Dr. Einstein] This is the home of my youth... As a boy, I couldn't wait to escape from this house. Now, I'm glad to escape back into it.

Jonathan Brewster: Teddy, I think it's time for you to go to bed.

Teddy Brewster: I beg your pardon. Who are you?

Jonathan Brewster: I'm Woodrow Wilson. Go to bed!

Teddy Brewster: No, you're not Wilson, but you're face is familiar. Let me see. You're not anyone I know now - perhaps later on my hunting trip to Africa. Yes, you look like someone I might meet in the jungle.

Dr. Einstein: You shouldn't have killed him. Just because he know something about us, what happens?

Jonathan Brewster: We come to him for help, and he tries to shake us down. Besides, he said I looked like Boris Karloff!

Jonathan Brewster: Tonight, we are taking care of Mortimer.

Dr. Einstein: But, Johnny, not tonight. I'm sleepy. We'll do it tomorrow, or the next day.

Jonathan Brewster: Look at me, Doctor. You can see that it's got to be done, can't you?

Dr. Einstein: Yeah, I know that look.

Jonathan Brewster: It's a little late to dissolve our partnership.

Dr. Einstein: Okay, okay, Johnny. Okay, we'll do it. But the quick way, huh? The quick twist like in London.

Jonathan Brewster: No, Doctor. I think this calls for something special. I think, perhaps, the Melbourne method.

Dr. Einstein: [cringing] No! Not the Melbourne method, please! Two hours!

Jonathan Brewster: [pulling on surgical gloves] And now doctor... we go to work!

Dr. Einstein: No, Johnny. I cannot operate without a drink!

Jonathan Brewster: Pull yourself together, doctor!

Dr. Einstein: I cannot pull myself together without a drink!

Jonathan Brewster: [to Aunt Abby and Aunt Martha] Dr. Einstein and I need a place to sleep. You remember that, as a boy, I could be disagreeable. It would not be pleasant for any of us if... I don't have to go into details, do I?

Jonathan Brewster: Perhaps we'd better introduce ourselves. May I present Dr. Einstein.

Elaine Harper: Dr. Einstein?

Jonathan Brewster: A surgeon of great distinction... and something of a magician.

Elaine Harper: Now, I suppose you're going to tell me that you're Boris Kar...

Jonathan Brewster: I am Jonathan Brewster!

Jonathan Brewster: We're moving the car behind the house. You'd better get to bed.

Martha Brewster: The car is alright where it is until morning.

Jonathan Brewster: I don't want to leave it in the street. That might be against the law.

[Repeated line]

Jonathan Brewster: Go to bed, Aunt Abby!

Jonathan Brewster: [threatening Mortimer] If you tell O'Hara what's in the window seat, I'll tell him what's in the cellar.

Mortimer Brewster: Cellar?

Jonathan Brewster: There's an elderly gentleman down there who seems to be very dead.

Jonathan Brewster: [to Dr. Einstein] This time, I want the face of an absolute non-enity!

Jonathan Brewster: I'll get every one of you! I hate cops! I'll brain the first one that comes near me!

Jonathan Brewster: [to Dr. Einstein] To my dear dead brother.