Jerry Peyser Quotes in The In-Laws (2003)

Jerry Peyser: "Normal as butter on mashed potatoes"? That lasted about ten minutes.

Steve Tobias: I don't know one person here.

Jerry Peyser: That's because it's not an arms market.

Jerry Peyser: I'm sorry I called you the worst father in the world. I'm sure there's at least two or three guys who are worse.

Steve Tobias: Thank you, Jer.

Steve Tobias: Doctor, do you know what a roofie is?

Jerry Peyser: Yeah I know what a roofie is, frat boys give them to girls at parties.

[Steve nods]

Jerry Peyser: Oh no. Oh don't rape me.

[passes out]

Jerry Peyser: Six people on a beach! I could have saved a fortune.

Steve Tobias: Jer, they're gonna be fine. In fact, the whole family's gonna be just fine.

Jerry Peyser: I would contract what they call wet bone.

Jean-Pierre Thibodoux: I'm curious to know more about wet bone.

Steve Tobias: [after large snake is served at ethnic restaurant] Uh, Jerry, you alright? You haven't even touched your food!

Jerry Peyser: My food is still eating.

[last lines]

[as Jean-Pierre is being taken away by the police, he waves at Jerry]

Jean-Pierre Thibodoux: Call me!

Jerry Peyser: You know something? He might actually like prison.

Steve Tobias: Like it? He's gonna LOVE it!

Jerry Peyser: That was fun.

Steve Tobias: Yeah blackmail! Ha ha.

Jerry Peyser: I got what they call wet bone.

Jean-Pierre Thibodoux: I'm curious to know more about wet bone.

Jean-Pierre Thibodoux: People think we are crazy. But they don't know the joy of holding a man's beating heart in the palm of your hand.

Jerry Peyser: Aww, that's a good feeling.

Jerry Peyser: Katharine, I am in the bathroom of Barbra Streisand's airplane.

Jean-Pierre Thibodoux: But there are certain things I can only do with a man, no?

Jerry Peyser: Like golf?

Jean-Pierre Thibodoux: No! I am not gay!