Jason Quotes in Deep Impact (1998)

Jason: You know you're gonna have a lot more sex than anyone else in our year.

[the whole crowd start shouting and applauding]

Leo Biederman: Really?

Mike Perry: Thank you for your sexual insight, Mr. Thurman. You can sit down now.

Jason: Famous people always get sex, Mr. Perry. That's the main reason it's good to be famous.

Young Pilot #1: Hey, Hawk. This guys wants a scary ride.

Jason: It's my birthday!

Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: [pause] Happy birthday.

Jason: [to his girlfriend, after his plane ride] I love you, and I love being on the ground.

Jason: You don't look like a criminal.

Jonathan Mardukas: I'm a white-collar criminal.

Jason: [being ushered away from the sleeping princess by his companions] Whatever happened to "we rape, we pillage"?

Jason: [looking at the robot that Roscoe has built] Why'd you make him black?

Roscoe: [smiling] Because I wanted him to be perfect.

Princess Karina: How long have you known about this?

Jason: First we've heard of it.

Roscoe: Couple of days.

[Jason and Roscoe look at each other]

Jason: Couple of days.

Roscoe: First we've heard of it.

Jason: The manifest

Roscoe: Box B-28

Jason: 28?... 25, 26, 27... B28... oh no

[hands egg to Roscoe]

Roscoe: What is it?

Jason: Space Herpe.

Roscoe: herpe?

Jason: Dormant form. uh - Keep away from heat and - uh - moisture. Extremely dangerous when activated. Antibody - oh boy - unknown.

Princess Karina: Your he is a she and she thinks you're wonderful.

Jason: She does?

Princess Karina: I think you better get over there and see what you can do, Jason.

Jason: No Way.

Princess Karina: No Water then.

Jason: You wouldn't.

Princess Karina: Try me.

Blonde Girl: Jason, you never keep any of your promises.

Jason: Oh really, well I will... next time.

Blonde Girl: Promise?

Jason: It's really not that dangerous.

Princess Karina: That's not what I've been told.

Jason: I don't mean anything by this but is there any particularly reason that he is black.

Roscoe: [smiling] Sure, I wanted him to be perfect.

Wendon: I'm afraid I have some bad news... well maybe its not that bad. The princess is pregnant.

Jason: Pregnant? How'd the hell that happen?

Wendon: Well you can be sure I had nothing to do with it. She's asking to see you.

Princess Karina: Jason?

Jason: Yeah, what's going on?

Princess Karina: [sarcastically] Big surprise. Daddy.

[holding up baby for Jason to see]

Elderly Jason: Oh no, not him again.

[as Zorn enters the ice storage area]

Zorn: You are finished. The seventh world is mine.

Elderly Jason: Come on, Roscoe. You're looking bad.

Roscoe: You don't look to good yourself.

Elderly Jason: They're gaining on us. Well, I guess this is it.

Jason: Here I come, dad!

Elderly Jason: Beat it, Roscoe!

Old Karina: Jason, Jason! It's him, it's... it's him. That's our baby!

Elderly Jason: That is him!

Old Karina: Isn't he beautiful!

Jason: Mom. Dad. We won!

Elderly Jason: He's a chip off the old block.

Zorn: I always hated kids.

Jason: [having found Bodhi in "Tiretown"] ... No! I said, FORGET GOING BACK.

Rabbit: So what, are we gonna stay HERE?

Tug: Please, not in Tiretown. I'd rather go back to the desert.

Metron: And die of thirst?

Terra: There's GOTTA be another place to go.

Metron: Well, until YOU'RE ready to SHOW us...

Daniel: I think we should make our own place to live.

Metron: Make it out of WHAT, Daniel? Look, even with Bodhi, where would we start? And when would we finish?

Terra: Metron, if your future lies with the Protectorate, you should have stayed at the Orphanage!

[She storms off]

Jason: [after Darstar has stolen Bodhi, and Daniel has gone after them alone] ... Blowing this Orphanage won't be like sneaking off to the Arena. It's not gonna be 20 meters in a ditch for this one, if we get caught; it's gonna mean a Mainstream Labor Site for us.

Metron: Yeah, or maybe worse.

Rabbit: What could be worse than THAT?

Metron: Try SURGICAL ALTERATION. Ever heard of it?

Terra: They've conditioned us here to be so afraid. There's gotta be a place to go. *We were not born here.* We had parents on the outside, families who might still be alive. Maybe we could find them.

Tug: It sounds like, if we go, we're not coming back.

Jason: That's exactly right.

Jason: [alone with Bodhi] ... Hi. Do you get bored just sitting in this box?... I can't believe that I'm standing here talking to a BALL. No offense.

[the other Solarbabies come in]

Metron: So, this "Bodhi"... We still haven't figured out what it is.

Daniel: He's a WHO, not an IT.

Terra: Well, then WHO is it?

[last lines]

Jason: I... Win... Bro

Jason: She stuck a lipstick in her boob and it fell out of her pussy!... Okay?

Jason: You! Brat!

James Ray Steam: You could hurt someone like that, and my name is not brat!

Jason: Corruption in the church, go figure!

Laurel: There's no such thing as corruption in the church Jason! The only church that has ever existed, lies within.

Jason: Never thought about it that way.

Father Tollman: Once Kasdeya arrives, the people of earth will see the wrath of the demons and then they will know what it means to serve.

Jason: I don't think its the people who need to learn that lesson father!

Father Tollman: You don't know what it means to sacrifice,Jason.

Jason: I am the way, you are the way!

Jason: You are a grown ass man who is about to be a grown ass beast!

Jason: Bloody hell, Davis! That's a lot of money!

Jason: Here, I want you to meet someone.

Ralph: That's okay, I know too many people already.

Jason: I just wish something would happen, anything.

Avi: [stunned] No one could've survived that crash!

Jason: [glowers] I DID!

[last lines]

Avi: [grimly] Then I guess I have some unfinished bussiness to deal with

Avi: Who sent you?

Jason: YOU DID! Flight 77? I was on it

Avi: [eyes widen] NO ONE could've survived that crash

Jason: [grimly] Sometimes I wish no one had

[last lines]

Avi: Then it seems I have some unfinished business to attend to/deal with

Phineas: But tell me, what gods protect you?

Jason: None now.

Phineas: You won't pass the Clashing Rocks.

Jason: The gods want their entertainment.

Zeus: Jason goes too far.

Hera: Because he speaks the truth when the gods themselves go too far?

Jason: We reach land at noon. Then you can fill your bellies until they grumble as much as your tongues.

Jason: Now the voyage is over, I don't want any trouble to begin

Polydeuces: There won't be any trouble, Jason. Just tell us where the city is and when we attack.

Jason: We don't attack.

Polydeuces: But that's foolish, you have the finest fighting men in the world.

Jason: 40 fighting men against a nation?

Phalerus: Better forty than one Jason.

Jason: We're not *pirates*, Phalerus.

Acastus: What's that girl done to you? We thought you were a fighting man.

Jason: I'm going up alone in the morning. See what the situation is.

Polydeuces: Oh, you mean spy out the land. Well, why alone? Why not take a few of us scouting.

Jason: The fewer who go, the less can get caught. Now what's the fewest you can think of?

Polydeuces: One, of course.

Jason: Right. I accept your advice.

Argos: Pray to the gods, Jason!

Jason: The gods of Greece are cruel! In time, all men shall learn to live without them.

Ercole: No Jason, it's no use to go on torturing yourself. You'll never know who killed your father now Crion's dead.

Jason: I wanted so badly to get at the truth, but he would never tell me. He could read my thoughts, he felt my desire for revenge.

Ercole: And I see by the look in your eyes that your desire for revenge is bound to grow worse.

Jason: I feel it. The desire for revenge dominates all my thinking, but the assassin has no face and I don't know his name.

Jason: Nicholas! We care about you! We used to be like you. We thought nobody cared.

Kim: But we were wrong. Now we want to be your friends, Nicholas, and make sure you're never alone again. Believe us, Nicholas! Believe us.

Nicholas: I... I believe you!

The Spirit: No! You can't! Don't do it! Stop! You don't care! They don't care!

Friend Bear: Hi. I'm Friend Bear, and this is Secret Bear. We're Care Bears.

Jason: What do you want?

Friend Bear: Only to be your friends.

Mr. Cherrywood: [narrating] You see, although Kim and Jason were warm and loving children, they had been so hurt when their parents went away that they decided never to love anyone ever again just incase they too went away. Kim and Jason felt they didn't need anyone, but the Care Bears knew better.

Friend Bear: Everyone needs friends, Jason. Even you and Kim.

Kim: We're not your friends!

Jason: And how do you know our names?

Friend Bear: We know a lot of things about you. Kim reads a lot of books and wants to be a nurse when she grows up, and Jason, you want to be a jet pilot.

Jason: Yeah. How did you know that?

Friend Bear: Friends are supposed to know about each others' hopes and dreams.

[Secret Bear whispers to Friend Bear]

Friend Bear: Secret Bear says not to worry. No one can keep a secret like Secret Bear.

Jason: Well, I'll tell you what we know about people you care for. They always let you down.

Kim: So, we'd rather not have any friends. Don't trouble yourselves!

Funshine Bear: Tenderheart! Tenderheart! The caring meter dropped two whole points!

[everyone gasps]

Love-a-Lot-Bear: A lot of people must have suddenly just stopped caring.

Kim: What could have caused that?

Tender Heart Bear: The same thing that caused the cloud quake. A boy named Nicholas is being taken over by an evil spirit.

Jason: An evil spirit?

Kim: So, what happens when the caring meter drops to zero?

Love-a-Lot-Bear: No one in the world will care anymore.

[Secret Bear whispers to Kim]

Kim: And the end of Care-A-Lot?

Tender Heart Bear: I think that's exactly what the spirit has in mind!

Tender Heart Bear: Kim! Jason! We're ready! All set?

Kim: No. We're not going to the orphanage. We're going to help you.

Jason: Yeah.

Tender Heart Bear: But... you have parents waiting.

Jason: We've made up our minds.

Kim: You showed us how to share our feelings, and that's just what we're going to do.

Tender Heart Bear: Yeah? Really?

Kim, Jason: Yeah.

Lotsa Heart Elephant: I think things will get a lot easier now that we're together, Brave Heart.

Brave Heart Lion: I couldn't agree with you more, Lotsa Heart. Soon, you'll be out of the Forest of Feelings, then your journey will really begin.

Jason: You're not coming with us?

Brave Heart Lion: Well... yes... if you think we could help.

Tender Heart Bear: Glad to have you along. We can use all the help we can get!

Brave Heart Lion: Well, in that case...

[roars]

Lotsa Heart Elephant: [trumpets]

Brave Heart Lion: We're calling for the Loyal Hearts where ever they may be!

Lotsa Heart Elephant: We're calling for the Proud Hearts to come and follow me!

Brave Heart Lion: We're calling for the Gentle Hearts to keep us company!

Lotsa Heart Elephant: And it would be a Treat Heart if you would follow me!

Lotsa Heart Elephant, Brave Heart Lion: [singing] 'Cuz there's a job to be done, we're gonna need everyone / because nobody can do it alone. / We'll need the swift and the small, we'll need the strong and the tall / 'cuz everyone has a strength of their own. / And when you put it all together, / Then there's a power no one can deny. / It's the power to share, it's the power to care / 'cuz when you care, you're not afraid to try!

Bedtime Bear: What are we going to do with the children?

Funshine Bear: I don't know, but this has never happened before. Perhaps we can let them stay.

Jason: Hey! Can we say something? Where are we?

Funshine Bear: Oh, we're terribly sorry. Bears?

Care Bears: We're the Care Bears!

Jason, Kim: [unenthusiastically] More friends?

Funshine Bear: Welcome to Care-A-Lot!

Friend Bear: Come on. We'll give you a tour.

Jason: Okay, but we're not gonna like it.

Tender Heart Bear: Jason, do you still have the key that I gave you?

Jason: Sure do.

Tender Heart Bear: Good. Now promise me that you and Kim will stay as far away from Nicholas and the spirit as you can.

Jason: But I want to help.

Tender Heart Bear: You can help best by guarding that key.

Jason: But...

Tender Heart Bear: If we lose that key, Jason, we can never win.

Jason: I understand, Tender Heart. You can count on me.

Kim: Wow. This doesn't look like the Earth I remember.

Jason: Maybe we're still in Care-A-Lot.

Friend Bear: If this is Care-a-lot, then someone's been doing a little gardening since we left.

Jason: Where did you come from?

Brave Heart Lion: Why, we live here. Everyone in the Forest of Feelings knows of Playful Heart Monkey and Brave Heart Lion.

Friend Bear: Forest of Feelings?

Jason: Well, we're from Earth.

Friend Bear: And Care-A-Lot.

Playful Heart Monkey: [laughs] Earth? Care-A-Lot?

[laughs]

Playful Heart Monkey: There's no such place!

[laughs]

Jason: There is too!

Brave Heart Lion: Don't mind Playful Heart. He loves to laugh at anything. I've heard tales long ago about... other places. What are these other places like?

Kim: I guess Care-A-Lot is safe and sound again.

Jason: And as long as Care-A-Lot is safe, so is the world below it.

Wish Bear: I've sighted parents for you at the orphanage! They want to adopt you both!

Cheer Bear: Congratulations, Kim and Jason!

Tender Heart Bear: Come on, Grumpy! Let's warm up the rainbow rescue beam! Kim and Jason have to get back in a hurry!

Kim: You hear that, Jason? Parents.

Jason: Yeah. I thought we'd never have parents.

Kim: Yeah.

Jason: But... Kim...

Kim: I know, Jason. Our friends. They're in trouble.

Brave Heart Lion: You're welcome to stay in the Forest of Feelings as long as you like.

Friend Bear: Thank you, Brave Heart, but the sooner we leave, the better. If we don't hurry, Care-A-Lot may not be there when we get back.

Kim: We have to find a way back to Earth.

Jason: To help stop the evil spirit from taking the feelings away from everybody.

Brave Heart Lion: Come on, everybody!

Kim: Where?

Brave Heart Lion: If there is a way out of the Forest of Feelings, we'll help you find it.

Kim: Hey, Jason, aren't parents great?

Jason: Yeah.

Jason: [Gunnar is lying on the ground with an iron bar buried in his forhead] He looks like a fucking giant ice lolly!

Jason: Game over, fucking shitface!

[singing]

Jason: I can't believe I've never seen/I can, like, not understand it/this is the first fucking time I see you

[oooh oooh]

Jason: /you're an awesome way to pass the time/yeah, you're the bitch in my life/like lightning, what's wrong with me?

[woooh oooh oooh]

Jason: I think I've been blind until today/when you suddenly looked at me and said/Fuck off and die - you're too ugly for me, and your mother goes for $100/you said it straight to my face/

[woooh ooh]

Jason: what do you want?/babe, I'm standing here like a nerd in a cloud of confusion/I want to be in your space/it feels so fucking wild/think of all the time I've wasted/you're all I want, I think I've been converted

[ooh ooh]

Jason: /and suddenly here I stand/now I can see how fine you are/and I'll get really pissed if you have a boyfriend

[oooh oooh oooh]

Jason: /I can only hope that you will be my girl/ and you are motherfucking fresh on it, who came and said to me/Fuck off and die - you're too ugly for me, and your mother goes for $100/you said it straight to my face/

[woooh ooh]

Jason: what do you want?/babe, I'm standing here like a nerd in a cloud of confusion/I want to be in your space/Fuck off and die - you're too ugly for me, and your mother goes for $100/you said it straight to my face/

[woooh ooh]

Jason: what do you want?/babe, I'm standing here like a nerd in a cloud of confusion/I want to be in your space...

Jason: Are you lame or something? I don't have the fucking energy to explain it. You never know when you need a good windpipe!

[about Gunnar, the new teacher]

Jason: He was more than a little fucked up, wasn't he?

Sophina: What happened?

Jason: They fucking shot him! They shot him in the fucking back for no reason, man!

Mr. Leonard Donofrio: I'm telling you nicely, you're too young.

Beverly (Age 11): Pop, you can't negotiate my boobs. Whether I'm too young to have 'em or not, I got 'em. I'm a woman. It's just hard to see it through all these clothes.

Mr. Leonard Donofrio: Quiet! The answer is no. Keep your mind on books, not boys.

Jason: [narrating] This is why therapists are wealthy, moments like this. Why didn't he just get her the bra? It's certainly cheaper than a bicycle. Ah, parents and the damage they can do. Sometimes it's endless. But she survived. You know what they say: that which doesn't kill you, makes you want to die. You see, if she was from the south she would have turned her life into a country song. But since she's from Connecticut, she turned it into a book.

Jason: Who says I'm in one piece?

Beverly: You're the most normal person I know.

Jason: Normal? Normal? Amelia was in New York two weeks ago. She wants me to transfer. She wants me to enroll in her school. But I can't go. I can't leave you. Cause if something bad happens...

[crying]

Jason: ... it's my fault. I'm what went wrong in your life. You know, you wrote a book about it. I swore I wouldn't - Did you know that I love Amelia? Don't worry, she left already. Here's the funny thing. She thinks I can't love her because she can't make me happy... and damn it, she's the only good thing in my life. I'm just incredibly screwed up. Just so we're real clear about this, I blame you.

Beverly: When does this job ever end?

Jason: You call it a job?

Beverly: Well, what do you think it is? A calling?

Amelia: I got your message

Jason: You did?

Amelia: Yes, I love you too.

Jason: This is the greatest converstion of my life!

Jason: [reading from the Burn Book] Trang Pak made out with Coach Carr! And so did Sun Jin Dinh!

Trang Pak: [in Vietnamese] You little slut!

Sun Jin Dinh: You're the slut!

[both start swearing in Vietnamese]

Jason: Is your muffin buttered?

Cady: What?

Jason: Would you like us to assign someone to butter your muffin?

Cady: My what?

Regina: Is he bothering you? Jason, why are you such a skeeze?

Jason: I'm just being friendly.

Gretchen: [whispers] You were supposed to call me last night!

Regina: Jason, you do not come to a party at my house with Gretchen and then scam on some poor innocent girl right in front of us three days later. She's not interested. Do you want to have sex with him?

Cady: No, thank you.

Regina: Good. So it's settled. So you can go shave your back now. Bye, Jason.

Jason: [whispers] Bitch...

[watching two girls in a catfight]

Jason: Yeah! Take your top off!

Jason: Did you see nipple? It only counts if you saw a nipple!

Student: Yeah, that's true dude...

Jason: You stay here.

Martin: Why?

Jason: Cause your face looks like a vagina.

Martin: Dick!

Jonah: How's it going Crockett, been hanging with Tubbs lately?

Martin: Come on man, I'm getting it from all angles here, I really don't like it anymore.

Jonah: I know, me either. Was it weird when you changed your name from Cat Stevens to Yusef Islam?

Martin: Yeah, it was really awkward.

Jonah: All right, see you later Scorcese on coke.

Jay: [Makes a roar like Chewbacca from Star Wars]

Martin: What the fuck was that?

Jay: You know, Chewbacca.

Martin: Oh, another beard joke, fucking hilarious!

Debbie: I gotta go, Sadie might have the chicken pox.

Jason: I had the chicken pox THREE times. I have no immunity to it.

Ben Stone: We don't have the heart to tell him it's herpes.

Jason: It's not herpes if it's everywhere.

Jason: Well, I'm gonna go make a protein shake.

Jonah: We got pinkeye.

Ben Stone: Were you giving butterfly kisses or something?

Jason: Ha ha ha, very funny That's not how you get pinkeye. You get it from poo particles making their way into your ocular cavities.

Jay: Um, I farted on Jason's pillow as a practical joke. He farted on Jonah's, thinking it was mine, and then eventually pinkeyed my pillow. I'm not proud any of this, but I think we're all forgiven each other. Um, but we can't go anywhere.

Pete: You can get pinkeye from farting in a pillow?

Jonah: Totally!

Pete: That's awesome!

Jonah: Jesus, Martin got it bad. What, did someone take a dump on your eye?

Martin: No. No pinkeye for me. I'm just really... high.

Jonah: Dude, I didn't go to Yale to work 24 hours a day.

Jason: Dude, you went to a city college.

Jonah: I went where I went, alright?

Jonah: I can't believe you didn't fucking wear a bag, WHO DOES THAT?

Jason: Why did we go to Costco and buy a year's supply of condoms if you weren't gonna use 'em, man?

Jonah: I can't believe you did this. You fucked everything up.

Jason: The real point is not to get yourself into this position, that's what you have to realize. You gotta know all the tricks like, for example, if a woman's on top she can't get pregnant. It's just gravity.

Jonah: Well that's true. Everyone knows that.

Jason: What goes up must come down.

Jason: She looks really... smart.

Jay: I'm going to be there to rear your child.

Jason: You hear that, Ben? Don't let him near the kid, he wants to rear your child!

Martin: You guys aren't suppose to make fun at me thats not part of the rules.

Jason: Martin why didn't you just listen when I was explaining the rules? You just looked at me with that blank stare of yours - it was like talking to a wax statue.

Jason: Granted, gynecology is only a hobby of mine, but it sounds to me like she's crowning.

Jonah: [slamming the ball and winning the point at Ping-Pong] Fuck off!

Jason: Yeah, well, you still have a little dick, Cartman.

Jason: You wanna know who I want to get pregnant? Felicity Huffman. Ever since I saw Transamerica, I can't get her out of my head.

Ben Stone: [answering the phone] Hello?

Jason: Hey! What's up, Daddy? What are you doing?

Ben Stone: Just smoking a joint. Drinking some beers. You know? Rockin.

Ellie: [after sex] I wasn't going to do that. I was going to hold out, like make you wait for 40 days.

Jason: I was going to make you wait, and then I realized I'm a dude.

Preppy Guy: I need a drink too. I'll get you a drink too.

Ellie: Honestly what if I enjoy the drink. What happens then?

Preppy Guy: I'd love to hear what you think happens then.

Ellie: I'll tell you what happens then we go play beer pong with your two roommates until I end up back at yours in Murray hill.

Preppy Guy: Yeah, that's right how'd you know that.

Ellie: Yeah then I have to listen to your roommate have sex with Hilary, or Emily or whatever the girl's name is, until we fall asleep. And then a year later we're still playing beer pong in the same bars with your friends except now you feel pressured to get married and have kids because you think that's what I want.

Jason: Then in the summers you drive up to the Hampton to meet his parents wondering the whole ride if they're going to think your pretty enough.

Ellie: Smart.

Jason: Wondering the whole ride if they're going to think you're smart enough.

Ellie: Because no one is and then we have to drink shitty chardonnay.

Jason: At a shitty garden party.

Ellie: And have shitty conversations.

Jason: About shitty people.

Ellie: With his shitty mother.

Jason: Who let's face it doesn't think you're smart enough.

Ellie: Pretty.

Jason: Let's face it, doesn't think you're pretty enough.

Ellie: Because no one is.

Jason: No one ever will be.

Preppy Guy: What's all that shit, I'm just talking about a drink.

Jason: Yeah, but it wasn't just a drink though, was it.

Ellie: It was a marriage proposal.

Preppy Guy: Woah marriage , nah. It was a vodka soda. Alright fuck you guys then.

[preppy guy walks away]

Jason: Drink?

Ellie: Yep.

Jason: [Referring to Mikey following news of his divorce] I don't know what we should do man.

Daniel: We need to get him a hooker.

Jason: No, I don't think so.

Daniel: Yeah, we'll use a coupon and get him a cheap hooker.

Jason: Dude, are you taking a shit in there?

Daniel: Absolutely not.

Jason: Every time you come over, you take a shit.

Daniel: No, I'm not taking a shit, I'm using a self-tanner!

Jason: Self-tanner?

Daniel: Yeah, I told that assistant in Vogue I couldn't hang out 'cause I was in Tulum. I'm trying to face her off my roster.

[he pauses briefly]

Daniel: Also, I am taking a shit.

Jason: And he would give anything to back to that moment

Jason: The moment where they first met.

Jason: Before anything went wrong.

Jason: Before he didn't show up for her when she needed him most.

Jason: Before he understood that being there for somebody when it's most difficult is really all that relationships are.

Jason: Jason knew that now.

Jason: And he was so sorry for what he had done.

Jason: But Jason also realized that in that moment, he wasn't afraid, because he thought wasn't the one.

Jason: He was absolutely terrified, because he knew she was.

Jason: And if she could give him just one more chance,

Jason: just one more chance,

Jason: she knew where to find him.

Mikey: Which one of you divas uses self-tanner?

Daniel: I do, why?

[Mikey walks out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel]

Mikey: Because I beat off with it last night.

Daniel: Why... why didn't you even read the bottle?

Mikey: I was a little drunk.

Jason, Daniel: What?

Mikey: My shit is orange.

[Mikey opens towel]

Jason: Oh!

Mikey: Look at this!

Daniel: Oh my God!

Jason: Oh no!

Daniel: Who knew that could even happen to you? I didn't know you could change colors.

Mikey: Stop.

Jason: Your dick looks like a yam.

Daniel: Your dick looks like a traffic cone.

Mikey: Just stop.

Daniel: Your dick looks like a can of cheddar Pringles.

Mikey: That's fucked up.

Jason: Your dick looks like Spike Lee at a Knicks game.

Daniel: If your dick was jumping over the river, it would be the General Lee.

[Takes a sip out of his mug and spits it out in a fit of laughter]

Jason, Daniel: [Both succumb to built up laughter]

Jason: What if someone put a gun to your head right now and said, "You have to answer this second or I'II shoot. "Are they going to make it?" What do you say? What would you say?

Therapist #2: Whoa! Okay, no one has a gun to my head, Mr. Smith.

Jason: It's hypothetical.

Therapist #2: It's not a place for inappropriate behavior. And you definitely don't pull a hypothetical gun on your therapist!

Jason: You have kids, you have guns, you have grandpas.

Jason: You shouldn't be smoking anyway, Chloe, it's not good for you.

Chloe: Yeah, well, fucking dying isn't good for you either but that doesn't seem to be stopping anybody!

[finishes phone sex conversation and turns around]

Liz: Oh, God.

Jason: That is a really weird way to talk to your boss.

Liz: It's not what you think

Jason: Really?

[feigned sigh]

Jason: Awesome, because, what I think it is, is you leaving me at dinner to talk dirty to your boyfriend Stanley.

Liz: No. No, no, no, no, no, no.

[feign sigh]

Jason: What a relief to know you're not someone who licks people all up and down with their scratchy kitty-cat tongue.

Liz: I moonlight as an adult phone entertainer.

Jason: Like... phone sex?

Liz: Yes. This is the busiest day of the year for phone sex. Surprise...

Jason: Why didn't you tell me?

Liz: OK, um. I'm broke. I have a 100K student loan, I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to pay off, I have no health insurance. And, so, if you know of a job, that will pay a poetry-major $40 an hour with her clothes on, I'm all ears.

Jason: OK. I'm out.

Liz: Are you gonna call me?

Jason: Well, you know, I'd like to say yes. But... I don't know if I can afford it.

[beat; Liz turns, Jason chases]

Jason: I'm sorry. That was, I'm sorry. Come on, you know I didn't mean that.

Liz: Thank you so much for last night, I had a blast, and there is fresh coffee for you in the kitchen.

Jason: I think I'm out of coffee.

Liz: Yeah you were, but i borrowed some from your neighbor. By the way she was very surprised that you had female company, she thought that you were gay. Don't worry, I set her straight.

Jason: Bye.

Jason: I'm sorry, it's just that... I'm from Muncie, Indiana. The wildest thing I ever did was... Leave Muncie, Indiana!

Buddy Love: I've got a date at the Alumni Ball, and you've got a date with linoleum.

Jason: Who?

[Buddy punches Jason, who falls to the floor in a heap]

Jason: [seeing Buddy revert to Sherman while in the car with him] Oh, man! This is Freddy Krueger shit, man!

Jason: Marcia, I may be able to use you as a model, but first you'll have to do a little work on yourself.

Marcia Brady: You mean like walking with a book on my head?

Jason: No, I mean like cutting that mousy hair, capping those teeth, and losing about 30 pounds, my little sausage. How do you feel about breast implants?

Marcia Brady: [slaps him] Cut my hair?

Milly: You and my mom have been totally scheming. And and and and now I know exactly why she pushed me on you because she was voting for you. She found you.

Jason: Yeah but that doesn't take anything away from us. What matters is that we did meet, and how good this is between us. And the truth of that...

Milly: The truth. Where is the truth? Where is the truth, because you've been living a lie and I've been lying to you Jason.

Jason: Yeah but that doesn't change anything.

Milly: How does that not change... everything?

Jason: Because you're here. I think you already made your choice. But if it helps I'll say it. Stop seeing him. Then you and I can get closer. Close enough to spend the rest of our lives together. I knew I had you the day I met you.

Milly: How could you know something like that?

Jason: Because you were so nervous you laughed like a hyena, in that beautiful polka-dot dress of yours.

Milly: Really? I'll tell you one thing though. You did not have me the moment that we met because I'm not even sure I like the fact that your staff talked about you behind your back at the dessert table. And excuse me but truth be told I didn't like anything that you ordered for me on our first date except the calamari. And ok fine, yes, it was nice to not have to think for a change. But who wants someone that doesn't think? Look! And sometimes you laugh when I cry, and you say "huh" when I make perfect sense. And never ever in my life have I burnt a chocolate suffle until now, and that in and of itself... oh my god. Should have told me I don't feel like myself around you. And I would have decided that. A long time ago if it weren't for my mother. Because who wants someone who laughs like a hyena in a polka dot dress that my mother made me buy.

Jason: I love that dress.

Milly: Take her out.

Jason: Gotta love a woman in polka dots. Not everyone can pull it off.

Jason: You're losing your intelligence, sir.

Sherman Klump: Yeah, I know. I can't even beat Molly and she's the dumbest hampster we got!

Jason: Professor? You okay?

Sherman Klump: Yeah. I just don't wanna hurt her, Jason.

Jason: Then you won't. Hey, you CAN control Buddy.

Sherman Klump: You know it's funny how you get used to certain things in life. You get used to being overweight. I know I did. You even get used to people making fun of you. Somewhere along the line, I got used to being alone. And I just don't want to be alone anymore.

Jason: I'm trying to get my spot back!

Devon: How? By river-dancing with your drum?

Jason: I DO love my drum!

Charles: [a car horn makes three long blasts to indicate that Ernest is a P3] Who's that?

Jason: That's the upper-class men. They flash their lights to say what rank they think we should get. Hey Charles, what's up with your socks?

Charles: Don't worry about my socks man, it's a tuba thang shorty.

Jason: Better be.

Sean: Congratulations, you're not crabs anymore. Now you're crab drummers. And tonight, is tree-shaking eliminations, which will determine who will become A&T drummers. So tonight, celebrate, because you made it through training.

[band celebrates]

Sean: Whoa, whoa...

[band gets back into position]

Sean: after, you prove a thorough knowledge of the rule book. What is mandatory of all A&T musicians?

[points to Jason]

Jason: All A&T musicians must read music.

Sean: When can a P2 or a P3 challenge for a spot on the field?

[points to Diedre]

Diedre: At the practice before the performance, sir.

Sean: What is...

[looks at Devon and slowly points to him]

Sean: the last rule of the rule book?

Charles: Man, it won't be the same without you.

Devon: It's all about the tubas now.

Charles: What do you mean? It's *always* been about the tubas, shorty.

Jason: Well, you know how Dr. Lee is about time.

Devon: Yeah.

[in Dr. Lee's voice]

Devon: "You're on time if you're five minutes early; you're late if you're on time."

Charles: Look, Friday night, in my living room, be there, alright?

Alison: [ranting about Gib] And you should see the crap he eats! Cheese balls and beer for breakfast!

Jason: [shocked] How do you know what he eats for breakfast?

Jason: What are you people doing here? We can't continue the story 'til Tom gets back.

Harold: Oh, we don't mind observing you all.

Harold's Wife: Yes. My husband is a student of the human personality.

Rita: Oh yeah, well we're not human.

Harold's Wife: It doesn't matter to Harold. He has trouble with humans.

Jason: I'm bored with sitting around. I'm a dramatic character. I need forward motion.

Jason: 'scuse me, sir, I kinda just threw up in your car.

David 'Mo' Rutherford: I know!

Jason: I'm sorry!

David 'Mo' Rutherford: That's all right.

Jason: I just ate shaving cream!

David 'Mo' Rutherford: Everybody has to eat shaving cream once in a while

Col. Malcolm Grommett Spears: We're Americans - we've never lost a war!

Jason: What about 'Nam, sir?

Col. Malcolm Grommett Spears: 'Nam? We lost that war at home, sonny.

Jason: What am I supposed to do?

Jason's Brother: What you're supposed to do, you're supposed to EAT IT, that's all; you eat it and eat as much of it as you can and you KEEP eating it!

Jason: She's really something, it's just... I'm no good with girls.

Frank: Oh, you're whipped!

[imitates whipping]

Jim: [interrupting] Frank! Sometimes I wish you didn't beat that cancer. I really do.

Kelly: [holding the ring] Where did you find this?

Jason: It's a... long story.

Charlie: No it's not. A stripper peed it into a toilet.

Duncan: Our most consistent customer has Alzheimer's!

Jason: Mrs. Kimmel does not have Alzheimer's!

Duncan: She bakes fifty pies a day for her dead husband. Most of the pies are filled with soap.

Jason: We are mature and legitimate detectives.

Kelly: What the hell is that smell?

Duncan: I drank dog urine.

Jason: Ah, cinnamon sticks!

Charlie: Ah, Chinese checkers!

Duncan: Fuck! Yeah, that's right. I've been saying "fuck". Going in the backyard and trying it out.

Jason: Life is about following the thing that you are passionate about until the very end at any cost no matter how stupid you look.

Zack: If y'all wanna talk about bitches and guns and football, I can feel it, yo.

Jason: I'm straight, not brain-dead.

Jason: Why are you telling everyone you're straight?

Benji: Because I am.

Jason: Come on. Ray Charles can see you lookin' at that ass like it was Sea Biscuit.

Jason: Aren't they pretty? You know, those are actually weeds.

Lilly: Does knowing that make them any less pretty?

Jason: Now, Petruchio, I want you to lean in and kiss Hortensio and get your first kiss ever.

Casey: Um... for realsies?

Jason: You were in the marines?

Hollywood: Yes they were looking for a few good men and... so was I.

Jason: You know how, like in cartoons, when the building gets hit by the wrecking ball, right before the building falls down, there's always like this moment where it's perfectly still right before it collapses? We're in that moment. The wrecking ball has already hit all of this, and this is just the moment before it all falls down.

[Jason moves]

Sophie: You get me some water?

Jason: I'm not getting up. I'm just shifting my position.

Jason: How would you turn the faucet on?

Sophie: Just... with my mind.

Jason: Such a shame that the only thing you can do with your mind is something that you could just do with your hand.

Sophie: We'll be forty in five years.

Jason: Uh. Forty is basically fifty and then after fifty, the rest is just... loose change.

Sophie: Loose change?

Jason: Like... not quite enough to get anything you really want.

Joe: It can be very hard in the beginning. Maybe one of you does something terrible, and that might be the hardest to get used to.

Jason: Uh, we didn't... have those kind of problems in the beginning.

Joe: Well, the thing is you're just... in the middle of the beginning right now.

Jason: [to a man whose car broke down] Ah, yes, the ghost. Well, did you check this here, distributor?

Alex: You don't know what a fucking distributor is!

Samantha 'Sam' Marche: [Shoves him] Get outta my way.

Alex: What makes you think you could do any better?

Samantha 'Sam' Marche: I'm a mechanic, dickhead.

Jason: We can take a little romantic walk in the moonlight, you know what I mean?

Melissa: Can you even walk?

Jason: Oh, I can do a lot more than that, baby.

Jason: If you want a plain, old, vanilla fucking, that's fine.

Jason: But it's not pain. It's laughing with your friend at a time when you shouldn't. It's the sweat in your palms wanting to know someone you see and the pit in your stomach when they actually see you. It's being touched by hands that aren't your own. It's the thrill of an escape that almost wasn't. It's the embarrassment you feel, naked for the first time. It's helping a friend find something they lost. It's a smile, a joke, a song. It's what someone does that they like doing. It's what someone does that they like remembering. It's the thinking of things you may never do and the doing of things you may never have thought. It's the road ahead and the road behind. It's the first step and the last and every one in between, because they all make up the good life.

Jason: [reading a note from his father] Jason, the brain has enough oxygen to support full awareness for 10 to 15 seconds after the heart is destroyed. Go for the head. A lifetime full of pain, who needs 10 to 15 seconds more.

Jason: They call the hole left by the passage of a bullet through the body a permanent cavity. A permanent cavity is what cops strive for when shooting someone dangerous. They say the best bullet for the job when trying to incapacitate someone dangerous is the one that's bigger, the one with the most velocity, the one that creates the largest permanent cavity, the one that kills faster. What I think would be worse is being hit by a smaller caliber bullet over... and over... and over. A lifetime full of pain. Who needs 10 to 15 seconds more.

Jason: After you die nothing you ever owned matters, and everything you ever did does. You can't sell what you did to your family at a garage sale.

Jason: You can tell that by looking at my palm?

Frances: I can tell that by looking at your face.

Jason: I hope to leave here someday... but like the snowflakes trapped inside a snow globe, I wasn't going anywhere.

Jason: My dad once told me that the people I meet will never care more about who I am than they will about what I look like. And because I look the way I do, people may never care about me at all.

Jason: How is she? Nobody'll tell me anything around here. They treat me like I'm a criminal.

[Mac bursts into laughter]

Jason: What's so funny?

Mac: You are a criminal!

Robin: you are standing right where your Dad used to stand and we used to talk. He was a good guy, your Dad.

[Jason picks up some sunglasses]

Robin: Oh wow. Yeah, those glasses. I haven't seen them in a long time, they're his, those goofy glasses.

Jason: These were his?

Robin: Yeah. You keep those. He would have wanted you to have them.

Jason: Was he good at anything?

Robin: Yeah. He was the best motorcycle rider I've ever seen in my life. Best.

Jason: Yeah?

Robin: Best. Never seen another one like him. Best.

Jason: You guys good friends?

Robin: Yeah I think we were.

Jason: You still got his bike?

Robin: [shakes his head] No, his bike's gone. Police took it. I think they cut it up. They're angry with him, I know that. They're real mad with him.

Robin: [Robin sees Jason holding Luke's old glasses] Why don't you put the glasses on?

Jason: [shyly] Nah...

Robin: For sure! He would have said they were left there for you. No doubt. Put them on if you want. Go on. Put em' on.

Jason: Yeah?

Robin: C'mon, I'll tell you.

[Jason puts them on and Robin smiles]

Robin: Yeah. Yeah!

Jason: [smiling] Yeah?

Robin: Yeah! You're callin' him back!

[last lines]

Jason: How much do you want for it?

Mr. Anthony: I was thinking five.

Mr. Anthony: [Jason climbs onto the bike] Have you ever ridden one of these things before?

[Jason rides away silently. Fade to black]

Robin: [Passes Jason a newspaper clipping and points to a photo] That guy's your Dad. That's him there.

[Robin points to another photo]

Robin: And that's the pig there, the one that pegged him.

Jason: What happened to him?

Robin: Who, the cop? Forget about him man. Don't start there, I'll show you good things. I'll show you good things...

Jason: You don't look like a maid.

Gabriela 'Gabby': I'm not, I'm the nanny. Do I look like a nanny?

Jason: No.

Gabriela 'Gabby': So where are we going?

Jason: Ah, we got about 4 hours to Cuba.

Gabriela 'Gabby': Oh really. It took me a week - 15 of us on a very small boat.

Jason: I can turn around if you want.

Gabriela 'Gabby': No, it's okay. I like the water. Even when we were coming over, the sea was so beautiful. I never wanted to sleep, I was happy. I was ashamed to be so happy. People were dying.

Gabriela 'Gabby': What are you doing here?

Jason: I came to see the cats.

[last lines]

Jason: You need to hurry.

Jason: Did you want to tell me something, Adam?

[Adam turns to Jason as Ray Hott appears behind Jason, staring ominously at Adam]

Adam Kesher: This is the girl.

Ray Hott: Excellent choice... Adam.

Father Moore: [before the exorcism] Do not ask it any questions or pay any attention to what it says.

Jason: It?

Father Moore: We won't be dealing with Emily tonight.

[Emily is in the church, standing before a gold crucifix sitting on a table in the middle of two lit candles. She stretches out one arm and starts bending backwards from her waist]

Jason: Oh, my God. Emily?

[Emily's head turns to face him. Her eyes are red]

Emily Rose: [possesed] DON'T TOUCH ME!

[She suddenly falls to the ground and stars to cry. Her eyes return to normal. Jason starts backing away]

Emily Rose: Jason, please... don't leave me!

Jason: I was born from a boom box.

Mr. Wayne: [after seeing the girls 'death' pictures] I am... disturbed, wasn't I? Clearly, the Fitzgerald sisters worked hard...

[under his breath]

Mr. Wayne: God...

Jason: Can we see the ones with Ginger again?

Jason: Hey, diss me or whatever, but, I got three sisters, and nothing quite takes the edge off like a good toke.

Ginger: Well, maybe I like my edge. Thanks.

Jason: Or maybe you're just chicken to lose it.

[Jason and Ginger are about to have sex]

Jason: Don't we need protection?

[Ginger pushes Jason and viciously rips open his shirt]

Jason: Stop! Wait a second.

Ginger: You're fucking hilarious, cave-boy.

Jason: I just got a few questions for her, like uh, I'm growing a goddamn TAIL outta my ass, and I thought she might have a few tips on how to deal with keeping that quiet!

Brigitte: Hurting me won't help.

Jason: See? I'm up to some whack shit right now. I'm way out on the corner of Fucked-Up and Evil. You wanna know what I did for fun last night, huh? I killed my own freakin' dog, OK? Now what am I supposed to do about that, huh?

Jason: So Fitz... I think we should get together.

Ginger: Um... no.

[Rolls eyes and walks away]

[Sam opens the door to his van]

Sam: The hell you guys doing in here?

Ben: [Greeting him] Sam, The Man.

Jason: Sam, uh, we, we just needed a place to come and smoke.

Sam: Hey, you know, I have an idea. Why don't you guys get the fuck out of my van, assholes! Come on, I'm serious get out! I mean it! Get out!

Jason: Come and get some candy!

Jason: Swear on your mom's grave!

Donna: She ain't dead yet!

[Jason and Nisa got back from dancing and Jason's parents want to talk to Jason alone]

Katherine Anderson: And we don't want you fraternizing with the hired help!

Jason: We wen't dancing, we did't go to bed!

Katherine Anderson: Well, I shoud hope not there's enough of those people in the world without you fathering any more.

Jason: Will you try to keep it down, she might hear you.

Katherine Anderson: I want her to hear me and I want her out of My Dress!

Jason: About the dress...

Katherine Anderson: What about it? I hope you realize its a Christian D'ore original and it cost me more than that maid makes in a year. So get her out of it!

Jason: [is very mad] Okay, Okay! Fine, Alright! I'll get the damn maid out of your dress!

[Jason makes a fast exit and walks to Nisa's room and finds that she has left]

Layla: Come on, you're like the Pied Piper when it comes to kids.

Jason: I don't know about that.

Amanda: So, what's her name?

Jason: No, it's nothing like that. In fact, it's kind of the opposite of that.

Amanda: Oh!

Jason: Oh no. Not like the opposite opposite. I mean like the opposite, different. I don't know what I mean.

David: You know, it doesn't work by osmosis?

Jason: What's that?

David: Well, you can sit next that thing all day long if you want, but you actually gotta crack that rascal open for it to do you any good.

Jason: Okay. How's that?

David: Well, it's a start. So, they run you off up north or did you just get homesick?

Jason: Do I know you?

David: No... you just look weak.

Jason: Well, we could use another adult to help out with youth.

Paul: Eh, the church and I don't really mix all that well. I was thinking more along the lines of giving you a hand at the farm.

Jason: I'll keep that in mind... if I ever decide to become a farmer.

Jason: I'm famed throughout the land for going down on whores.

Jason: I'd better warn you I've got Jesse James' gun!

Jason: [reciting the Charm of Making] Anal nathrakh, urth vas bethud, dokhjel djenve!

Jason: If this man were not from God, he could do nothing at all.

Jason: [in flashback] Help me! Help! Help, Mommy! Help! Help, Mommy! Mommy, help!

Mrs. Voorhees: I am, Jason. I am.

[Jason scares Sarah in the mine]

Jason: What, you think I was Harry Warden or something? Hey, Michael, check this out.

[Harry Warden strikes Jason from behind, killing him with a pick axe]

Looter: What the fuck are you doing here?

Jason: What the fuck are you doing here?

Looter: [holding TV] I'm just stealing shit. But you... what's a guy with a video camera doing in the women's dorm, huh?

Jason: The camera can see. And what the camera sees, the audience will see.

Tony Ravello: What fucking audience?

Jason: There's always an audience for horror; believable horror. But who's gonna believe a mummy if his makeup's all unglued?

Tony Ravello: Who's gonna believe a mummy in the first place?

Jason: Say your name.

Debra: Jason, if you don't know my name by now, then get your clothes out of my closet, okay?

Jason: Say who you are, Eliot.

Eliot Stone: You just did. I'm Eliot.

Jason: Tell us more.

Eliot Stone: Eliot Stone, Harrisburg, PA. And I'm here with you fine people because... I don't know... I'd like to get home, too. It's on the way. I'm hoping you'll be so kind as to drop me off.

Jason: [after running over three zombies] Mary, how do you feel about what just happened?

Mary Dexter: [sobbing] How do you think I feel?

Debra: [to Mary] They were already dead, okay? You didn't do anything wrong.

Tony Ravello: Listen to me, unless you're Jesus fucking Christ, you don't stand up and walk around after you're dead!

Andrew Maxwell: There will always be people like you, wanting to document, wanting to record some sort of diary.

Jason: Me? You're the one who put the camera in my hands. You're the one who made me want to do this.

Andrew Maxwell: Not this. This is a diary of cruelty. And in wartime, when the enemy can be marked as this son of a bitch or that son of a bitch, then cruelty... becomes justified.

Jason: [to Ridley, who's playing a mummy] How many times have I told you? Dead things don't move fast. You're a corpse, for Christ's sakes. If you run that fast, your ankles are gonna snap off.

Debra: What is this about, Jason?

Jason: I don't know. I just... If this turns out to be a big thing, I just want to record it, okay?

Jason: Fuck. Battery's almost dead.

Tracy Thurman: Yeah, that's not all.

Jason: [as a zombie approaches] Shoot him in the head!

Debra: [recording Jason] Tell us your name.

Jason: Uh...

Debra: Say it.

Jason: Deb, come on.

Debra: Say it.

Jason: Give me a break. Jay... Jason. Jason Creed.

Debra: You see how it feels to have a camera shoved in your face? To have to answer stupid questions when people are dying all around you? You see how it feels?

Stranger: What the hell's with that camera anyway?

Jason: Uh, home movies.

Stranger: Who's gonna be left to watch?

Jason: All over the world, people learning how to survive by seeing how we've managed to survive.

Jason: Fuck. $100,000 education, I can't find my way out of a fucking warehouse.

Jason: [to Ridley] See? I told you dead things move slow!

Jason: All that's left is to record what's happening for whoever remains when it's over.

Jason: [handing Debra camera] Shoot me.

Jason: Hi, my name is Jay... Jason Creed, and I have been given the opportunity, given the gift to be able to document the events that have suddenly landed in my lap. And I just want to let you guys know, the audience know, that I'm gonna do my best to capture the truth with me and my friends. There's gonna be no fakeness. I'm gonna go after everything. Really raw, really real. And I'm going to do the best job I can. And I'm just really excited to be given this opportunity. And I am not going to fuck it up.

Bradley: Fuck me, i'm out of breath. Now what i was trying to say was how sorry I am that Mullet decided to top himself. A bit selfish of him really, leaving Mr. jizzy no mates here, not one fat spaz to call a friend.

Jason: YOU BASTARD!

Bradley: Arr! You're a plucky little fucker aren't you. Now Mullet is dead which means he can't be sending us texts, I don't think that he can get a signal up there, do you?

Marcus: I can't even get a signal in the bogs.

Bradley: Exactly. Now being Shrek risen from the dead, ain't a bad gag. So give me his phone and we'll call it quits.

Jason: I haven't got his phone.

Bradley: Jason, Jason, Jason, you're only hurting yourself mate

[punches Jason in the face]

Jason: You have no idea what it's like to be bullied do you?

Justine: I'm sure it's awful

Jason: Darren couldn't escape even when he was at home. They sent him texts and e-mails and they set up a website.

Justine: Website?

Jason: Can you believe that? What's he supposed to do, you tell a teacher and they tell the bullies off and that gives them an excuse to come after you. You tell your parents and they just say stand up for yourself. Darren couldn't stand up for himself

Justine: Who bullied him?

Justine: Jason, I came to say i'm sorry. I... saw Darren being bullied and I didn't do anything to help him. I'm starting to think it's maybe was my fault.

Jason: It wasn't you. It was me. I was the one who told them he fancied you. I didn't want them to start on me so I set him up. Some friend huh?

Justine: I'm gonna see the Head. Tell him what happened to Darren.

Jason: It's not gonna bring him back.

Rachel: They've brought Area 51 to Manhatten.

Jason: We won't be complaining about the rats any more.

Jason: Thanks Babe!

Rachel: You haven't called me babe in months.

Jason: You haven't saved my life before.

Jason: Why is he opened up like that and what are those... what's that crap inside of his body?

Doctor Stella: Insect eggs.

JB Divay: The pendulum represents all that is sacred in life. The rising and setting of the sun, the motion of the waves, the push and pull of tides, all the forces that are beyond our control. It's pure metronomy. We even have our own clocks. The pendulum deep inside, counting down each second until the day we die. Until we enter the pit of eternal damnation.

Jason: Obsessing with time like that isn't healthy. It can make you go crazy.

JB Divay: You don't know the half of it.

Billy: This is a man's trip.

Jason: But who knows whats out there, Billy. This could turn into a dead-man's trip.

Jason: Get outta here old man or I'll cut you.

[first lines]

Jason: [impassive tone] Look... you know this is for the best. I love you, but I want to enjoy my college experience. I'll be away from my parents for the first time in my life. And I'll be making new friends... and I'll have the opportunity to grow as a person. And you can do the same thing. Hey, baby doll? We had a good run. We were together most of senior year and most of the summer. Don't be sad. Just focus on the good times we had. This isn't bad. This is good. Come on... gimme a smile. There she is. There's my little angel face. You know that I never wanted to hurt you.

[Jason leans forward to kiss Rachel who suddenly punches him in his face]

Rachel: Fucking asshole! You're a selfish, fucking asshole! You couldn't have decided to break up with me nine hours ago before you fucked me with that little dick of yours?

Jason: Little? Really? You're just think that way because you're a whore!

Rachel: And you're a little bitch!

Jason: I am not! And you're a crazy bitch!

Rachel: Damn right I'm a crazy bitch.

Brandon: What's new with you Jason?

Jason: Oh, you know, taking a lifetime to become an overnight success.

Jason: We're gonna smoke a J. You're welcome to partake. Us with.

Nikki: You know the difference between good sex and great sex?

Jason: What?

Nikki: A feeling of connection.

Nikki: What made you decide to get married?

Jason: I, I guess it was time. You know? Lisa and I, we've been together for two years.

Nikki: You read your relationship like a train schedule.

Jason: How does it feel like to have the biggest pussy known to mankind?

April: You're really trying my patience, Jason. That's really funny.

Jason: Yeah, well, you're looking a little spent there.

April: Listen, you little faggot! You want me to drag you out by your puny, little cock and take away what manhood you have left, 'cause I'll do it!

Jason: What're you gonna do? You gonna blow me to death?

April: [slaps Jason]

Claire's Father: How's your mom?

Jason: Great.

Claire's Father: That's too bad.