Jon Quotes in Pork Pie (2017)

Jon: You're gonna lose your licence

Luke: I don't have a licence

Jon: [on a sugar rush after eating sweets, getting high on it and leaning out of a transfer truck] CANDY!

Jon: Home isn't a time or a place... it's with the people you love.

Jon: ...It's not enough...

Avery: Thank you.

Jon: You're welcome, lil' sis.

Jon: I'm gonna be your sister-in-law, have you thought about that?

Matt: Jesus, every night.

Jon: [after Plan Q is activated] Don't worry, I've seen this bit a thousand times; the heroes always save the day

Hannah: Right, so where are the heroes?

Rachel: We're the heroes, you muke

Hannah: [Runs out of the hotel room screaming] AAAGGGHHHH!

Bradley: What goin-

[trips up]

Jon: [comes out with a baseball bat] Nobody move-

[trips over Bradley]

Rachel: [comes out with her eyes covered] Guys why has it gone all dark?-

[trips over Jon]

Tina: What are you lot doing down there?

Rachel: Am I dreaming? What's this big hard thing?

Tina: Jon

Jon: Get off!

Rachel: Oh sorry

Jo: What is going on in here?

Hannah: [still screaming] AAAGGHHHH!

Hannah: Look at the time! We've missed our flight! Alistair's gonna kill us!

[Everyone starts screaming]

Jon: We've just released a dozen Britneys, N*Syncs and Nelly Furtardos into the world. Maybe we should keep quiet about that.

Tina: [after they've been thrown out] I'm sorry but that girl was awful and now everyone thinks she's me.

Jon: That was no reason to jump on stage, grab her microphone and scream "Hello, Hollywood, it's great to be back"!

Harry: McDonnells!

[Sounds like McDonald's]

Jon: Hungry, Pop?

Harry: Um, yeah.

Harry: You sold the shoe store? You sold the shoe store?

Jon: I'm sorry, Pop, I just couldn't find the right way to tell you.

Harry: Tell me what?

Jon: That I sold the shoe store.

Harry: You sold the shoe store?

Jon: The neighborhood was changing and it wasn't worth anything!

Harry: [Showing him a deed] It's worth half a million dollars. See? McDonnell's!

Jon: [Thinking he said 'McDonalds'] You hungry again, Pop?

Harry: Yeah.

Valet: Who are you here to see?

Jon: Arlene Setters.

Valet: Ah yes, the bitch. 907.

Jon: You're not gonna kill yourself. I'll kill you if you kill yourself.

Jon: [Harry fires a gun, scaring off two mobsters] The mafia.

Harry: Nuh-uh.

[in a hospital]

Jon: You let your patients smoke in here?

Head Nurse: Honey, they all gonna die of something sooner or later.

Jon: I wanna tell you something, Pop, I missed you.

Harry: You know I have to tell you something too. I don't know who the hell you are.

Jon: Sure you do.

Harry: No, I don't.

Jon: Still a kidder, aren't you Dad? It's me, Jon!

Harry: Jon? Jon! My boy!

Jon: This morning he named every member of his fighter squad like it was yesterday.

Mildred: 1943 he remembers like it was yesterday. It's yesterday he can't remember like it was yesterday.

Jon: I remember this picture.

Harry: Oh yeah. Guy on the left had is Tom Hankerman, he flew 37 missions before going down over Okinawa.

Jon: Pop, you're putting your shorts on backwards.

Harry: Huh? Oh yeah. That guy there is Lenny Coleman. Lenny ran that little airfield I flew out of after the war.

Jon: Is that the place you took me to for my first ride?

Harry: Your mother too. And last ride for her!

Jon: Pop, you see much of Arlene?

Harry: Arlene?

Jon: Your loving daughter.

Harry: No.

Jon: Oh, Pop.

[after being rescued by an accident in which Jon let his father drive the car]

Retired Doctor: How'd you say this happened?

Jon: My father accidentally put the car in the wrong gear and then he accidentally got his foot stuck on the accelerator.

Arlene: I'm 35 years old, Jon!

Jon: You're not 35 years old, I'm 40 and you're older than I am!

Arlene: I'm 35! I'm got two obnoxious teenage boys and no husband. I have to compete with firm young women and there's only so much plastic surgery can do for me.

[after an accident, John hads one of his testicles removed]

Jon: Thanks, Pop, I got one nut. Thank you very much!

Harry: You're welcome.

Jon: I'm perfect if anybody wants a one-balled, deaf, blind, unemployed vagrant with a limp.

Officer: This whole experience must really be trying.

Jon: Yes, I feel horrible.

Officer: I meant for them.

Jon: Oh yeah, them too.

Jon: You work too hard, Ed. Get a girl.

Ed: Look, this is tough on me too.

Jon: Well gee, I feel sorry for you, you back-stabbing pig!

Jon: What happened to your clothes?

Harry: The mob stole'em.

Audrey: What about your sister?

Jon: The bitch?

Jon: [His father is driving the car at full speed in reverse] Pop, I've got a good idea: STOP THE CAR!

Jon: [Is smashing a wire he was told to wear] This is special agent Jon Aldrich reporting.

[Smashes microphone]

Jon: This is Jon Aldrich to J. Edgar, come in, big guy.

[Smashes]

Jon: Hello, Ed, can you hear me?

[Smashes]

Jon: That's it, Arlene, I am retiring as executioner!

Mildred: You're so much nicer than Jon's first wife.

Audrey: You were married before?

Jon: Um...

Audrey: You were married before and you didn't tell me?

Jon: Didn't I tell you? I thought I told you. I told somebody. Ha ha.

Dr. Aviano: Lucky those cops saw you. There wasn't any time to waste, I felt we should operate.

Jon: Operate?

Dr. Aviano: Lot's of men only have one testicle.

Jon: Did you say I have only one testicle?

Dr. Aviano: That's right.

Jon: Nope, nope.

[Looks under sheet]

Jon: Oh no!

Dr. Aviano: Don't be upset, one is all you need. The other is just sort of a back up. It won't affect your sex life.

Jon: I'm not going to fondle your crotch right now.

Luke: Why not?

Jon: Because I'm a responsible driver.

Jon: I'm going to Palm Springs this weekend and uh, well, why don't you come?

Ryan: Aren't you going with Billy?

Jon: No.

Ryan: You mean, me and Gina?

Jon: No. Just... huh... me and you.

Ryan: Well... Sure. Why not? But... why wait?

Jon: Exactly.

Ryan: Let's do it now.

Jon: Yeah?

Ryan: Yeah. Suck me off, right now. Right here. Now. In the office.

Jon: Yeah?

Ryan: Yeah. C'mon! Get to work. Fuckin' put it in your mouth.

Jon: Seriously?

Ryan: Seriously. C'mon, I need to get off, make it hard. This is what you want? Suck me off right now. You know you want it.

Vince: What you think I'm a dick?

Jon: Uh, no. But I do know that occasionally you have a tendency to act in a phallic fashion.

Jon: Since when are you all high and mighty?

Vin: I'm not high and mighty. I'm too high to be high and mighty.

Jon: She's probably scared.

Vin: Oh god, of *what*? I never threatened her!

Jon: ...You sometimes present a threatening appearance.

Vin: Dude... we have been going together for three years.

Jon: So what?

Vin: So... I mean, you'd think she would be used to it by now.

Jon: Thanks, Vince.

Vince: [confused] What?

Jon: Thanks.

Vince: For what?

Jon: For all your *honesty*.

Jon: What's up man?

Vince: Oh, nothin' much.

Jon: You're not dressed.

Vince: Lay off.

Jon: Not that I don't like it...

Vince: What?

Jon: Nothing.

Vince: So?

Jon: So nothing.

Vince: Okay.

Jon: Okay.

Vin: She thinks I have violet tendencies.

Jon: Oh, boy.

Vin: Jon, I never touched her.

Jon: I never said you did.

Vin: well, she thinks I have, uh, "unresolved issues, which occasionally manifest themselves in potentially violet ways."

Jon: [... ] Women these days have no reason to hang around potentially violet guys. It's not an attractive quality anymore. Too many guys out there with "resolved" violet tendencies.

Vin: Oh, so I'm out of fashion?

Jon: You don't like my work?

Vin: I like it like I like a shot of whiskey first thing in the morning: it's good for about 10 minutes and then I want my coffee.

Mara: Why don't you do it?

Jon: Not all of me came back from the war

Jon: She's not my wife... I wouldn't mary a woman as sick as that... she's my sister

Jon: You killed my fucking sister... she was all I had

Jon: I saw what you did too your brother... that was some fancy shooting... you and your brother were really close... maybe you and me should get close

[last lines]

Jon: Coward

[repeated line]

Jon: fucking calafornians

Jon: The plan is for us to stick together, watch each other's backs and get to the car as fast as possible. These things are brutal blood thirsty death machines that want nothing more than to eat our vital organs and drink our wholesome American blood. But we're not going to let that happen. We're going to make it out of here, we're all going to make it to Long Island and we're gonna make it...

Miko: How?

Jon: What?

Miko: Well, that bay house?

[indicating to painting of bay house on wall]

Miko: It's on an island in the bay, right?

Jon: Uh huh.

Miko: An island that is ostensibly surrounded entirely by water?