Jane Blue Quotes in Undercover Blues (1993)

Jane Blue: You took our child into a knife fight?

Jeff Blue: It was a fair fight. Two of them, two of us...

Det. Sgt. Halsey: [watching as Jeff walks out to a parade of jazz musicians and borrows a trumpet to play] That's your husband.

Jane Blue: I know.

Det. Sgt. Halsey: Does he know how to play the trumpet?

Jane Blue: Apparently.

Jeff Blue: [to Frank] Did we ever thank you for that crib blanket?

Jane Blue: Oh no, honey, the White House sent the crib blanket. Frank sent the Fisher-Price Barnyard.

Jeff Blue: You sent that? Aw, do you know those cows really moo?

Jane Blue: Jeff plays with it day and night.

Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer: Isn't the baby a little young for dolls?

Jeff Blue: It's for me. It's a post-feminist doll.

Jane Blue: Goes to work with little sneakers on but resents it.

Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer: Where are you from?

Jane Blue: North Adams, Massachusetts. Why?

Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer: Just asking.

Jane Blue: [to Sawyer] Jeff's a lousy shot. He had to bribe the examiner at the FBI.

Jeff Blue: That's a lie. I bribed the guy at the CIA. I *blackmailed* the guy at the FBI.

Jane Blue: [Jane has just disarmed Muerte and thrown him into a wall, knocking him senseless] I can't leave you alone for a minute.

Jeff Blue: This wasn't my fault.

Jane Blue: Nothing's ever your fault. You gonna kill him?

Jeff Blue: Aren't we bloodthirsty today? I told you not to drink all that coffee.

Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer: What just happened here?

Jeff Blue: I'd say it was a domestic disturbance.

Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer: A domestic disturbance?

Jeff Blue: Yeah like on the Honeymooners. You remember how Ralph used to fight with Alice.

Det. Sgt. Halsey: I don't recollect Ralph using semi-automatic weapons.

Jane Blue: But Norton sometimes did. And Mrs. Manacotti on the third floor, wow what a temper.

Jane Blue: Kill the light.

[Jeff smashes the lamp]

Jane Blue: [laughing] I meant turn it off.

Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer: My source at the FBI said they didn't think you were, and I quote, "Bureau material."

Jeff Blue: That's true. I'm more of an end table.

Jane Blue: I always thought of you as a dining room chair.

Frank: The FBI thinks it's organized crime.

Jane Blue: Ah, the FBI thinks *everything* is organized crime.

Jane Blue: [while Meurte is floating on a life saver in the ocean] Can I get you anything? Coffee? Tea?

Muerte: [considers the offer] No, no, I'm fine, thank you.

Jane Blue: We can tell you part of the story.

Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer: You can tell me all of the story.

Jeff Blue: Part or nothing.

Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer: Well, how about we bust your ass for B and E.

Jane Blue: Well, how about we talk to that nice governor of yours.

Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer: [beat] Okay, tell me part of the story.

Jeff Blue: Well, it's hard to know where to begin. My father was a steam fitter, and...

Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer: Come on man, the *relevant* part.

Jane Blue: [crawls in the bedroom window of the hotel, begins to take off the bag lady costume] You know, I can't believe, men. You know how many people

[takes out fake teeth]

Jane Blue: tried to pick me up, tonight?

Jeff Blue: Oh honey, its that ruffled look that's so appealing!

Jane Blue: Uh huh.

[lifts her shirt and lets the fake stomach fall away]

Jane Blue: Geez, I am so tired...

Jeff Blue: No no no, wait! hold on!

[he trips Jane so she falls back on the bed and he is on top of her, pinning her down]

Jane Blue: Whoa! Whu!

Jeff Blue: Keep the makeup on!

Jane Blue: Why?

Jeff Blue: [grins] I don't know, it's kind of... a turn on!

Jane Blue: Yaaahhhh! You disgust me!

[playfully hits Jeff and pretends like she wants to wrestle free]

Jeff Blue: You know what's funny? That gray van over there.

Jane Blue: Funny ha-ha or funny interesting?

Jane Blue: Wait here.

Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer: No way!

Jeff Blue: Ted, Jane's an expert in martial arts even I can't pronounce. She can kill you seven different ways without using her hands. Do what she says.

Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer: [after Jeff and Jane drive off] Maybe I'll just wait here.

Jane Blue: One man on the couch, reading.

Jeff Blue: A *literate* burglar? How refreshing!

Jeff Blue: [about Novacek] She's fretful. She's nervous.

Jane Blue: You're describing a baby with colic.

Jeff Blue: Better put something on, the cops are coming.

Jane Blue: The cops are coming?

Jeff Blue: Yeah, you know big badges, blue uniforms.

Jane Blue: [Muerte has been disarmed and Jeff has his arm in a hold when Jane approaches them, carrying shopping bags] Now what?

Jeff Blue: Oh, hi, hon. You remember, I told you about Morty. Morty, this is Jane.

[pushes Muerte towards Jane]

Jane Blue: Oh, hi, Morty, look it's nice to meet you, but we've just got so much shopping to do...

Muerte: [pulls another switchblade from his boot and points it at her] Shut up! Shut up! You die too!

Jane Blue: Oh for God's sakes...

Jeff Blue: I never get to be the bad cop.

Jane Blue: That's because you could never keep a straight face.

Jeff Blue: [Jeff and Jane have broken into a dead man's house to search it] That's funny.

Jane Blue: What?

Jeff Blue: A shoe.

Jane Blue: And?

Jeff Blue: It's got a foot in it.

Jeff Blue: I was walking at 8 months.

Jane Blue: You were walking at a year and a half. Your mother was ready to call in specialists.

Frank: C-22

Jeff Blue: C-what?

Jane Blue: Plastic explosive. The most powerful plastic ever developed. So unstable even the army won't use it.

Jeff Blue: Oh, *that* C-22.

Sawyer: Those are police cuffs. You can't get them off with a bobby pin!

Jane Blue: [as she's unlocking Jeff's handcuffs] You're absolutely right.

Jeff Blue: Oh thanks, hon.

Jane Blue: Want me to work on yours?

Sawyer: Yeah, sure.

Sawyer: Look we gotta get out of here. Now follow me!

Jane Blue: [mocking Sawyer] "Follow me!"

Jeff Blue: Oh, give him his moment in the sun.

Jane Blue: *What* sun?

Jane Blue: [first lines - to her baby] Oh, don't you love New Orleans?

Jeff Blue: [to the baby] Hey! Yeah, come on over here and dance with me, huh?

Jane Blue: [Jane, disguised as the bag lady sits next to Muerte at the bar] I know you!

Muerte: Everybody know me! I am Muerte!

Jane Blue: You're the guy that got stomped, by that guy and the baby! Heh Heh!

Muerte: Hey! Don't provoke me! OK?

Jane Blue: You wanna get back at him? I know someone who will pay big!

Muerte: You don't know nada.

Jane Blue: OK! I don't know *nada*. But this guy, said *Muerte*, he's the guy for the job!

[starts to get up]

Muerte: Wait!

[grabs Jane by the arm forcing her to sit back down]

Muerte: Who told you this?

Jane Blue: You gotta buy me a drink first.

Muerte: What would you like?