Jacob Quotes in From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)

Jacob: Does anybody know what's going on here?

Seth: I know what's going on. We got a bunch of fucking vampires out there, trying to get in here and suck our fucking blood. And that's it. Plain and simple. I don't want to hear anything about "I don't believe in vampires," because I don't fucking believe in vampires, but I believe in my own two eyes, and what I saw, is fucking vampires. Now, do we all agree that what we are dealing with is vampires?

Kate: Yes.

Seth: So, what's the deal with you two, you a couple of fags?

Jacob: He's my son.

Seth: Yeah, how's that happen? You don't look Japanese.

Jacob: Neither does he. He looks Chinese.

Seth: Oh, ooh, well excuse me all to hell.

Seth: So what are you, Jacob? A faithless preacher? Or a mean motherfuckin' servant of God?

Jacob: I'm a mean, mhm mhm servant of God.

Seth: [talking to Jacob Fuller about his wife's death in a car crash] Died instantly?

Jacob: Not quite. She was trapped in the wreck for about... six hours before she passed on.

Seth: Yeah, those acts of God really stick it in and break it off, don't they?

Jacob: Yes, they do.

Jacob: Every person who... chooses the service of God as his life's work has something in common. I don't care if you're a preacher, a priest, a nun, a rabbi or a Buddhist monk. Many, many times during your life you will look at your reflection in a mirror and ask yourself: am I a fool? I'm not going through a lapse; what I've experienced is closer to awakening.

Seth: Jacob, you're going to keep going down this road until you get to DiGallo. When you get to DiGallo, you're going to turn this big bastard left, and go a couple of miles until you see a bar called "The Titty Twister." And to my understanding, you cannot miss it.

Jacob: Then?

Seth: And then you stop, because that's where were going.

Jacob: Are you so much a fucking loser, you can't tell when you've won?

Seth: What did you call me?

Jacob: Nothing. I didn't make a statement. I asked a question. Would you like me to ask it again?

Seth: Umm-hmm.

Jacob: Are you such a loser you can't tell when you've won? The entire state of Texas, along with the F.B.I., is looking for you. Did they find you? No. They couldn't. You've won, Seth, enjoy it.

Kate: Daddy, what would Momma say?

Jacob: Momma's got nothin' to say. She's dead!

[on his impending vampirization]

Jacob: I'll be a lap dog of Satan.

Seth: I don't give a damn about living or dying anymore; all I care about is taking as many as those demons back to hell as I can.

Jacob: Amen.

Seth: Do you have a cross?

Jacob: In the Winnebago.

Seth: In other words, no.

Scott Fuller: What are you talking about? We got crosses all over the place. All you gotta do is put two sticks together and you got a cross.

Sex Machine: He's right. Peter Cushing does that all the time.

Seth: Okay, I'll buy that.

Jacob: Has anybody here read a real book about vampires, or are we just remembering what a movie said? I mean a real book.

Sex Machine: You mean like a Time-Life book?

Pete: Great, we missed another one.

[into the radio mic]

Pete: Hey you guys know the point of this documentary is to actually film a tornado, right?

Daryl: [answering on the radio] 10-4.

Jacob: We need a tornado.

Pete: We need a tornado. When's the last time we saw one?

Lucas: That EF-4 that we shot for the Weather Channel last year.

Pete: Oh, so that makes us zero-for-365. What does that make our average? Jacob, you play baseball, right?

Jacob: Hockey, actually.

Lucas: Really? I play lacrosse, man.

Jacob: Really? No way.

Pete: [laughing sarcastically] This is fun, just like a family road trip.

Jacob: Did I miss something?

Pete: No Jacob, you miss... everything. Although we do have four hundred hours of clouds and sunsets and us going to every drive-in from Idaho to Texas, which makes this the most expensive home movie ever.

Jacob: Just to be clear, we still get paid whether we see a tornado or not, right?... Right?

Jacob: [Opening Lines: Praying with his forehead on his sword's hilt] Almighty God, in my hour of need, be with me. Let me never forget my sacred and holy vows unto Thee. That I should not be prey unto demons and devils, and all the dark things of this world. Honor me with the arm of Thy Righteousness. Give me the Sword of Truth that I shall confound Thine enemies, and be unto Thee: a True Knight.

Gallain: You think if you save this boy, God will forgive you?

[Scoffing]

Jacob: Men cannot know God's will, and when they pretend to, it ends in blood.

Gallain: That I'll drink to!

Jacob: Men cannot know God's will, and when they pretend to, it ends in blood.

Jacob: You know the downward spiral is essentially a chain reaction.

Allel: And nothing that comes out of your mouth makes any sense.

Jacob: They're all reactions! One thing begets the next. A man has a weakness, he's flawed. That flaw leads him to guilt. The guilt leads him to shame. The shame he compensates with pride and vanity. And when pride fails, despair takes over and they all lead to his destruction. It will become his fate... Something's gotta stop the flow.

Jacob: He's convinced himself he's god, we're just reminding him he's not. It takes humility to remember who we are.

[after tripping]

Jacob: Hello dirt. How are we today?

Lasse: Radio Cars?

Benny: That is what they are called

Lasse: I will not drive around saying "radio cars"

Benny: Then some errors will occur. There's a lot of vehicles in the police force. Emergency vehicles, Black Marias...

Jacob: Benny, we just have two cars. Number one and number two. That can't be too difficult to understand.

Jacob: We just want to change the statistics a bit.

Jacob: What has happened to you hair?

Benny: Nothing.

Jacob: Nothing? You're god damn...

[points]

Benny: Stop it.

Jacob: Do you wear a wig?

Benny: Jacob, god damn, don't tell anyone.

Jacob: No.

Benny: Don't tell anyone. Nobody's going to like me.

Jacob: Yes.

Benny: No... I can't do a thing. I don't want to be a cop anymore. I can't even... I'm so fucking bad. I can't even drive a car properly. I'm just a bald egghead.

Jacob: Bring your hair with you, we're leaving now.

Benny: [Benny drives like a lunatic, even though the SWAT-Team is way behind them] Don't fuck with Beny the Cop! You won't catch me! I'm going to turn left.

[turn right]

Jacob: What are you talking about, there's nobody chasing us!

Jacob: Can you run?

Sarah: [nervous yes]

Jacob: Good, we're about to do a lot of it.

Jacob: [Text on his T-shirt] "God is awesome."

Jacob: Lars, just let him die.

Hannah: [after kissing him passionately] Do you remember me?

Jacob: [fazed by the kiss] Yeah.

Hannah: Do you still find me attractive?

Jacob: Yes.

Hannah: Do you still want to take me home?

Jacob: Yeah.

Hannah: Let's go.

Jacob: Are you the billionaire owner of Apple Computers?

Cal: No.

Jacob: Oh, ok. In that case, you've got no right to wear New Balance sneakers, ever.

Jacob: Let's talk about how many women you've been with.

Cal: Sexually?

Jacob: Yeah, no. I mean break-dance fighting.

Cal: [Jacob is standing naked in the men's locker room, legs spread apart] Cal: Would you put on some clothes please?

Jacob: Jacob: Oh, I'm sorry. Is this bothering you?

Cal: Cal

[annoyed]

Cal: No! It's not!

Jacob: Jacob: Cal, my schwantz is in your face for twenty minutes. If it's not bothering you, we've got a bigger problem.

Cal: Cal: Okay. It bothers me.

Jacob: Jacob: I don't care.

Hannah: I'm here to bang the hot guy who hit on me at the bar.

Jacob: Jacob.

Hannah: Jacob! Sorry, Jacob...

Jacob: Do people still say "bang"?

Hannah: I do. And we're gonna bang!

Hannah: Take off your shirt.

Jacob: Why?

Hannah: Please can you take off your shirt, 'cause I can't stop thinking, and then you just...

Jacob: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

Hannah: Alright, okay, okay, okay.

Jacob: [removing his shirt] Okay, okay, okay.

Hannah: Fuck! Seriously? It's like you're Photoshopped. Can I...?

[walks forward and touches Jacob's abs]

Jacob: Ahh! You have cold hands. Now you take off your dress.

Hannah: No.

Jacob: Yes.

Hannah: No way. Not with all of that going on. No, thank you. Is there dim lighting somewhere?

Jacob: The war between the sexes is over. We won the second women started doing pole dancing for exercise.

Jacob: I don't know whether to help you or euthanize you.

Jacob: The skin under your eyes is starting to look like Hugh Hefner's ball sack.

Cal: [Carefully looks at himself on mirror and sighs... ] Yes, it is.

Jacob: I'm wildly unhappy, and I'm trying to buy it, and it's not working.

Jacob: I'm going to help you rediscover your manhood. Do you have any idea where you could have lost it?

Jacob: The bags under your eyes looks like Hugh Hefner's ball sack.

Jacob: Who looks like a carrot?

Jacob: You're a child.

Max Goldman: Don't tell me Jacob; it isn't me.

Jacob: Oh it never is. Uh huh, I'm sure John started every fight since 1940.

Max Goldman: 38!

John Gustafson: ...very interesting woman.

Jacob: Sounds like a wacko to me.

John Gustafson: I haven't had sex for fifteen years.

Jacob: I'm kinda right in the middle of a thing right now, but can I text you later?

Girl at Club: Can you what?

Jacob: Are you online at all?

Girl at Club: I have no idea what you're talking about.

Jacob: How do I get a hold of you?

Girl at Club: You come find me.

Jacob: That sounds... exhausting.

Jacob: For your information, I've had a lot of girlfriends. Hot ones.

Lou: You have had lots of boyfriends. Gay ones.

Lou: [to Adam and Nick] Oh, man, what the fuck's he doing here?

Jacob: Nice to see you too, Lou.

Lou: [mimicking] Nice to see you too, Lou. Fuck you, Jacob! You suck and you know it! You just ruined my fucking weekend.

Jacob: [To Lou] I knew I hated you for a reason, I'm gonna tell everyone in prison I went back in time to kill my own father!

Nick: Just like Cincinatti.

Lou: What?

Adam: You're gonna bring that up?

Lou: We said we weren't gonna talk about Cincinatti ever, okay?

Jacob: Is that why you have that shoebox in your closet that says "Cincinatti"?

Adam: Yeah!

Lou: What? That's fucking admissible!

Nick: You keep it in the closet?

Adam: What was I supposed to do with it? You can't bury those things.

Nick: You wrote "Cincinatti" on it?

Adam: How do I know which one it's supposed to be?

Jacob: Is it a fetus?

Nick: My friends are ridiculous.

Adam: One little change has a ripple effect and it effects everything else. Like a butterfly floats its wings and Tokyo explodes or there's a tsunami, in like, you know, somewhere.

Jacob: Yes exactly. You step on the bug and the fucking internet is never invented.

Lou: Oh then you'll have to talk to girls with your mouth.

Jacob: Yeah. No. I was more concerned about bigger consequences like not being born.

Lou: Yeah. No. I don't care about that.

Lou: Every young man's fantasy is to have a three-way.

Jacob: Yeah not with another fucking guy!

Lou: It's still a three-way!

Jacob: [from trailer] Do I really gotta be the asshole who says we got in this thing and went back in time?

Jacob: [to Lou] I have some Ativan but it's different.

Lou: Well, let's stick it up our asses!

Jacob: It's not a suppository!

Lou: It doesn't matter. You crush it up, put it in a paper towel, run it under some warm water, and you stick it right up your ass. That works!

Jacob: [Refferring to Lou] Do you remember when I was 12 and he tried to bite me.

Adam: Yeah, but you had that coming.

Jacob: The taxidermist is stuffing my mother.

Jacob: [about Blaine] Hey look, it's the douchbag from Karate Kid 3.

Lou: It's the fucking 80's guys. Let's do what we want to do. Free Love!

Jacob: That's the 60's, dipshit.

Adam: We had like Reagan and AIDS. Let's get the fuck outta here, okay? Do the right thing, Violator!

Adam: Why don't you do something out of the house this weekend?

Jacob: What should I do out of the house this weekend Uncle Adam?

Adam: Something in the course of reality, get a job, go to college.

Jacob: That all sounds overrated.

Adam: Why do you waste your time with that second-life bullshit? Look at you. You're still in jail. You were in jail last week.

Jacob: Yeah, I'm a prisoner. It's called "doing hard time".

Adam: Can't you be like a warrior or shaman or orc or some shit like that?

Jacob: Is that why you have that shoebox in your closet, marked "Cincinatti" ?

Jacob: She dumped you... and you still got stabbed in the eye!

Adam Jr.: Jacob is my cousin, and Uncle Lou...

Lou: Don't you ever call me that.

Adam Jr.: ...is my uncle! And they came here in a... uh... what was it?

Lou, Nick, Jacob: Hot Tub Time Machine.

Jill: Oh, okay. So I guess you came here in a Hot Tub Time Machine, too.

[Lou, Nick and Jacob stare into the camera]

Lou: Let's go check out the future strip club situation.

Nick: High five.

Jacob: Did you just say "high five" instead of high five-ing?

Lou: We gotta make America happen bro.

Nick: Ready for another dip?

Jacob: [Jacob to Nick] You're not going to be super welcome there but we should totally go.

Becca Crane: So are we going to be uh, at the same school?

Jacob: I go to school at the reservation.

Becca Crane: Oh, it must be fun to gamble and drink all day.

Jacob: God was showing off when he made you.

[Brian, a celibate priest, confesses his love for Anna, to Jake's astonishment]

Jacob: I mean, she's like your sister!

Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Thank you for adding new depth to my confusion.

Nicole: Do you want to take a shower with me?

Matt: Yeah uh... see actually I'm good right now. I just actually... I took a shower.

Jacob: [Listening in from another room with Zack and some other friends] Come on.

Zack: [Drops head onto arms] I hate - I hate him.

Zack: You just need to promise me you'll tell me one thing. Just one thing, that's all I want to know.

Matt: I'll try. I will.

Zack: Does she squirt?

[Matt looks dumbfounded]

Zack: Did she have a geyser? 'Cause she totally looks like...

Matt: Yeah, yeah.

Zack: Her vagina was like Old Yeller.

Jacob: No, not Old Yeller. Old Yeller's a dog. Yellow, you're thinking of...

Zack: Yellowstone Park.

Jacob: Yeah.

Zack: Old Geyser.

Jacob: [laughs] No, not...

Matt: Old Yeller. Old Yeller was the dog.

Justin: Old Yeller is the dog.

Matt: What's the name of the geyser?

Zack: Old Geyser.

Matt, Jacob, Justin: No.

Justin: Old Face...

Matt: Face/Off!

Jacob: Look, if you really want to meet someone who's pretty and cool and interesting, you can do that. All you have to do my friend is uh, put an ad up on the Craigslist.

Wilson: [after posting a romantic connections ad on Craigslist] I can't believe we're doing this. We're inviting total insanity into our house.

Jacob: That's good man. You're not gonna sitting around the apartment.

Wilson: We're gonna get robbed. I'm gonna get raped!

Jacob: You boys have fun. I'm going to, uh, eat this in my room, which is ten feet that way - behind those thin walls, in case anybody needs me.

Jacob: This just ain't happening.

John: Don't worry. This will soon be over. Dawn is just a month away!

Jacob: Did basic training prepare you for any of this?

Mona: What, kids scaling walls and killing little dogs? No, I guess I must've skipped that day.

Dr. Nilsson: What's really interesting me is this.

Jacob: And what's that?

Dr. Nilsson: Dermatic penetration at a 35 mm distance of Arteria carotis communis.

Jacob: Really, whould you like me to nod as I understand or do you feel like saying it again, in Swedish?

Dr. Nilsson: Well there is two freaking holes right into the artery. That alone would be the cause of death!

Jacob: I don't feel like I'm part of your life. I feel like I'm on vacation.

Jacob: I'm not running away, I'm coming home.

Jacob: You're a beautiful woman, you deserve a beautiful life. Nothing less.

Jacob: I don't know if I picked that circus. But something told me that circus picked me.

Jacob: Who's the woman who works with the horses?

Camel: That ain't no woman, that's the boss' wife and she don't talk to nobody and you don't talk to her.

Camel: Come on. I gotcha some work.

Jacob: With animals?

Camel: Oh, you betcha...

Jacob: [now shoveling in a train car with flies buzzing] I've never seen so much manure.

Wade: They pack 'em in 27 a car.

Jacob: [after scarey incident feeding the lion] You think that's funny?

August: [laughing] Yes, I do.

Jacob: I could have lost my arm!

August: No, you couldn't have. He doesn't have any teeth.

Jacob: You know you look like an angel, Louie? Like an overgrown cherub. Anyone ever tell you that?

Louis: [smiling] Yeah, you. Every time you see me.

Jacob: You're a lifesaver, Louie.

Louis: [smiling] Yeah, I know.

Friend: When you get to the alehouse, see a way to get a message to my wife.

Jacob: Anything, Friend. Anything.

Friend: Tell her... tell her I hate her. Tell her I did burn her father's barn. 'Twas payment for forcing our marriage. Tell her I loved her sister. Who I had. Many times. From behind. Like a beautiful prize sow.

Jacob: If I'd have known that, I would have paid you more respect, brother.

Jacob: What this party lacks is the civilising influence of women.

Jacob: I'm going to have a shit.

[Grunting and Panting]

Friend: Sounds like hard work. Is it a boy or a girl?

Jacob: Fuck off! Ah, fucking nettles.

Friend: Yeah. You all right? You've got shit on you as well.

Jacob: Help me up. You never seen a man have a shit before? Go on, fuck off.

Jacob: Friend. My business with your man is concluded. If 'tis all the same, I might bob off now. I confess I feel peaky. Could you do a few hours' kip?

O'Neil: Do not address me as friend and do not speak to me directly again. Otherwise I'll turn you into a frog.

Jacob: Am I bewitched?

Whitehead: No. Sir, you merely suffer a disease in the private parts, occasioned by too much venereal sport.

Jacob: 'This all?

Whitehead: Well, I also deduce gout, bloody flux, apostem of the mouth, the pissing disease, St. Anthony's fire, iliac passion, hemorrhoids and palsy brought on by drink.

Jacob: Then, I'm not turn into a frog?

Whitehead: 'Tis the one complaint you do not suffer besides plague. All I can do is administer a poultice to your yard, to soothe.

Jacob: Thank you.

Jacob: Sooner I get back to fucking London, the fucking better. A new fucking coat. Fucking doors that fucking shout. And citizens that pay small fucking reckoning to astrology. I would rather die of the fucking plague in the fucking fleet than spend another fucking minute in the countryside.

Jacob: He's the king of cold-hearted bastards, I'll give him that. Could do with more like him in the ranks.

Jacob: Am I bewitched?

Whitehead: No. Sir, you merely suffer a disease in the private parts, occasioned by too much venereal sport.

Jacob: 'This all?

Whitehead: Well, I also deduce gout, bloody flux, apostem of the mouth, the pissing disease, St. Anthony's fire, iliac passion, haemorrhoids and palsy brought on by drink.

Jacob: Then, I'm not turn into a frog?

Whitehead: 'Tis the one complaint you do not suffer besides plague. All I can do is administer a poultice to your yard, to soothe.

Jacob: Thank you.

Jacob: Sooner I get back to fucking London, the fucking better. A new fucking coat. Fucking doors that fucking shut. And citizens that pay small fucking reckoning to astrology. I would rather die of the fucking plague in the fucking fleet than spend another fucking minute in the countryside.

[Buck's men encounter a slave for the first time]

Jacob: My, my. You're a long way from home.

Little Bit Lucket: We're going to be longer. We're headed for Virginia.

Jacob: Ain't that nice.

Little Bit Lucket: You know, where the war is. We're goin' to fight Yankees.

Jacob: I hear tell the Yankees is fightin' us. I hear tell they're mighty mean! Oh, I reckon we'll whip 'em.

Buck Burnett: We?

Jacob: Yessir - us Southerners.

Rudy: Our birthday comes once a year and you ask for a hockey mask. You don't even play.

Jacob: Jason from Friday the 13th wears one. He's bad-ass.

Jacob: No offence, but I never thought my future brother would be a... well, a "brother".

Keith Gardner: I never thought my future brother would have a KOOL AID stain, smeared across his face.

Jacob: Fuck you, it's a birthmark!

Jacob: I like you. I want to stay with you. How come you don't like me?

Alice Johnson: Who said I didn't like you?

Jacob: My friend with the funny hand.

Amanda Krueger: Jacob! Jacob! Alice will not triumph! Only you can help her now.

Jacob: [looking like Freddy] Hey, leave her! Let's go! I want to learn stuff from you. She's no fun anymore. Teach me? Heh.

Amanda Krueger: Now, Jacob. Unleash the power he has given you.

Jacob: [looking back at Freddy after he sees that he has fallen into Amanda's trap] School's out, Krueger.

Freddy Krueger: I'm your friend, Jacob. Just like a daddy. Heh, huh. Gootchy-gootchy-goo! Gootchy, gootchy, goo! I gotcha! I gotcha! I gotcha. I gotcha.

[grunts, Alice walks in]

Jacob: Mommy, meet my friend.

Freddy Krueger: [shows his torn up body] Nice try, Alice. Thanks, babe. It's my new look. Like it?

Jessie Holden: Who are you?

Jacob: The question isn't who I am. It's what do I want.

Jacob: There will be others.

Nurse Russell: Not on my watch!

Jacob: Who's the crazy one now?

Marcus: You leaving me here?

Jacob: Relax... it'll be over soon

[last lines]

Marcus: YOU MOTHERFUCKER

Jacob: There's a dark part of your soul.

Jacob: I have to feed.

[last lines]

Jacob: Jacob... that's my name.

[he dies]

Nina: [weeping] No! No... no... no...

Jacob: I thought your sort fry in the sunlight?

Phelan: Fairytales old man... fairytales

Jacob: God damn you

Lilith: [grins] He did that a long time ago

Jacob: [intoxicated, both sitting on the floor] Are you sure you want to wind up with a loser?

Rosie: Baby, don't worry, I'm a loser too.

Jacob: But you're a woman, you hide it better.

Jacob: There's more to life than just sex.

Sean: The guy that wrote that wasn't getting any either.