Ida Quotes in Crocodile Dundee (1986)

Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: [Mick brings stuffed croc up to the bar after making his grand entrance] Two beers, Ida. One for me, and one for me mate.

Ida: [laughing] One for your mate! Ya mad bugger!

Ida: [Opening lines] The only difference between cowgirls and angels, my granddaddy used to say, is that angels can't ride as good.

Ida: What sort of case?

Victor: I can tell you it involves kids.

Ida: Well, I'm sure they're innocent

Victor: No, no, no. This case isn't about guilt or innocence.

Ida: Look, if children are in trouble, it's usually because they've been misled or used by adults. You should lock up the parents.

Ida: Well, why don't you go on an adventure?

Riccio: [mockingly] We're not allowed to do anything without permission from my mother.

Ida: I died the day I married a goy!

[Angie comes home to find Ida praying]

Angie: Hey, I thought you'd be sleepin'. Hey, Ida, what are you doin' up?

Ida: Praying for the dead.

Angie: Who died?

Ida: Someone close...

Angie: Anyone I know?

Ida: YOU die!

[knocks him out with a frying pan]

Ida: Twenty three years of suffering! So go marry an Italian. Stays out all night with some dumb whore. Catholics don't get divorced! Big deal. I died the day I married a goy! Now it's your turn Angie! Roast in Hell!

[starts shoving his head into the oven]

Ida: I got one left over!

[shoves him inside and turns on the gas]

Ida: Go meet your marries and Josephs!

Ida: [drunk] Oh, my God. I haven't seen these pictures in so long... oh, how terrific! Look at that. There's cousin Harry, and Larry... and Rosella! We never were sure about her. Oh, and she married the Ice Man, yeh. Mama always said nothing would ever happen with her, with her pimples and her bad nose and eyes... And there's Mama! Oh, how gorgeous she was.

[a photo of a young girl appears]

Ida: And who is this beauty? Oh my God... it's me.

Chanel: Is that a purse?

James: It's a man bag!

Ida: A man bag?

James: Yeah, it's like the hottest new accessory.

Ida: You got some man lipstick in that bag?

Ida: [everyone sees a woman with a big booty in little shorts] See now if a plane crashed, we could eat for days.

Lynn: Well, how about when you're making mad, passionate love and he reaches his climax, and that one tear rolls down his face like Denzel Washington in "Glory?"

Gina Norris: Then you got him whipped!

Ida: She had to say Denzel... she couldn'ta said Brad Pitt. Hell, she coulda said Bozo the Clown!

Ida: I really don't understand why anybody will work for you. When... when you're so awful and stupid and not nice.

Philip: I pay him good money.

Philip: What are you trained as?

Ida: Trained as? I'm not a dog.

Ida: I have a letter from the hospital. I don't know what it says, I'm afraid to open it alone. This probably sounds silly. I can do it if you do it with me.

Philip: [motions to the envelope in her hands] Shall I open this?

Ida: Would you?

Philip: No. No, no, it looks real nice. It's very pretty. You're very pretty. Sorry. I'm just not really good at compliments.

Ida: You should practise doing it more often.

Ida: If I were you, I would get that credit card back before it's too late. You just bought me a very expensive dress.

Philip: Oh. Have I? Good god.

Ida: [to Philip] You know, you haven't said one nasty thing to me in over six minutes.

Philip: That was a great left hook your son's got. Boosh!

Ida: He can't hit his father.

Philip: Yeah well, he had it coming. Deserved it!

Philip: Do you really think I'm that angry?

Ida: Yeah. How did you meet your wife?

Ida: Sometimes kindness is wiser than truth.

Ida: If you are gonna live totally outside the lines, all of the people moving on the inside of them are gonna flatten you.

Max: I brought you flowers.

Ida: What'm I do with flowers?

Max: Cheer up.

Ida: How? By worrying that you spend money on stuff that's just gon' wilt and die?

Max: [to Vincent] See what I mean? I didn't buy you flowers, Mom. He did.

Ida: Personally, Veda's convinced me that alligators have the right idea. They eat their young.

Ida: [to leering customer Wally] Leave something on me - I might catch cold.

Ida: Oh, men. I never yet met one of them that didn't have the instincts of a heel. Sometimes I wish I could get along without them.

Veda: That's what I like about you, Ida. You're so delightfully provincial.

Ida: [Sarcastically] And I like you, too.

[to Monte]

Ida: Don't look now, Junior, but you're standing under a brick wall.

Monte: I don't get it.

Ida: You will - when it falls on you.

Mr. Jones: Why do you always interrupt?

Ida: It's only because I want to be alone with you. Come 'ere and let me bite you, you darling man! Ruff!

Ida: When men get around me, they get allergic to wedding rings.

Monte: Oh, I wish I could get that interested in work.

Ida: You were probably frightened by a callus at an early age!

Ida: I like Mexico; it's so... Mexican.

Ida: What is this, a class reunion?

Ida: Laughing boy seems slightly burned at the edges. What's eating him?

Mildred: A small green-eyed monster.

Ida: Jealous? That doesn't sound like Wally. No profit in it - and there's a boy who loves a dollar.

Ida: Leave something on me. I might catch cold.

Rose: People change.

Ida: I've never changed. It's like those sticks of rock. Bite one all the way down, you'll still read Brighton. That's human nature.

Ida: Now listen, dear. I'm human, I've loved a boy or two in my time. It's natural, like breathin'. Not one of them's worth it, let alone this fellow you've got hold of.

Constance Miller: It's not so bad. You might even like it! You did just fine with Bart.

Ida: But with him I had to. It was my duty.

Christine Delaplane: I need a job.

Burt: And I need a topless dancer.

Ida: Ugh. Why don't you knock it off?

[leaves]

Burt: I suppose you've done some of that too?

Christine Delaplane: I can dance.

Burt: You sure need a job bad enough to... make me guess you ain't got sleeping money for the night. Maybe not enough to pay for that sandwich.

Christine Delaplane: You're not gonna give me that job?

Burt: Well, I don't know. I think I might look around a while. I just put that sign out. I gotta admit, you've got the rough qualifications for the job.

Christine Delaplane: [hopeful] Can I have that job?

Burt: Well, no, you come back tonight, and bring something to... audition in.

[fishes bill out of pocket, hands her money]

Burt: Loan.

[takes newspaper, and walks off just like that, waving at her]

Christine Delaplane: [innocently staring after him like a child] Thank you.