Helga Quotes in Atlantis: The Lost Empire (2001)

Helga: Someone needs to talk to that girl.

Mole: I will go!

Vinny: Someone with good people skills.

Mole: I will do it!

Dr. Sweet: Someone who won't scare her away.

Mole: I volunteer!

Wilhelmina: Someone who can speak the language.

Mole: For the good of the mission, I will go!

Commander Rourke: [to Milo, who is not paying attention] Good man, Thatch. Thanks for volunteering.

[Mole cries]

Milo: I'm home. Fluffy? Here, kitty.

Helga: Milo James Thatch?

Milo: Who, who are you? H-How did you get in here?

Helga: I came down the chimney, ho ho ho.

[about the sound of the Leviathan]

Commander Rourke: What is it? A pod of whales?

Wilhelmina: Uh-uh. Bigger.

Helga: It sounds metallic. Could be an echo off one of the rocks.

Wilhelmina: Do you wanna do my job? Be my guest.

Cookie: Blondie, I've got a bone to pick with you.

Helga: [to Milo] Hold that thought.

[to Cookie]

Helga: What is it this time, Cookie?

Cookie: You done stuffed my wagon full to bustin' with nonessentials. Look at all this. Cinnamon, oregano, ci-lantro. What in the cockadoodle is ci-lantro?

Milo: You don't know what you're tampering with, Rourke.

Commander Rourke: What's to know? It's big, it's shiny, it's gonna make us all rich.

Milo: You think it's some kind of diamond. I thought it was some kind of a battery. But we're both wrong. It's their life force. That crystal is the only thing keeping these people alive. You take that away, and they'll die.

Commander Rourke: Well, that changes things. Helga, what do you think?

Helga: Knowing that, I'd double the price.

Commander Rourke: I was thinking triple.

Commander Rourke: So we find this masterpiece. Then what?

Mole: When do we dig?

Milo: Actually, we don't have to dig. You see, according to the journal, the path to Atlantis will take us down a tunnel at the bottom of the ocean and will come up a curve into an air pocket, right here, where we'll find the remnants of an ancient highway that will lead us to Atlantis. Kind of like the grease trap in your sink.

Helga: Cartographer, linguist, plumber. Hard to believe he's still single.

Mole: You said there would be digging.

Helga: Go away, Mole.

Helga: Someone's having a good time.

Commander Rourke: Like a kid at Christmas.

Helga: Commander, there were not supposed to be people down here. This changes everything.

Commander Rourke: This changes nothing.

Helga: [about Mr. Whitmore] And relax. He doesn't bite... often.

Helga: You said we were in this together! You promised me a percentage!

Commander Rourke: Next time, get it in writing.

Shane Wolfe: [after Seth has gone to his room] Where's the older male? There were five.

Helga: [fearfully] He walks like Dracula, silent as the dead.

Zoe Plummer: He's in his room.

Helga: [to Shane] Are you licensed to kill?

Shane Wolfe: No, why?

Helga: Too bad. It could have come in handy.

[the Grand High Witch is transforming into a mouse]

Grand High Witch: I'm not finished with you yet, old woman... Next time...

Helga: No. Not next time. This time, it's *your* turn!

Helga: Real witches are very cruel, and they have a highly developed sense of smell. A real witch could smell you across the street on a pitch-black night.

Luke: She couldn't smell me. I've just had a shower.

Helga: Oh yes, she could. The cleaner you are, the more a witch can smell you.

Luke: That doesn't make sense.

Helga: Oh, yes it does. A dirty child, it is the dirt she smells. A clean child, it is the child.

Luke: Wow. I'll never have a shower again, and I'll have you for an excuse.

Helga: Well, just not often. Only once a month is probably safe.

Luke: So a witch could smell me right now?

Helga: To me you smell of raspberries and cream. But to a witch, you would smell absolutely disgusting.

Luke: What kind of disgusting?

Helga: Like... dog's droppings.

Luke: I don't believe it.

Helga: You don't believe it? What's more, to a witch you would smell of FRESH dog's droppings.

Luke: So if no one's seen the Grand High Witch, how are you sure she exists?

Helga: [she looks at him] Nobody's ever seen the Devil, but we know He exists, don't we?

Luke: Yes.

Helga: For all you know, a witch might be living next door to you.

Helga: Oh, how I love English hotel teas! Cream cakes, and shortbread, and...

Luke: No grandma.

Helga, Luke: No cream cakes.

Helga: And no shortbread either; it's full of sugar. Soon I will be eating the same diet as your mice.

[first lines]

Helga: When your father was a boy like you, and living with me here in Norway, I told him about witches too, so that he would always be aware. Now, the most important thing you should know about real witches is this - now listen very carefully! Real witches dress in ordinary clothes, and look very much like ordinary women. They live in ordinary houses, and they work in ordinary jobs.

Helga: Witches spend their time plotting to kill children, stalking the wretched child like a hunter stalks a bird in the forest.

Luke: Did they hunt you?

[she shows him her right hand with a missing finger]

Luke: You said it was an accident...

Helga: A very unpleasant accident.

Mr. Stringer: I'm sorry, madam, but I cannot permit mice in my hotel.

Helga: How dare you say that when your rotten hotel is full of rats anyway?

Mr. Stringer: Rats? There are no rats in this hotel!

Helga: I saw one this morning running along the corridor, into the kitchens.

Mr. Stringer: Madam, you only arrived in the hotel this afternoon.

Helga: [scoffs] Morning, afternoon, I saw a rat in your hotel, and if matters do not improve, I shall have to report you to the public health authorities.

Mr. Stringer: Look, madam, I'm not prepared...

Luke: The cakes in the lounge are nibbled around the edges, too. I can show you.

Helga: If you are not careful, the health people will order the whole hotel closed before everyone gets typhoid fever.

Mr. Stringer: You can't be serious, madam!

Helga: I have never been more serious in my life. Now - will you or will you not let my grandchild keep his hygienic and perfectly harmless pet mice?

[Helga stops Mr. Jenkins for eating the soup]

Helga: Don't touch it!

Mr. Jenkins: I told you she was a loony. She's an absolute nutter!

[She tooks the plate the spills the soup]

Mr. Jenkins: Look at my bloody soup! All that stuff about Bruno!

Helga: Bruno has been turned into...

Mr. Jenkins: He has NOT been turned into a...

[notices that Bruno is a mouse]

Bruno Jenkins: Yes, I have! Hello, dad!

[Mrs. Jenkins notices that her son is a mouse, screaming and faints]

Councilman: This is the chairman...

Horton: Idiot! You're finished in this town! Is that understood? Finished! You Boob!

[brief pause while the chairman splutters]

Horton: I'm just joking.

Councilman: Eh heh, good one.

The Mayor of Who-ville: Horton, I'd like you to meet my wife, Sally.

Sally O'Malley: You exist! This means my husband isn't crazy. Hooray!

The Mayor of Who-ville: And these are some of my daughters, Hildy, Helga, Hula, Heidi, and Hedy.

Hedy, Heidi, Hildy, Helga: Hi!

The Mayor of Who-ville: And this is Miss Yelp, my loyal assistant. And this is Dr. Larue.

Dr. Mary Lou Larue: You saved us!

The Mayor of Who-ville: And Burt from Accounting, and Mrs. McGillicuddy. And Mr. FarFloogin of the Cloogin FarFloogins. And the old man in the bathtub.

Sally O'Malley: Honey, let's not overwhelm the poor guy, he's never gonna remember all these names.

Horton: Well, I'll try my best: Sally, Chairman, Hildy, Helga, Hula, Heidi, and Hedy. Miss Yelp. Dr. Larue, Burt from accounting, Mrs. McGillicuddy, Mr. FarFloogin of the Cloogin FarFloogins. And wasn't there an old guy in a shower?

The Mayor of Who-ville: Mmm, Bathtub.

Horton: [a bit mad he didn't remember the name] Oh, Yeah!

Helga: [Erik has accidentally run his sword through her while killing the other two Vikings who were raping her] Thanks for saving me from a fate worse than death!

Erik: I didn't mean to!

Helga: [Gasping for breath] Oh, that's all right then... it's the thought... that counts...

Erik: Tell me your name?... Tell me... what IS it...?

[Helga dies before she can answer]

Helga: My brave little football-headed hero.

Scheck: And I would of gotten away with it, if it weren't for that meddling football head, that kid with all the hair, and that brat with the one eyebrow.

Helga: Ah, tell it to the judge, donut hole.

Arnold: I think I need to go lie down.

Helga: I'll go with you!

Big Bob Pataki: I could get you that pony you've been wanting.

Helga: I wanted a pony when I was five, Dad.

Helga: [as deep voice] I'm everywhere and nowhere, but mostly I'm everywhere.

Helga: I wish I had a sign.

[pigeon poops on her]

Helga: Perfect.

[after discovering dirt underneath a large indoor planter]

Joan Crawford: Ohhhh... Helga. When you polish the floor, you have the move the tree. If you can't do something right, don't do it at all.

Helga: I'm sorry, Miss Crawford...

Joan Crawford: Gimmie the soap. You see, Carol Ann, you've got to stay on top of things every single minute.

[doorbell rings]

Joan Crawford: Carol Ann, will you get that?

Carol Ann: Yes, Miss Crawford.

Joan Crawford: Helga, I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the dirt.

[first lines]

Marie: Where are they taking us?

Helga: To the island, over there.

Helga: [to redhead] What's eating you? Looking forward to your holidays? Three years the judge said, didn't he? I know the medicine you need, and they don't stock it over there. Home sweet home for all three of us. The Spaniards built it and christened it, Castillo de la Muerte.

Natalie Mendoza: "Castle of Death".

Haller: Here in Austria making coffee is real science. We have the small brown one, the big brown one, melaunche, jumper, with cream, without, turkish...

Helga: We just call it "coffee".

Haller: Yes, I know. And that's how it tastes like.

Helga: [Grete thinks, Helga has hidden a man in her holiday flat] Do you think, I have a man on the balcony?

Grete: With Romeo and Juliet often things happened.

Helga: Aunt, what do you have against the men?

Grete: What I have against the men? Everything.

Helga: Why do you have a man as a chauffeur?

Grete: Franz? He's not a man. At least not any more.