Audrey Quotes in Atlantis: The Lost Empire (2001)

Milo: Say, Audrey. No-no offense, but how did a teenager become the chief mechanic of a multi-million dollar expedition?

Audrey: I took this job when my dad retired. But, the funny thing was, he always wanted sons, right? One to run his machine shop, another to be middleweight boxing champion. But, he got my sister and me, instead.

Milo: So, what... what happened to your sister?

Audrey: She's 24 and 0, with a shot at the title next month.

[Audrey is trying to saw Kida free from Rourke's hot-air balloon]

Audrey: I thought you said this thing could cut through a femur in twenty-eight seconds!

Dr. Sweet: Less talk, more saw!

[Kida hits Mole]

Dr. Sweet: Ooh! I like her.

Audrey: Hm. 'Bout time someone hit him. I'm just sorry it wasn't me.

Milo: Okay. Here's the plan. We're gonna come in low and fast and take 'em by surprise.

Audrey: Well, I've got news for you, Milo. Rourke is never surprised and he's got a lot of guns.

Milo: Great. Well, do you have any suggestions?

Vinny: Yeah. Don't get shot!

Milo: [Ducking under high powered ammunition and missiles Rourke fires at them] Holy SMOKES! I thought you said he only had guns!

Audrey: What I said was that he's never surprised!

Audrey: Hey, Milo. Don't you ever close that book?

Dr. Sweet: Yeah, you must've read it a dozen times by now

Milo: I know, but this... this doesn't make any sense. See, in this passage here, the shepherd seems to be leading up to something. He calls it the Heart of Atlantis. It could be the power source the legends refer to. But then it just... it cuts off. It's almost like there's a missing page.

Vinny: Kid, relax. We don't get paid overtime.

Milo: I know, I know. Sometimes I get a little carried away. But, hey, you know, that's what this is all about, right? I mean, discovery, teamwork, adventure. Unless, maybe, you're just in it for the money.

Audrey: Money.

Wilhelmina: Money.

Dr. Sweet: Money.

Mole: Money.

Vinny: I'm gonna say... money.

Milo: Well, I guess I set myself up for that one.

Audrey: Where are you going?

Milo: I'm going after Rourke.

Audrey: Milo, that's crazy!

Milo: I didn't say it was the smart thing, but it is the right thing.

Audrey: [about an Atlantean] Wow. Look at all those tattoos.

Cookie: Shoot. That ain't nothin'. Look here what I got.

[lifts up shirt, grossing Audrey out]

Cookie: All 38 United States. Watch me make Rhode Island dance.

[wiggles his belly]

Cookie: Go on, baby, dance. Dance.

Audrey: Ah-ha. Two for flinching.

Milo: [after Kida speaks to them in Atlantean, replying in halting Atlantean] I... travel... friend.

Princess Kida: [In Atlantean] You... travel, you are a friendly traveler.

Milo: Ita, sum amice viator.

Princess Kida: Dices linguam Romae.

Milo: Parlez-vous francais?

Princess Kida: Oui, monsieur.

Mole: They speak my language! Pardon, mademoiselle, ah, voulez-vous...

[He whispers in Kida's ear and she punches him]

Dr. Sweet: Ooh, I like her.

Audrey: Hmm. 'Bout time someone hit him. I'm just sorry it wasn't me.

Atlanteans: Buenos dias. Ciao. Guten tag. Konnichiwa. Namaste. Ni hao.

Audrey: How do they know all these languages?

Milo: Their language must be based on a root dialect. It's just like the Tower of Babel.

Commander Rourke: Well, maybe English is in there somewhere. We are explorers from the surface world. We come in peace.

Princess Kida: Welcome to the city of Atlantis.

Audrey: [to Ted] I could just kiss you right now!

[Ted and Audrey lean in to kiss, only to be stopped by Ted's mother]

Ted's Mom: We don't have time for that!

Ted: I dunno, we have a little time.

Audrey: I swear to you, that as long as it's within my power, whenever I can do anything about it... I won't let anybody hurt you. Or anyone else on this team for that matter. Not unless I don't have a choice.

Jeb: Well, I think we all know what happens now!

Mrs. Calloway: Jeb, don't start!

Jeb: Now we all get eaten!

Mrs. Calloway: Jeb!

Audrey: But who would eat a chicken?

Audrey: You wanna get nuts? Let's get nuts!

Audrey: Where were you?

Fletcher: Having sex.

Audrey: Well, I hope it was with someone *very* special!

Fletcher: No, see - that's the thing. I don't even like her, but she's a partner and I thought I could help my career by making her squeal.

[Fletcher throws the phone away and throws himself on the floor in disgust]

Fletcher: I was hoping after being married to me you'd have no more strength left.

Audrey: Well, you have to remember that when we were married, I wasn't having sex nearly as often as you were.

Max Reede: Do the claw to mom, dad, do the claw to mom!

Fletcher: Uh-oh. You've found the claw's only weakness. Subzero temperatures.

[Splatting sound]

Audrey: So did you have any trouble finding the place?

Fletcher: All right, I'm late. I ran oughta gas! The gauge is broken. Rough neighborhood too. Good thing I was wearing neutral gang colors. Might've had to rip out my nine and bust a cap! My mind on my money and my money on my mind!

Audrey: They'd never hurt you, Fletcher. You're their lawyer.

Fletcher: Ooh. That was below the belt. Try to keep the gloves up.

Max Reede: Mom, dad's taking me to see wrestling!

Audrey: Ugh. Fletcher!

Fletcher: Ugh. Audrey!

Jerry: I love you!

Audrey: Thank you

Jerry: Well, that's wasn't exactly the answer I was hoping for...

Audrey: Thank you very much?

[the lights turn on after Max makes a wish and blows out the candles]

Max Reede: Mom? Dad?

[Audrey and Fletcher are kissing]

Fletcher: MAX? Did you wish for your mom and I to get back together again?

Max Reede: No. I wished for rollerblades!

Audrey: Uh... wanna cut the cake... Dad?

Fletcher: I would love to... but I have this horrible pain in my arm...

Audrey: Oh no... run ITS THE CLAW!

Fletcher: NOTHING CAN STOP THE CLAWWWW!

Fletcher: Is this guy right for you? I mean, he's just so, not me!

Audrey: Yes, that's one of his best qualities.

Fletcher: Yeah, but he's kind of, magoo... I'm sorry.

Audrey: You're wrong! I mean, sometimes, maybe yes, he is a litte bit...

Fletcher: Magoo!

Audrey: Yes.

Fletcher: Are you marrying this guy because you're mad at me?

Audrey: No - I divorced you because I was mad at you.

Audrey: Do you know what your son was doing at 8:15 last night?

Fletcher: No?

Audrey: He was making a wish that for a whole day, his father couldn't tell a lie.

Fletcher: [Realizing] Oh, my god, that's it!

Audrey: Seymour's first radio broadcast! I wanted to hear it so bad. I tried to be on time, but...

Mr. Mushnik: Don't tell me. You got tied up.

Audrey: No. Just handcuffed a little.

Audrey: [of Orin's disappearance] It wouldn't be terrible at all. It would be a miracle, not to mention the money I'd save on epsom salts and ace bandages.

Seymour: [singing] Suddenly Seymour / Is standing beside you

Audrey: [singing] Suddenly Seymour / Showed me I can...

Audrey: [singing over sustain] Yes you can...

Patrick Martin: Excuse me! Pardon me, beg your pardon, if you two kids would stop singing for just a moment I've got something I want to discuss with you.

Patrick Martin: Me and the guys at the home office have been following this plant of yours. We've come up with one incredible idea. We're very proud of it. Picture this: we take leaf cuttings, develop little Audrey IIs and sell them to florist shops across the nation. Pretty soon every household in America could have one.

Seymour: [concerned] Every household in America!

Patrick Martin: For starters, kid. Why, this thing could go... worldwide!

Seymour, Audrey: [to each other, panicked:] *Worldwide*?

Patrick Martin: With the right advertising, this thing could be bigger than Hula-Hoops.

Audrey: [to Seymour, intrigued:] Bigger than Hula-Hoops?

Audrey: I don't believe it.

Audrey II: Believe it, baby. It talks.

Audrey: Am I dreaming this?

Audrey II: No, and you ain't in Kansas, neither.

Audrey: I got a date.

Mr. Mushnik: With that same no-goodnik? I'm telling you, Audrey, you don't need a date - you need major medical!

Audrey: All I ever wanted was you and a sweet little house.

Seymour: Oh Audrey, you're the most wondeful person that ever lived. We're gonna get that little house and everything's gonna be alright, you'll see.

Audrey: [singing about her dream home with Seymour] Between our frozen dinners, and our bedtime - 9:15 - we'd snuggle watching Lucy on a big, enormous, 12-inch screen!

Audrey: I'm sorry doctor, I'm sorry.

Orin: Fall off the motorcycle my ass!

Audrey: [singing] A matchbox of our own, a fence of real chain-link/A grill out on the patio, disposal in the sink/A washer and a dryer and an ironing machine/In a tract house that we share/Somewhere that's green

Orin: Stupid woman! Christ, what a friggin' scatterbrain!

Audrey: I'm sorry, doctor! I'm sorry, doctor!

Orin: Falls off the motorcycle!

Audrey: I'm clumsy, doctor! I'm clumsy, doctor!

Orin: [kicks down the doors] Messes my hair! Get the door open, you little slut!

Audrey: I'm trying, doctor! I;m trying, doctor!

Orin: Get the Vitalis! Quick, the Vitalis!

Audrey: [feeling threatened] I'M OUT OF IT!

Orin: [grabs her] WHAT!

[Orin slaps her harshly making her cry]

Audrey II: I need me some water in the worst way. Look at my branches. I'm dryin' up. I'm a *goner*, honey!

Audrey II: [singing] Come on and give me a drink!

Audrey: I don't know if I should.

Audrey II: [singing] Hey, little lady, be nice.

Audrey: Do you talk to Seymour like this?

Audrey II: [singing] Sure do. I'll take it straight.

Audrey: Your leaves *are* dry.

Audrey II: [singing] Don't need no glass or no ice.

Audrey: I'll get the can.

Audrey II: [singing] Don't need no twist of lime...

Audrey: [sing-song] Here we go!

Audrey II: And now it's *suppertime*!

Audrey: [singing] You'll wash my tender leaves/You'll smell my sweet perfume/You'll water me, and care for me/You'll see me bud and bloom/I'm feeling strangely happy now/Contented and serene/Oh, don't you see?/Finally, I'll be/Somewhere that's... green!

Audrey: [singing] I'd cook like Betty Crocker and I'd look like Donna Reed!

Seymour: You okay?

Audrey: Yes... no...

[Audrey falls to the ground. Seymour helps her up and holds her in his arms]

Seymour: Don't die, Audrey! Please don't die!

Audrey: You know, the plant just said the strangest thing just now. It said Orin and Mr. Mushnik are already inside!

Seymour: It's true. I did it. I fed them to it.

Audrey: And that's what made it so big and strong, and you so famous?

Seymour: I've done terrible things, Audrey, but not to you. Never to you.

Audrey: But... I want you to, Seymour.

Seymour: What?

Audrey: When I die, which should be very shortly, give me to the plant, so that it will live and bring you all the wonderful things you deserve.

Seymour: You don't know what you're saying.

Audrey: But I do! It's the one gift I can give you. And if I'm in the plant, then I am part of the plant, so in a way... we'll always be together.

Audrey: [singing] Downtown/Where the guys are drips.

Company: Downtown!

Audrey: Where they rip your slips.

Company: Downtown!

Audrey: Where relationships are no go/Down on Skid Row.

Seymour, Audrey: [singing] Gee, it sure would be swell to get outta here/Bid the gutter farewell and get outta here/I'd move Heaven and Hell to get outta Skid/I'd do I don't know what to get outta Skid...

Company: Downtown!

Seymour, Audrey: But a hell of a lot to get outta Skid...

Company: Downtown!

Seymour, Audrey: People tell me there's not a way outta Skid...

Company: Downtown!

Seymour, Audrey: But believe me/I gotta get outta Skid...

Seymour, Audrey, Company: ...Row!

[theatrical cut]

Seymour: [after saving Audrey from Audrey II] Are you okay?

Audrey: Yes... No...

[Audrey collapses]

Seymour: Audrey! Audrey!

Audrey: [gets back up] No, really, I'm okay.

Seymour: I'm sorry, Audrey, I'm just so sorry. I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to hurt anyone. It's just that somehow it makes things happen - terrible things. Well, I guess I should've stopped when I found out what it lived on, but it was cute and harmless, and we started doing business and making money and you like me...

Audrey: Seymour! Do you really think I liked you because of that?

[Seymour goes silent]

Audrey: I liked you from the day I came to work here.

Seymour: You mean you still like me, even if I wasn't famous?

Audrey: [smiles] I'd still love you Seymour.

Seymour: Really?

Audrey: Yes. All I ever wanted was you... and that sweet little house.

Seymour: [happily] Oh, Audrey, you're the most wonderful person that ever lived! We're gonna get that little house and everything will be okay somehow, you'll see!

[sings]

Seymour: Suddenly Seymour is standing beside you.

Audrey: [sings] Suddenly Seymour showed me I can!

Audrey: Yes, you can!

Audrey: I hope nobody I know drives by and sees me standing in the yard staring at the house in my pajamas.

Art: If they know your dad, they won't think anything of it.

Clark: We're kicking off our fun old fashion family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols.

Audrey: We're not coming all the way out here just to get one of those stupid ties with Santa Clauses on it are we?

Clark: No, I have one of those at home.

[after Clark fails at lighting all the exterior Christmas lights at the "lighting ceremony" in front of the entire family]

Frances: Talk about pissing your money away. I hope you kids see what a silly waste of resources this was.

Audrey: He worked really hard, Grandma.

Art: So do washing machines.

Audrey: Do you sleep with your brother? Do you know how sick and twisted that is?

Ellen: Well, I'm sleeping with your father. Don't be so dramatic.

Audrey: [Commenting on sleeping with her brother] I have nightmares about what he does when I'm NOT lying next to him.

Audrey: Would it be indecent to ask the grandparents to stay at a hotel?

Audrey: Hi! I missed you today.

Tom Solomon: That's nice.

[pauses]

Tom Solomon: Listen, I need to talk to you about something, Audrey.

Audrey: What's behind those eyes, Tom?

Tom Solomon: My ex-fiance has been on my mind a lot and I feel like that's something I need to explore.

Audrey: Well, she's an old bitch! There, I just explored it for you. Done?

Tom Solomon: It's hard to have this conversation with you.

Audrey: You need to explore it, Tom? You were with her for five fucking years. That's a really long time. What else is there to learn about her?

[yells]

Tom Solomon: I don't really know the answer to that but I just think I need to find out.

Audrey: What are you thinking? You're so stupid. You're so stupid! You're gonna leave me? You're gonna leave this for saggy tits and a loose vagina? Really? Oh God!

Tom Solomon: I'm sorry to do this to you.

Audrey: Shut the fuck up! You know what? You should just go, Tom. Just go! Go! Go have fun with your old woman. Go fucking read at night together. You can go through menopause together and you can go get your little prostates checked. Check each other for lumps all the time and do those kinds of things together. Then go get some Crocs so your back doesn't hurt. And then you can go walk on the beach and fuck each other with your gross, wrinkly balls.

[pauses]

Audrey: That's another thing. You're getting fucking fat! It's really hard to have sex with someone when you can't breathe underneath them. Can't breathe! Like I feel like I'm going to die every time!

[sighs]

Audrey: You should leave. I'm gonna say mean things.

Tom Solomon: Goodbye.

Daniel: If you can reach out and touch the horizon, you're at your journeys end.

Audrey: James Joyce?

Daniel: My Uncle Clive, but, equally profound, don't you think?

Daniel: I don't believe in divorce.

Audrey: But you're a divorce lawyer!

Daniel: It's a job.

[Audrey and Daniel are overlooking the beautiful countryside. In the background their car rolls past them and they hear it crash]

Audrey: Well that spoiled it for me.

[talking to her mom on the phone and eating candy corn]

Sara: What are you eating?

Audrey: Vegetables.

Audrey: Are you crazy?

Sara: Yes, but I'm also your mother.

Audrey: Are you taking your clothes off?

Daniel: Only the bottoms.

[after discovering that Daniel wrote a book]

Audrey: Book? Book? What book? When does he have time to write books?

[wakes in bed with Daniel, wearing a ring on her finger - gets out of bed]

Audrey: Oh, okay, okay, wake up, wake up.

Daniel: Morning.

Audrey: Wake up. Would you please look at your left hand, please?

Daniel: What?

Audrey: Please!

[sees the ring on his hand]

Daniel: Oh, would you look at that. Oh, you got one, too.

Audrey: Daniel, did we get married last night?

Daniel: Yes, I have a feeling we did. The details are still a little bit fuzzy but the bride was beautiful in her figure-hugging Sarena outfit and... you're not happy.

Audrey: Do I look happy?

Daniel: It's hard to say. I mean, because you never seem to be happy around me and...

Audrey: Oh, it's all coming back. We gotta find the guy who did this and tell him that we didn't mean it.

Daniel: But I did mean it.

Audrey: Of course you didn't, how could you? You don't want to be married to me!

Daniel: Can I say something?

Audrey: No, you can't!

Audrey: We're just going to have to file when we get back to New York, okay. It'll be like it never happened.

Daniel: But it did happen.

Audrey: Audrey Woods, I'm representing Mrs. Harrison.

Daniel: I've heard good things.

Sara: Do you want him dead?

Audrey: Mother.

Sara: I mean socially.

Sara: Is this Rafferty guy cute?

Audrey: I didn't notice. Besides he's not your type. He's old enough to drive.

Audrey: Each case I handle convinces me further that marraige is dead in the water.

Audrey: Oh, boy, don't you try to analyze me with your whole, disheveled Bohemian my socks don't match so therefore I have insight into all things wacko mindset. There are no psychoanalytical shortcuts into my pants.

Audrey: Oh look, medical waste in a glass. No umbrella?

Audrey: [after giving Daniel a new tie] I thought you'd enjoy owning one without a stain.

Daniel: That's an interesting presumption.

Daniel: So... Romantic, no?

Audrey: No.

Audrey: A sincere apology is just a manipulation tactic like forgiveness or generosity.

Thorne Jamison: [seeing Audrey in the crowd while fans surround him for an autograph] See this Barry, I've got classy fans, too. And a what might you want?

Audrey: I want you.

Thorne Jamison: Oohh! Chihuaha! Nice opening line, I like it. Direct, no B.S, just how I like it. Grr. Ok, tell me what we're working with Dollface.

Audrey: Ok, this is what we're working with *Dollface*. You've got a devoted, hardworking wife at home, yet you cheat, lie, and blow all your money on strippers and whores. You finally abandon her leaving her no option but to file for divorce. That's the opposing council's opening line. Direct. No B.S. Just the way you like it. And your wife has just hired the second best divorce attorney in New York City to deliver it. Now you need someone to tell you side of the story, no matter how *sordid*, and make you seem like strawberry shortcake.

Thorne Jamison: I like strawberry shortcake, and I like your style. Do you know what I think? I think we should continue this conversation back at my place

Audrey: You know what I think? I think you should leave the thinking to me.

Thorne Jamison: Right.

Kazihiro: In Japan, when production lags, worker stays longer in factory.

Hunt Stevenson: Okay, overtime. We can talk about overtime. I understand it now.

Kazihiro: They do not do it for pay. They do it for company.

Hunt Stevenson: Yeah, but that's there, this is here.

Audrey: Gentlemen, this is an American factory. They're never gonna go for that.

Kazihiro: Is that how you feel, Hunt, that they'll never go for it?

Hunt Stevenson: [pauses] Well, I'll tell you something. There's one guy who can get them to go for it, and you're looking at him.

Kazihiro: You can change workers' attitude?

Hunt Stevenson: If I can't, nobody can't.

Audrey: Nobody can.

Hunt Stevenson: Hey, would you shut up?

[Audrey leaves in disgust]

Hunt Stevenson: God... damn.

[Hunt briefly pauses]

Hunt Stevenson: Okay, you guys have a problem, right? I'm the answer man. I can work this out and make everybody happy. I always have. Come on, you gotta give me a shot here.

[Long pause by the Japanese executives]

Kazihiro: All right. We make no more changes for now.

Hunt Stevenson: There you go. Huh-huh, yeah.

[Hunt and Kaz toast each other]

Hunt Stevenson: [driving back from a meeting with Hunt's Japanese bosses] Want to get some ice cream? Haagen Daaz!

Audrey: Eat shit and die.

Hunt Stevenson: [pauses] Are you having your period?

Audrey: Stop the car!

Audrey: [Introducing herself to Jerome while at Shiloh's photo exhibit] Oh, hi. I'm Audrey, by the way.

Bardo: [Butting in] So is that your real name, or are you just obsessed with Audrey Hepburn like every other art school chick?

Audrey: [Unperturbed, holding up her necklace pendant] Actually, I was named after an old cartoon.

Bardo: Oh, wow! Another ironic pop-culture reference. She's a keeper!

[Goes off to help himself to more free refreshments]

[Sara the dog barks, startling Harry]

Mildred: I'll put'im in the closet.

Audrey: Sara wouldn't like that.

Mildred: I meant Harry.

Audrey: I'd have blown Hitler to get out of that house.

Audrey: What about your sister?

Jon: The bitch?

Mildred: You're so much nicer than Jon's first wife.

Audrey: You were married before?

Jon: Um...

Audrey: You were married before and you didn't tell me?

Jon: Didn't I tell you? I thought I told you. I told somebody. Ha ha.

Audrey: [Harry has walked in on Jon and Audrey having sex] Jon, how long do you think he was watching?

Harry: I didn't see anything.

Audrey: Look, why don't you make like a potato and get boiled?

Audrey: Anyone who's stupid enough to answer the door at 4:30 in the morning deserves a punch in the face.

Tom Milford: Could we be alone, please?

Audrey: [in a seductive voice] Oh, sure. What did you have in mind?

[Joan looks at Audrey, amazed]

Tom Milford: I meant Joan.

Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: He just wants to know that you don't hate him.

Beth Jarrett: Hate him! How could I hate him? Mothers don't hate their sons! Is that what he told you? You see how you believe everything he tells you? And you can't do the same for me, you can't! GOD I DON'T KNOW WHAT ANYONE WANTS FROM ME ANYMORE!

Ward: Beth, we don't want anything from you; Audrey, Cal, Connie and Me, we just want you to be happy.

Beth Jarrett: Happy! Ward, you tell me the definition of happy. But first you better make sure your kids are good and safe, that they haven't fallen of a horse, been hit by a car, or drown in that swimming pool you're so proud of!

Audrey: Oh Beth!

Beth Jarrett: Then, you come and tell me how to be happy!

Audrey: Tucson's the weird capital of the world... WEIRD.

Audrey: [as Audrey is leaving the police station] So long, suckers!

Audrey: You'll end up in prison one of these days.

Gladys: If he aint careful.

Colin Smith: It'd get me out of this dump.

Audrey: It ain't the only way to get out of it.

[first lines]

Audrey: Timmy, what's the matter with you? Timmy, come back! Timmy, Timmy, where are you?