George Fields Quotes in Tootsie (1982)

Michael Dorsey: Are you saying that nobody in New York will work with me?

George Fields: No, no, that's too limited... nobody in Hollywood wants to work with you either. I can't even set you up for a commercial. You played a *tomato* for 30 seconds - they went a half a day over schedule because you wouldn't sit down.

Michael Dorsey: Of course. It was illogical.

George Fields: YOU WERE A TOMATO. A tomato doesn't have logic. A tomato can't move.

Michael Dorsey: That's what I said. So if he can't move, how's he gonna sit down, George? I was a stand-up tomato: a juicy, sexy, beefsteak tomato. Nobody does vegetables like me. I did an evening of vegetables off-Broadway. I did the best tomato, the best cucumber... I did an endive salad that knocked the critics on their ass.

Michael Dorsey: You should have seen the look on her face when she thought I was a lesbian.

George Fields: "Lesbian"? You just said gay.

Michael Dorsey: No, no, no - SANDY thinks I'm gay, JULIE thinks I'm a lesbian.

George Fields: I thought Dorothy was supposed to be straight?

Michael Dorsey: Dorothy IS straight. Tonight Les, the sweetest, nicest man in the world asked me to marry him.

George Fields: A guy named Les wants YOU to marry him?

Michael Dorsey: No, no, no - he wants to marry Dorothy.

George Fields: Does he know she's a lesbian?

Michael Dorsey: Dorothy's NOT a lesbian.

George Fields: I know that, does HE know that?

Michael Dorsey: Know WHAT?

George Fields: That, er, I... I don't know.

George Fields: You are psychotic!

Michael Dorsey: No, I'm not, I'm employed.

George Fields: Where do you come off sending me your roommate's play for you to star in? I'm your agent, not your mother! I'm not supposed to find plays for you to star in - I'm supposed to field offers! And that's what I do!

Michael Dorsey: 'Field offers?' Who told you that, the Agent Fairy? That was a significant piece of work - I could've been terrific in that part.

George Fields: Michael, nobody's gonna do that play.

Michael Dorsey: Why?

George Fields: Because it's a downer, that's why. Because nobody wants to produce a play about a couple that moved back to Love Canal.

Michael Dorsey: But that actually happened!

George Fields: WHO GIVES A SHIT? Nobody wants to pay twenty dollars to watch people living next to chemical waste! They can see that in New Jersey!

George Fields: You're too much trouble. Get some therapy.

George Fields: OK, I know this is going to disgust you, Michael, but a lot of people are in this business to make money.

Michael Dorsey: You make it out like I'm some flake, George. I am in this business to make money, too.

George Fields: Really?

Michael Dorsey: Yes!

George Fields: The Harlem Theatre for the Blind? Strindberg in the Park? The People's Workshop in Syracuse?

Michael Dorsey: OK, now wait a minute. I did nine plays in eight months up in Syracuse. I happened to get great reviews from the New York critics, not that that's why I did it.

George Fields: Oh, of course not. God forbid you should lose your standing as a cult failure.

Michael Dorsey: She thinks I'm gay, i told her about Julie and she thinks I'm gay!

George Fields: Julie thinks your gay?

Michael Dorsey: No, my friend Sandy.

George Fields: Sleep with her, and she'll...

Michael Dorsey: I slept with her once she's still thinks I'm gay!

George Fields: Oh... thats no good, Michael.