Dusty Bottoms Quotes in ¡Three Amigos! (1986)

Rosita: Have you ever kissed a girl?

Dusty Bottoms: Oh yeah, sure. Lots of times.

Rosita: Would you like to kiss me?

Dusty Bottoms: Yeah.

Rosita: Well?

Dusty Bottoms: What? Now? Here?

Rosita: Well, we could take a walk and you could kiss me on the veranda.

Dusty Bottoms: Lips would be fine.

Lucky Day: Reading telegram: "Three Amigos, Hollywood, California. You are very great. 100,000 pesos. Come to Santa Poco put on show, stop. The In-famous El Guapo."

Dusty Bottoms: What does that mean, in-famous?

Ned Nederlander: Oh, Dusty. In-famous is when you're MORE than famous. This man El Guapo, he's not just famous, he's IN-famous.

Lucky Day: 100,000 pesos to perform with this El Guapo, who's probably the biggest actor to come out of Mexico!

Dusty Bottoms: Wow, in-famous? In-famous?

Lucky Day: Oh, great. You killed the invisible swordsman!

Ned Nederlander: [runs over to check] He's dead, all right.

Dusty Bottoms: How was I supposed to know where he was?

Lucky Day: You were supposed to fire up. *We* both fired *up*.

[aside]

Lucky Day: It's like living with a six-year old.

Lucky Day: Well, we're just gonna have to use our brains.

Ned Nederlander, Dusty Bottoms: Damn it!

Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander, Dusty Bottoms: [the Three Amigos have just finished their meal of "desert bat" around the campfire]

Ned Nederlander: Well, good night!

[lays back]

Dusty Bottoms: Look at the little guy. He's tuckered out all ready.

Ned Nederlander: [Ned hears a howl in the distance and sits up, startled] Wha? Wha, what was that!

Lucky Day: Just a coyote.

Ned Nederlander: Oh.

[Ned nervously sits back]

Ned Nederlander: Just, I've never slept outside before...

Lucky Day: [calmly] Take it easy, take it easy. Dusty...

[he motions for Dusty to pick up his guitar and play a song to settle Ned's nerves]

Dusty Bottoms: [begins to pick an appropriate song on his guitar, and sing] Arizona moon, keep shining. From the desert sky above. You know pretty soon, that big yellow moon, will light the way back, to the one you love...

Lucky Day: [singing] Blue, Shadows, on the traiiiiiilllll. Little cowboy, close your eyeeesssss and dreeeaaaaammmm.

[Dusty joins in]

Lucky Day: All of the doggies are in the coral. All of your work is done. Just close your eyes, and dream, little pal, dream of, someone...

Ned Nederlander: [the Amigo's horses are now singing] Bom bom bom bom, bom bom bom bom, bom bom bom bom, bom bom bom bom! Bom bom bom bom, bom bom bom bom, bom bom bom bom, Bom bom bom bom!

[Ned, much calmer, now sings]

Ned Nederlander: Bluuuuuuueeee, Shadowwssss, on the traaaaaiiiiiillllll. Soft wind blowin', through the treeeeeeesssss, abooooovvvvveeee.

[gets baritone on these notes]

Lucky Day: [looks to Dusty, impressed]

Ned Nederlander: All of the other little cowboys, down in the bunkhouse now, so...

Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander, Dusty Bottoms: [All together] Close, your, eyes and...

Ned Nederlander: drrreeeeeeaaaaaammmmmmmm.

Dusty Bottoms: [Dusty wraps up the melody, picking the last notes on the guitar]

Ned Nederlander: Good night, Lucky. Good night, Dusty.

Lucky Day: Good night, Ned.

Dusty Bottoms: Good night, Ned.

Ned's Horse: Good Night, Ned!

Dusty Bottoms: Good night, Lucky.

Lucky Day: Good night, Dusty.

Lucky Day: Wherever there is injustice, you will find us.

Ned Nederlander: Wherever there is suffering, we'll be there.

Dusty Bottoms: Wherever liberty is threatened, you will find...

Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander, Dusty Bottoms: The Three Amigos!

[Dusty Bottoms and Lucky Day thinks Ned Nederlander is saying "mail" plane]

Dusty Bottoms: What is it doing here?

Ned Nederlander: I think it's a male plane.

Dusty Bottoms: How can you tell?

Ned Nederlander: Didn't you notice its little balls?

Dusty Bottoms: Do you have anything here besides Mexican food?

Ned Nederlander: This is not a town of weaklings! You can use your strengths against El Guapo. Now, what is it that this town really does well?

Townspeople: Hmmm. Hmmm? Ummm.

[long pause]

Mama Sanchez: We can sew!

Dusty Bottoms: There you go, you can sew.

Ned Nederlander: Ah.

Dusty Bottoms: If only we had known this sooner.

Mr. Flugelman: Do you know what "nada" means?

Dusty Bottoms: Isn't that a light chicken gravy?

Dusty Bottoms: Time for plan B. Plan A was to break into El Guapo's fortress.

Carmen: And that you have done, now what?

Dusty Bottoms: Well we really dont have a plan B. We didn't expect for the first plan to work. Sometimes you can overplan these things.

Dusty Bottoms: No, we will not die like dogs! We will fight like lions! Because we are...

Dusty Bottoms, Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander: The Three Amigos!

Ned Nederlander: Chip, chip, chip, chip, chip,

[shouts]

Ned Nederlander: Nanny!

Lucky Day: Faaaaarley, Farley, Farley, Faaaaaaarley!

Dusty Bottoms: Hfurhrmrgurny

Ned Nederlander: Chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip-chip... LONNEEEEEEEE!

[fires pistol]

Lucky Day: Farley-farley-farley-farley-farley-farley... Hafurrrrrrr...

[fires pistol]

Dusty Bottoms: Kinut, hoooooola widdle! Tas, habble... sohn.

[accidentally shoots the Invisible Swordsman]

Lucky Day: Dusty, how do you like your bat?

Dusty Bottoms: Medium rare.

[Dusty Bottoms is posing as one of El Guapo's men, and El Guapo is struggling to remember who he is and what they've done together]

El Guapo: Oh-ho, you...

Dusty Bottoms: Jose!

[the bandidos cheer]

El Guapo: Together, we...

Dusty Bottoms: Burned the village!

El Guapo: Burned the village!

[the bandidos cheer]

El Guapo: And, uh...

Dusty Bottoms: [trilling the "r"] ... rrrrrrrrraped de horses!

[the bandidos cheer]

El Guapo: And we...

Dusty Bottoms: Rode off on de wimmin!

El Guapo: Rode off on de wimmin!

[the bandidos cheer, a bit more quietly]

El Guapo: And uh...

Dusty Bottoms: Plundered!

El Guapo: Plundered!

[the bandidos cheer]

El Guapo: And uh...

Dusty Bottoms: Pruned!

El Guapo: ...pruned the, uh...

Dusty Bottoms: Hedges!

El Guapo: ...hedges of...

Dusty Bottoms: Many small villages!

Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander, Dusty Bottoms: [the Three Amigos step out into the street while Carmen gets the horses]

Bandito #3: If I don't get some tequila, somebody's gonna die!

[Shoots the clay pots off the railing at one of the nearby homes]

Lucky Day: I'm Lucky Day!

Ned Nederlander: I'm Ned Nederlander!

Dusty Bottoms: And I'm Dusty Bottoms! And together we are...

Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander, Dusty Bottoms: The Three Amigos!

[each does the Amigo salute]

Lucky Day: [sees Carmen has brought the horses] Let's ride!

Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander, Dusty Bottoms: [the Three Amigos mount their horses, and ride to stand, horse to horse, with the banditos]

Lucky Day: Well, you slime eating dogs! You scum sucking pigs! You sons of a motherless goat!

Bandito #2: Son of a motherless goat? And who are you?

Ned Nederlander: Wherever there is injustice, you will find us. Wherever there is suffering, we'll be there!

[pauses]

Ned Nederlander: Line!

Dusty Bottoms: [under breath] Wherever liberty is threatened, you will find...

Ned Nederlander: Wherever liberty is threatened! You will find...

Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander, Dusty Bottoms: The Three Amigos!

[begin riding their horses all over the town square, shooting their pistols in the air]

Lucky Day: Arriba! Ha Ha Ha Ha!

Dusty Bottoms: [juggles his gun back and forth from each hand, grins]

Ned Nederlander: Arriba!

Bandito #3: Who are these monkeys?

Bandito #2: I don't know!

Bandito #3: Should we kill them?

Bandito #2: No! Let's go tell El Guapo what we have seen here!

Bandito #2, Bandito #3: [turn their horses around, and ride off towards their encampment]

Lucky Day: Ah Ha Ha! And don't come back!

Townspeople: Viva Los Amigos! Viva Los Amigos!

Pablo: Viva Los Amigos!

[the townspeople begin to cheer and chant the Amigos]

Lucky Day: [Lucky returning to group, now realizing that el Guapo and his gang, are real outlaws] It's real.

Dusty Bottoms: What?

Lucky Day: This is real.

Ned Nederlander: You mean...

Lucky Day: Yes, they are going... to kill us.

[Amigos begin sobbing pathetically]

Ned Nederlander: [Sobbing] What am I doing in Mexico.

Lucky Day: [Sobbing] I've been shot already.

Ned Nederlander: [Sobbing] I know.

Dusty Bottoms: [Sobbing] What are we gonna do?

Ned Nederlander: [Sobbing] We're not gonna get PAID, that's for sure.

Dusty Bottoms: Hey, Lucky, what are you gonna do with your share of the money?

Lucky Day: [thinks] A car. A big, shiny silver car. I'll drive all over Hollywood. Show Flugleman a thing or two. What about you?

Dusty Bottoms: New York. Maybe Paris. Champagne. Parties. I'll be a big shot for a while.

Lucky Day: Yeah.

Dusty Bottoms: How about you, Ned?

Ned Nederlander: I'm gonna start a foundation to help homeless children.

Dusty Bottoms: [he and Lucky realize how selfless that is compared to their ideas] That occurred to me to do that at one point, too.

Lucky Day: Well, I meant that I would do that first, and then I would get a big shiny car.

Dusty Bottoms: Well I'd like to continue to work for free, Mr. Flugleman.