Dmitri Quotes in Mortdecai (2015)

Mortdecai: Your mother and father only met once. And money changed hands.

Dmitri: [punches him]

Mortdecai: Probably less than a 20. And they say she was dressed as a man at the time.

Ethan: [on walkie talkie] We found him yet?

Dmitri: No, I don't see him.

Ethan: He's the one on the cell phone, you idiot.

[looks through his binoculars and sees various people on cell phones]

Dmitri: Everybody's on a cell phone.

Dmitri: If I learn you ever once laid a finger on my mother's body, living or dead, I swear to God, I'll cut your throat! You hear me?

M. Gustave: I thought I was supposed to be a fucking faggot.

Dmitri: You are, but you're bisexual.

Dmitri: [about M. Gustave] This criminal has plagued my family for nearly 20 years. He's a ruthless adventurer and a con artist who preys on mentally feeble, sick old ladies! And he probably fucks them, too!

M. Gustave: I go to bed with all my friends.

[Dmitri punches M. Gustave, Zero punches Dmitri, Jopling punches Zero]

Henckels: Who's shooting who?

Dmitri: That's Gustave H., the escaped murderer and art thief! I've got him cornered!

M. Gustave: That's Dmitri Desgoffe und Taxis! He's responsible for the killing of Deputy Kovacs, Serge X and his club-footed sister, plus his own mother!

[pause]

Henckels: Nobody move; everybody's under arrest.

Dmitri: [pointing to painting] What's the meaning of this shit?

Dmitri: You're not getting Boy with Apple, you goddamn little fruit!

M. Gustave: How's that supposed to make me feel?

Dmitri: [Discovering Boy with Apple's disappearance] What's the meaning of this shit?

Laetizia: [Three sisters speak simultaneously] Boy with Apple? I thought you'd hidden it.

Marguerite: [Three sisters speak simultaneously] Why are you only noticing now?

Carolina: [Three sisters speak simultaneously] I assumed you took it. I assumed it went to the tax appraiser.

Dmitri: Are you fucking kidding me?

[Doris lands on Spike's pot]

Spike: Hey, ring my doorbell!

[Doris floats over to Dimitri]

Dmitri: No, no, no ring MY doorbell! THAT doorbell will give you a rash!

Mrs. Raskolnikov: Roderick, where did you get this money?

Antonya Raskolnikov: Dmitri, where did you get that money?

Dmitri: Search me? Where did you get it, Roderick?

Roderick Raskolnikov: All I had to do was ask for it! Take what you want! Lie! Cheat! Bluff! Take life by the throat! Come on, lets go out and celebrate...