Coach Klein Quotes in The Waterboy (1998)

Coach Klein: Gatorade not only quenches your thirst better, it tastes better too.

Bobby Boucher: No, you people are drinkin the wrong water.

Coach Klein: Gatorade.

Bobby Boucher: H2O.

Coach Klein: Gatorade.

Bobby Boucher: H2O.

Coach Klein: [singing] Water sucks. It really, really sucks. Water sucks.

[after Bobby demonstrates his tackling ability]

Coach Klein: Bobby, can you do that for me every game?

Bobby Boucher: Coach, not only will I do it for you, I... I... I... yes, yes, I'll do it for you.

Bobby Boucher: So that's what opening up a can of whoop-ass feels like.

Coach Klein: Son, you just opened up a whole case of whoop-ass.

Guy Grenouille: Hey, moron! Hey! Moron! Duh! L-L-Look at me. I'm th-th-the waterboy. Duh! I got a wooden spoon! Duh!

Greg Meaney: [Bobby pictures the people who tomented him in the past] Smells like you need a shower, stinky!

[Meaney laughs evily]

Coach Red Beaulieu: You're fired!

[Red laughs evilly]

Bobby Boucher: [Captain Insano and Jim Simmonds laugh]

[Bobby becomes enraged]

Bobby Boucher: Stop makin' fun of me!

Guy Grenouille: Red thirty! Hut!

[Bobby chases Grenouille, screaming, then ramming and tackling him hard to the ground]

Coach Klein: [in amazement] Wow!

Derek Wallace: Damn!

Coach Klein: [after football player spits loogie in water tank] Are you all right?

Bobby Boucher: I wasn't gonna do nothin', coach!

Coach Klein: Well ya better do something. You gotta stick up for yourself, Bobby.

Bobby Boucher: But what about the finally tuned athletic machine?

Coach Klein: I am not telling you to go on a shooting rampage!

Coach Klein: [it's half-time at the Bourbon Bowl and they're in the locker room] Anybody got an idea?

[Silence]

Derek Wallace: Hey, remember the time Bobby tackled the referee by mistake?

[Everybody chuckles]

Lyle Robideaux: Yeah, that was pretty funny. How 'bout the time Bobby tackled the guy from Louisville, and threw him into the stands?

[Everybody laughs]

Guy Grenouille: Y'all remember the time he intercepted the ball and his pants fell off, and he ran for the touchdown bare ass?

[Everybody laughs]

Farmer Fran: Remember the time Bobby Boucher...

[Begins to mumble in his southern drawl, and everybody stares at him]

Bobby Boucher: [Bobby shows up in the locker room by surprise] Remember the time Bobby Boucher showed up at halftime and the Mud Dogs won the Bourbon Bowl, do ya?

[Everybody starts cheering and shouting]

Coach Klein: Nice suit!