Christine Painter Quotes in Personal Services (1987)

Christine Painter: Pass me a tissue, Wing Commander.

[during a police raid on the brothel]

Jones: [to Lennox, a senior police officer] This is the woman and these are the premises on which I have kept observation over the last three months. This house has been operating as brothel during that time.

Lennox: You've heard the officer. What have you got to say?

Christine Painter: If I'd known he'd been out there all that time I'd have asked him in for a cup of tea.

[Being interviewed by the police after the raid on the brothel]

Christine Painter: It's just like a Tupperware party, really. But I sell sex instead of plastic containers. If the wives were willing, I'd be out of a job, wouldn't I? But they go off sex - they'd rather sell Tupperware, ha-bloody-ha. Sex soon goes out of a marriage. I'm a bit old-fashioned, really - I believe in marriage. Men are animals, sexually. They don't talk a *bit* of sense till you've got them de-spunked. Women are more affectionate. They like a bit of affection. Though I've met a few horny buggers in my time. The wife wants a three-piece-suite. If she gave the man sex, he might be more inclined to come across with the three-piece-suite. It may not be a fashionable thing to say, but once you've got him de-spunked, and he's sitting there thinking he's all wonderful - done you a good turn, given you a pair of soggy knickers - in the afterglow of his glory he's more inclined to come across with the Draylon three-piece, don't you think?

Glossop: You could well be right, love, I dunno. Personally, I've been married for twenty years and we still go at it like rabbits.

[At the police station after the raid on the brothel]

Christine Painter: I'm responsible - not the men. You can't expect the men to be responsible. When the balls are full, the brain is empty.

[at the police station after the raid on the brothel, police officers Lennox and Timms are planning to charge Christine]

Lennox: We're looking to make several charges - including possessing obscene articles for gain, selling liquor without a licence, running a disorderly house and keeping a brothel.

Christine Painter: I just perform a service.

Timms: You *will* go down for this.

Christine Painter: I only go down for a price, dear, and I doubt if you could afford it.