Chiv Quotes in Mean Machine (2001)

[after Billy volunteers for the demonstration, Chiv begins lecturing on dirty tricks in football]

Chiv: Numero uno: the accidental treading the toe. It's an obvious one, but it works.

[Monk stamps on Billy's foot]

Billy the Limpet: AH! Fuck...

Chiv: Numero... two. Right, Billy, run towards the Monk.

Billy the Limpet: What, now, eh?

Chiv: Off you go, half-pace.

[Billy trots toward Monk, who throws up an elbow that spears him in the face]

Chiv: The cunningly-titled "elbow in the face." Very, very effective, but you do tend to get sent off, so if you're gonna use it, make sure the ref's not looking. Number Four...

Billy the Limpet: Hold up, hold up! What happened to Number Three?

[Monk kicks him in the crotch]

Chiv: Number Four: when you're helping him up, grab the hairs under his armpits and twist 'em round.

[Billy yelps in pain]

Chiv: It hurts like a bastard, doesn't it?

Billy the Limpet: Yeah!

Danny Meehan: I'll tell you something, I didn't start off out as a youngster looking to sell my country out.

Massive: None of us planned to be here, mate.

Chiv: But you're forgetting one thing. You're a hero in Scotland.