Burt Wonderstone Quotes in The Incredible Burt Wonderstone (2013)

Burt Wonderstone: Are you a lesbian, Nicole?

Jane: Is every woman who doesn't sleep with you a lesbian?

Burt Wonderstone: Oh, no, I have slept with plenty of lesbians.

Burt Wonderstone: Do you think this batch is ready?

Anton Marvelton: I don't know. Check it.

[Burt takes the lid off the pot and they immediately fall to the floor; after a few moments they stand up and approach the pot]

Burt Wonderstone: Do you think this batch is ready?

Anton Marvelton: I don't know. Check it.

[Burt takes the lid off the pot and they immediately fall to the floor again]

Burt Wonderstone: What the hell is a webisode?

Rick the Implausible: Are you being serious? What's a webisode? It's... it's a show that you do on the internet, just like being on TV or having a movie except you don't go... through... you know all the hassle of... people seeing it.

Burt Wonderstone: Anton, what could possibly go wrong?

Anton Marvelton: Somebody could die, we can go to prison.

Burt Wonderstone: See? When you say it out loud, it doesn't sound so bad.

Doug Munny: [asking Burt and Anton to update their act] You've been doing the same shit since I hired you. You even come on stage to that same god damn song.

Burt Wonderstone: It's called "Abracadabra", and it is considered a modern classic.

Doug Munny: It's shit.

Burt Wonderstone: [Wonderstone confronts Gray in a bar] Mr. Gray. What you do is not magic. It is monkey porn.

Steve Gray: I understand. It's natural for a dying leaf to be frightened by the autumn wind.

Burt Wonderstone: [landing on Anton after falling out of the Hot Box] Ow, your face caught me right in the knee.

Burt Wonderstone: [dismissive of Gray's "magic" act] Let me tell you about Steve Gray. All that guy does is mumble and cut himself. Anybody can do that. My niece does that.

Burt Wonderstone: [for a trick, Steve Gray put a puppy in Burt's pants] He put a dog in my pants, Jane.

Jane: I know.

Burt Wonderstone: No one's ever done that to me before.

Jane: I... hope not.

Burt Wonderstone: He was teething!

Burt Wonderstone: Now this is a classic.

Steve Gray: Meaning: it's been done.

[shooting his cable series, Steve Gray has taunted an audience member into punching him in the face]

Anton Marvelton: Jesus. Was that guy a plant?

Burt Wonderstone: That looked like a real punch.

[after splitting with Anton, Burt tries to do their act by himself]

Doug Munny: That was shit! That was shit! That was shit!

Burt Wonderstone: I thought it went pretty damn well.

Doug Munny: It was a train wreck!

Burt Wonderstone: The life of a child magician.

Jane: Yes. Try being a girl child magician. They called me Magic Bitch.

Burt Wonderstone: Can I ask you something?

Rance Holloway: If you feel you should.

Burt Wonderstone: [to a magician's assistant he has just fired] Go get a job at Cirque de So-Lame.