Burt Wilson Quotes in Mr. Nanny (1993)

Sean Armstrong: Show some respect, Burt saved my life.

Burt Wilson: Oh yeah, I took a bullet for this guy, nicked an artery, you should've seen the blood pumping out, ka-bloom, ka-bloom, ka-bloom - nearly hit the ceiling.

Kate Mason: Eeeew!

Alex Mason, Jr.: Cool!

Thanatos: I ordered you to throw that match, cost me money, big money!

Burt Wilson: Oh yeah? Bigger than your hair?

Sean Armstrong: We don't throw matches.

Burt Wilson: Yeah, tell ya what, if you was soaked in some gasoline, we'd throw some matches, y'know the flaming kind, and with that fur-ball on top of your head, you'd make one hell of a torch.

[laughs]

Sean Armstrong: Must've hit him pretty hard, he landed head first in the swimming pool of the hotel next door.

Alex Mason, Jr.: Must've made a killer splash!

Sean Armstrong: Na, the pool was empty, it would've killed him, but his hair cushioned the fall.

Burt Wilson: Of course they couldn't scrape up all of his brain goo but he got a nice metal plate in the slammer.

Thanatos: First you defy me? Then you mock my hair? You're dead!

[pulls out a gun]

Burt Wilson: Look out!

[covers Sean, gets shot, Thanatos finds the gun empty and runs away]

Burt Wilson: Get him!

Burt Wilson: You know I'm going to need a partner here.

Sean Armstrong: Thanks but you know I haven't had a vacation since... since I met you.

Burt Wilson: Vacation? Well you know if you need me I can get out of this monkey suit at any time.

Corinne: And how far do you think you're going to get on TWO broken legs?

Corinne: [Burt's knocking on the door] Coming, I'm coming.

[Knocking continues]

Corinne: I said I'm coming!

[Swings the door open]

Burt Wilson: Mama!

Corinne: How would you like that cane up your nose?

Burt Wilson: [when Sean wants to quit] Do me one last favor.

Sean Armstrong: What's that?

Burt Wilson: Go by my house and turn off the gas in my oven.

Sean Armstrong: Why can't you turn it off?

Burt Wilson: BECAUSE MY HEAD'S GONNA BE IN IT!

Burt Wilson: [on the phone, while his stuff is being repossessed] I can't believe I'm talking to the same Sean Armstrong that I traveled all over this great country with. A man of strength and courage, who defeated every vile, vulgar opponent he ever faced. And now, this fearless giant is cowering because of two little innocent children!

Burt Wilson: Give me 20 bucks for the cabbie, quick.

Sean Armstrong: Keep the change.

Cabbie: [sarcastically] Gee! A whole quarter.

Burt Wilson: A quarter? Gimme that! This ain't Christmas!

Sean Armstrong: [playing ballerinas with Kate] Burt, lovely to see you. You look positively effervescent. May I offer you tea? Perhaps a watercress sandwich?

Burt Wilson: Knock it off! And get outta that thing!

Sean Armstrong: Oh! You mean my leotard? Ah, the ballet. It enhances grace. I'm a changed man.

[Sean picks Burt up]

Burt Wilson: Aah! Hey! Put me down, you klutz!

Sean Armstrong: I'm not a klutz anymore, Burtinsky.

[trips over rolled-up rug]

Sean Armstrong: Oh!

[crashes into potted plants]

Kate Mason: He's not as far along as I thought.

Sean Armstrong: Darn, I jet'ed when I should've pli'ed.

Burt Wilson: And I used to share a hotel room with you?

[Burt is on the phone to the police squad captain]

Burt Wilson: Listen, there's a bunch of people from the cemetery who are stark, staring, mad, and they'll kill you and eat you if they catch you. It's like a disease. It's like rabies, only faster, a lot faster. That's why you've got to come and get us out of here now... right now!

Burt Wilson: I thought you said if we destroyed the brain, it'd die!

Frank: It worked in the movie!

Burt Wilson: Well, it ain't working now, Frank!

Freddy: You mean the movie lied?

Burt Wilson: One question, Frank: this guy screaming in here... you're sure he's a dead cadaver?

Frank: Why don't you open the door and find out!

Burt Wilson: [hesitates] Uh... no, that's allright Frank, I'll take your word for that.

Burt Wilson: If that is a re-animated body, we're gonna have to kill it.

Freddy: How do you kill something that's already dead?

Burt Wilson: How do I know, Fred? Let me think!

Frank: It's not a bad question, Burt.

Burt Wilson: You did what? You opened it? You stupid moron! You idiot! What's the matter with you Frank? Haven't I already told you never to even go near those goddamn tanks?

Frank: What are we gonna do, Burt?

Burt Wilson: I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to be sued by the Darrow Chemical Company. I might even be investigated by the government. I might become very famous. I might even lose my business. I might even go to jail, goddamn it! That's what I'm going to do!

Spider: What're they doin', man?

Burt Wilson: [over the telephone to the Military Intelligence] Hang on a second, will ya?

[to Spider]

Burt Wilson: It's weird. These people seem to say they've been waiting for this to happen. Apparently, they've got some sort of contingency plan to deal with it.

Casey: That's great!

Spider: [suspiciously] What is this plan?

Burt Wilson: [as a missile heads towards Louisville] Hey, listen! You hear something?

Freddy: [cuts to Freddy breaking through the hatch to Tina and Ernie] Tinaaaaaaaaa!

Spider: Coward!

Burt Wilson: Fuck you!

Tina: Mister, they're out there and there's more of them in that warehouse on the other side of the graveyard.

Burt Wilson: Which warehouse?

Tina: The medical supply...

Burt Wilson: Oh Shit! Shit! God damn!

Ernie Kaltenbrunner: I think things are getting out of hand.

Tina: Mister, there's a hundred of those things out there.

Burt Wilson: A hundred?

Ernie Kaltenbrunner: What the hell are in those bags?

Burt Wilson: Uh... rabid weasels.

Ernie Kaltenbrunner: What? What the hell are you doing with a bunch of rabid weasels?

Burt Wilson: That's what I was trying to explain to you here, Ernie. They came in as part of a shipment. Of course, they weren't supposed to be rabid.

Burt Wilson: What about the bones Ernie?

Ernie Kaltenbrunner: Bones are no problem. Hardest thing to burn is the heart.

Burt Wilson: A heart, why?

Ernie Kaltenbrunner: 'cause it's just one big tough muscle.

Burt Wilson: Yeah, but Ernie, I mean, c'mon, we don't want the heart sticking around!

Ernie Kaltenbrunner: Then I'll turn it up hotter for the heart.

Tina: What did you do to Freddy? What's wrong with him? Ask this man.

Spider: You know, I think it's time you tell us what the fuck's going on!

Burt Wilson: I don't have to tell you anything, dick brain.

Burt Wilson: Put that gun away, Ernie! Before you shoot somebody!