Bernice Quotes in Heaven & Earth (1993)

[Bernice leads Le Ly to the kitchen]

Bernice: You hungry, Ly? Mind if I call Ly for short?

[She opens the fridge and Le Ly is surprise to see the amount of food, Bernice takes out certain food to show it to her]

Bernice: For dinner, we have steak, potatoes, beans and for dessert, strawberries. Don't worry, we'll get the kids back to normal in no time!

Bernice: I just want her to be grateful for what she has!

[Bernice discovers a hole in her dress]

Bernice: Look at it! Mummy! What am I going to do? This is Angelica's fault! Mummy! Look at it! Call her Mummy, call her at once!

Hortense: And make her put our...

Hortense, Bernice: clothes in order!

Bernice: Papa, I wish I was. I wish I was a whore. Then I could walk out of here with you. But I can't. I just can't leave him Papa. I love him!

[Frances is about to attack the homophobic customs official; Bernice, a security guard, steps in]

Bernice: Do we have a problem in here?

Frances: Bernice? Oh my god, I haven't seen you since the women's music festival!

[Bernice hustles Frances and Maggie out the door]

Bernice: The League of Gentlemen! Extraordinary!

Bernice: And a giraffe will spunk up over a load of old biddies.

Bernice: [inside the confessional] Sometimes do you touch yourself in a way that... seems forbidden?

Extra: [looks shame-faced at her feet]

Bernice: I'll take that as a yes. Now love, you might ask what harm can come from a young maiden such as yourself being drawn toward this... attractive Chevalier. To find yourself opening like a beautiful flower in the warmth of the morning sun; enjoying the simple blossoming of womanhood. Bullshit!

Extra: [looking panic-stricken and confused]

Bernice: You come in here with your fishy fingers all over my communion wafers, slinging your jelly every hour God sends! Go on - get stuffed! You should be digusted with yourself! Go play stinky pinky somewhere else!

Bernice: You know it's very difficult being a beautiful woman, men just never leave you alone.

Greg Nolan: You won't believe this, but I'm leaving you alone.

Bernice: Well, did you hear a nightingale? Did the blood dash against the distant shores of your heart?

Greg Nolan: Nope.

Bernice: What did you feel?

Greg Nolan: Nothin.

Bernice: Nothin?

Greg Nolan: N-o-t-h-i-n.

Bernice: Sick him Albert!

Bernice: What you want for dinner?

Odell: You mean, what do I *want*, or what do I want that you can *cook*?

Bernice: Well, in that case, where are you taking me?

Odell: Yeah, what do you want to have?

Bernice: You mean, what do I *want*, or what do I want that you can *afford*?

Bernice: I need your opinion on something here. These are my favorite names for the baby so far: "Amaretta," "Caramel," or "Treblinka"

Claudia: You yokel, naming your baby after a German concentration camp!

Bernice: I thought Treblinka was one of those cute little fairies from Cinderella.

Claudia: You moron!

Bernice: I hope my water breaks all over your fur coat!

Bernice: Don't worry about me having dinner, I'll just lick the crumbs off my filthy sheets!

Claudia: Well, what was I supposed to think. They looked insane.

Bernice: We're not insane. We're from New Jersey.

Fred: Yeah, the Garden State.

Bernice: [from upstairs while everyone is eating downstairs] Don't worry about me having dinner. I'll just lick the crumbs off my filthy sheets!

Bernice: [from upstairs while Jessie is trying to sneak out] Not so fast, missy! It's time to shift my butt!