Barney Satin Quotes in The Devil and Max Devlin (1981)

Max Devlin: [referring to Toby's sudden hostility] Some swell marriage we're gonna have! If he hates me, he'll be impossible to live with.

Barney Satin: You don't have to worry about that. The slightest hint to Agent Hargraves and it's all over. You gonna synchronize your watch?

Max Devlin: They all signed. I'm free! Aren't I?

Barney Satin: Yes, you are, but by midnight, they belong to me.

Max Devlin: Not until the natural end of their lives. That's what you said.

Barney Satin: Point of fact: I lied. I need them now.

Max Devlin: Oh, no! Barney, please! I couldn't have done it if I'd known that! He's a great kid. They're all great kids, but that kid, kill him and you kill her!

Barney Satin: Unfortunately, her soul does not belong to me. You win some, you lose some. But then again, you have your precious life.

Mr. Billings: The air conditioning's on the fritz and it's hotter than Hell up here!

Barney Satin: [to Max] Ha! He doesn't know how hot it is.

Max Devlin: You want me to corrupt the souls of little kids? See, I've never been much on kids... but that's not a nice thing.

Barney Satin: Neither is Level 4.

Max Devlin: Where do I sign?

[Max sees that 'Agent Hargraves' is the old blind woman who killed him after he refused to help her cross the street]

Max Devlin: That's entrapment! It's not fair!

Barney Satin: Fair? Are you forgetting where you are?

[from trailer]

Barney Satin: Want a light?

Max Devlin: Oh my God!

Barney Satin: I wish you wouldn't say that.

Max Devlin: I'm sorry!

Barney Satin: Yeah.

Max Devlin: What happens to the kids after they sign?

Barney Satin: Nothing. We don't get them until the natural ends of their lives.

Barney Satin: What about my contracts?

Max Devlin: So that's what this is all about?

Barney Satin: Yes. My associates are getting a little itchy.

Max Devlin: I don't care! I got until midnight, May 15th. That's our deal. Look, I'm... I'm telling you. I'm trying to get these people so hooked on me, they'll sign anything. That takes time. Now, if I go too fast, I'm liable to blow the whole deal!

Barney Satin: I like your style, Max. You're a devious fellow.

Barney Satin: You harboring some kind of death wish, Max?

Max Devlin: No, but you are! You're lucky you're dead, man, or so help me you would be!

Barney Satin: You're getting angry, Max.

Max Devlin: You're darn right, I am! Don't you ever, ever try a stunt like that on me again!

Barney Satin: Just trying to get your attention.

Max Devlin: Well, next time try tapping me on the shoulder.

Max Devlin: [Max runs into the living room and lights up the fire place in an attempt to burn the three signed contracts] I know you're here! Let me see your rotten, lying, deceitful face now! I'm gonna burn your contracts!

Barney Satin: [the next scene is in Hell where Barney, first in voice-over during the first three words, is now in full "devil" makeup] Burn those contracts and eternal damnation is yours! You'll know the unmitigating pain and horror of limbs being torn from their sockets! Your limbs! Your sockets! You'll feel pain you've never imagined in life! Yours, forever! Flesh, you'll smell burning! Your flesh! Rotting! Forever!

Max Devlin: You'll never get these kids! Never!

[Max throws the contracts into the fire while saying "Never" the second time]

[Barney materializes to Max in the car's passenger seat while Max is driving]

Barney Satin: Mind if I join you?

Max Devlin: What are you doing here?

Barney Satin: I've never been to the Grammys.

Max Devlin: Be my guest.

Barney Satin: Goody for me. Goody for you too. Congratulations on your engagement. When's the happy day?

Max Devlin: This Saturday, sandwiched in between the first and second motos and after that, Stella's concert at the music center.

Barney Satin: Well, it's gonna be very busy. The 15th? You're cutting it a little close, aren't you?

Max Devlin: I had no choice in the matter. It was her decision.

Barney Satin: Well, at least you'll have saved yourself.

Max Devlin: Yeah.

Barney Satin: You don't look too happy about it.

Max Devlin: Nobody said I had to enjoy it.

Barney Satin: Beats Level 4, but your hair looks nice.

Max Devlin: Thank you.

Max Devlin: Listen, a weird thing... a weird thing just happened, there's this mirror behind the cashier...

Barney Satin: You're one of us now. Inhabitants of Hell cast no reflection.

Stella Summers: [Stella is onstage, accepting her Grammy. Seconds later, Barney's onstage with her, standing right next to her] Thank you. Winning this Grammy is a great honor. And to those who are not up here with me now to share it with me, Max Devlin, my manager, Jerry Nadler, a blizzard, I have only this to say: It was a long, hard pull, man, and I got nobody to thank but myself.

[Stella and Barney walk off with the audience murmuring then applauding]

Max Devlin: [Max speaks to Jerry] My God! She's a monster!

Barney Satin: [Barney is sitting right behind and between Max and Jerry] She's fabulous, sweetheart. That's just the way we like 'em. One down, two to go.

Max Devlin: [Max is giving Nerve a few pointers as to how to win the upcoming race] It's very simple. You start. You ride like a bat out of Hell and you win.

Barney Satin: [Barney shows up behind Nerve] Have you ever seen one of our bats?

Max Devlin: Uh? Scratch that. You start... and you win.

Veronica (Devil Council): These are trivial misdemeanors.

Barney Satin: I'm aware of that. This is a new game plan, remember?