Arnau Quotes in Safety Not Guaranteed (2012)

Darius: What makes you think he won't slam the door in my face, too?

Jeff: Because you gotta be sincere and charming. Okay? He's used to assholes like me coming and making fun.

Arnau: Uh, also, probably none of the other people were beautiful girls.

Jeff: [with a sideways look] Easy, Arnau.

Arnau: What?

Jeff: He's right. Use that too. There's something off about this guy, okay? So you gotta go slow, like you're trapping a skittish animal. Now, lure him. Play coy. Girls know how to do that shit.

Darius: You're dangling my vagina out there like bait. What if this guy's a murderer? What if he cuts me up into little pieces and eats me?

Jeff: Then the story's even better.

Arnau: Stormtroopers don't know anything about lasers or time-travel. They're blue-collar workers.

[Arnau and Darius are scoping out the Post Office, waiting for the person who wrote the time-travel classified ad]

Arnau: Wait. How about this one?

Darius: Yeah, she wants to stop the person who gave her that haircut from being born.

Jeff: You never done coke or anything, when you're studying for an exam?

Arnau: Cocaine? Are you crazy?

Jeff: What is it you study?

Arnau: Biological and life sciences.

Jeff: Makes sense. So what are you doing, interning at a magazine?

Arnau: Diversity looks good on an application for grad school.

Jeff: You know what, we gotta get you laid on this vacation. That's what's gotta happen.

Darius: Vacation?

Jeff: I mean, work trip. Whatever.

Jeff: Can I get a couple of interns? Help me with some research?

Darius: I'll do it.

Arnau: Me, too, please. Me.

Jeff: All right, give me the lesbian and the Indian and I got a story!

Jeff: [after Kenneth steals some lasers] Fuckin' lasers?

Arnau: What kind of lasers?

Darius: I don't know, I'm not a freakin' storm trooper.

[Darius joins Jeff and Arnau in the motel lounge bar, where Jeff has shown Arnau how to Facebook friend an old girlfriend of Jeff's]

Jeff: Here she is. Look at you, you went all rogue. What did you get?

Darius: Got his name, where he works.

Jeff: Great.

Darius: What did you guys get?

[Jeff points to the Facebook page]

Jeff: She accepted, but, uh, no photos, so I'm not really sure.

Darius: What?

Arnau: He came here to hook up with an old high school girlfriend.

Darius: [scornful] Seriously? That's what you've been doing?

Jeff: Well, I've been doing other stuff, too, but.

[Jeff takes a sheet of photos out of his pocket, with bravado]

Jeff: Maybe this will change your attitude a little bit. That's her. When she was 18, and I used to see her naked.

Darius: So?

Jeff: So I'm coming back to try to see her naked again.

Darius: I'd be weirded out if some guy tried to track me down after 20 years.

Jeff: I'd be weirded out, too, if some guy tried to track you down.

Darius: Why?

Jeff: Who would do that?

Darius: What time would you go back to? If you could.

Arnau: I don't know. I'm fine here.

Darius: I would definitely go back. Everything cool is gone. The Aztecs. People killing themselves for each other. You wouldn't want to see the dragons and the elves, fighting each other in the magical forests? Come on!

Arnau: No.

[He puts his hand on her shoulder kindly]

Arnau: That wasn't a time.

Darius: [Rolls her eyes] Yeah. Right.

[Jeff joins Darius and Arnau in the car after a badly-managed interview with Kenneth]

Jeff: Huhh!

Darius: So what'd he say?

Jeff: Well, he's the real deal. That ad is no prank. He's not, like, retarded, but there's something wrong with this guy. Definitely didn't like my ass, I'll tell you that.

Arnau: So, so what; that's it?

Jeff: Oh, no. This just got good.

Darius: Why do you have flames on your laptop?

Arnau: It's a gaming laptop. It's really fast.