USA Today quotes:

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I don't even read the papers. I read 'USA Today' because it has color photos. -- Jimmy Fallon
In the New York Times, you're going to get completely different information than you would in the USA Today. -- Tabitha Soren
USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population. -- David Letterman
It says something about this new global economy that USA Today now reports every morning on the day's events in Asian markets. -- Lawrence Summers
I get 'USA Today,' the 'New York Times,' 'Wall Street Journal' and the 'Star-Telegram' at my doorstep. I can't do without them. -- Dan Jenkins
I worked on 'USA Today' as a topic for while. I tried to do something on hand chairs, chairs that look like hands. I really tried. But some topics are not truly universal. -- Jim Gaffigan
Productivity is grounded in the PC. Where does the computing power come from? How would you run 'USA Today' without PCs? Run a hospital without PCs? People don't want products, they want solutions. -- Michael Dell
Arnold Schwarzenegger's publicist told USA Today that the actor has not ruled out running for governor of California, saying that he will make a decision soon. Reportedly Arnold needs that time to learn how to pronounce 'gubernatorial.' -- Jimmy Fallon
The largest newspaper in the United States is only reaching 1 percent of population. We are kind of assuming that 'Wall Street Journal,' 'USA Today,' and other newspapers are very important. Yes, they're extremely important, but only to 1 percent of the population on a daily basis. -- Yuri Milner
All the airports kind of feel and look the same now. Some are more beautiful, some are less beautiful, but for the most part you're going to find a Starbucks in every airport. You're going to get your coffee and the 'USA Today' or 'New York Times' in every airport. -- Jason Reitman
If it's called the USA Today, why is all the news from yesterday? -- Stephen Colbert
According to USA Today, 74 percent of Americans plan to hand out candy this Halloween. Although President Obama thinks it should be just the top 1 percent. -- Jay Leno
Even the weather page is in a state of moral decay. What?s wrong with red, white and blue, USA Today? This rainbow weather map is just another example of the homometerological agenda. -- Stephen Colbert
USA Today reports that the number of death row executions this year has hit a 35-year low. They attribute that to DNA evidence clearing more people and the fact that Rick Perry has been on the road campaigning. -- Jay Leno
According to USA today, the average length of an attention span of a man in America is 23 minutes. -- Robert Fripp
I was on the cover of a lot of newspapers. I was on the cover of USA Today for every single day for a month. I was on the masthead, so I tend to get recognized a lot, and in weird places. It's always flattering, and it's always odd. It's always at the worst possible time. -- Augusten Burroughs
After the USA, Germany today is once more the leading steel producing country in the world. -- Adolf Hitler
Omg. My long time teammate on the Nadadores and team USA, Fran Crippen, passed away today while racing in Dubai. -- Chloe Sutton
USA TODAY hopes to serve as a forum for better understanding and unity to help make the USA truly one nation. -- Al Neuharth
There will be over 3,500 killed in USA today from abortion. No flags lowered, no presidents crying. No media hyperventilating. Normal day, -- Matt Drudge
Today osteoporosis affects more than 75 million people in the United States, Europe and Japan and causes more than 2.3 million fractures in the USA and Europe alone. -- Gro Harlem Brundtland

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