John Kerry quotes:

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John Kerry believes in an America where hard work is rewarded. -- Barack Obama
John Kerry can be absolutely ruthless. I would not want to be on his enemies list when he's ready to go after you. -- Douglas Brinkley
John Kerry wants to be the hero in his own drama. He likes King Arthur and the Round Table. He likes the young swashbuckling Churchill, and he loved the early antics of Theodore Roosevelt. -- Douglas Brinkley
John Kerry doesn't think in terms of black-and-white. He's all gray, and he looks at all sides of the issues. That makes people think he likes to be devil's advocate. Whatever you say, he'll challenge you on. -- Douglas Brinkley
But it was very hard for people to separate me out from Hillary Clinton. All their ads were Hillary Clinton, John Kerry, John Edwards, and me. They said I was more liberal than these guys, and that if I went to Washington I'd be supporting their agenda. I found that extremely difficult to overcome. -- Brad Carson
John Kerry, windsurfing dilettante -- Eleanor Clift
Oprah is so rich, I saw John Kerry proposing to her. -- Chris Rock
John Kerry, who says he doesn't like outsourcing, wants to outsource our national security. -- Zell Miller
John Kerry was always in front of the camera but not out doing the hard work. -- Mitt Romney
Why couldn't Obama have picked somebody respectable as his running mate, you know, like John Kerry did? -- Ann Coulter
When John Kerry and Zell Miller and George Bush can agree on an issue, you know it's got legs. -- Phil Bredesen
You can't get much more liberal than John Kerry is. I mean, he's my candidate, but, I mean, come on. -- Don Imus
If John Kerry had a dollar for every time he bragged about serving in Vietnam - oh wait, he does. -- Ann Coulter
Ted Kennedy is endorsing John Kerry and I'm wondering, do you really want the endorsement of a guy with a Bloody Mary mustache? -- David Letterman
I think we need people with stronger ideals than John Kerry or Bill Clinton. I think we need people with more courage and vision. -- Octavia E. Butler
John Kerry didn't out me, nor did he offend or attack me by calling me a lesbian. I certainly couldn't be offended by the truth. -- Mary Cheney
John Kerry only went to prep schools because he had an aunt who had the money to pay for his way into those prep schools. -- Douglas Brinkley
Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton. -- David Letterman
My position is not that John Kerry is either Jesus Christ or the prophet Mohammad. My position is that John Kerry is the possibility of restarting politics. -- Todd Gitlin
President George W. Bush won reelection in 2004 largely because he was seen as comfortable in his own skin, while rival John Kerry was viewed as a flip-flopping opportunist. -- Ron Fournier
I like John Kerry. I think he's intellectually curious and very thoughtful. I think he's deeply committed on issues like the environment. I think he's an internationalist, which I am. -- Howard Dean
A Newsweek poll said if the election were held today, John Kerry would beat Bush 49 percent to 46 percent. And today, President Bush called Newsweek magazine a threat to world peace. -- Jay Leno
You've got people who didn't serve with John Kerry saying they did serve with John Kerry in the boat. With George Bush, we can't find anybody who did serve with him. -- Mark Shields
Maybe John Kerry does not know - but I am happy to explain it to him - that my commitment to withdraw the troops goes back before the tragic, dramatic terrorist attack. -- Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero
A Ted Kennedy, John Kerry, John Edwards, Howard Dean, George Soros, or Al Gore looks - no, acts - like he either came out of a hairstylist's salon or got off a Gulfstream. -- Victor Davis Hanson
President Bush says now he is sticking to his plan for handing over power to the Iraqis on June 30. It's also part of his plan to hand over power to John Kerry on January 20. -- David Letterman
Political experts are saying the reason John Kerry is doing so well is because he's 'electable.' Hey, so was Al Gore - in fact, he even got elected and it didn't help him at all. -- Jay Leno
My kids just brought home a beautiful pumpkin, but you know what? I'm going to return it because it's a Democratic pumpkin. It has the orange color of John Kerry's tan, and the roundness of Teddy Kennedy. -- Arnold Schwarzenegger
John Kerry has apologized for saying those who do not study hard and do their homework will get stuck in Iraq. Now, those that do not campaign well and are boring, will end up stuck in the Senate. -- Jay Leno
I don't think that John Kerry is the Messiah or the Democratic Party is the answer, but I don't like the evangelical community blessing the Republican Party as some kind of God-ordained instrument for solving the world's problems. -- Tony Campolo
I think there's a green side to John Kerry, if you like, that he's an environmental activist. His record on the environment is as best as you have on a pro-environment record of anybody in the U.S. Senate. -- Douglas Brinkley
Kerry is saying that Bush never showed up for his national guard duty ... and now Bush is on the attack. He's accusing John Kerry of ducking time in the national guard by hiding out in the jungles of Vietnam. -- Jay Leno
I think the country is very settled in a lot of ways, and we saw that after the Democratic Convention. I think a lot of the bump that we enjoyed came when John Kerry selected John Edwards as his running mate. -- Harold Ford, Jr.
On a day when Osama bin Laden again threatened the United States and our allies, it is disturbing to realize that John Kerry neither recognizes nor understands the murderous ideology of our enemies and the threat they pose to our nation. -- Marc Racicot
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He spent more time on the road to Damascus than a Syrian camel driver. And we thought nobody could fill John Kerry's flip-flops! ... [Romney's record was] "anything but conservative until he changed all the light bulbs in his chandelier in time to run for President." -- Mike Huckabee
With 'swift-boating' now being used by the ignorant as a synonym for false charges, it's worth remembering that it was John Kerry who had to retract his statement about his secret Christmas mission to Cambodia, despite it having allegedly been 'seared, seared' into his memory. -- Glenn Reynolds
If there was one fact that sent me hurtling off to write 'Politics Lost,' it was when I learned that John Kerry had focus-grouped Abu Ghraib. We knew about the Justice Department memo in June of 2004, and Kerry didn't raise that in any one of his three debates with George Bush. -- Joe Klein
Have you folks been following the controversy with John Kerry and his service in Vietnam and the Swift Boat campaign? It all took place in Vietnam and now it just won't go away. I was thinking about this - if John Kerry had just ducked the war like everybody else he wouldn't have this trouble. -- David Letterman
John Kerry made a joke about Bush being a moron, and now Bush wants morons to think it was a joke was about the troops. ... Now, John Kerry has apologized. He said he made a botched joke and admitted that he has a joking problem. He has checked into an improv group and revealed that as a child, he was molested by a clown. -- Bill Maher
In 2004, I joined my father, John Kerry, on the trail in his bid for the United States presidency. -- Alexandra Kerry
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You'd think experienced political professionals would know better than to place their trust in exit polls, notoriously inaccurate surveys that had John Kerry winning the 2004 election by five points when he actually lost by three. -- John Podhoretz
If we do the work that we can do in this country, the work that we will do when John Kerry is President, people like Christopher Reeve will get up out of that wheelchair and walk again. -- John Edwards
I'm John Kerry, and I'm reporting for duty, -- John F. Kerry
John Kerry's biography was central to his campaign. -- Mark Shields
John Kerry couldn't even order a Philly cheesesteak properly. -- Rich Lowry
John Kerry is a sphincter. Okay, that's a bit juvenile. -- Jonah Goldberg
John Kerry's service did not end in Vietnam. It began there. -- Max Cleland
Lot of people wondering if John Kerry supports gay marriages. Here's a hint ... he gets $1,000 haircuts. -- Craig Kilborn
Everybody who served in John Kerry's boat under his command, save one, has stood with him. -- Mark Shields
Bush said the unemployment situation is turning around. Last week alone, 5,000 people started working for John Kerry. -- Craig Kilborn
...one is reminded that [John Kerry, D-MA] really just a better-looking Ted Kennedy, a richer Michael Dukakis. -- Laura Ingraham
I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal. -- David Letterman
Senator Kerry says he sees two Americas. It makes the whole thing mutual - America sees two John Kerrys. -- Dick Cheney
John Kerry was officially endorsed by Dick Gephardt, and Kerry said, 'What did I ever do to you?' -- Craig Kilborn
When John Kerry and Zell Miller and George Bush can agree on an issue, you know its got legs. -- Phil Bredesen
President Bush listed his income as $822,000. You know what John Kerry calls someone who earns $822,000? Not even worth dating. -- Jay Leno
George Bush says what John Kerry did was noble. Yet he sees him being savaged by his own supporters. -- Mark Shields
John Kerry met with Ralph Nader last week. Both sides of every issue were discussed. And then, Nader spoke. -- Jay Leno
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John Kerry will undergo surgery to repair his right shoulder. He originally hurt it when he suddenly switched positions on Iraq. -- Craig Kilborn
I think Hillary Clinton's a very clever politician but she would be too easy to stereotype the way John Kerry was. -- Maureen Dowd
John Kerry accused President Bush of catering to the rich. You know, as opposed to John Kerry who just marries them. -- Jay Leno
John Kerry spent the day reading to preschoolers ... and the kids said Kerry actually lacked warmth and failed to articulate a clear message. -- David Letterman
Personally, I'd rather have pins stuck in my eyes than endure a conversation with John Kerry, but I'd love to hang with Bush. -- Andrew Sullivan
John Kerry says the 'W' in George W. Bush stands for 'Wrong.' But he still can't explain what John Kerry stands for. -- David Letterman
John Kerry will be the Democratic nominee for president. Democrats finally found someone who is Al Gore without the flash and the sizzle. -- Craig Kilborn
Courtney Love said she once escorted Kerry to a concert. John Kerry once went out with Courtney Love and he's questioning Bush's judgment. -- Jay Leno
Please explain to me why John Kerry sounds more dickish telling the truth than Bush sounds when he's lying. How is that possible? -- Jon Stewart
John Kerry knows more about more subjects than an awful lot of people. But I think it's a very hard job [Secretary of State]. -- Madeleine Albright
John Kerry announced his plan for how to handle those poor naked prisoners. His wife is going to buy them all a $1,000 Armani suit. -- Craig Kilborn
There was an embarrassing moment at a recent Democratic fundraiser. When John Kerry was handed a $10 million dollar check, he said, 'I do.' -- Craig Kilborn
Donald Trump agreed with Hillary Clinton supporting John Kerry. He agreed with Hillary Clinton on being - quote - "neutral" between Israel and the Palestinians. -- Ted Cruz
Pictures can be devastating. Who allowed John Kerry to get himself photographed windsurfing in a flowered swimsuit? Anyone in the real world in that operation? -- Jack Germond
Does John Kerry have to give them [Iran] every little thing? You'll pass some sanctions for human rights and missiles, and I'll grudgingly sign on. -- Hillary Clinton
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John Kerry gave the enemy for free what I and many of my comrades in North Vietnam in the prison camps took torture to avoid saying. -- Paul Galanti
President Bush said John Kerry is on both sides of every issue. And Kerry replied, 'No, I'm not ... but there is some truth to that.' -- Craig Kilborn
John Kerry's campaign attacks on gas prices ignore the reality of Kerry's long record of supporting higher gas prices and blocking the president's comprehensive energy plan. -- Steve Schmidt
One critic in the L.A. Times said John Kerry looks like he is thinking too much. Well this is one place President Bush has him beat. -- Jay Leno
According to the recent polls, Bush has a slight lead over John Kerry. So today, Bush hung a banner over the White House saying, 'Mission Accomplished.' -- David Letterman
John Kerry and Ralph Nader met face-to-face, it was a historic meeting. Astronomers said today their meeting actually created what is called a 'charisma black hole.' -- Jay Leno
John Kerry speaks French fluently. Democrats are saying he's one in a million. A war hero who speaks French, isn't it more like one in a trillion? -- Jay Leno
[Senators John Kerry & John Edwards] have risen high in Democratic polls with a brand of class resentment and soak-the-rich rhetoric rooted in the old-fashioned liberalism of Ted Kennedy. -- William Safire
John Kerry described his Republican critics as 'the most crooked, lying group I've ever seen.' Now, that's saying something, because Kerry's both a lawyer and a politician. -- Jay Leno
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I suppose in John Kerry's world good diplomacy lets the boys in the bar finish raping the girl for fear of causing a fuss. Okay, that was unfair. -- Jonah Goldberg
John Kerry says that foreign leaders want him to be president, but that he can't name the foreign leaders. That's all right, President Bush can't name them either. -- David Letterman
Today, John Kerry announced a fool-proof plan to wipe out the $500B deficit. John Kerry has a plan, he's going to put it on his wife's Gold Card. -- Craig Kilborn
Senator John Kerry released his plan today to eliminate the deficit. He said all we have to do is find a really rich country like Switzerland and marry it. -- Jay Leno
[John Kerry] actually stole my line because when I became Secretary of State, I said, 'I hope my heels will fill Warren Christopher's shoes.' So he reversed that. -- Madeleine Albright
This is so weird. I saw the new John Kerry campaign commercial and he says, 'I'm John Kerry and I approve of this message - if I have one.' -- Craig Kilborn
By 1973, John Kerry had already accused American soldiers of committing war crimes in Vietnam, thrown someone else's medals to the ground in an anti-war demonstration, and married his first heiress. -- Ann Coulter
The big winner last night in New Hampshire - Senator John Kerry. He won 39 percent of the vote, which is pretty good, and begs the question, why the long face? -- Jay Leno
John Kerry had surgery on his right shoulder this week to repair some damage. It was pretty bad, he had no feeling. It was almost like he was a Republican. -- David Letterman
For more than 20 years, on every one of the great issues of freedom and security, John Kerry has been more wrong, more weak and more wobbly than any other national figure. -- Zell Miller
I think Putin has already gotten used to the idea of Obama and his secretary of state, John Kerry, making noise - it just doesn't seem to impress Moscow at all. -- Newt Gingrich
An Internet rumor claims that John Kerry had an affair with a young woman. When asked if this was similar to the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal, a spokesman said 'Close, but no cigar.' -- Jimmy Fallon
It really kind of looks like now that John Kerry is on his way to the presidential nomination. The only thing that can sink John Kerry now is an Al Gore endorsement. -- Jay Leno
They say John Kerry is the first Democratic presidential candidate in history to raise $50 million in a three-month period. Actually, that's nothing. He once raised $500 million with two words: 'I do.' -- Jay Leno
John Kerry said today that he wants to get rid of tax cuts for the rich and his wife said, 'Hey, shut up! What's the matter with you?! Are you nuts?!' -- Jay Leno
In his speech last night, John Kerry said this was the beginning of the end of the Bush administration. I agree. Sure, it may take another five years, but this is it. -- Jay Leno
I told John Kerry and General Allen, the Americansâ?? expert, â??We live here, I live here, I know what we need to ensure the security of Israelâ??s people.â?? -- Benjamin Netanyahu
The Secret Service has announced it is doubling its protection for John Kerry. You can understand why - with two positions on every issue, he has twice as many people mad at him. -- Jay Leno
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First of all I like John Kerry. I think he's intellectually curious and very thoughtful. I think he's deeply committed on issues like the environment. I think he's an internationalist, which I am -- Howard Dean
John Kerry told Tom Ridge he was too busy to receive a Homeland Security briefing. I thought that was odd, since you're not supposed to ignore terrorist threats until after you become president. -- David Letterman
John Kerry announced that he and his wife are leaving on a week-long vacation. He's going to take her back to the place where he first proposed to her - at her bank. -- Jay Leno
Don't hold me to anything in the book. I'm a waffler. I like wafflers. They said John Kerry was a waffler, but I admired him for that - showed he could change his mind. -- Jonathan Ames
According to a new study, Botox injections can help back pain. So you see, that's why John Kerry had all that Botox - his back was killing him from all that flip-flopping on issues. -- Jay Leno
The Boston Globe is reporting that Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry used to date actress Morgan Fairchild but it didn't work out. Apparently she couldn't handle dating someone with bigger hair then she had. -- Jay Leno
There are now reports that President Obama will name Massachusetts Senator John Kerry to be the next secretary of defense. Apparently this is part of America's new defense strategy to bore our enemies to death. -- Jay Leno
How about this John Kerry controversy? So he's out there in California, tells some kind of joke and it backfires. He's saying he botched the joke. ... This guy can lose elections he's not even in. -- David Letterman
You see the pictures in the paper today of John Kerry windsurfing? He's at his home in Nantucket this week, doing his favorite thing, windsurfing. Even his hobby depends on which way the wind blows. -- Jay Leno
Democratic candidate John Kerry on Tuesday chose fellow Senator John Edwards to be his running mate. Asked about Edwards' lack of foreign policy experience, Kerry revealed his new campaign slogan, 'I Promise Not to Die.' -- Dennis Miller
John Kerry said today he wants to debate President Bush once a month. Hey good luck, if Bush couldn't make it to the National Guard once a month, he's not going to show up for this. -- Jay Leno
John Kerry went hunting today. He said he killed a goose. He didn't bring Teresa along because he was a little rusty and he was afraid he might kill the goose that laid the golden egg. -- Jay Leno
John Kerry had a very vivid imagination as a young person. I mean, he actually did go and take his bicycle from Norway to go camp in Sherwood Forest to be around the ghost of Robin Hood. -- Douglas Brinkley
Over the weekend, John Kerry - the big John Kerry juggernaut moves on - he won primaries in Washington D.C., Nevada and, I think, Canada. And he's so confident that he's started nailing that intern again. -- David Letterman

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