Tom Mastro Quotes in A Poor Kid's Guide to Success (2007)

Tom Mastro: I'm from the Harbor, out of shape and old. It's just a part of life. I didn't go through the college process. You left. I stayed. That's it!

Michael Maerd: I've lived in a fucking car with my mother and my sister. Now I work in a talent agency. Fuck process!

Tom Mastro: Why me?

Michael Maerd: You're talented and I need your help. You directed every Harbor kid's life in high school. You made being poor tolerable. Hollywood's just like the Harbor, baby. It's there for the taking.

Tom Mastro: Fuck humping water! I'm through with this bullshit! I got a plan: I'll show up to work... lay groundwork to be disgruntled... get fired, collect unemployment, go to film school on their dime, steal a camera and direct L.H.R.O. It's that simple!

Lit: It's not like I don't believe in you. Maerd left and went to college. You and me didn't graduate high school. You're dreaming.

Tom Mastro: Yeah. I hope so.

Alan Splicer: Now, Tommy, this is directly from the employee handbook and I want to make sure I correctly follow policy. I'm going to ask you a question, think real hard before you answer it. If I send you out on route today, can you successfully perform your duties?

Tom Mastro: Absolutely not!

Alan Splicer: You're fired.

Tom Mastro: I don't care what they say. I'm here to help you make this fucking movie. It's our lives, man.

Michael Maerd: Wouldn't want it any other way.

Tom Mastro: And then you know what comes next...

Michael Maerd: No, what?

Tom Mastro: The biggest dick sandwich of all time! The shit burger! So listen, seriously, I'm down! Cause you and I are gonna change the world!

Michael Maerd: Called my mom and let her know she better plan on moving out of that shit hole - and to get ready for the San Diego sun. No more fucking rest home. I said 30 it was gonna happen. I over shot that shit by 3 years! Get my sister's house paid off - send my nephews to college and I'm done. Life is straight after that.

Tom Mastro: This is the shit burger, man. You know how many people need to get it? I'm gonna set everything in my life straight with this fucking movie! The dream.

Michael Maerd: The dream!

Nicole: You should let Antonio direct it. He's going to be famous soon.

Tom Mastro: I saw his short. He and it fucking sucks!

Nicole: Oh yeah, like you would know after a few weeks of a shitty no name film school. Try graduating high school first. All you are is a thief.

Tom Mastro: Sorry, my daddy didn't put me through a four year school. And after watching that piece of shit short... he didn't look like he was paying attention to dick anyway.

Nicole: I'm leaving. Have fun doing your stupid movie together.

Nicole: So much for film school.

Tom Mastro: Well, I'm about to make your boyfriend's movie.

Nicole: You scratch my kitchen table?

Tom Mastro: Sorry, I left the camera there accidentally.

Nicole: That's not the point. You stay here for free, eat here for...

Tom Mastro: I'm just trying to get on my feet.

Jeremy Bradly: Peter asked me to get into it. So I did. I read it. It's good. Poignant. But It's a non starter. CTA can't help you...

Michael Maerd: Why? You don't think we can make this film?

Jeremy Bradly: You both hurt the project. It's not an attractive package for talent or financiers.

Tom Mastro: I can shoot this movie. I'm going to shoot this movie!

Jeremy Bradly: I can appreciate that but who are you? What have you done?

Tom Mastro: I lived it!

Michael Maerd: It was either this or the warehouse assembly line. For real. For real! Damn!

Tom Mastro: They've never heard or seen some of the stuff you write. Tone it down? Beginners screen writing book? You both hurt the project? Not an attractive package?... Non-understanding, fake dream killing motherfuckers.

Tom Mastro: Motherfuckers in Jersey are going to 10-year reunions - and we're living 10-year dreams. We can't forget that.

Michael Maerd: FUCK that! I'm full blast now. I'll be the "when the smoke clears" motherfucker. I'll write a second if I have to.

Tom Mastro: Write that "Secret of My Success" Michael J. Fox shit.

Michael Maerd: Was this dream real or were we just two selfish piece of shit kids from Laurence Harbor lying to ourselves?

Tom Mastro: No way. You're the reason I'm out here, man. The script changed my life.

Michael Maerd: Every plan here got fucked. I'm lost. I'm fucking wasted... Yeah, I'm wasted... I'm useless. I really am. I'm no where near positive right now... I'm poison!