Michael Maerd Quotes in A Poor Kid's Guide to Success (2007)

Justin Wynn: Where you from?

Michael Maerd: Jersey. You?

Justin Wynn: D.C. My cousin is a client here. I'll get on a desk fast. It'll only take a year for me to be an agent.

Michael Maerd: What about the rest of us?

Justin Wynn: If they like you and you don't fuck up on a board member's desk - three or four years.

Elizabeth Maerd: What are you going to write your movie about?

Michael Maerd: Us, mom.

Tom Mastro: I'm from the Harbor, out of shape and old. It's just a part of life. I didn't go through the college process. You left. I stayed. That's it!

Michael Maerd: I've lived in a fucking car with my mother and my sister. Now I work in a talent agency. Fuck process!

Tom Mastro: Why me?

Michael Maerd: You're talented and I need your help. You directed every Harbor kid's life in high school. You made being poor tolerable. Hollywood's just like the Harbor, baby. It's there for the taking.

Michael Maerd: Who's the best in the story department?

Justin Wynn: Every board member requests one person: Charles Sinclair. Why?

Michael Maerd: I need you to slip L.H.R.O. to Sinclair under your boss' desk for coverage.

Justin Wynn: I can't do that. They can't know you work here. I'll get fired.

Michael Maerd: You said it was golden. Is it golden?

Justin Wynn: Yes.

Michael Maerd: Don't put my name on it then. Let it ride. Fuck it!

Tom Mastro: I don't care what they say. I'm here to help you make this fucking movie. It's our lives, man.

Michael Maerd: Wouldn't want it any other way.

Tom Mastro: And then you know what comes next...

Michael Maerd: No, what?

Tom Mastro: The biggest dick sandwich of all time! The shit burger! So listen, seriously, I'm down! Cause you and I are gonna change the world!

Nicole: In the grand scheme of Hollywood, you're nobody really.

Michael Maerd: Why would you say that?

Nicole: Because you need to come back down to Earth... that's all.

Michael Maerd: I'm never gonna be a fucking agent! Read this... We're going to make a movie!

Michael Maerd: Called my mom and let her know she better plan on moving out of that shit hole - and to get ready for the San Diego sun. No more fucking rest home. I said 30 it was gonna happen. I over shot that shit by 3 years! Get my sister's house paid off - send my nephews to college and I'm done. Life is straight after that.

Tom Mastro: This is the shit burger, man. You know how many people need to get it? I'm gonna set everything in my life straight with this fucking movie! The dream.

Michael Maerd: The dream!

Michael Maerd: Why can't you do anything?

Justin Wynn: Hey, by the way, the guy who poured you coffee and grabbed those phones wrote "L.H.R.O.", sign him. That shit doesn't work like that here!

Jeremy Bradly: Peter asked me to get into it. So I did. I read it. It's good. Poignant. But It's a non starter. CTA can't help you...

Michael Maerd: Why? You don't think we can make this film?

Jeremy Bradly: You both hurt the project. It's not an attractive package for talent or financiers.

Tom Mastro: I can shoot this movie. I'm going to shoot this movie!

Jeremy Bradly: I can appreciate that but who are you? What have you done?

Tom Mastro: I lived it!

Michael Maerd: It was either this or the warehouse assembly line. For real. For real! Damn!

Tom Mastro: They've never heard or seen some of the stuff you write. Tone it down? Beginners screen writing book? You both hurt the project? Not an attractive package?... Non-understanding, fake dream killing motherfuckers.

Michael Maerd: FUCK that! I'm full blast now. I'll be the "when the smoke clears" motherfucker. I'll write a second if I have to.

Tom Mastro: Write that "Secret of My Success" Michael J. Fox shit.

Elizabeth Maerd: Michael, the story about me isn't that good is it?

Michael Maerd: Not really, mom.

Elizabeth Maerd: I'm sorry for that.

Michael Maerd: It really doesn't matter anymore. It's all fixed now. Nothing is bad anymore.

Michael Maerd: Was this dream real or were we just two selfish piece of shit kids from Laurence Harbor lying to ourselves?

Tom Mastro: No way. You're the reason I'm out here, man. The script changed my life.

Michael Maerd: Every plan here got fucked. I'm lost. I'm fucking wasted... Yeah, I'm wasted... I'm useless. I really am. I'm no where near positive right now... I'm poison!

Nicole: Your sister called me. Told me you were going back. Said that you took supervisor job back at the warehouse. It'll be better this time. You'll see. Funny how I'm staying and you're leaving.

Michael Maerd: Yeah. Funny.

Nicole: You ordered? What did you get me?

Michael Maerd: A "burger".

Nicole: Thank you.

Peter Turner: You know you're wasting your time on my desk if you want to be an agent?

Michael Maerd: I know.

Peter Turner: Then what do you want to do?

Michael Maerd: I don't know yet.

Peter Turner: What have you ever done?

Michael Maerd: Got out of Jersey. Graduated college.

Peter Turner: You should seriously reconsider this position.

Peter Turner: You sound like my girlfriend.

Peter Turner: She sounds smart.

Nicole: Can you sign this?

Michael Maerd: What is it?

Nicole: A contract... And my dad already signed it as a witness. It says that we'll only live in LA for 3 years or until I'm done with law school...

Michael Maerd: But it's already been a year. I just started on my first desk.

Nicole: Two years then. I figure it will be up on your 28th birthday... and then we'll move back to Florida so we can live near my family.

Michael Maerd: But what if something happens for me here?

Nicole: What? When? All you do is work as an assistant and read old movie scripts.

Michael Maerd: You know where I'm from. I've come this far. I'm here for a reason!

Justin Wynn: I didn't know you could write.

Michael Maerd: I can't.

Justin Wynn: This is some of the best writing I've ever read. I've never seen anything like it.