The Conductor Quotes in The Polar Express (2004)

The Conductor: Seeing is believing, but sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can't see.

The Conductor: The thing about trains... it doesn't matter where they're going. What matters is deciding to get on.

The Conductor: Well, ya comin'?

The Boy: Where?

The Conductor: To the North Pole, of course! This is the Polar Express!

The Conductor: ...It's five minutes to midnight.

Know-It-All: Hey, what gives? It was five minutes to midnight four minutes ago!

The Conductor: Exactly!

The Boy: Is everything all right? What do we do?

The Conductor: Well, considering that we have lost communication with the engineer, and are standing totally exposed on the front of the locomotive, and the train seems to be accelerating, uncontrollably, not to mention that we are headed to Glacier Gulch, which just happens to be the steepest downhill grade in the world, I suggest we all hold on... TIGHTLY!

[the train plunges down the VERY steep downhill tracks and accelerates rapidly]

The Conductor: Caribou Crossing?

Engineer: I make this herd to be at least a 100,000, maybe even a million. It's going to be hours before they clear this track!

Fireman: A tough nut to crack!

The Conductor: Boy, we are in some serious jelly!

Engineer: And jam!

Fireman: Tight spot!

Engineer: Up a creek!

Fireman: Up a tree!

Engineer: In the grass!

Fireman: I'll tell you what's grass...

The Conductor: [singing] Here we only got one rule / Never, ever let it cool / Keep it cooking in the pot / Soon we got hot chocolate!

The Conductor: What in the name of Mike?

[repeated line]

The Conductor: That's more like it.

The Conductor: All aboard!

Hero Girl: [seeing the word that the conductor has punched in her ticket] It says "lead", like a lead balloon.

The Conductor: I believe that also spells "lead", as in leading others.

[salutes the child solemnly]

The Conductor: Follow you anywhere, ma'am.

[after he pulling the Emergency Brake, Lonely Boy gets on the train, Hero Girl shook her head to him and Mr. Conductor opens the door]

The Conductor: Who in the blazes applied that Emergency Brake?

Know-It-All: [gets up, points to him] He did!

The Conductor: You!

[He comes to the Hero Boy]

The Conductor: In case you didn't know, that cord is for emergency purposes only!

[He comes to the window, train whistle blows and closes the window]

The Conductor: And in case you weren't aware, tonight is Christmas Eve and in case you hadn't noticed: This train is on a very tight schedule now, young man! Christmas may not be important to some people. But, it is very important to the rest of US!

The Boy: But, but...

Hero Girl: He was just trying to stop the train, so that kid could get on!

[Conductor sees that Lonely Boy sitting alone in the next carriage]

The Conductor: I see.

[to Hero Boy]

The Conductor: Young man, is that what happened?

[He nods]

The Conductor: Well... Let me remind you: we are on a very tight schedule.

[he checks his watch]

The Conductor: And I've never been late before and I am certainly not going to be late tonight! Now, everybody, take your seats! Please!

[Everyone sits down]

The Conductor: Thank you.

Richard: [Richard, playing a violin solo, begins to ad-lib his own composition. The conductor angrily taps on Richard's music stand] What?

The Conductor: [Sarcastically] This evening we are playing Scheherazade. Would you care to join us?

Richard: Oh.