Professor Screweyes Quotes in We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story (1993)

Professor Screweyes: Brother! Brother, wait! When I am all alone... when I have no one to scare, I get very frightened myself.

Professor Screweyes: Hey Stubbs! Where do you think you're goin'? Get back here!

Stubbs the Clown: Oh, I forgot to tell ya... I QUIT! I quit! Ha! I resign! Are you gettin' this completely in your ear? I am PROFOUNDLY outta here! And this ain't about money. I ain't even complaining about my dry cleaning bill. But hang around with elephants all day and try to keep YOUR clothes clean!

[audience laughs]

Stubbs the Clown: But that's not the point. The point is, I quit. Quittski! Over-and-outski! That's all she wrote! KEEP MY LAST CHECK, BUDDY!

[hands each item to Screweyes as he mentions it]

Stubbs the Clown: Here's my shoes, my nose, my horn, my buzzer, my fake arm, my bug-eye glasses, my backstage passes, my hat, my rabbit, HIS backstage passes, my fake fangs, a few birds, my pogo stick, my donkey ears, my extending tounge gag, my rubber chicken; Ya can't even get these anymore; my lucky whale tooth, and a giant clam that opens to reveal the American flag held by a mermaid and her normal brother, Richard!

[audience laughing]

Stubbs the Clown: SO LONG! Oh, and by the way, in case you're wondering why I'm talking and they're laughing, let me explain it to ya...

Stubbs the Clown: [Screams] THAT'S! COMEDY!

[Louie and Cecilia are about to sign Prof. Screweyes' contract]

Cecilia: Louie, I'm scared.

Professor Screweyes: You are? Good.

Professor Screweyes: [describing his Fright Radio] It picks up what people are scared to death of. You see, I find out what they're frightened of on this radio and that's what I try to give them with my circus. It's a public service, but this is the station that comes in the loudest of all.

[Prof. Screweyes has just shown off his Fright Radio to the kids and the dinosaurs]

Professor Screweyes: You see what they're most afraid of?

Woog: No.

Professor Screweyes: Monsters!

Rex: Monsters?

Professor Screweyes: You!

Rex: Us?

Dweeb: Us?

Professor Screweyes: [holding out a jar of glowing pills] With a little help, yes.

Cecilia: What's that?

Professor Screweyes: It's Brain Drain, the remedy to my brother's goody-two-shoes breakfast cereal. It'll take you back. It'll make you monsters.

Woog: But we don't want to be monsters.

Rex: We're not taking anything. You can forget it.

Professor Screweyes: All right, you're free. You can go. I can't stop you. But the kids... are mine.