Pete Seltzer Quotes in Pete 'n' Tillie (1972)

Pete Seltzer: What were you saying about the gardener?

Tillie Seltzer: We're going to have to let him go.

Pete Seltzer: [incredulously] Let him go? What are you talking about? He's got six kids.

Tillie Seltzer: Apparently, those are the only seeds he can plant.

Gertrude: You have one Jewish grandmother. You're three-fourths Lutheran. Why do you keep insisting that you're Jewish?

Pete Seltzer: Because I'm a social climber.

Pete Seltzer: [Trying to make small talk, upon first meeting Tillie] Where were you born?

Tillie Shlain: I hail from San Jose.

Pete Seltzer: I have to be honest with you. That isn't much of a "hail". Next time you're asked, say, oooh, I don't know... Indianapolis.

Pete Seltzer: [while on their first date, at a Greek restaurant] You see that tiny man in the aisle there? That's Mr. Grougaris. He owns the joint. You notice anything strange about him?

Tillie Shlain: [Turning around and looking at him] Just that he's obviously wearing elevator shoes. Is that it?

Pete Seltzer: Exactly. And it gives me an opportunity to say to my dates, "Beware of Greeks wearing lifts".

Tillie Shlain: I *hope* you won't say that to me.

Pete Seltzer: [sheepishly] I won't.