Otto Quotes in The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014)

M. Gustave: Excuse me. Have you seen a pastry girl with a package under her arm in the last minute and a half?

Otto: Yep. She just got on the elevator with Mr. Desgoffe und Taxis.

M. Gustave: Thank you.

Zero: I'm sorry, who are you?

Otto: Otto, sir. The new lobby boy?

Zero: Well, you haven't been trained properly, Otto. A lobby boy never provides information of that kind. You're a stone wall. Understood?

Otto: [Speaking to Alexandria] You know what I do when something frightens me? I say the magic words: Googly, googly, googly. Begone.

Sheriff of Nottingham: Well, greetings from your friendly neighborhood tax collector.

Otto: Oh, take it easy on me, Sheriff. What with this busted leg and all, I'm way behind on my work, Sheriff.

Sheriff of Nottingham: I know, Otto, but you're way behind on your taxes too.

Friar Tuck: Oh, have a heart, Sheriff. Can't you see he's laid up?

Nan: You're an evil twin.

Otto: I know. Haha!

Otto: Do you even know what it's like having to lick your own bum just to fit in?

Harry Hill: Erm... Once...

Nan: [Looking shocked]

Harry Hill: Once...

Otto: You must keep these guns coming, we have many bad guys to stop.

Happy Gilmore: This is a biggie, time's ticking. I gotta make some money. What do you think? Slightly downhill?

Otto: And slanting left.

Happy Gilmore: No, it only seems that way because you have only one shoe on.

Otto: You pompous, stuck-up, snot-nosed, English, giant, twerp, scumbag, fuck-face, dickhead, asshole.

Archie: How very interesting. You're a true vulgarian, aren't you?

Otto: You are the vulgarian, you fuck.

[repeated line]

Otto: Asshole!

Otto: Don't call me stupid.

Wendy: Why on earth not?

Otto: Oh, you English are *so* superior, aren't you? Well, would you like to know what you'd be without us, the good ol' U.S. of A. to protect you? I'll tell you. The smallest fucking province in the Russian Empire, that's what! So don't call me stupid, lady. Just thank me.

Wendy: Well, *thank* you for popping in and protecting us.

Otto: If it wasn't for us, you'd all be speaking *German!* Singing "Deutschland, Deutschland über alles..."

Otto: I'm, uh, Harvey. Manfred... jen... sen... den.

Otto: You know your problem? You don't like winners.

Archie: Winners?

Otto: Yeah. Winners.

Archie: Winners, like North Vietnam?

Otto: Shut up. We didn't lose Vietnam. It was a tie!

Archie: [going into a cowboy-like drawl] I'm tellin' ya baby, they kicked your little ass there. Boy, they whooped yer hide REAL GOOD.

[Otto dangles Archie out a window]

Archie: All right, all right, I apologise.

Otto: You're really sorry.

Archie: I'm really really sorry, I apologise unreservedly.

Otto: You take it back.

Archie: I do, I offer a complete and utter retraction. The imputation was totally without basis in fact, and was in no way fair comment, and was motivated purely by malice, and I deeply regret any distress that my comments may have caused you, or your family, and I hereby undertake not to repeat any such slander at any time in the future.

Otto: OK.

Otto: [practicing his apology] Oh, I'm so very, very, very ssssssssssss... FUCK YOU!

Otto: You're a very attractive man, Ken. You're... smart, you've got wonderful bones, great eyes, and you dress really interestingly.

Ken: What you...?

Otto: We could have a lot of fun together, you and I. And I think we'd be really good for each other. What do you say?

Ken: You must be j-j-j...

Otto: May I kiss you, Ken?

[tries to kiss him]

Ken: No, you fucking can't!

[runs away]

[repeated line]

Otto: Don't call me stupid!

Airline Employee: Aisle or window, smoking or non?

Otto: What was the part in the middle?

Wanda: What about my tits?

Otto: Does he get to handle them?

Wanda: Yes, he does. That's my forecast and I'll stand by it.

Otto: Would this also involve... nuzzling?

Wanda: Yes, I think three million dollars is worth a bit of nuzzling. Fifty percent chance of that.

Otto: Sucking?

Wanda: I thought you weren't jealous?

Otto: I'm not. I don't believe in jealousy, it's for the weak. One thing though. Touch his dick and he's dead!

Ken: Rev-enge!

Otto: [laughing] It's K-K-K-Ken! C-c-c-coming to k-k-k-kill me! How you gonna c-c-c-catch me, K-K-K-Ken?

Otto: I love watching your ass when you walk. Is that beautiful or what? Don't go near him, he's mine.

Otto: [puts a bag over Archie's head] Hello, Mr. Burglar! Going somewhere? Thought you could rob Mr. Leach, eh? Well, I'm going to teach you a lesson!

[kicks him in the stomach]

Otto: He just happens to be a very good friend of mine!

Archie: Otto! Otto! Otto!

Otto: [comes back with a long-handled pan] And he's going to be very pleased with me to find you here, all tied up and ready for the police!

[knocks Archie out with a pan]

Otto: And don't call me "Otto." To you, I am "Mr..."

[stops, lifts bag, sees it's Archie, screams]

Otto: Oh, my God... Oh... Oh my God. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[pats Archie's face]

Otto: Please, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I didn't know it was you. How could I know it was you? I mean, how could you expect me to guess? Stupid jerk! I mean, what the fuck were you doing *robbing* your *own house?*

[kicks Archie in the stomach]

Otto: You asshole! You stupid, stiff, pompous, English...!

[screams and recoils]

Otto: I'm sorry! I'm sorry. Uh... uh... yeah.

[runs]

[Archie has put his gun down to fist fight with Otto]

Archie: I used to box for Oxford.

Otto: Oh, yeah?

[Otto quickly picks up Archie's gun, and points it at him]

Otto: I used to kill for the CIA.

Wanda: I want you to know something Otto.

Otto: What?

Wanda: Even if you were my brother I'd still want to fuck you.

Otto: You really like animals don't you, Ken? What's the attraction.

Ken: Well, you can t-t-trust them and they don't sh-sh-sh-sh

Otto: Shit on you?

Ken: Show off all the t-time.

Otto: When you say "friendly", what are we talking about here? Cordial? Courteous? Supportive? What?

Wanda: I don't know. Let's just see what happens.

Otto: So, "friendly" might include actual... what, penetration?

Otto: [to Ken about Mrs Coady] What does he want you to do? Send her flowers? Do her shopping? Show her a good time? Rub her out? Rub her out?

Otto: [gleefully] HE'S GOING TO KILL HER! HA HA HA!

Ken: Shut up!

Otto: [shows his gun to a group of onlookers] Fuck off or I'll kill you. LIMEY FRUITS! So the old lady's gonna m-m- meet with an accident, eh K-K-Ken?

Ken: Shh!

[Otto laughs]

Ken: What's - what's so funny?

Otto: Nothing, it's just that wasting old ladies isn't NICE!

Ken: [angrily] Well it's better than b-b-buggering people!

Otto: I'll bet you a pound you don't kill her.

Ken: Alright.

Otto: Alright. I love watching your ass when you walk! Is that beautiful or what? Don't go near him! He's mine! A pound says you won't kill her! Ha ha!

Otto: I'm here because I'm bored. Bored hanging around this God-awful city. Shoving George's ugly pic... Talking to a lot of snotty, stuck up, intellectual British faggots. Jesus they're uptight they get rigor mortis in the prime of life in this country, standing there with their hair clenched.

Otto: [finds a letter from Archie to Wanda] Just, counting the seconds to the weekends so they can all dress up like ballerinas and whip themselves into a frenzy at the flat at 4. 2B St.

Otto: [recovering] To be honest I hate them. I mean pretending they're so fucking lawyer.

Otto: [recovering again] superior, so fucking superior with those phony accents.

Otto: [Ken peeks in the room] Not you Ken, you have a beautiful speaking voice... when it works.

Otto: [about Wanda] Son of a bitch!

Otto: [to Wanda, loudly] So, wanna have some lunch?

Otto: [quietly] Have you heard from him?

Wanda: Who?

Otto: Archie.

Wanda: [loudly] No I have to finish my hair!

Wanda: [quietly] No.

Otto: Nothing?

Otto: [loudly] Ok well I'm outta here!

Otto: [quietly] No plans to see him?

Wanda: No.

Wanda: [loudly] Ok. Bye Bro.

Otto: Bye Wanda!

[Punches Wanda's picture, hands it to Ken]

Otto: Oh Sorry.

Otto: Don't call me stupid.

Wendy: Why on earth not?

Wanda: What have you found out?

Otto: Not a lot.

Wanda: You realise he's in court tomorrow?

Otto: I know. I know that!

Wanda: So nothing, huh?

Otto: Nix! Zip! Diddly! Bupkis!

[seductively]

Otto: Niente!

Otto: Pork away pal. Fuck her blue.

Otto: Avoid the green ones. They're not ripe yet.

Otto: So the old lady's gonna m-m-m-meet with an accident eh K-K-K-K-Ken?

Otto: What is this? "Hump a Limey" week?

Wanda: Get the fuck out of here, Otto.

Otto: Relax. I heard moaning; I was worried.

Otto: Ok... Ok... DISAPPOINTED. Son of a bitch. What do you have to do in this world to make people trust you?

Wanda: Shut up.

Otto: People are always taking advantage of me.

Wanda: Shut up and think.

[Otto pulls out a silenced pistol and fires two shots at the safe]

Wanda: What are you doing?

Otto: I'm thinking.

Otto: I love robbing the English, they're so polite.

[Archie has put his gun down to fist fight with Otto]

Archie: I used to box for Oxford.

Otto: Oh, yeah? Well...

[Otto quickly picks up Archie's gun, and points it at him]

Otto: ...I used to kill for the CIA.

[Ken drives at Otto with a steamroller. Otto laughs, until he realizes his feet are trapped in cement, and his gun is empty]

Otto: Ken! Ken! Wait, wait, Ken! Kenny! I... may I call you Kenny?

Ken: Remember Wanda!

Otto: I got the deal of a lifetime! Fifty-fifty, you and me, what do you say! Okay, okay, okay, sixty-forty! That's my final offer!

Ken: REVENGE!

Otto: Wait, I got an idea! You take it all! Yeah, here's my boarding pass, Ken!

Ken: I'm gonna, I'm gonna k-ka, kill you!

Otto: Okay, fine, Ken! Come at me, give me your best shot! Go on, Ken! You don't have the guts, admit it!

[the steamroller bears down on him]

Otto: Okay, you have the guts, good... wait!

Ken: Death!

Otto: Okay, I'm-sorry-I-ate-your-fish, okay? I'm-sorry!

Ken: Revenge!

Otto: Jesus, I said I'm sorry! What the fu-?

[He goes under the steamroller]

Otto: AAAAHHHH!

Ken: Got him!

Archie: [to Wanda] How could a bright and smart girl like you have a brother who is so...

Otto: [coming between them] Don't call me stupid!

Otto: Nice fish, Ken. You know what Nietzsche said about animals? "They were God's second blunder."

Ken: Well, you t-t-t-tell him from me that I kuh-kuh, I kuh-kuh...

Otto: Hello, K-K-K-Ken's p-p-pets!

[taps on fish tank]

Otto: Wake up!

[beats the water with a scrub brush]

Otto: Wake up Limey fish!

[to Wanda]

Otto: So... how are you going to get friendly with this lawyer?

Wanda: I don't know - I'll improvise.

[Otto gets fed up with the fish and tosses the scrub brush into the tank]

Otto: Fucking insects!

Otto: Shit! Fucking Limey cement.

Otto: [to Archie] You spineless bimbo.

Otto: Touch his dick, and he's dead!

Archie: You're going to shoot me?

Otto: [in a pompous, English accent] Yep, 'fraid so, ol' chap! Sorry!

Wanda: What about my tits?

Otto: Does he get to handle them?

Wanda: Yes. That's my forecast. I'll stand by that.

Jill Sadelstein: Oh, please! Tell me you don't feel this.

[slaps herself]

Jack Sadelstein: I didn't feel it. Maybe if you did it harder.

[slaps harder]

Jack Sadelstein: Little harder.

[slaps a little more harder]

Erin Sadelstein: No, Jill, stop it. He's kidding

Jill Sadelstein: What?

[Gary punches her, knocks her out of the chair]

Otto: Donkey fight!

Erin Sadelstein: Jill, are you okay?.

Jill Sadelstein: Yeah, no, I'm fine. Gary, that was... He didn't 100% percent connect.

Gary Sadelstein: Feel that, Daddy?

Jack Sadelstein: I... I actually did feel something, there. Pride in my son.

Gunter: He stole it und now instead of Deutschland's greatest beer we merely have fourth best behind Steinemarzen, Rottenburger, und... und...

Otto: Und Beck's?

Gunter: Und Beck's? Ja und Beck's!

Otto: It was ze greatest beer in all ze vorld!

Otto: [Refering to Fink] Ya it looks like his head is covered in pubic hair

[laughs]

Otto: but it's ok it works, ya, cause you've got a dickface.

Otto: Yeah, you Americans, why don't you go back to strip malls und drink your Zimas and Smirnoff Ices!

Jan Wolfhouse: Where are you taking him?

[Two shots of a gun]

Otto: He is of no concern to you.

Otto: Despite your thievery, we are prepared to buy it from you right now... in cash.

[opens suitcase of euros]

Jan Wolfhouse: Big deal. A suitcase full of monopoly money.

Schlemmer: Come on, those are euros.

Landfill: What's that, like pesos?

Otto: That is legal European tender!

Rolf: I told you we should have brought Deutsch marks.

Gunter: But they are so hard to find!

Otto: Hey Beldar, got any more of that gum?

Beldar Conehead: Certainly.

[hands him a wrapped condom]

Otto: On second thought, I better not chew and drive.

Otto: Are you telling me you don't have a social security number?

Beldar Conehead: Correct.

Otto: Why not?

Beldar Conehead: I am an illegal alien.

Otto: Once again you have pulled me from the fire!

Otto: A more honorable man I have not known.

Miller: A lot o' people don't realize what's really going on. They view life as a bunch o' unconnected incidents 'n things. They don't realize that there's this, like, lattice o' coincidence that lays on top o' everything. Give you an example; show you what I mean: suppose you're thinkin' about a plate o' shrimp. Suddenly someone'll say, like, plate, or shrimp, or plate o' shrimp out of the blue, no explanation. No point in lookin' for one, either. It's all part of a cosmic unconciousness.

Otto: You eat a lot of acid, Miller, back in the hippie days?

Miller: I'll give you another instance: you know how everybody's into weirdness right now?...

Leila: What about our relationship?

Otto: What?

Leila: Our relationship!

Otto: Fuck that!

Leila: You SHITHEAD! I'm glad I tortured you!

Oly: You want some help with that beer, kid?

Otto: You're all repo men.

Oly: What if we are?

[Otto pours his entire beer on the floor]

Bud: [standing up] You know, kid, uh, usually when when someone pulls shit like that, my first reaction is, I wanna punch his fuckin' lights out. But you know something?

Bud and Oly: YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.

Duke: The lights are growing dim Otto. I know a life of crime has led me to this sorry fate, and yet, I blame society. Society made me what I am.

Otto: That's bullshit. You're a white suburban punk just like me.

Duke: Yeah, but it still hurts.

Bud: Credit is a sacred trust, it's what our free society is founded on. Do you think they give a damn about their bills in Russia? I said, do you think they give a damn about their bills in Russia?

Otto: They don't pay bills in Russia, it's all free.

Bud: All free? Free my ass. What are you, a fuckin' commie? Huh?

Otto: No, I ain't no commie.

Bud: Well, you better not be. I don't want no commies in my car. No Christians either.

Bud: Wanna make ten bucks?

Otto: Fuck you, queer.

J. Frank Parnell: Ever been to Utah? Ra-di-a-tion. Yes, indeed. You hear the most outrageous lies about it. Half-baked goggle-box do-gooders telling everybody it's bad for you. Pernicious nonsense. Everybody could stand a hundred chest X-rays a year. They ought to have them, too. When they canceled the project it almost did me in. One day my mind was full to bursting. The next day - nothing. Swept away. But I'll show them. I had a lobotomy in the end.

Otto: Lobotomy? Isn't that for loonies?

Parnell: Not at all. Friend of mine had one. Designer of the neutron bomb. You ever hear of the neutron bomb? Destroys people - leaves buildings standing. Fits in a suitcase. It's so small, no one knows it's there until - BLAMMO. Eyes melt, skin explodes, everybody dead. So immoral, working on the thing can drive you mad. That's what happened to this friend of mine. So he had a lobotomy. Now he's well again.

Leila: Charming friends you've got there, Otto.

Otto: Thanks, I made 'em myself.

Otto: What happened to your old lady?

Bud: My old lady? Oh, shit, I forgot all about her. Well, she'll take the bus. She's a rock.

Bud: It helps if you dress like a detective. Detective dress kinda square. If you look like a detective people are gonna think you're packing something.

Otto: Are you?

Bud: Am I what?

Otto: Packing something?

Bud: Only an asshole gets killed for a car.

Oly: What's your name, kid?

Otto: Otto.

Oly: Otto parts?

Otto: You repo men, you're all out to fuckin' lunch.

Otto: I ain't gonna be no repo man. No way.

Marlene: It's too late.

[hands him $25]

Marlene: You already are.

Otto: Bud, listen to me, you're sitting in a car worth $20,0000 dollars. Look, if we turn it in, we'll slipt the money, 60/40, you and me.

Bud: [laughs] Who gets the 60 kid?

Otto: Well, I was figuring, since I found the car first that...

Bud: [Pulls out a gun]

Otto: That you get it.

Kevin: [singing] ... feelin' 7-Up, I'm feelin' 7-up. Feelin' 7-up, I'm feelin' 7-up...

Otto: Kevin, stop singing!

Kevin: What? I wasn't singing, guy.

Otto: [Stamping a price tag on Kevin's glasses] I'm standin' right next to you and you're fuckin' singing, cut it out.

Kevin: Why so tense, guy?

Otto: Some weird fuckin' shit, eh, Bud?

Otto Plettschner, Rent-A-Cop: Don't you say fuck you to me! Don't you know who I am?

Otto: Yeah, you're Plettschner.

Otto Plettschner, Rent-A-Cop: You're fuckin' right I'm Plettschner! Otto Plettschner! Three times decorated in two world wars! I was killing people while you were still swimming around in your father's balls! You little scumbag! I worked five years in a slaughterhouse, and ten years as a prison guard in Attica!

Otto: So what?

Otto Plettschner, Rent-A-Cop: So what? So never say fuck you to me! Because you haven't earned the right yet!

Bud: The guys that make it are the guys that get in their cars at any time. Get in at 3am, get up at 4. That's why there aint a repo man I know that don't take speed.

Otto: Speed huh?

Bud: [snorts line of speed] Jesus Christ!

Otto: [watches, grinning] Hehe.

Otto: I'm a repo man.

Leila: What's that?

Otto: It's a repossessor, I take back cars from dildos who don't pay their bills. Cool, huh?

Leila: No.

Otto: I will not have my son grow up to be a capitalist.

Scarlet: When he's 18 he can make his mind up whether he wants to be a capitalist or a rich communist.

Otto: I'll pick you up at 6:30 sharp, because the 7:00 train for Moscow leaves promptly at 8:15.

Otto: [bursts into room wearing boxers, shirt, tie and morning coat] I'm going to like this job!

C.R. MacNamara: It's about time you started cooperating.

Otto: You know what the first thing is I'm going to do? I'm going to lead the workers down there in revolt!

C.R. MacNamara: Put your pants on, Spartacus!

Otto: They have assigned us a magnificent apartment. Just a short walk from the bathroom.

Otto: Capitalism is like a dead herring in the moonlight. It shines, but it stinks.

Scarlet: [to MacNamara] He talks like that all the time.

[to Otto]

Scarlet: Tell him about Coca-Cola Colonialism.

Otto: As Chairman Khrushchev said on the 40th anniversary of the revolution...

C.R. MacNamara: [Interrupting] To hell with the revolution and to hell with Khrushchev!

Otto: [Drawing in a big breath and puffing out his chest] The hell with Frank Sinatra.

Otto: You! I should take that "wedding present" and break it over your head!

C.R. MacNamara: That's gratitude after all the trouble I went through to get you out of jail!

Otto: You got me into jail!

C.R. MacNamara: So we're even!

Otto: I spit on your money. I spit on Fort Knox. I spit on Wall Street.

C.R. MacNamara: Unsanitary little jerk, isn't he?

Otto: We will take over West Berlin. We will take over Western Europe. We will bury you!

C.R. MacNamara: Do me a favor. Bury us but don't marry us.

Otto: Das ist eine Kuckucksuhr!

Scarlet: Before you meet Daddy, I must warn you there are certain things he feels very strongly about. One is the Civil War.

Otto: Civil War?

C.R. MacNamara: If the subject comes up, just say it was a draw.

Otto: The living all seem like the same person to me and I don't think I like that person very much.

Otto: You know we don't stand a chance. Why not surrender?

Capt. Hermann Musk: You know what would happen if we do.

Otto: Do we deserve any better?

Capt. Hermann Musk: Otto, I'm not a Nazi.

Otto: No, you're worse. Lousy officers. You went along with it all, even though you knew who was in charge. Hermann...

Otto: It's nice to spend some time dying together.

Otto: Welcome to our grave.

Otto: I'll love you always and if the petrol runs out, I'll die.

Otto: Lives have many cycles but mine has only turned once and not completely... the most important thing is missing.

Otto: Where is my mother?

Ana: Nobody knows, it's up to you.

Otto: Our new mom is hot.

Caesar: [punches Otto in the arm] She's not our mom!

Otto: [to Jesse] Maybe next time, I'll be wiping your guts off my grille.

Gabbo: How is your little baby brother, Otto?

Otto: Oh, he makes me so mad! He cries und cries und cries!

Gabbo: You know Otto, I think that child is ABSOLUTELY spoiled!

Otto: Oh, no! Dey all smell dat vay!

Gabbo: Well, Otto, my boy, how do you feel today?

Otto: Oh, I feel fine, thank you. How do you feel, Gabbo?

Otto: Say, vhere do I come in? I could hide some hotdogs vithout any trouble!

Gabbo: You said I was you, so I'm eating enough for both of us.

Otto: Vell then, I hope I have a pain in your shtomach.

Otto: Ha ha ha! He he he! Ho ho ho! I'm laughing!

Otto: [to audience] How are you fixed for steady company?

Gabbo: Otto! How often do I have to tell you not to be so fresh?

Otto: Okay chief!

[back to audience]

Otto: How are you fixed for steady company?

Gabbo: Otto! Now that's enough or I'll put you away!

Shark: You shouldn't read the small print!

Otto: But, why not?

Shark: It's bad for your eyesight.

Otto: [voice-over] For money I would even sell my soul.

Butler Jean: We don't buy anything, we have everything.

Otto: You're afraid.

Simone 'Sissi' Schmidt: [Sissi nods]

Simone 'Sissi' Schmidt: I come back and everybody's here, and I'm afraid that nothing will be the same as it was before.

Otto: No. You're afraid that everything will be the same as it was before.