James Arber Quotes in The Decoy Bride (2011)

James Arber: You don't live here?

Katie Nic Aoidh: Not in this toilet, no. Here we live in primitive dwellings anthropologists like to call "houses."

James Arber: I've been trying to get your attention with conventional weapons: phones, emails, that sort of thing.

Katie Nic Aoidh: And you're back of Hegg now because...?

James Arber: Oh, I'm on a sheep-stealing raid, yeah. I mean, I thought I might grab myself a woman at the same time, but predominantly it's a sheep-snatching thing.

Katie Nic Aoidh: What's this nameless new book of yours about, then... if it exists?

James Arber: It's about the end of the world as seen through the eyes of God.

Katie Nic Aoidh: Oh, dear. Did no one tell you to write about what you know?

James Arber: You know, they asked 10,000 men to name their ideal partner and 9,800 said Lara. Statistically that includes at least 800 gay men. If you're male and Lara Tyler's interested in you, she's the one; it's kind of a rule. You can't be happy with Lara Tyler, you can't be happy with anyone.

James Arber: They say "Write about what you know;" so, obviously, I set it against the backdrop of the Spanish Civil War.

Katie Nic Aoidh: How do you know when you've met *the one*?

James Arber: Whenever you look at them, you find yourself singing "Wind Beneath My Wings".

James Arber: Lemme tell ya, for a honey trap to work, there needs to be honey.

Katie Nic Aoidh: For someone in marketing you're not very good at lying.

James Arber: I'm still quite junior.

James Arber: Griddled Puffin? On a Friday?