Katie Nic Aoidh Quotes in The Decoy Bride (2011)

James Arber: You don't live here?

Katie Nic Aoidh: Not in this toilet, no. Here we live in primitive dwellings anthropologists like to call "houses."

Katie Nic Aoidh: And you're back of Hegg now because...?

James Arber: Oh, I'm on a sheep-stealing raid, yeah. I mean, I thought I might grab myself a woman at the same time, but predominantly it's a sheep-snatching thing.

Katie Nic Aoidh: A guidebook to here? Don't be mad. "Come see our disused toilet that may or may not be haunted by the ghost of a drowned cow."

Katie Nic Aoidh: What's this nameless new book of yours about, then... if it exists?

James Arber: It's about the end of the world as seen through the eyes of God.

Katie Nic Aoidh: Oh, dear. Did no one tell you to write about what you know?

Katie Nic Aoidh: She is not putting toilet cleaner in my hair.

Steve Korbitz: Don't be a diva.

Katie Nic Aoidh: This is where you tell me I'm just one chapter, not a whole book.

Katie Nic Aoidh: How do you know when you've met *the one*?

James Arber: Whenever you look at them, you find yourself singing "Wind Beneath My Wings".

Katie Nic Aoidh: Good. I don't want to meet him. He sounds like a twat. Anyway, I'm like Kryptonite to men. Kryptonite dipped in cellulite.

Katie Nic Aoidh: Nobody's going to buy a guidebook to Hegg unless it's cheaper than our toilet paper.

Katie Nic Aoidh: It's cruel to give the servants names, isn't it? Don't want to get too attached to them.

Katie Nic Aoidh: For someone in marketing you're not very good at lying.

James Arber: I'm still quite junior.

Katie Nic Aoidh: But I don't look anything like Lara Tyler.

Steve Korbitz: That's true, but neither does she until these ladies get their hands on her.

Iseabail Nic Aoidh: Do you like him?

Katie Nic Aoidh: He's an emotionally retarded arty boy who's in love with another woman. Of course I like him.