Grand Duke Quotes in Rock-A-Doodle (1991)

[the Grand Duke arrives in Edmond's live-action bedroom]

Edmond: Chanticleer?

Grand Duke: No... it's not Chanticleer.

Edmond: Who-who are you?

Grand Duke: You put your finger in the Duke's face, remember? These are expensive, you little brat!

[throws his broken monocle on the floor]

Grand Duke: But that is not why the Duke is going to eat you.

Edmond: Eat me?

Grand Duke: Oh, dear. Now I've gone and spoiled the surprise. Always doing that. But you see, we creatures of the night have worked very hard to make absolutely sure that that bird does not return. And you... you, with no regard for the feelings of others, have the nerve to call him back here by name. And besides, I positively loathe rock 'n' roll.

[laughs]

Edmond: You're not gonna eat me!

Patou: [narrating] And that's when the Duke hit the ceiling.

[the Duke literally hits the ceiling]

Patou: If Edmond wanted to bring Chanticleer back to raise the sun, the Duke was going to have something to say about it.

Grand Duke: Kittens are more digestible.

Patou: [narrating] Young Edmond was about to have the most amazing adventure he'd ever dreamed of.

[the Duke transforms Edmond into an animated kitten and his live-action bedroom into a cartoon one]

Grand Duke: If I kill my nephew, would it be murder or charity?

Grand Duke: [on the phone with Edmund] Hello, kitty?

[chuckles]

Grand Duke: It's the Duke. I've some rather bad news, I'm afraid.

[clears throat]

Grand Duke: When the batteries *expire*, so will your friends. Uh, toodle-loo, cheerio, heh, *bye*!

Pinky: [a phone conversation] Yeah? Oh, howdy, boss. How are you? Uh-huh. Huh? You say a cat, a dog, a bird and a mouse? What is this? Some kind of joke, huh?

Grand Duke: [talking on the phone] Oh, well, I don't think it's funny, Pinky. They want to bring Chanticleer back to the farm. You don't want that, he makes you lots of money; I don't want that, he makes me miserable

Pinky: Right, boss, and what should I do about it?

Grand Duke: Your chicken thinks they don't want him on the farm. Well, that's good. All you have to do is make sure he keeps thinking that. It is not good that the kitty and his friends should talk to your chicken. Capisce?

Pinky: Yeah, thanks a million. This has been most enlightening.

Hunch: I got 'em! I really got 'em! No more kitty, Sir! Mission...

[snickers]

Hunch: ...accomplished!

Grand Duke: And the dog?

Hunch: Gone, wiped out, sir!

[the Duke laughs wickedly at this]

Hunch: Total and complete annihilation!

Grand Duke: Annihilation! Yes... h-h-h-how did you do it?

Hunch: Adequately.

Grand Duke: Uh, ade-ade-ade, wh-what's that supposed to mean?

Hunch: Well, Uncle, we sucked them into an adequate pipe.

Grand Duke: Eh, what?

Hunch: That's what it said. "Danger: Adequate Pipe."

Grand Duke: [with forced calm] Oh ho ho, Hunch... come to Uncle.

[Hunch approaches; the Duke turns Hunch into a chicken-type thing]

Grand Duke: YOU IMBECILE! That's not an "Adequate Pipe." It's an AQUEDUCT PIPE! It leads straight to the city!

[the Duke turns Hunch back to normal]

Grand Duke: The Duke gives you one last chance, Hunch! Them or you!

[throws a meat cleaver down right next to him]

Grand Duke: Get to the city!

Hunch: Oh, not the city, sir! Oh, no! It's too bright! I'll go blind!

Grand Duke: Oh, say it isn't so.

[hands him a pair of sunglasses]

[after the Grand Duke is turned into a tiny owl, he is surrounded by a mouse and a chick, who frighten him as he falls into the water. Hunch catches him]

Grand Duke: [in a squeaky voice] Hunch! It's me, Uncle Dukey!

Hunch: Uncle Dukey?

[laughs as he holds a fly swatter behind his back]

Hunch: Come here!

[tries to strike the Grand Duke with it]

Grand Duke: Hunch, no!

[Hunch chases him with the fly swatter as they get into the clouds]

[last lines]

[as Cinderella prepares to try on the slipper]

Grand Duke: Come, my child.

[beckons to the Page Boy, who runs carrying the slipper. The stepmother sticks out her cane and trips him, causing the slipper to shatter into pieces]

Grand Duke: Oh, no! Oh, no, no. Oh, no. Oh, this is terrible. The King! What will he say?

[clutches throat]

Grand Duke: What will he *do*?

Cinderella: But, perhaps, if it would help...

Grand Duke: [sobbing] No, no, nothing can help now. Nothing!

Cinderella: [bringing out the other glass slipper] But, you see, I have the other slipper.

[as the Duke tries to tell the King Cinderella has run away]

Grand Duke: Your Majesty...

The King: So he's proposed already! Tell me all about it.

Grand Duke: Well, Sire...

The King: Who is she? Where does she live?

Grand Duke: Well, I didn't get a chance...

The King: Oh, no matter, we've more important things to discuss. Arrangements for the wedding, invitations, a national holiday, all that sort of thing.

Grand Duke: But, but, Sire...

The King: Here, here, have a cigar. Take a few more.

Grand Duke: But, but, but...

The King: Better practice passing these out, eh?

Grand Duke: But, but, but, if you'd only listen...

The King: [takes out sword] And, for you, my friend...

Grand Duke: Your Majesty, please...

The King: A knighthood. I hereby dub you, sir... er, er, by the way, what title would you like?

Grand Duke: Sire, she got away.

The King: Sir "She Got Away... " A peculiar title, but if that's what you... She WHAT? Why, you, you, you traitor!

Grand Duke: Now sire, remember, your blood pressure!

The King: TREASON!

Grand Duke: No, sire, no!

The King: SABATOGE! You were in league with the prince all along!

Grand Duke: I tried to stop her! But she vanished into thin air!

The King: A likely story!

[as the King chases the Grand Duke for letting Cinderella get away]

Grand Duke: But its true, sire! All we could find was this glass slipper!

The King: The whole thing was a plot!

Grand Duke: But sire, he loves her. He won't rest till he finds her. He's determined to marry her.

Grand Duke: [dodges sword]

The King: What? What did you say?

Grand Duke: The prince sire! Swears he'll marry nobody but the girl who fits this slipper.

The King: He said that, did he?

[kisses the glass slipper]

The King: Ha ha. We've got him!

Grand Duke: [cuts the chandelier both of them are hanging onto; there's a scream and a crash]

Grand Duke: But, Sire, this slipper may fit any number of girls.

The King: That's his problem. He's given his word, we'll hold him to it.

Grand Duke: No, no, your Highness. I'll have nothing to do with it.

The King: You'll try this on every maid in my kingdom. And, if the shoe fits...

[runs his sword under the Duke's nose]

The King: Bring her in.

Grand Duke: Yes, your majesty.

The King: I give up. Even I couldn't expect the boy to...

Grand Duke: Well, if I may say so, Your Majesty, I did try to warn you; but you, Sire, are incurably romantic.

[chuckles]

Grand Duke: No doubt you saw the whole pretty picture in detail. The young prince bowing to the assembly. Suddenly, he stops. He looks up. For lo... there she stands. The girl of his dreams. Who she is or whence she came, he knows not, nor does he care, for his heart tells him that here, here is the maid predestined to be his bride.

[Unbeknown to him, the very events he has described have occured as he spoke]

Grand Duke: [chuckles] A pretty plot for fairy tales, Sire. But in real life, oh, no. No, it was foredoomed to failure.

The King: Failure, eh? Ha-ha! Take a look at *that*, you pompous windbag!

[as the Grand Duke tries to stop Cinderella from leaving the ball]

Grand Duke: Mademoiselle! Señorita!

[picks up her glass slipper]

Grand Duke: Just a moment!

Grand Duke: Your Majesty, I see no point in beating about the bush. I regret to inform you, Sire, that the young lady has disappeared, leaving behind only this glass slipper.

[the Duke is talking to an empty chair]

Grand Duke: Yes. I'll do it.

[pauses, then hears the King snoring]

Grand Duke: No. I... just... can't.

[after both stepsisters fail trying on the glass slipper]

Grand Duke: You are the only ladies of the household, I hope, er, I presume?

[as the Prince bows uninterestedly to the various female ball guests]

The King: Ah! The boy isn't cooperating.

Page: Mademoiselle Leonora Mercedes de la Tour. Daughter of Colonel and Madame de la Tour.

The King: I can't understand it! There must be at least one who'd make a suitable mother...!

Grand Duke: Shh! Sire!

The King: Er, a suitable wife.

The King: My son has been avoiding his responsibilities long enough. It's high time he married and settled down.

Grand Duke: Of course, your Majesty, but we must be patient...

The King: I AM PATIENT!

[throws an inkwell]

[as the Duke is about to leave]

Cinderella: Your Grace. Your Grace. Please, wait. May I try it on?

Stepmother: Oh. Pay no attention to HER.

Anastasia: It's only Cinderella.

Drizella: Our scullery maid...

Anastasia: From the kitchen.

Drizella: It's ridiculous.

Anastasia: Impossible.

Drizella: She's out of her mind.

Stepmother: Yes, yes. Just an imaginitive child!

Grand Duke: [in an official and impatient tone] Madam, my orders were *every* maiden!

The King: When the boy proposes, notify me immediately!

Grand Duke: [Mocking the King, not realizing he hasn't left the room yet] "Notify me immediately!"

The King: ...and REMEMBER!

[the Duke jumps and breaks his monocle in shock]

The King: If anything goes wrong...

[slices finger across his throat menacingly]

Grand Duke: I'm sure your father spoke to you about your behavior in the forest.

Prince Charming: Is that any business of yours, Grand Duke?

Grand Duke: Your business is my business, Your Royal Highness. It would not do to let the stag go free.

Prince Charming: Just because it's what's done, doesn't mean it's what's should be done. Or something like that.

Grand Duke: Tell me - How does this reception differ from your famous Washington parties?

Sally Adams: Well we have a good time!

Grand Duke: What delayed you?

Vronsky: The storm, Sir.

Grand Duke: Was she pretty?

Vronsky: Yes, Sir.

Grand Duke: Blonde... or brunette?

Vronsky: Blonde, Sir.

Grand Duke: Any luck?

Vronsky: No, Sir.

Grand Duke: You see, Vronsky... how we all love you...

Vronsky: Then, Sir, may we drink to... Love?

Grand Duke: To... Love.