Gaz Quotes in The Full Monty (1997)

Gaz: I don't suppose you could lend us a jacket...

Dave: Oh, Gaz...

Gaz: Oh, come on, Dave, it's not for me, it's a funeral.

Dave: [pause] What color?

Gaz: [pause] Orange.

Dave: Orange?

Gaz: *Black* for fuck's sake!

Dave: Okay, go on, I'll meet you back doors.

Gaz: Y' know Dave, it's a thought...

Gerald: Ha! I could just see Little and Large prancing around Sheffield with their widges hanging out. Now that *would* be worth 10 quid...

Gaz: Don't be so bloody daft. We were just saying...

Gerald: Widges on parade! Bring your own microscope!

Gaz: Told 'ya, robbing pipes, that's all.

Police officer: Gary, my friend, no bugger robs pipes in the buff.

Gaz: We do. Don't get your clothes dirty, do you?

Police officer: Oh well, don't fret, gents. There's a right good laundry in Wakefield Prison!

Dave: [discussing possible means of suicide] Drownin'. Now there's a way to go.

Lomper: I can't swim.

Gaz: Well you don't have to fucking swim, you divvy, that's the whole point. God, you're not very keen are you?

Lomper: Sorry...

Gaz: Gentlemen, the lunchbox has landed!

Gaz: On Sale for £4.99 and we're still a fuckin' fiver short!

Dave: [Gaz tries to convince Dave to steal a videotape] Why me?

Gaz: Because you've got an honest face, lad; I've got "serial killer" written on me forehead.

Gaz: I've got a degree in ass wiggling, mate.

[repeated line]

Gaz: Fookin' hell!

[Gaz and Dave are waiting in Gerald's lawn for him to leave for work]

Dave: He's got gnomes.

Gaz: Aye, he bloody would have.

Gaz: Off to Job Club then?

Gerald: As a matter of fact, yes I bloody well am!

[he turns to Dave, who is still holding one of his garden gnomes]

Gerald: Put that back! *PUT* it back!

Gaz: I need an audience

Dave: You need a doctor!

Gaz: [stuck with Dave on top of a car in the middle of a canal] Ey up, someone's coming.

Passer-By: All right?

Gaz: Aye, not so bad.

Dave: [after the Passer-by leaves] Not so bad? Not so bad? That's not much of a chuffing SOS is it?

Dave: [When presented with the first images of "Flashdance"] Hey, what's this? I didn't go on the nick in Asda for some chuffin' women's DYI video!

Gaz: It's "Flashdance", Dave. She's a welder, isn't she!

Dave: A welder? Well, I hope she dances better than she welds! I mean, look at that - her mix is all to cock!

Dave: Shut up, Dave. What the fuck do you know about welding, anyway?

Dave: More than some chuffin' woman! Arh, it's like Bonfire Night! That's too much acetylene, is that! Them joints will hold fuck all!

Gerald: Arh, for Christ's sake, Dave. We're looking for dancing, aren't we!

Gaz: He's got the hump about Asda!

Gerald: You're always ahead there!

Gaz: You're always bloody behind, more like

Gerald: [to policeman] Can I borrow this?

[he rewinds the clipping of the CCTV showing their strip act]

Gerald: [to giggling police officers behind them] Shut up will ya? Watch

Police officer: [to Gaz] He's right. You're ahead.

Gaz: Bollocks!

Gaz: So, uh, Horse... What can you do?

Horse: I dunno, really... Let's see, there's the, uh... The bump, the stomp, the bus stop... Me breakdancing days are probably over, but there's always the funky chicken.

[before the first rehearsal Gaz has hurtled off to find Dave, finding him working as a security guard in Asda]

Gaz: Dave! What are you doing?

Dave: What's it look like?

Gaz: We're on in three days time, where the fuck are you?

Dave: I'm here, working, earning, that's where. Not pissing about! End of chat!

Gaz: Oh, fucking hell, Nath! They're 20 quid each them!

Nathan: [Gaz is accompanying Nathan to school] I don't feel well.

Gaz: Of course you don't, you've got a hangover!

Jem Harper: Gaz. Can you stop talking about tits.

Gaz: Why would I ever wanna do that?

Gaz: It's a difficult age. About now, women go through a difficult age. They become all irrational and odd and difficult to predict.

Jem Harper: How do you know?

Gaz: Me dad told me.

Gaz: Moses it's a nice summer day in the city of Angels... I can let you get back to your party or I can cut your f#$king fingers off.

Bandages: I like Sinatra...

Gaz: eh?

Bandages: And Willie Nelson

Gaz: That sh#ts f#$king terrible. What about when you wanna get your black on?

Bandages: Nat King Cole