Ernie McCracken Quotes in Kingpin (1996)

[Roy Munson is getting ready for his turn to bowl]

Ernie McCracken: It all comes down to this roll. Roy Munson, a man-child, with a dream to topple bowling giant Ernie McCracken. If he strikes, he's the 1979 Odor-Eaters Champion. He's got one foot in the frying pan and one in the pressure cooker. Believe me, as a bowler, I know that right about now, your bladder feels like an overstuffed vacuum cleaner bag and your butt is kinda like an about-to-explode bratwurst.

Roy: Hey. Do you mind? I wasn't talking when you were bowling.

Ernie McCracken: Was I talking out loud? Was I? Sorry. Good luck.

1979 Waitress: Tanqueray and Tab.

Ernie McCracken: Keep 'em comin', sweets, I got a long drive. Do me a favor, will you? Would you mind washing off that perfume before you come back to our table?

Ernie McCracken: You're on a gravy train with biscuit wheels.

Ernie McCracken: The Munson.

Roy: Big Ern. Long time.

Ernie McCracken: I'll say. Probably a year for every topping on the table. I heard a horrible rumor...

Ernie McCracken: [looks at Roy's prosthetic rubber hand] Oh, creepy! I'm sorry. You know, for the first couple years, I felt responsible. How you been otherwise?

Roy: You know, in the last 17 years, a day hasn't gone by that I haven't thought about what I'd say to you if I ever ran into you again.

Ernie McCracken: I bet!

Ernie McCracken: [notices Claudia] Hello.

Ernie McCracken: It's a small world when you've got unbelievable tits Roy.

Ernie McCracken: Jonathan, run a fly pattern all the way to the goal line.

Ernie McCracken: [he snaps the mom's skirt] Tennessee! Kentucky! Find the meat! Uh, deeper, Jonathan.

Ernie McCracken: Hi... not you... hi.

Ernie McCracken: One more time, sweetness.

Ernie McCracken: I don't know. It's fun though, isn't it?

Ernie McCracken: Sometimes a bowler just has to face the music.

Bowling Priest: You see, bowling for money... that's my only vice.

Cocktail Waitress: Here's your drink.

Bowling Priest: Thanks sugar

[takes drink from a double bourbon on the rocks and pats waitress' behind]

Bowling Priest: . Okay, two vices.

Ernie McCracken: That's still very good.