Elvis Quotes in Daybreakers (2009)

Edward Dalton: Is this place safe?

Elvis: Living in a world where vampires are the dominant species is about as safe as bare backing a 5 dollar whore.

Elvis: Fuck it, I do love a good barbecue!

Elvis: [while skipping rope] E is for Elvis. K is for King. G is for Graceland. S is for sing.

Elvis: Traitor

Jesse: What?

Elvis: Girls are the enemy!

Jesse: No, you are the enemy!

Elvis: Hi, I'm Elvis. I'm half Apache.

Randolph: Nice to meet you, Elvis. Apache. They're the sworn enemy of my people.

[Glares at Elvis]

Elvis: Um, did I say Apache?

[Randolph nods]

Elvis: Oh, I meant, I meant, I meant Cherokee.

Randolph: That's even worse.

[Elvis looks in shock then Randolph bursts out laughing]

Elvis: Traitor. Girls are the enemy.

Jesse: No, YOU are the enemy.

Jesse: Do you come with a remote?

Elvis: None that I know of.

Glenn: You're not going anywhere.

Elvis: But I'm hungry.

Glenn: Eat your hat.

Elvis: Is there an amusement park on this island?

Jesse: No, there's a whale spotting station.

Elvis: Is that where they paint spots on the whales?

Jesse: Yeah.

Annie: So how did you get the name Elvis, Elvis?

Elvis: My mom.

Glenn: Funny, that's how I got mine.

Jesse: Who said you could touch my necklace?

Elvis: The President of the United States, he announced it on TV.

Elvis: Sometimes you have to give what you have the dearest to find peace

Elvis: It's never too late for a comeback.

Byron Gruman: God, if I'd been driving, she's...

Elvis: She might be alive? Or you might be dead. Maybe both of you would have perished.

Byron Gruman: How could something so perfect be taken away from me?

Elvis: I've searched a lifetime for an answer to that question. All I know is, you have to forgive yourself, your woman, god... and have faith that the next love you'll have won't cause you so much pain.

Elvis: No, that's cool man. Buzz sent me one too.

Elvis: That's how I learned to develop these knuckles of steel. Now, slap them. Come on, harder! Harder! Let it out! Let it out! Those are the steel claws of a tiger, Mr. President.

Elvis: No offense, Jack, but President Kennedy was a white man.

JFK: They dyed me this color! That's how clever they are!

Elvis: Ask not what your rest home can do for you. Ask what you can do for your rest home.

JFK: Hey, you're copying my best lines!

Elvis: Then let me paraphrase one of my own. Let's take care of business.

JFK: Just what are you getting at, Elvis?

Elvis: I think you know what I'm gettin' at Mr. President. We're gonna kill us a mummy.

Elvis: [to Bubba Ho-Tep] Come and get it, you undead sack of shit.

Elvis: Get old, you can't even cuss someone and have it bother 'em. Everything you do is either worthless or sadly amusing.

[last lines]

Elvis: Thank you. Thank you very much.

Elvis: Look, man, President Johnson's dead.

JFK: Shit. That ain't gonna stop him.

Elvis: Even a big bitch cockroach like you should know... never, but never, fuck with the King.

JFK: He had me on the floor and had his mouth over my asshole!

Elvis: A shit eater?

JFK: I don't think so. He was after my soul. Now you can get that out of any major orifice of a person's body. I read about it.

Elvis: Oh, yeah? Where, man? Hustler?

Elvis: [looking up Callie's skirt] The revealing of her panties wasn't intentional or unintentional, she just didn't give a damn. She saw me as so physically and sexually non-threatenin', she didn't mind if I got bird's eye view of her love nest. It was the same to her as a house cat sneakin' a peek. I felt my pecker flutter once, like a pigeon havin' a heart attack, then lay back down and remain limp and still. Of course, these days even a flutter was kinda reassurin'.

Elvis: You fuck off ya patronizin bitch! I'm sick'a yer shit! I'll lube my own crankshaft from now on. You treat me like a baby again I'll wrap this goddamn walker right around yer head!

Elvis: Jack wait. Marilyn.

[JFK looks at him funny]

Elvis: Come on, Marilyn Monroe? How was she in the sack?

JFK: That is classified information! Top Secret! But between you and me... Wow!

Elvis: Uh, Mr. President... You're on the floor.

JFK: No shit?

Elvis: But what do I care? I got a growth on my pecker.

Elvis: I was dreamin'. Dreamin' my dick was out and I was checkin' to see if that infected bump on the head of it had filled with pus again. If it had, I was gonna name it after my ex-wife 'cilla and bust it by jackin' off. Or I'd like to think that's what I'd do. Dreams let you think like that. Truth was

[pause]

Elvis: I hadn't had a hard-on in years.

[after Elvis tells the story of how he switched with Sebastian]

The Nurse: Don't carry it too far. You may just get way out there and not come back.

Elvis: Oh, fuck you!

[Nurse and Callie laugh]

Elvis: Shit! Get old, you can't even cuss someone and have it bother 'em. Everything you do is either worthless or sadly amusing.

Elvis: Here I was complainin' about loss of pride and how life had treated me, and now I realized... I never had any pride. And much of how life had treated me had been good. The bulk of the bad was my own damn fault. Should've fired Colonel Parker by the time I got in the pictures. Old fart had been a shark and a fool, and I was even a bigger fool for following him. If only I'd treated Priscilla right. If I could've told my daughter I loved her. Always the questions. Never the answers. Always the hopes... never the fulfillments.

[in the washroom stall, looking at hieroglyphics on the wall]

JFK: Now this top line translates into, "Pharoah gobbles donkey goobers," and the bottom line, "Cleopatra does the nasty."

Elvis: Say what?

JFK: Well pretty much, that's the best I can translate it.

Elvis: The revealing of her panties wasn't intentional or unintentional. She just didn't give a damn. She saw me as so physically and sexually non-threatening, she didn't mind if I get a bird's eye view of her love nest. It was same to her as a house cat sneaking a peek.

Elvis: Look, man, do I look like an ichthyologist to you? Big damn bugs, all right? The size of my fist. The size of a peanut butter and banana sandwich. What do I know? I got a growth on my pecker!

Elvis: Is there finally and really anything to life other than food, shit and sex?

Elvis: Man, you are one big, bitch cockroach.

JFK: That's where they took a piece of my brain. They got it back in D.C. in that God damn jar.

[pause]

JFK: I got a little bag of sand up there now.

Elvis: But Jack uhh, no offense but

[pause]

Elvis: President Kennedy was a white man.

JFK: That's how clever they are. They dyed me this color, all over. can you think of a better way to hide the truth than that?

Elvis: Don't make me use my stuff on ya, baby!

Elvis: It'd been two presidential elections since I'd had a boner like that.

Elvis: That's it? I mean, we're investigating a scuttling in the hall, trying to figure out who attacked you last night, and you bring me here to look at stick pictures on the shit house wall, man?

Elvis: My God, man. How long have I been here? Am I really awake, or am I just dreamin' I'm awake? How could my plans have gone so wrong?

Elvis: My own daughter... lost long ago to me... if she knew I lived, would she come and see me? Would she even care?

Elvis: Oh yeah, that's something to worry about all right.

JFK: Listen here. Listen. I know you're Elvis. There was a rumor, you know, that you hated me. But I thought about that. If you hated me, you could've finished me off the other night.

Elvis: But I still have my soul. It's still mine. All mine. And the folks up there at Shady Rest... they have theirs, too. And they're gonna keep 'em. Every single one.

Callie: But why would you want to leave all that fame, Mr. Presley? All that money?

Elvis: I don't know. 'Cause they got old. The woman I loved - Priscilla - she was gone. The rest of the women... were just women. I mean the music wasn't even mine anymore. I wasn't even me anymore. Just this thing they made up. And my friends... well they were sucking me dry.

Elvis: Shitty pictures man. Every single one.

Elvis: In the movies, I always played the heroic types. But when the stage lights went out, it was time for drugs, and stupidity, and the coveting of women. Now it's time. Time to be a little of what I had always fantasized of bein' - a hero.

Elvis: That's my daughter.

JFK: I know. We weren't there for our kids when they needed us, were we?

Elvis: Man, if I could just talk to her again... tell her I love her... try and make things right somehow.

JFK: No time for regrets, Elvis. We were the best fathers we could be under the circumstances.

Elvis: Yeah, I guess, no time for regrets. We got business to take care of.

Elvis: So I signed everything over to Sebastian. Except for enough money to sustain me if things got bad. I was determined to make myself a new life. A better one. But me and Sebastian, we had us a deal. If I wanted to trade back, he'd let me. It was all written up in the contract. Thing was, I lost my copy in a barbeque accident.

Elvis: It's time for A-C-T-I-O-N!

Elvis: [looking at himself in the mirror, thinking] How could I have gone from the king of rock'n'roll to this? An old guy in a restroom in East Texas with a *growth* on his pecker.

Elvis: Damn straight, he comes in here tonight, I don't want him slapping his lips on my asshole.

Elvis: Your soul suckin' days are over, amigo!

[Elvis begins reading an incantation against an unconscious Bubba Ho-Tep from JFK's "Book of Souls"]

Elvis: "You nasty thing from beyond the dead, no matter what you think or do, good things will never come to you. And if evil is your black design, you can bet the goodness of the Light Ones... "

[begins to slow the recitation from disbelief]

Elvis: "... will kick your bad behind"?

[muttering to himself]

Elvis: For chrissake!

[to the heavens]

Elvis: That's it? That's the chant against evil from the "Book of Souls"? Oh yeah, right, boss. And what kind of decoder ring comes with that, man? Shit, it don't even rhyme well!

Bubba Ho-Tep: [regains consciousness, rises, and speaks in ancient Egyptian] Eat the dog dick of Anubis, you ass-wipe!

Elvis: [Sitting down on the wheelchair] It's dog shit!

Elvis: Where'd my youth go? Why didn't fame hold off old age and death? Why the hell did I leave the fame in the first place and do I want it back, and could I have it back? And if I could, would it make any damned difference?

Elvis: You could've come and seen him. They don't charge you for that.

Elvis: I got tired of it. I was hooked on pills, you know. I wanted out.

Elvis: Problem is, he had a bad heart. He liked drugs, too. Liked them more than I did.

Elvis: Poor Bull. In the end... does anything really matter?

Elvis: I was goin' down for the last count. And I knew it.

Elvis: Kemosabe was dead of a ruptured heart before he hit the floor. Gone down and out with both guns blazing. Soul intact.

Elvis: It's a cancer. They're keeping it from me 'cause I'm old, and to them it doesn't matter. They think age will kill me first, and they're probably right. Well, suck them! I know what it is, and if it isn't... it might as well be.

Elvis: What do I really have left in life but this place? It ain't much of a home, but it's all I got. Well, goddamnit. I'll be damned if I let some foreign, graffiti writin', soul suckin', son of a bitch in an oversized cowboy hat and boots take my friend's souls and shit 'em down the visitors toilet!

Elvis: You got Ding Dongs, man?

JFK: I've Ding Dongs, Paydays and a whole *box* of Baby Ruths.

Elvis: Oh, mama.

[JFK opens a dresser drawer filled with goodies]

JFK: So, what'll be? Let's get decadent.

Elvis: [Smiling] I'll have a Baby Ruth.

Callie: It was nice meeting you, Mr. Presley.

Elvis: Get the hell outta here.

Elvis: Now the two key words for tonight - "caution" and "flammable".

JFK: Also "watch your ass".

Elvis: Shit, Bubba Ho-tep comes out of that creek bed, he's going to come out hungry and pissed. When I try to stop him he's going to shove this paint can up my ass and he's going to shove me and that wheelchair up Jack's ass.

Elvis: T.C.B., baby.

Elvis: Where'd old Bubba Ho-Tep go?

Elvis: [trapping a cockroach] Gotcha, you six-legged bastard!

Elvis: Tie me up.

Alyssa: Okay, mister kinky.

Elvis: Now spank me. Spank my hot, tight, rock-hard ass.

Alyssa: [starts mild spanking] Um... Elvis? I... I love you.

Elvis: Ditto, honeybunny.

Alyssa: You smell like a wet dog.

Elvis: Complainin'?

Alyssa: Nope.

[giggles]

Alyssa: Meow.

Elvis: [Sloe grabs Slevin by the throat and moves him into the living room] The Boss wants to see you.

Slevin: Who?

Sloe: The Boss.

Slevin: Who's the Boss?

Sloe: The guy we work for.

Slevin: [Sloe let's go of Slevin's throat] Jesus!

Elvis: Come here and sit your punk ass down.

Slevin: [He attempts getting up but is kept down by Sloe] I'm not the guy you're looking for. I don't live here.

Sloe: Yeah, well you look like the guy who lives here.

Slevin: Then you don't know what the guy who lives here looks like.

Elvis: What he means to say is that you look like you live here.

Sloe: Yeah, that's what I mean to say.

Slevin: [from an alternate scene on the DVD] God! This - this smarts. Remember when people used to say that - smarts? Why don't people use that word anymore? I mean, people use the word "pain" way too loosely. There are so many types of pain. I mean, a smart is a sharp, sharp pain. An ache is a dull pain.

Elvis: Hey man, do you ever shut the fuck up?

Slevin: Oh yeah, man, I can be real quiet. One time I didn't talk for three days. People kept coming up to me askin' me, 'Slevin, why aren't you saying anything?' I wouldn't even answer them. I just didn't have anything to say, you know? I can be real quiet. Real quiet.

Slevin: But I'm not Nick.

Elvis: Yeah, well, unfortunately for you, you're not the first cat to tell me you wasn't the guy I was looking for.

Slevin: You can ask Lindsey. She lives across the hall!

Elvis: Yo, man, I ain't askin' nobody nothin'! Nick, Slevin, Clark Kent, whatever the fuck your name is. The Virgin Mary herself could com waltzin' up in here with her fine ass, titties hangin' out and everything, and if she tells me your name is Jesus Christ, I STILL gotta take you to see the Boss.

Elvis: Yo, man, I ain't askin' nobody nothin'! Nick, Slevin, Clark Kent, whatever the fuck your name is. The Virgin Mary herself could com waltzin' up in here with her fine ass, titties hangin' out and everything, and if she tells me your name is Jesus Christ, I still gotta take you to see the Boss. You know why?

Slevin Kelevra: No.

Elvis: Orders. Now you do know what orders is right?

Slevin Kelevra: I think I know... -...

Elvis: Orders is orders.

Slevin Kelevra: So, I guess no one ever taught you not to use the word your defining in the definition.

Elvis: [smirks, punches Slevin] Say something else! I will break your motherfucking nose! I ain't playing with you!

Slevin Kelevra: My nose is already broken.

[scene cuts, with audio of Slevin being punched again, to Slevin's nose broken again]

Anabelle: [as Elvis lays in a field of daffodils] What the hell are you doing?

Elvis: I don't know. Waiting for you to get here.

Elvis: [after the police have come by the house looking for Annabelle] Where did you tell them we were?

Charlie: I just told them Annabelle had been here, but then uh, she just took off in our old Cadillac.

Elvis: What Cadillac?

Charlie: The one we've got parked up along side the house.

Elvis: Dad, we don't have a Cadillac.

Charlie: Well, they don't know that.

Charlie: When you gonna get a gal?

[no response from Elvis]

Charlie: When you gonna get a gal?

Elvis: I heard you the first time. Um... I don't know. I haven't met anyone.

Charlie: Well, you ain't gonna find her in the grocery store.

[Elvis chuckles]

Charlie: I like your story, Elvis.

Elvis: I like you, Dad.

Charlie: I like you more, Elvis.

[Charlie makes up a story in front of the cop]

Elvis: How did you do that?

Charlie: Well, I figured you learned your storytelling from somebody.

Geneva: [Discussing the embalming of her daughter, Annabelle] All I ask is that you make her beautiful one last time.

Elvis: Absolutely. I can guarantee you that.

Elvis: [after Annabelle has awoken on the embalming table] She's alive. She's alive! She's alive! She's alive! She's alive, Dad, wake up, wake up.

Charlie: What's the ruckus?

Elvis: [Calling the emergency line] Hello, I have an emergency. I'm at the Morreau Funeral Home. I'm a mortician. Uh, I was embalming this girl, my dad was embalming a girl and she suddenly woke up.

Charlie: Who woke up?

Elvis: [Still on the phone] I'm off the route 409, down in Cower, Texas. Am I what? Lady, I am bona. Send a paramedic, send an ambulance, send something! Bye!

Carty: Fuck's that?

Elvis: It's an everyday reminder of the absurdity of life - and the absolute certainty of death.

Carty: Fucking hell. What are these?

Elvis: Forest Hills.

Elvis: [Speaking to Leo, English subtitle] How long did they give you?