Egon Quotes in Ghostbusters II (1989)

Louis Tully: Your Honor, ladies and gentleman of the audience, I don't think it's fair to call my clients frauds. Sure, the blackout was a big problem for everybody. I was trapped in an elevator for two hours and I had to make the whole time. But I don't blame them. Because one time, I turned into a dog and they helped me. Thank you.

[the courtroom is in bewildered silence]

Egon: Very good, Louis. Short, but pointless.

Peter Venkman: Doh!

Ray: Re!

Egon: Egon!

Egon: Vigo the Carpathian. Born 1505, died 1610.

Peter Venkman: 105 years old, he hung in there, didn't he?

Ray: He didn't die of old age, either. He was poisoned, stabbed, shot, hung, stretched, disembowled, drawn and quartered.

Peter Venkman: Ouch.

Winston: Guess he wasn't too popular at the end, huh?

Egon: No, not exactly a man of the people. Also known as Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy.

Peter Venkman: Wasn't he also Vigo the Butch?

Ray: And dig this, there was a prophecy. Just before his head died, his last words were "Death is but a door. Time is but a window. I'll be back."

Egon: I'd like to run some gynecological tests on the mother.

Peter Venkman: Who wouldn't?

Ray: You mean you never even had a Slinky?

Egon: We had part of a Slinky. But I straightened it.

Ray: You think there's a connection between this Vigo character and the... slime?

Egon: Is the atomic weight of cobalt 58.9?

Peter Venkman: [as the Mayor walks in]

[Raising his voice over the rest of the 'Busters]

Peter Venkman: Lenny. Big man.

The Mayor: The Ghostbusters.

Winston: Mr. Mayor?

[Holds out his hand, wanting to shake his hand]

The Mayor: What is this? A slumber party?

Ray: Well, that's why we wanted to see you.

The Mayor: Listen, *I* don't want to hear anything about it. You got 2 minutes. Make it good.

Ray: [Getting started] Well, first of all Mr. Mayor, it's a great pleasure to see you again, and you'll be happy to know that 50% of us voted for you in the last election.

The Mayor: I appreciate that.

Peter Venkman: I'm sorry we have to meet under these circumstances.

Ray: Mr. Mayor, we're here tonight because a psychomagnatheric slimeflow of immense proprtions is building up beneath the city.

The Mayor: Psycho-what?

Egon: Psychomagnatheric.

Peter Venkman: Big word, big word.

Egon: Negative human emotions that are forming into a vicious ectoplasm with *explosive* supernormal potential.

The Mayor: Can somebody speak english here?

Winston: Uh yeah. Your honor, what we're trying to say is all of the bad feelings. You know hate, anger and the vibes of the city are turning into this *sludge*. I didn't believe in it either. But, we just went for a swim in it and end up almost killing each other.

Hardemeyer: [to the Mayor]

[Aggrivated]

Hardemeyer: This is insane! Do we *really* have to listen to this?

Peter Venkman: [to Hardemeyer] Can't you stop your lips from flapping for 2 little minutes?

[to the Mayor]

Peter Venkman: Lenny, have you been out on the street lately, do you know weird it is out there? We've taken our own headcount, there seems to be 3 *million* completely miserable assholes living in the Tri-State area.

Hardemeyer: [In disbelief] Please?

Peter Venkman: I beg your prdon, 3 million and *one*.

Hardemeyer: Hey.

Ray: And what *fuggy brain* here doesn't realize, that if we don't do something fast this whole place is gonna blow like a frog on a hot plate.

Hardemeyer: [In disbelief] Yeah right.

The Mayor: What do you want me to do, go on television and tell 3 million people they have to be *nice* to each other?

[Begins to walk off]

The Mayor: Being miserable and treating other people like dirt is every New Yorker's god-given right. Your 2 minutes are up, good night gentlemen.

Dana: How is he these days?

Egon: Peter? Well, he was borderline for a while... then he crossed the border.

Peter Venkman: [to Egon] Who told you to stop cutting? Somebody tell you to stop cutting?

First Cop: What are you guys doing here?

Peter Venkman: [to First Cop] You tell him to stop cutting?

First Cop: Yes, I told him to stop cutting. What are you doing?

Peter Venkman: What's it look like we're doing here? Why don't you let us work? We let you work.

Ray: [to Peter] Hey, take it easy.

[to First Cop]

Ray: He's been working overtime. I'll tell you why we're here. We're here because some diaper bag downtown's being a jerk and making us work on a Friday night. Am I right, Peter?

Peter Venkman: Of course you're right, Raymond.

[to Egon]

Peter Venkman: Is he right, Ziggy?

Egon: [pause] Yo!

Egon: Venkman, get a stool sample.

Peter Venkman: Business, or personal?

[Egon and Ray are showing Peter and Winston their breakthrough with a slime specimen]

Egon: Go ahead, Ray!

Ray: [shouting at the slime] You! You worthless piece of slime! You ignorant disgusting blob!

[slime twitches]

Egon: You're nothing but an unstable short-chained molecule!

Ray: You foul obnoxious muck!

[bubbles dangerously with every insult]

Egon: You have a weak electrochemical bond!

[starts to bubble over]

Ray: I have seen some disgusting crud in my time, but you take the cake!

Peter Venkman: This is what you do with your spare time?

[Ray has stepped in front of the painting of Vigo, blocking the Ghostbusters' attack]

Egon: Ray... we'd like to shoot the monster. Could you move, please?

Peter Venkman: Ray...

Winston: Ray?

Egon, Peter Venkman, Winston: RAY!

[Ray turns around, he is Ray/Vigo]

Ray: [demonic voice] NO! I, Ray, am Vigo, shall rule the Earth! Begone, you pitiful half-men!

Peter Venkman: Now!

[they attack]

Peter Venkman: Hi, Egon. How's school? I bet those science chicks really dig that large cranium of yours, huh?

Egon: I think they're more interested in my epididymis.

[piloting the Statue of Liberty]

Egon: We're running out of time, Ray, it's almost midnight. Can't you make her go any faster?

Ray: I'm afraid the vibrations will shake her to pieces. We should have padded her feet.

Egon: I don't think they make Nikes in her size, Ray.

Peter Venkman: Hey, she's tough. She's a harbor chick!

Judge Wexler: Peter Venkman, Raymond Stantz, Egon Spengler,

[yells]

Judge Wexler: Stand up! Get up!

[the Ghostbusters stand up]

Judge Wexler: You too, Mr. Tully.

[Louis stands up]

Judge Wexler: [furious] I find guilty on all charges. I order to pay fines in the amount of $25,000 each...

[the mood slime burbles; Ray notices it]

Judge Wexler: ... and I sentence you to 18 months in the City Correctional Facility at Riker's Island.

Ray: Egie, she's twiching.

Judge Wexler: [yells] I'M NOT FINISHED!

[slime continues to boil]

Judge Wexler: On a more presonal note, let me just go on record as saying that there's no place for fakes, charlatans...

Egon: Uh, your honor?

Judge Wexler: [cuts Egon off] Shut up! Or tricksters like you in desent society!

Peter Venkman: Your honor, this is important.

Judge Wexler: You play on the gullibility of innocent people!

Ray: Yes, sir...

Judge Wexler: Be quiet!

Ray: But...

[poits to the bubbling mood slime as it spills over]

Judge Wexler: [yelling] If my hands weren't tied by the alterable fetters of the law, then I would invoke the tradition of our illustrious forbears, reach back to a purer, sterner justice

[screaming at the top of his lungs]

Judge Wexler: and have you BURNED AT THE STAKE!

[the ghosts of the Scoleri brothers bursts from the slime; the jury members, many vistors and the prosecutor are all frightened]

Ray: [amazed] Wow!

Judge Wexler: [shocked and frightened] Oh, my God! The Scoleri Brothers!

[Wexler leaps from his bench as the ghosts attempt to attack him. He then crawls to Louis and the now-prosecuted Ghostbusters]

Judge Wexler: [yells] The Scoleri Brothers!

Ray: Friends of yours?

Judge Wexler: I've tried them for murder! Gave them the chair!

Janosz: [on waking after being freed from his possession, singing] They will come from behind... Ah, ah... why am I drippings with goo?

Egon: You had a violent prolonged transformative psychic episode.

Egon: Let's see what happens when we take away the puppy.

Egon: [producing a toaster] Ordinary household toaster.

Peter Venkman: We'll take your word for that.

Ray: Two in the box.

Egon: Ready to go.

Peter Venkman: We be fast.

Ray, Egon, Peter Venkman: They be slow.

[the Ghostbusters have been committed to a mental hospital]

Ray: As I explained before, we think the spirit of a 17th century Moldavian tyrant is alive and well in a painting at the Manhattan Museum of Art.

Psychiatrist: Uh-huh, and are there any other paintings in the museum with bad spirits in them?

Egon: You're wasting valuable time. He's drawing strength from a psychomagnotheric slime flow that's been collecting under the city.

Psychiatrist: Yes, tell me about the slime.

Winston: It's very potent stuff. We made a toaster dance with it.

[motions to Peter]

Winston: And a bathtub tried to eat his friend's baby.

Psychiatrist: A bathtub?

Peter Venkman: [with his head buried in his arms in despair] Don't look at me. I think these people are completely nuts.

Egon: [talking about the mood slime after yelling at it] We're running tests to see if we can get an equally strong positive response.

Peter Venkman: What kind of tests?

Ray: Well, we sing to it, talk to it, and say supportive, nurturing things to it.

Peter Venkman: You're not sleeping with it, are you, Ray?

[Ray doesn't answer, but stares intently at Egon]

Peter Venkman: [noticing Egon, teasingly] You hound.

Winston: It's always the quiet ones.

Egon: [clears throat, and hastily changes the subject] How 'bout the kinetic test?

[viewing the River of Slime]

Egon: You know how much negative energy would be necessary to generate a flow this size?

Winston: New York - what a town, huh?

Judge Wexler: [two ghosts in electrics chairs are attacking the court room] The Scolari brothers!

Ray: Friends of yours?

Judge Wexler: I tried them for murder, gave 'em the chair! You've got to do something!

Egon: Why don't you just tell them you don't believe in ghosts?

Egon: [Looking at Pictures of Vigo that Peter took earlier] You're right, Ray. Multiplatform anomination.

Ray: [getting another picture] Yeah, well here is the next months' front cover of GQ, check out the aura on this sucker. Now there is definitely a living presence there.

Egon: We should get a deeper look.

Ray: I 'll run this one through the Spectrogram

[Puts a picture into the spectrogram, now talks about dinner]

Ray: So, what do you think, Chinese?

Egon: Uh, how about Thai?

Ray: Nah, too spicy. Greek?

Egon: Uh, Mexican?

Ray: Pizza?

Egon: Thin or thick?

Ray: Chicago.

Egon: [Takes out a picture of Vigo] What the hell is that?

[picks up his giant maginfying glass]

Ray: I know what it is.

[Unbeknownst to Ray and Egon, the door is suddenly locked]

Ray: I've seen this before.

Egon: Where?

Ray: Remember when you had me dangling like a worm on a hook 100 feet below 1st Avenue?

[Shows the slime on the picture]

Ray: That's the river of slime.

Ray: [after getting off of the phone with Peter] Spangler. A major slime-related psychokinetic event.

Egon: What happened?

Ray: Something came out of Dana's bathtub, tried to grab her and the baby.

Egon: Are they all right?

Ray: Yeah, she got out of there and went over to Venkman's.

Egon: This is interesting, Ray. Remember that Vigo character Peter mentioned? Look what came up

[Goes to his computer and types up Vigo's profile]

Ray: Nice ugly history. Do you think there's a connection to this Vigo character and the...

[Looks at the slime which is still bubbling]

Ray: slime?

Egon: Is the atomic weight of colbalt 58.9?

[looking at Oscar's nursery]

Egon: Cozy. My parents didn't believe in toys.

Egon: [after a ghost train runs through Winston] I think that was the old New York Central "City of Albany"! Derailed in 1920! Killed hundreds of people! Did you catch the number on the locomotive?

Winston: Sorry. I missed it.

Egon: I think that was the New York Central City Albany! Derailed in 1920 and killed hundreds of people, did you catch the number on the locomotive?

Winston: Sorry, I missed it.

Egon: Something's trying to stop us, we must be close.

Judge Wexler: [At the Ghostbusters' trial] Before we begin this trial, I want to make one thing very clear: The law does not recognize the existence of ghosts, and I don't believe in them either. So I don't wanna hear a lot of malarkey about goblins, spooks, and demons. We're gonna stick to the facts in this case. Leave the ghost stories to the kiddies, understood?

Winston: Wow. Sounds like a pretty open-minded guy, huh?

Egon: Yeah, they call him "The Hammer."

Ray: What can we do? It's all in the hands of our lawyer now.

Louis Tully: I think you guys are making a big mistake. I do mostly tax law and some probate stuff occasionally. I got my law degree at night school.

Ray: Well, that's fine, Louis. We got arrested at night.

Peter Venkman: [the Ghostbusters enters the museum's restoration room] All right, suck in the guts, guys. We're the Ghostbusters.

[they breathe in]

Janosz: [approaches the four; claps] No! No, please go! You...

Ray: Who's this wiggler?

Ray: He's yours, Ray. Sic him.

Peter Venkman: [to Peter] I have discuss things with you. Now I...

Ray: Hi, how are you? Ray Stantz from the Ghostbusters. Nice to see you. Beautiful lab you have here.

Janosz: Can I tell what I told your friend?

Ray: We're just doing a routine spook check.

Janosz: Eh, Dr. Venkman, Dana is not here.

Peter Venkman: Yeah, we know that, Johnny.

Janosz: So why are you came?

Peter Venkman: Well, we got a report there was a major creep in the area. We checked our list and you were right there at the top. Johnny, where the hell are you from anyway?

Janosz: The Upper West Side.

Egon: The whole room's extremely hot, Peter.

Janosz: Hot?

Winston: [notices the painting of Vigo] Ooh, that's one ugly dude.

Peter Venkman: Oh, that's Vigo. Mr. Vigo?

Janosz: Uh...

Peter Venkman: [starts to take pictures of Vigo] Vigs, would you look this way, please?

Janosz: Please. No, don't. No, no!

Peter Venkman: Come on, show me something.

Janosz: No! No photographs, please! Slides are available in the Gift Shop, eh?

[Winston pulls Janosz out of the way; Janosz yells]

Peter Venkman: Yeah, thanks. Thank you, Winston.

Egon: ...700-800 people work there.

Benny: 700-800! That's a lot!

Egon: Yes, that's because it's fully automated.