Dana Quotes in Ghostbusters II (1989)

[Dana hands Oscar to Peter]

Dana: It's late, I really ought to put him down.

Peter Venkman: May I?

Dana: Yeah, if you want to.

Peter Venkman: [points in baby's face] You're short, your bellybutton sticks out too far, and you're a terrible burden on your poor mother.

Dana: How is he these days?

Egon: Peter? Well, he was borderline for a while... then he crossed the border.

Dana: Okay, but after dinner, don't put any of those old cheap moves on me. It's different now.

Peter Venkman: Oh, no! I have all NEW cheap moves.

Peter Venkman: So, what happened to Mr. Right? I heard he ditched you and went to Europe.

Dana: He did not ditch me. We had some problems, and he got a very good offer from an orchestra in London and he took it.

Peter Venkman: So he ditched you?

Peter Venkman: Dana, you just never got it. I'm a man, I need to feel loved. I need to be desired!

Dana: When you started introducing me as the old ball and chain, that's when I left.

Peter Venkman: [to Dana] Well you're probably feeling what Vigo's feeling: "Carpathian Kitten Loss." He misses his kitty! Well, we'll just place one in here right by the castle.

[Peter grabs a brush and moves towards the Vigo painting]

Janosz: [Trying to stop Peter] Don't go 'round altering valuable art, Dr. Venkman... go... yes, I think, go... the joyfulness is over!

Dana: [to Janosz] He's kidding.

Peter Venkman: Well, you're not gonna get a green card with that attitude, pal!

Dana: His name is Oscar.

Peter Venkman: Named after a hot dog. You poor man. You poor, poor man.

Dana: You're much better than you realize. You don't give yourself enough credit.

Peter Venkman: I need to hear that kind of stuff. You know, if I had this kind of stuff for like on a 24-hour basis, I could have myself whipped into shape by the end of this century.

Dana: Hello, Peter.

Peter Venkman: [whips around Melodramatically, and speaks in a soap opera-esque deep tone] Hello, Dana.

Dana: You know, I think we got more food on your shirt than we did in your mouth. Bath... yes, bath. It's your favorite thing. Bath. It's your favorite thing! It's your favorite thing! Because I know what you get to do. You know what you get to do? You know what's more fun than anything? Huh? Splash Mommy. "I get to splash Mommy!" Yes! Now to get ready for this, Mommy's going to take her shirt off too...

[Takes off shirt, picks Oscar up. Turns around. The mass of pink slime reaches for Oscar and attacks; Dana screams and runs]

Dana: So what do you think?

Peter Venkman: Well, he's ugly. I mean, he's not Elephant Man ugly, but he's not attractive. Was his father ugly?

Dana: [to Oscar] Don't listen.

Peter Venkman: And he stinks! You're ripe, Senor! Did his father stink? Yeah, I bet Daddy was smelly, wasn't he?

Dana: But seriously, there's nothing... unusual about him, is there?

Peter Venkman: Well, I don't have a lot of experience with babies... but you're excited now, because Mama's here to get your stool sample!

Dana: Stool sample?

Peter Venkman: Yeah...

Janosz: This is Prince Vigo, the ruler of Carpathia and Moldavia.

Peter Venkman: Bit of a sissy, isn't he?

Janosz: He was a very powerful magician, Dr. Venkman. And, a genius in many ways.

Dana: He was also a lunatic and a genocidal madman. I hate this painting.

Peter Venkman: Dana, did you see some shirts here in the floorboard area?

Dana: Yeah, I put them in the hamper.

Peter Venkman: I have a hamper?

Peter Venkman: Dana, the guys are going down to the sewer to check for slime stuff. And Egon thinks there may be a huge surge in cockroach breeding. Want to blow off this dinner thing and go with them?

Dana: Taxi!

Barnhill: Hey! Check it out! Len Strader's in her underwear!

Dana: Let me see!

Barnhill: Sorry. She just ducked behind McClipman's house.

Dana: Barnhill, you're such a liar.

Barnhill: You're such a shrimp.

Nick Campbell: I might be detecting a bit of an accent.

Dana: You are?

Nick Campbell: Uh huh. I have a very good ear. English, right?

Nick Campbell: [with a mock British accent] 'Hello, Governor! Oliver Twist! More bread, please, sir!'

Dana: Australian, actually.

Nick Campbell: Really? Similar flags, though.

Dana: Are you talking about regret?

Nick Campbell: Well, I don't want to add *not* asking you out to that list, because the credit card is maxed out.

Dana: Okay, so, let me establish, you are in fact asking me out on a date?

Nick Campbell: Yes. And I figure I'm such a mountain of mistakes that going out with me just once this evening will be like packing 10 years of bad experience into, ya know, one night.

Nick Campbell: You know, Google has single-handedly cut into my ability to bullshit.

Dana: Cramping your style?

Nick Campbell: Big time.

Dana: Make you a better person?

Nick Campbell: Yeah, true. 90% Google, 10% you.

Dana: Just 10%? Really?

Nick Campbell: Let's call it 20%.

Dana: [giggling] You know, I didn't expect that I would like you.

Nick Campbell: I didn't think you'd like me, either.

Dana: I am so excited to see this film. Dustoff Varnya is such a brilliant director. Did you see his last film, The Flower that Drank the Moon? It was... glorious.

Seymour: I must have missed that one. Then again, what do I know? I like Laurel and Hardy movies.

Dana: Really? I never really cared for those. I mean, why does the fat one always have to be so mean to the skinny one?

Fletcher: Mrs. Cole, is this a copy of your driver's liscense?

[shows paper]

Samantha: That's right.

Fletcher: It says here you are a blonde, are you? If you don't remember perhaps Mr. Faulk will.

Samantha: Brunette.

Fletcher: Maybe if we play the tape again, maybe it's on there...

Samantha: I'm a brunette!

Fletcher: Thank you. Now let's see... weight 105? Yeah, in your bra.

Dana: Your honor, I object.

Fletcher: You would!

Dana: Bastard!

Fletcher: Hag!

Judge Stevens: QUIET! Overruled! Weight?

Samantha: 118.

[Fletcher gives her a look]

Samantha: Alright, fine, fine, I'm 127.

Fletcher: Uh, huh, and it says here you were born in 1964, but that's not true either is it? Is it!

Samantha: No.

Fletcher: Please tell the court what's on your birth certificate under Date of Birth.

Dana: Your honor, I object. What does this have to do with anything?

Judge Stevens: Overruled. Mrs. Cole, answer the question.

Samantha: 1965.

Fletcher: Now let get this straight. That means you lied about your age to make yourself older. But why would any woman want to DO THAT?

Samantha: I changed it so I could get married.

Fletcher: AND THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE! My client lied about her age! She was only 17 when she got married, which makes her a minor. And in the great state of California, no minor can enter into any legal contract without parental consent.

[to Dana]

Fletcher: Including...?

Dana: [sighs] Prenuptual agreements.

Fletcher: Prenuptual agreements! This contract is void! The fact that my client has been riden more than Seattle Slew is irrelevant. Standard Community Property applies and she is entitled to half of the marital assets, or $11.395 million. Jordan fades back, swoosh, and THAT'S THE GAME! Nothing further, your honor!

Judge Stevens: How are we this morning, Counselor?

Dana: Fine, thank you.

Judge Stevens: And how about you, Mr. Reede?

Fletcher: I'm a little upset about a bad sexual episode I had last night.

[Shocked pause]

Judge Stevens: Well, you're young. It'll happen more and more. In the meantime, what do you say we get down to business?

Dana: He's badgering the witness!

Judge Stevens: It's his witness!

Fletcher: You had sex with her everytime you met, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU? LIAR!

Dana: He's badgering the witness!

Judge: It's his witness.

Fletcher: You slammed her! You dunked her donut! You gave her dog a Snausage! YOU STUFFED HER LIKE A THANKSGIVING TURKEY!

[Makes gobbling noises while pushing himself against the table]

Kenneth Falk: Alright! Alright, it's true, okay? I humped her brains out! There, now ya happy?

[awkward silence]

Fletcher: No further questions.

Dana: You Wanna play hard ball? I'm game.

Fletcher: [mockingly] Wanna play hard ball? I'm game.

Judge Stevens: I understand both parties have agreed to joint custody, is that correct?

Dana: Yes.

Fletcher: Yes.

Samantha: No! I'm contesting custody.

Fletcher: What?

Samantha: If I get sole custody of the kids, that's another 10 grand in child support payments.

Fletcher: You just won 11 million dollars!

Ashley Albright: Jake... Jake is the guy I kissed at the masquerade bash.

Dana: Uh-uh.

Ashley Albright: Yes!

Dana: No!

Ashley Albright: Yes!

Ashley Albright: No!

Ashley Albright: Yes.

Dana: Yes. That's great. He's hot.

Ashley Albright: You don't understand. If I kiss Jake, it's hello fabulous carefree life.

Dana: And that's a problem.

Ashley Albright: Dana, how's my 'scope?

Dana: Leo, Leo... *tuts* Your moon is in Uranus.

Dana: Ooo.

Ashley Albright: Doesn't sound pretty.

Ashley Albright: [finding a dress with her dry cleaning] This isn't mine.

Dana: Who's is it?

Ashley Albright: [reading the tag] Sarah Jessica Parker's.

[Maggie screams]

Dana: What?

Ashley Albright: I'm not kidding.

Maggie: I didn't know Sarah Jessica Parker lived in your building.

Dana: Oh, my God. And look, it's Dolce.

Ashley Albright: Oh, my gosh. I can return it tomorrow.

Dana: Let me look. Ah, yes. Your size. What are the odds?

Maggie: Don't be jealous.

Ashley Albright: You know, this might actually look cute on me.

Maggie: You can totally wear it tonight.

Dana: I'm gonna need some chocolate now.

Maggie: I'm gonna need some milk.

Ashley Albright: I'm gonna try on the dress.

Dana: So did you?

Ashley Albright: Okay, David Pennington is a gentleman. We kissed.

Dana: Boring.

Ashley Albright: [to Zuki] Check please, Zuki.

Zuki, Japanese Maitre D': Okay.

Ashley Albright: Thank you.

Maggie: So was it a normal kiss or was it a supernatural tingling in your toes butterflies in your tummy kiss.

Ashley Albright: It was enough to get him to ask me on another date.

[Zuki hands Ashley the bill]

Dana: No, no, no, no, no. Uh-uh.

Ashley Albright: [to her company credit card] Wait, what's that?

[to Dana and Maggie]

Ashley Albright: Señor Platibum says lunch is on him.

Dana: I can't stand this.

Ashley Albright: What?

Dana: And now on top of everything else Peggy Braden has given you world wide buying power. There's positive energy and then there's just plain dumb luck.

Dana: [to Ashley after she wins on a scratch ticket] You are the luckiest person in the world.

Ashley Albright: [to Maggie] Oh... I never noticed. Is your cat all black?

Maggie: Yeah. Why?

Ashley Albright: Just curious. Well this is nice. We'll have fun. Everything's gonna be... Oh, my god.

Dana: What?

Ashley Albright: I have a zit. I have a zit. Girls, I have a zit!

[Ashley's hair gets caught in the hair dryer and she smashes the bathroom window]

Dana: Ash, are you okay in there?

Ashley Albright: Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Dana: Ashley? Ash!

[Ashley causes the lights in the entire building to blackout]

Mr. Burke: Now, when I say "Romeo and Juliet," who comes to mind?

Dana: Claire Danes?

Mr. Burke: That's right, Claire Danes. Who else?

Chad: Leonardo DiCaprio.

Mr. Burke: Right. Who else? Well, you know someone else was involved in that movie who in some ways is as famous as Leonardo Di Caprio. And his name is William Shakespeare. And some great movies have been made based on his plays: Hamlet, West Side Story, The Talented Mr. Ripley, Waterworld, Gladiator, Chocolat...

Dana: I knew this one girl and I swear, she did it on a rollercoaster. Hey Ferris, where's the weirdest place you ever did it?

Ferris: None of your business.

Cinder: Why not?

[to the girls]

Cinder: She probably doesn't know anything.

Ferris: I know enough.

Cinder: Ever been to fourth base?

Ferris: I'm fifteen. No one goes to fourth base...

Cinder: I hit a home run at fourteen. Well I guess some of us are women, and some of us are little girls.

[to Angel]

Cinder: Which are you?

Angel: I think guys are a pain in the ass.

Cinder: Two little virgins. How quaint. No wonder they're always fighting. It's all that unreleased energy. Probably lezzies.

Ferris: Maybe she is, but I'm straight.

Dana: [prepping Angel on losing her virginity] Now remember, don't be scared! That's the most important thing. And uh, don't... don't talk about your past. That turns men off.

Angel: I don't have a past, idiot.

Cinder: Ferris probably isn't gay, just sexually immature.

Dana: Whoa!

Cinder: I bet she'd go all the way if she had the chance! Right?

Ferris: [reluctantly] Sure! I'm ready.

Sunshine: Ferris, I'm kinda glad you and Gary didn't fool around. Kissing is more romantic.

Cinder: What do *you* know?

Sunshine: [hesitates] Nothing.

Cinder: Oh, a third virgin. How quaint.

Dana: Uh Cinder, better make that four.

Carrots: [smiling] Yeah, me too.

Cinder: You're all positively cherubic!

Carrots: You know who I just love? Andy Gibb. He's so cute.

Dana: Oh yeah. God I love his ass... Well, you know, it's so round and... cute.

Dana: [after they steal a condom machine from a bathroom] We're gonna get arrested.

Dana: [watching boys skinny dip] Oh, that unmatched form and feature of blown youth blasted with ecstasy! Oh, woe is me to have seen what I have seen, to see what I see!

Angel: Now what are you mouthing off about?

Dana: Those are Ophelia's lines to Hamlet. Don't you know anything?

Angel: I know one thing. Looking at a bunch of creeps skinny dipping may turn you all on... but I think it's crap.

Dana: [to Angel on losing her virginity] And don't worry. It's not THAT bad. If it was, everyone wouldn't be doing it.

Dana: So what happened? Come on, tell us, come on, come on, come on!

Ferris: He compared us to Romeo and Juliet. We had some chilled champagne.

Dana: An aphrodisiac! I told you about those.

Sunshine: Did, did it hurt?

Ferris: No!

Cinder: Such a child.

Penelope: Did you see him naked?

Ferris: No. It was dark.

Sunshine: Don't be disgusting.

Chubby: Then how'd he...?

Ferris: He didn't want to embarrass me so he turned off the light.

Carrots: Oh, I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die!

Dana: How cavalier! Come on, come on, come on!

Ferris: It was perfect! The darkness enveloped us.

Dana: This is better than books! I gotta tell you! This is great!

Cinder: The truth always is.

Dana: Somebody pushing your buttons?

Carol Anne: [burying the canary, Carol Anne says a prayer] Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

Dana: [sarcastically] Oh brother!

Diane: [to Dana] Stifle it.

Carol Anne: If I shall die before I wake...

Dana: [whispers to Diane] It did.

Carol Anne: ...I pray the Lord my soul to take.

Dana: Are you gonna do something about this?

Diane: About what?

Dana: Your new gray!

Diane: Oh! You don't like it. You don't think it's kinda PUNK!

Dana: WHAT'S HAPPENING?

Diane: Sweetheart, last night, when you said "They're here'...

Carol Anne: Can I take my goldfish to school?

Diane: Sweetheart, do you remember last night when you woke up, and you said "They're here'?

Carol Anne: Uh huh.

Diane: Well, who did you mean?

Carol Anne: The TV People.

Robbie: She's stoned.

Dana: Oh yeah? What do you know about it?

Robbie: More than you. Ask Dad.

Dana: I'll go check the kitchen!

Steve: NO! No, I'll do it! I'll check the kitchen, you check your room!

Steve: Carol Anne!

Dana: Carol Snne!

Diane: Carol Anne! Sweetheart!

Steve: DIANE!

Diane: Did you find her?

Steve: No, I looked everywhere! This is crazy!

Diane: OH MY! My God! She is in the swimming pool, the swimming pool, the swimming pool!

Dana: Mom! I'm going to dinner with Janice and Brian.

Diane: Is your room all packed up?

Dana: Everything but the bed!

Diane: So you better get Brian to bring you home right after dinner because Dad wants us to stay at the Holiday Inn on I-74.

Dana: Oh, yeah. I remember that place.

Dana: I'm so sorry I almost shot you... I probably wouldn't have.

Marty: Hey. Hey, no, shh, no. I totally get it.

[pauses to light a reefer]

Marty: I'm sorry I let you get attacked by a werewolf and then ended the world.

Dana: Me? Virgin?

The Director: We work with what we have.

Marty: Okay, my turn! Jules!

Jules: Mmm?

Marty: Truth or dare?

Jules: Let's go dare.

Marty: All right. I dare you... to make out with...

Curt: Please say "Dana," please say "Dana," please say "Dana."

Marty: ...that moose, over there.

Dana: Um, Marty? Have you ever seen a moose before?

Marty: Whatever that mysterious beast is.

Curt: That's a wolf.

Holden: That's clearly a wolf.

[last lines]

Marty: [incredulous] Giant evil gods.

Dana: I wish I could've seen them.

Marty: I know. That would have been a fun weekend.

[Curt sees that Jules is holding textbooks about Soviet economics and the Cold War]

Curt: What is this? What are these? What are you doing with these?

Dana: Okay. I get it. I'll leave the books.

Curt: [angrily to Jules] No, no, no. Who gave you these? Who taught you about these?

Jules: I learned it from you! Okay? I learned it from watching you!

[She runs out of the room in tears. Curt laughs]

Curt: [while staring at the lake] Hey, what is that?

Dana: What?

Curt: In the lake, right there.

Dana: Oh, come on.

Dana: You guys, I'm serious. There! There! God, it looks just like my girlfriend!

[pushes Jules into the water]

Marty: [whispers] Puppeteers...

Dana: Puppeteers?

Marty: Pop-Tarts? Did you say you have Pop-Tarts?

Dana: I don't think Curt even has a cousin.

Marty: And I think I can get it to go down.

Dana: Do we wanna go down?

Dana: Army of nightmares, huh?

[starts fliping switches and pressing buttons on control panel then sees the Purge button]

Dana: Let's get this party started.

[hits purge button, releasing all the monsters]

Dana: Thanks... For, uh... being decent.

Holden: No, it's the least I could do, since Curt and Jules sold you to me for marriage.

Dana: The whole world, Marty.

The Director: ...Is in your hands, Dana. There is no other way. You have to be strong.

Marty: [sarcastically] Yeah, Dana. You feeling strong?

Dana: Okay, so we need to stick together from now on.

Iggy: Right.

Alexandra: Yeah, good. So, um, I got my stuff downstairs, and I'm gonna go get it, and then I'm gonna meet you guys.

Dana: Right.

Iggy: [as Dana is about to attack the zombie] Wait, wait! Is this a Romero zombie or one of the new virus zombies?

Alexandra: What the hell are you talking about?

Dana: Okay, okay, now the old zombies are like, stiff.

Iggy: They lumber.

Dana: Whatever!

Iggy: No, no, not whatever, they lumber, it's important. The new ones are, like, super-fit sport zombies. Old zombies, we can take this guy; new zombies... we may be fucked.

Dana: [after just escaping into the attic from a small zombie horde] I think we lost them. Where's Alexandra?

Iggy: They ate her!

Dana: ...so we're the only ones left?

Iggy: I think it's just you and me, two mere mortals against evil unknown fighting the preternatural powers of a hell-spawn succubus!

Dana: F**k her! F**k her and the forces of darkness that created her, f**kin' she-bitch from hell. Hateful, evil murderous bitch with no friends and BAD SKIN!

[inhales sharply and slaps her bicep]

Dana: We can DO THIS! What do we have?

Iggy: For what?

Dana: ...like weapons to fight off the supernatural forces of darkness?

Iggy: Nothing.

Dana: Ughh. Something holy?

Iggy: Nope.

Dana: Spells, incantations?

Iggy: Bupkus.

Dana: Protective amulets?

Iggy: Big negatory.

Dana: There's gotta be some kind of magic charm to command the evil!

Iggy: I don't know, man.

Dana: [grabbing Iggy by the collar and shaking him] There's ALWAYS a magic charm to command the evil!

Iggy: [pauses and points at Dana before calmly saying] That just sounds gay.

Dana: There's gotta be something. ANYTHING!

Iggy: We got nothing, man. Nothing.

[whispers]

Iggy: Nothing.

Dana: [looks off as if she has an idea] ... and THAT is the best weapon we have.

Dale: Hey darling, you sleep okay? Oh my, this smells delicious. Delicious. Bon appetite, ladies. Dig in. Don't be bashful.

Dana: Shelly, please, don't eat it.

Dale: You ungrateful bitch. Maybe in college you can walk into any building and get your fancy foods and gourmet coffees but you don't know shit about the real world, missy. Hey! Out here if you want sushi you better catch you some fucking fish!

Jamal: Eve thought she saw a snake out there.

Curt: Wait. She saw a snake? Did you get a good look at it?

Eve: It looked like a black snake.

Jamal: A black mamba.

Shelly: A black mamba?

Jamal: Yeah. A big one.

Gary: Those things are like seriously dangerous.

Dana: Should we move camp?

Curt: It wasn't a black mamba. The mamba is an African snake. Only place you're going to see them are zoos and habitats. So we don't need to move. We're fine. Could have been a cottonmouth. They're pretty dangerous as well. Not as bad as a mamba but be careful guys.

Jamal: All I know is, it was big and black.

Eve: Yeah.