Dr. Abby Barnes Quotes in The Truth About Cats & Dogs (1996)

Dr. Abby Barnes: If I was a guy, I think women would, like, line up to go out with me. I'm smart. I have a good sense of humor. I make a great living.

Noelle: I'd fuck you.

Dr. Abby Barnes: Thank you, honey. I know you would.

Noelle: You and I combined make the perfect woman

Dr. Abby Barnes: No. You and I combined make the perfect political prisoner. What we really do well is act self-righteous and starve.

Noelle: What's wrong, Abby?

Dr. Abby Barnes: Nothing that a rooftop and an AK-47 won't take care of.

Dr. Abby Barnes: If you were trapped in Biosphere 2 for three years, who would you bring: Time Magazine's Woman of the Year or Playboy's Playmate of the Year?

Dr. Abby Barnes: [to a radio caller:] Dogs don't like to be left alone. It's not like, when you leave, he goes, "Great, time to finish writing my novel!" No, when their humans leave, dogs get depressed, and they show it.

Cosmetics Saleslady: We also have this new face cream which neutralizes the free radicals that attack the skin. Let me ask you: what's your skin regime?

Dr. Abby Barnes: My regime? The regime from which the radicals are trying to get free? Are we selling face cream or staging a coup?

Dr. Abby Barnes: How's it going?

Brian: Yeah, well, he snores, which was a problem, um, but we solved it.

Dr. Abby Barnes: How'd you do that?

Brian: Well, he slept on my face and I couldn't hear him any more.

Noelle: Disappointment doesn't kill.

Dr. Abby Barnes: Right... rejection kills. Disappointment only maims.

Noelle: Maybe it was all the cake he fed me.

Dr. Abby Barnes: What is that, the twinkie defense?

[over the phone]

Dr. Abby Barnes: Say something.

Brian: I want to make love to you.

Dr. Abby Barnes: Never on the first phone call.

Noelle: What is this? Is this cat hair?

Dr. Abby Barnes: I'm shedding. I'm extremely nervous.

[contemplating how to reveal Abby's true identity to Brian]

Noelle: Is your show on today?

Dr. Abby Barnes: Yeah.

Noelle: I'll go to his house and I'll turn on the radio.

Dr. Abby Barnes: And?

Noelle: Have you ever noticed how Superman and Clark Kent are never in the same room at the same time?

Brian: You're dumb and beautiful, and you're smart and - I gotta go.

Dr. Abby Barnes: Brian! Oh.

Dr. Abby Barnes: You burp and guys think its adorable. You puke and they line up to hold your hair back.