Crystal Falls Quotes in The Chumscrubber (2005)

Crystal Falls: You really don't care what people think, do you?

Dean Stiffle: No, I really don't.

Crystal Falls: That's a nice trick.

Dean Stiffle: Thanks, I studied in the far east.

Crystal Falls: Maybe you can show me how it's done?

Dean Stiffle: Step one? Years of ridicule.

Crystal Falls: [after Crystal's friends have mocked Troy's death to humiliate Dean] Look, I just wanted to apologize for what happened back there.

Dean Stiffle: Why? Did you do it?

Crystal Falls: No, but my friends did.

Dean Stiffle: Oh. Some pretty nice friends you got there.

Crystal Falls: What are you saying? It's better to have no friends at all?

Dean Stiffle: Actually, yeah. Yeah it is.

Crystal Falls: I probably would have ended up with a football player if I hadn't met you. And I'm not gonna lie - you've really kept it interesting, but I'm done.

Billy: What the fuck are you talking about?

Crystal Falls: [Billy is playing Charlie's tuba] What are you doing?

Billy: I was thinking of going out for marching band. It seems like that's what the chicks are into, right Crystal?

Crystal Falls: Oh yeah, Charlie nailed me all night long. It was unreal.

[Billy throws down the tuba, destroying it]

Crystal Falls: Why the hell did you do that for, Billy?

Billy: Because I'm a stupid bastard.

Billy: [to Charley] Hey, shitballs, come here. I want to show you something. Now, when you get to high school, if anyone tries to kick your ass - well, you're probably gonna get your ass kicked anyways, but if you weren't such a pussy, you could try this. Come at me, hit me in the chest.

[Charlie weakly hits him]

Billy: No, really come at me like you got a pair.

[Charlie lunges at Billy, who tosses him across the room]

Billy: Good! That was good!

Crystal Falls: Oh, my God, Billy! Are you hurt, Charley?

Lee: [Interrupting] He's about half your size, man!

Billy: Are you fucking kidding me? We're fucking kidnapping this kid! Am I the only one who fucking remembers that?

Lee: You're such a dick, Billy.

Crystal Falls: How do you eat that stuff?

Dean Stiffle: What, this?... Pretty much in a standard way.

Crystal Falls: You know, if I ate that everyday, I'd have a big fat ass.

Dean Stiffle: Is that your greatest fear?

Crystal Falls: No, but it's my mom's greatest wish.

Dean Stiffle: What? That you be fat?

Crystal Falls: No, just fatter than her, anyway.

Dean Stiffle: Sounds healthy.

Dean Stiffle: I read the statistics, that the average kid sees something like, 10,000 dead bodies on TV before he turns 18.

Crystal Falls: Is that what it was like? Like TV?

Dean Stiffle: No - it wasn't like that at all.

Crystal Falls: Dean, you're not crazy.

Dean Stiffle: You know... there are several major book chains that would be willing to disagree with you on that point.

Crystal Falls: Is it true that you found Troy?

Dean Stiffle: Why?

Crystal Falls: I was... just wondering.

Dean Stiffle: Just wondering - so you want me to tell you a bunch of gory details, is that it?

Crystal Falls: [Crystal begins to walk away] It's impossible trying to talk to you.

Dean Stiffle: Crystal, come on in!

Crystal Falls: Dean I need your help...

Dean Stiffle: [Troy's hanging from a rope tied to the ceiling] It's Troy. Look, Troy's back!

Crystal Falls: That's not funny!

Dean Stiffle: Come on, Crystal. You remember Troy... you guys were friends, right?

Troy: She wasn't my friend. Is that what she said?

Dean Stiffle: Oh, well - Troy says you guys weren't friends.

Crystal Falls: Dean, there's nobody here.

Troy: Tell her to fuck off!

Dean Stiffle: I don't think Troy wants to see you right now, so...

Crystal Falls: Dean, Troy's dead! I mean he killed himself...

Dean Stiffle: No, no, no! No, he's back. He's not dead. Troy, tell her you're not dead.

Troy: I am not dead.

Dean Stiffle: You see, Crystal?

Troy: ...But who could call this a life. Well - here we go.

[Troy falls from the rope onto the floor]

Dean Stiffle: Troy...

Crystal Falls: Dean?

Dean Stiffle: Troy...

Crystal Falls: Dean, stop it.

Dean Stiffle: [Troy's shadow is cast over the wall towards Dean] What do you want? Look this wasn't my fault! Okay?

Dean Stiffle: [Towards Crystal] He didn't even tell me, okay? He was my best friend and he didn't even tell me he was going to kill himself! I could have stopped him. I wish I could have stopped him...

Crystal Falls: Dean... Dean, Charley's going to get hurt!

Crystal Falls: You all right? I mean, after what Billy did this morning?

Dean Stiffle: It's fine. I don't care.

Crystal Falls: I'm Crystal.

Dean Stiffle: I know. Everyone knows who you are.

Crystal Falls: You don't like to talk much, do you? I mean, or is it just that you don't like talking to me?

Dean Stiffle: What do you want?

Crystal Falls: I just want to say I'm sorry, that's all.

Dean Stiffle: Oh, you were apart of that?

Crystal Falls: No, but they're my friends. The guys who did it.

Dean Stiffle: Oh. Nice friends you have.

Crystal Falls: Well, better to have no friends at all?

Dean Stiffle: Honestly? Yeah. Yeah it is. Yeah.

Crystal Falls: You know that's why you get so much shit, right? The way you act like you're so much smarter than everyone else?

Dean Stiffle: Well, I don't torment people I don't know...

Crystal Falls: I thought you said you didn't care.

Dean Stiffle: I'm talking about Troy. But since you can't apologize to him for this morning, I guess apologizing to me is enough to make yourself feel better, is that right?

Crystal Falls: You know what? I was really wrong. You're definitely not smarter than the rest of us.

Dean Stiffle: Oh? And why is that?

Crystal Falls: ...Because Troy was my friend.

Dean Stiffle: Hello?

Crystal Falls: Dean?

Dean Stiffle: ...Jesus, can't you guys just leave me alone?

Crystal Falls: I'd love to Dean, but I can't.

Dean Stiffle: Yeah, why not?

Crystal Falls: I need your help.

Dean Stiffle: Yeah, I doubt that.

Crystal Falls: You know it all, huh?

Dean Stiffle: What do you want, Crystal?

Crystal Falls: Well, you know when Billy said he kidnapped your brother?

Dean Stiffle: Yeah, that was a pretty lame bullshit job, huh?

Crystal Falls: No, it was no bullshit. He did take a kid, he just took the wrong one.

Dean Stiffle: The wrong what?

Crystal Falls: The wrong kid. Even though he has nothing to do with you, he won't let him go.

Dean Stiffle: ...I don't believe you.

Crystal Falls: [Sitting on a bench overlooking the neighbourhood] How old are you?

Charley Bratley: Thirteen.

Crystal Falls: Then why are you so small?

Charley Bratley: I don't know. Just am... My dad put me on this bulk 2000 for a while, this powder stuff? It ended up costing him $400, but after a couple of weeks, I got really bad diarrhea. I ended up losing, like, eight pounds. My dad went ballistic.

[Crystal and Charlie both laugh together. Charlie takes a puff of a cigarette and coughs]

Crystal Falls: You don't smoke, do you?

Charley Bratley: Sure... Well, no.

Crystal Falls: Well here's a secret...

Crystal Falls: [Takes the cigarette from Charlie] Don't act like somebody you're not. You do that long enough, you'll forget you were acting. And so will everyone else.

[Dean answers the phone to Billy]

Dean Stiffle: ...What?

Billy: Dean?

Dean Stiffle: What do you want?

Billy: We got Charlie.

Dean Stiffle: Who?

Billy: Your brother. We kidnapped your brother.

Dean Stiffle: What are you talking about, man?

Billy: I got him right now, man. He's scared shitless.

Dean Stiffle: [pauses] Why did you kidnap my brother?

Billy: So you know I'm not fucking around, I want the stuff from Troy.

Dean Stiffle: I already told you...

Billy: [Interrupting] I don't think you're listening. You are going to *get* me Troy's drugs.

Dean Stiffle: Or what?

Billy: Don't push me, psycho!

Dean Stiffle: [Dean walks downstairs and finds his brother sitting on the couch] ... Or what?

Billy: I'll kill him. That's what, I'm going to kill him... I'm not fucking around man, I swear to God, I'll cut off his fucking head!

Dean Stiffle: [pauses to look at his brother] Fine. Kill him.

[Billy hangs up]

Crystal Falls: What did he say?

Billy: ...Maybe he really is crazy.

Crystal Falls: Billy, what did he say?

Billy: He said for us to kill him.