Clara Topper Quotes in Topper Returns (1941)

Eddie, the Chauffeur: Doors closing by themselves. People talkin' to nuthin' and gettin' answers. I'm going back.

Clara Topper: Back where?

Eddie, the Chauffeur: To Mr. Benny. Ain't nuthin' like this ever happened there.

Clara Topper: Trying to make these policemen understand something is harder than doing it yourself.

Sgt. Roberts: Where's your husband?

Clara Topper: In the icebox.

Sgt. Roberts: Has he got the body with him?

Clara Topper: Certainly. Under his overcoat.

Clara Topper: Why, you're all wet. Is it raining out? Oh, but you haven't been out. Can't be raining in. Well, if it has, it's all cleared up.

Clara Topper: I think its ridiculous for a man of your age to pursue young girls. What will the neighbors think?

Cosmo Topper: I didn't pursue them, Clara. They forced themselves on me.

Clara Topper: Don't be absurd! Imagine girls, pretty girls, forcing themselves on a paunchy, middle-aged man.

Cosmo Topper: Why, I don't think I'm paunchy.

Clara Topper: Don't try to change the subject! At least you might have waved to me when you went by!

Cosmo Topper: I've explained that, darling. I couldn't. That girl was sitting on my lap.

Clara Topper: I know she was! I warn you, Cosmo. If ever you do a thing like this again, I'm going back to Mama.

Clara Topper: Oh, stop all this fiddle-faddle!

Clara Topper: Oh! Where's that friend of yours? The one that goes around sitting on people's laps!

Mr. Carrington: I think you'll find him in the sitting room.

Clara Topper: The sitting room.

Topper's Maid: Maybe she's still sitting on his lap?

Clara Topper: Sitting on his lap? Good heavens! You mean you've got a room just for that?

Clara Topper: Edward, you look for him down that way.

Eddie, the Chauffeur: Its awful dark down there.

Clara Topper: Darkness never hurt anyone.

Eddie, the Chauffeur: It ain't the darkness, Mrs. Topper. Its what's in it!

Clara Topper: Don't be silly. There's no difference light and dark; except, the lights are out.

Sgt. Roberts: [on the phone] Cosmo Topper. Well, what's he look like?

Clara Topper: Like a banker. Of course, that's because he is a banker.

Sgt. Roberts: Well, can you describe him?

Clara Topper: Well, he wears a size 15 shirt with a 33 sleeve. A 9 and a half sock liner. And he's slightly bald.