Brett Miles Sanford Quotes in All Over the Guy (2001)

[discussing the bad dates Brett's set Eli up on]

Brett Miles Sanford: Look I know it didn't go all so, you know, that well last time with... Richard, was it?

Eli Wyckoff: Rita! From UPS. She was a woman!

Brett Miles Sanford: Whatever, she was still gay. That's your problem, you're so picky.

[discussing Eli's bad date with Tom the previous night]

Eli Wyckoff: He kept saying, "You do the math," even when it made no sense sense. What a turn-off.

Brett Miles Sanford: What's the turn-on? According to your mother you haven't had a hard-on since she first took you to see THE NUTCRACKER at the Jewish Community Center in first grade.

Eli Wyckoff: Stop talking to my mother about my sex life.

Brett Miles Sanford: What sex life?

Eli Wyckoff: I have one!

Brett Miles Sanford: Uh huh, right.

[makes jerking off motions]

Eli Wyckoff: Ok, y'know, it counts. I spent 10 years learning which buttons to push, now I just have to look at myself and I cum.

Brett Miles Sanford: Eww.