Bill Truitt Quotes in The Opposite of Sex (1998)

[Pulling on Jason's nipple ring to get information about where Dedee and Matt are]

Jason Bock: Ow, that's pierced! Ow!

Bill Truitt: Listen to me, you little grunge faggot. I survived my family, my schoolyard, every Republican, every other Democrat, Anita Bryant, the Pope, the fucking Christian Coalition, not to mention a real son of a bitch of a virus, in case you haven't noticed. In all that time since Paul Lynde and Truman Capote were the only fairies in America, I've been busting my ass so that you'd be able to do what you wanted with yours! So I don't just want your obedience right now - which I do want and plenty of it - but I want your fucking gratitude, right fucking now, or you're going to be looking down a long road at your nipple in the dirt! Do you hear what I'm saying?

Jason Bock: Yes!

Bill Truitt: Take me to them!

Jason Bock: OK, fine, just let me go! Let me go!

[Bill lets go]

Jason Bock: Ow, ow, ow, fuck! Jesus. You're supposed to be my brother, man!

Bill Truitt: Hey, I *was* brotherly, man. Think where else you're pierced. Let's go.

Dedee: I'd like a Long Island iced tea, please.

Bill Truitt: Is that a good idea, for the baby?

Dedee: Oh, please. This baby owes its life to Long Island iced teas, if you know what I mean.

Lucia: I don't know how you do it. You're always so nice and so calm. Tom was like that too. It's depressing.

Bill Truitt: You're nice.

Lucia: That's how I always felt around you too, like the Baroness in The Sound of Music. While everybody's just singing and climbing an Alp. And I just wanna STUFF THAT GUITAR UP THAT NUN'S ASS! And... ugh!

Lucia: I don't know. I just don't - I don't get sex.

Bill Truitt: You should get out more.

Lucia: I mean, "I don't understand sex." I don't get it. Get it? It seems like a lot of trouble for not much. Am I the only one that thinks this?

Bill Truitt: I don't think you're the tip of an iceberg, frankly.

Lucia: I would rather have a backrub, you know. It lasts longer and there's no fluids. You know, what's so great about that? It's like, "Hi! I'd like to blow my nose on your face." I mean, you wouldn't like that, would you?

Bill Truitt: And after they do it, they never phone you.

Lucia: Yeah, or a shampoo. You know, just a really great shampoo. That would make sense. If you were chasing this asshole all around the country because he gave really great shampoos...

Bill Truitt: It's not just sex, Lucia. I CARE for Matt, alright?

Lucia: It IS sex, Bill. You just won't admit it. Cuz you wanna be above that. You wanna think that nothing that happened happened because you like sex.

Bill Truitt: I'm really beat.

Lucia: You know, sex kills, Bill. You just - you won't accept that. But why do you think there's no more real Hawaiians, huh? And why would they bother coming up with the phrase "died in childbirth" if it only happened one time? It's fucking dangerous, sex!

Bill Truitt: Tom didn't die because of sex.

Lucia: Didn't he? I mean, PC crap aside, didn't sex kill Tom? Huh? I mean, if he just couldn't get enough shampoos or backrubs, wouldn't he still be here today?

Bill Truitt: You might as well say I killed him.

Lucia: You didn't give it to him.

Bill Truitt: No, but some OTHER faggot did! Isn't that what you think?

Lucia: No. What I think is: Fine. Chase this bimbo from Indiana to Chippewa Falls, for all I care. Go ahead. Throw away your reputation, your job, and your students, and whatever because you want Matt. That's - it your RIGHT! Just don't say that it's about love, okay? You're an English teacher. Call things by their right name.

Lucia: Bill, I don't think he's as stupid we think.

Bill Truitt: As you think, Lucia.

[She gets mad and walks to the door]

Lucia: Fine! Goddammit! God... Fuck! Shit! I hope Tom Cruise is as straight as they come... I never thought he wasn't!

Lucia: See, you think you're being nice, but it's really just self-destructive.

Bill Truitt: When is it too hot to analyze me? 110, 115 degrees?

Lucia: You've got a death wish. So selfish.

[pause]

Lucia: I have one too, but I direct it toward others.

Bill Truitt: He made his bed, he can lie in it.

Lucia: If there's room.

Lucia: Vagina, vagina, vagina. Does that word do anything for you?

Bill Truitt: I don't think it does much for anyone, gay or straight.

[about Matt's disappearance]

Jason Bock: For all I know, you killed him.

Bill Truitt: For all you know, I'm just getting started.

Bill Truitt: You're gonna have a baby.

Dedee: Yeah, lucky me!