Bill Pardy Quotes in Slither (2006)

Kylie Strutemyer: What are we gonna do now?

Bill Pardy: Probably turn into a couple of these fucked-up things.

Kylie Strutemyer: That's kinda negative.

Bill Pardy: Well, it's been that sorta day.

Jack MacReady: [Jack & Bill are discussing what caused Grant's transformation] It's obvious the bastard's got Lyme disease!

Bill Pardy: What?

Jack MacReady: Lyme disease. You touch some deer feces, and then you... eat a sandwich without washin' your hands. You got your Lyme disease!

Bill Pardy: And that makes you look like a squid?

Jack MacReady: [panicked] We need to find this Grant, and I mean yesterday. Town council's lit a Roman Candle, stuck it up my ass.

Bill Pardy: Jack, your leisure activities ain't my business.

Jack MacReady: Where is the Mr. Pibb? I told your secretary to pack Mr. Pibb. It's the only Coke I like. Goddamn Brenda exploding like a water balloon, worms driving my friends around like they're goddamn skin-cars, people are spitting acid at me, turning you into cottage cheese, and now there's no fucking goddamn Mr. Pibb?

Bill Pardy: [sarcastic] *Jesus Christ*, Jack, let me get right on it!

Bill Pardy: Two nights ago, a mare was stolen from this property owned by Fitzgibbon, that rancher with the cleft palate.

Wally: [mutters to Margaret] I know that guy, he looks like a chipmunk.

Bill Pardy: Your momma wasn't too proud when you came out neither, Wally.

Bill Pardy: [after seeing a zombie become a part of Grant] Well, now that is some fucked up shit.

Wally: [referring to his crush on Starla] I'm surprised you're able to lift a mug, you've been carrying that torch for so long.

Bill Pardy: Oh, that reminds me. There's something I wanted to tell you.

Wally: What's that?

Bill Pardy: Fuck you, fatass.

Bill Pardy: [sighs to himself] My easy-going nature is gettin' sorely fuckin' tested.

Bill Pardy: Hey Kylie, why don't you tell Ms. Grant that story 'bout how I saved you from that deer?

Kylie Strutemyer: Oh yeah. Bill saved me from a deer.

Starla Grant: Oh yeah?

Trevor: [Bill, Margaret and Trevor spot Grant and Starla getting into a car] That's one match I'll never get.

Margaret: [zipping Gina Kid's jacket up] Ain't no mystery. Starla was raised in them shanties off St. Luke, dirt poor. All she ever wanted was to be a lady. Ol' Grant Grant, he's always been made of green.

Trevor: Gold digger, huh?

Bill Pardy: Oh, hell, Margaret! Starla's mother left her, her daddy's a drunk, she was 17 years old. Ol' Grant pulls up in a big ol' Cadillac, house on the hill, and college tuition? What would you do?

Margaret: [Lifting a handkerchief to Gina Kid's nose] Blow.

Bill Pardy: Hell, if he had a 'gina, you'd'a married him, too.

Gina Kid: What's a 'gina'?

Bill Pardy: [after an awkward pause] It's a country. You know, where 'Ginese' people come from. Learn to eavesdrop better.

Grant Grant: I've been around a million years! You think you can fuck with me?

Bill Pardy: Yep.

Bill Pardy: [to fellow cops] Alright folks, let's go.

[Mocking Jack]

Bill Pardy: Don't forget your guns; We don't want any lyme disease popping out at us.

Jack MacReady: [Sarcastic] Oh, ho ho ho. Ha ha, fuckin' ha!

Bill Pardy: Thank you for saving my ass back there.

Kylie Strutemyer: You're welcome.

Bill Pardy: Of course, when I tell that story, it's gonna be the other way around.

Bill Pardy: [holds up a toy squid from his desk] What's this?

Trevor: I thought we could use that like a police sketch, Chief. You know, take it door to door, see if anybody recognizes it.

Bill Pardy: [to Kylie] What's with the spitting?

Bill Pardy: [Bill, Starla, Jack, and Kylie remain silent in the car after narrowly escaping a pack of zombies] So... how's everybody's evening? Good?

Bill Pardy: Grant looks like a squid, don't know where he's gonna hide... Seaworld maybe.

Starla Grant: [to a deformed Grant] I'm gonna stay by you... just like I swore I would. For better or worse.

Bill Pardy: [Under his breath] What's fucking worse?

Bill Pardy: [In pain] What was that? That really hurt.

Kylie Strutemyer: [Pulls the tubule out of his stomach] You need both of them things in you to get all womby.

Bill Pardy: Oh, that's... awesome!

Jack MacReady: [referring to Grant] He's a goddamn Martian?

Bill Pardy: Martians is from Mars, Jack.

Jack MacReady: [through gritted teeth] Or it's a general term meaning 'outer-space fucker'.

Bill Pardy: No it isn't!

Jack MacReady: Look it up, cocksucker!

Starla Grant: Enough!

Bill Pardy: [Looking at the disemboweled dog] I reckon Grant ain't got one of them puppy calendars on his desk. Just don't strike me as a real dog lover is all.

Trevor: Hey!

[holds up the decapitated head of a dog]

Trevor: Look. Knocked this one's head clear on over here.

Wally: Put that down, numbnuts!

Starla Grant: [Starla & Bill look around at the dead bodies covering Starla's front lawn] Bet you regret not running off to Hollywood with me now, eh, Bill?

Bill Pardy: Ah hell, Starla. I always regretted that.

Bill Pardy: [from trailer] Don't let them in your mouth!

Starla Grant: [as Bill goes out where the worms are] Be careful.

Bill Pardy: Yeah, there's a thought.

Bill Pardy: Shelby, you gonna create a hysteria?

Shelby: [doesn't look up] Not today, Bill.