Will Quotes in The Lone Ranger (2013)

Will: Wait a minute! You're saying you're Tonto? The Tonto?

Tonto: There is another?

Will: This is Will Colson, the conductor speaking; just to let you know we're gonna gonna run this bitch down.

Frank: [proposing 1206 chase down 777] There's a good chance the derailer won't work.

Will: It's called a derailer, for Christ's sake! That's what they do!

Frank: A train that size going that fast, it will vaporize anything that gets in its way.

Connie: [walking up to Frank and Will] Sir, I was wondering if you could help me?

Frank: Connie?

Connie: I can't decide which I one of you I'm going to kiss first.

Frank: ME!

[all three of them laugh happily]

Will: Problem solved, go get them Connie.

Connie: All right, bring it on

[kisses Frank on the cheek]

Connie: [Will kisses his wife Darcy]

Will: You want to go and kill yourself, you do it alone.

Frank: Ask your wife what she thinks.

Will: Wait!

[Frank stops before reentering the cab]

Will: If you're right and that derailer fails what are the odds it makes it to Stanton?

Frank: You saw the train, what do you think?

[Gets back into 1206]

Will: [Thinks for a moment, eventually climbs back aboard 1206 as it starts chasing after 777]

Frank: Married?

Will: Yeah. Well, sort of. It's a long story.

Frank: We got a long day.

Will: How about you, you married?

Frank: Short story. Once.

Oscar Galvin: Maybe you didn't hear what I just said, Colson. I will fire you!

Will: Well, that's too bad. I was just starting to like this job.

Frank: So, what was the long story you didn't want to make long?

Will: I come home from work two weeks ago, and she's, uh... she's texting on the phone. I ask her who it is, she says "Nobody." So I said "Let me see the phone." She says no. This goes on, I dunno, five or six times.

Frank: Wait, wait. You're losing me. She's texting...

Will: There's this guy we both went to school with. He's a cop, he's a PA state trooper. And he's always had a thing for Darcy. Going way back.

Connie: [calling over the radio] 1206, where are you?

Frank: 1206 here, Connie. We're just passing milepost 57.

Connie: You're about a mile and a half behind.

Frank: How far out of Arklow is 777?

Connie: Seven and a half miles. It picked up speed. You better step on it.

Frank: I'm stepping on it, in it, around it, and through it, Connie. Thank you. Over.

Will: She's texting on the phone, I keep on asking for it, she keeps on saying no. And, um... she starts to walk away, and I grab for it.

Frank: You hit her?

Will: No, no, no. I mean, I scared her, but I didn't- I didn't hit her. Anyway, I drive to this guy's house and tell him we need to talk, let's take a ride. He jumps in my truck, and starts in with "You've got it all wrong, we're just friends." And then he stops once he sees... the gun I got on the dash.

Frank: Oh!

Will: I look him in the eye and I say "She's my wife. You find a new friend."

Frank: You pulled a gun on a cop?

Connie: [calling on the radio again] Frank? Frank, 777 just passed milepost 61.

Frank: Thank you, Connie.

Will: But you wanna hear the kicker?

Frank: Yes, I do.

Will: It wasn't even him that was texting her. It was my sister-in-law.

Will: What'd you mean about being married once?

Frank: Alice, my wife, she died of cancer. Four years ago.

Will: I'm sorry.

Frank: Me too. Me too. Every night, I'd come home from work, tell her about my day. Where I'd been, what I hauled.

[Frank turns to Will, smirking]

Frank: Who annoyed me.

Will: [smiling] Guess I would have made the evening report, huh?

[Frank and Will share a laugh]

Frank: [laughing] Yes, you would have made it, definitely.

Will: What's the fastest you've taken a single engine like this?

Frank: Unattached?

Will: Yeah.

Frank: 50, 55. Of course, I was going forward.

Lucia: He said he was a business consultant.

Will: Business consultant. That's rich.

Lucia: What about you? What do you do?

Will: I used to run a small company.

Lucia: And what did your small company do?

Will: Business consultants.

Carrack: Put the gun down, Will. You're scared, and scared people holding guns in my face, that scares me.

Will: Well, this is going to be a nerve-wracking conversation.

Will: Agent? How about terrorist?

Zahir: Terrorist? My wife and son met a terrorist once in a café in Bazzra, in an instant they and fifteen others were turned to ash in a resulting blast

[shows a cutting of a terrorist bombing]

[last lines]

Will: You should go in and introduce yourself. She *is* your sister.

Josh: She *is* my sister...

Josh: How was the ride with Godzilla?

Will: No blood, no foul. Yeah.

Josh: Well, just take it nice and easy. It's only a week.

Dara: I think your dad is a sweetie.

Josh: She, uh, grew up in a Soviet orphanage.

Will: Dad was no traitor... Carrack played him, played him just like she played the Israelis

Lucia: Israelis are out there right?

Will: Let's hope so

Will: What was in that briefcase?

Bandler: There's only one way I can answer that

Will: Carrack... you BITCH

Will: Abby, are you all right?

Abby: Yeah, I was just looking at crabs!

Will: [Smiling]

Abby: Daddy, don't worry about me so much!

Karen: [Imitating Abby] Yeah daddy, don't worry so much. We'll be fine!

Abby: Will you wiggle your wings after you takeoff?

Will: Better watch and see!

Abby: When are you going to take me for a ride?

Will: Well, as a matter a fact... I booked a cabin up at Whistler this weekend... and how about that?

Abby: [Happy] YES!

Cheryl: Fifty's no good to me Doctor, because Abby doesn't have fifty daddies.

Will: [taken back] What did you say?

Cheryl: [pointing a gun with a silencer on it at Will] Your daughter was kidnapped three hours ago, and if you want her to live through the night you're gonna let me in that room right now.

Will: O.K.!

[Will swings from a rope and drops into the water]

Lee Carter: [filming him] Yeah! Keep swimming to the other side!

Will: [floundering in the water] I can't swim!

Lee Carter: ...What d'you mean you can't swim?

Lee Carter: [watches Will sink beneath the water] ... Oh, shit!

Will: Good morning, Lee Carter. I'm here to help you!

Lee Carter: Jesus Christ!

[first lines]

Brethren Leader: Brother William, would you like to read today?

Will: [apprehensively carries Bible into middle of the street and reads] "O God, our Heavenly Father, who has commanded us to love one another as thy children."

Will: O my God, I've come to say thank you for your love today. Thank you for my family and all the friends you give to me. Guard me in the dark of night, and in the morning, send your light. Amen.

Will: You know Carl, with all the cool ways to die around here, I'd rather not go by heart-attack.

Beowulf: How big was it? What kind of armour? Was it sheilded? Was it exposed?

Will: It was...it was ugly, man.

Will: What is your name?

Jessica the Cowgirl: Jessica.

Will: I'm Will, and I'm a screenwriter.

Will: We should've brought Jessica with us

Rod: No she's dead. She was bitten by that zombie. We would've brought her, she would've affected all of us!

Bill: Yeah Will, He's right.

Will: Excuse me Miss, but you remind me of someone I used to know. Do you mind telling me who you are?

Will: We're going to need as much waterline as we can get.

Joe: I've factored in the average weather in that part of Australia over the last 20 years. We've got to play the percentages.

Will: You mean compromise?

Joe: Yeah, of course. You always get to a point where you have to stop torturing yourself and play the percentages. You're afraid of committing yourself, you have the desire for perfection.

Will: What's wrong with perfection?

Joe: Nothing, if you're God, and you're prepared to wait 500 million years for it to evole. But we have to start building this boat next week.

[a plane arrives at Joe's desert hanger]

Will: You expecting anybody?

Joe: Well, it might be the IRS.

Will: Maybe its the Australians coming to spy on us!

Will: My God, we'll never catch them now!

Kate Bass: We have to put up the whomper!

Will: The what?

Kate Bass: The WHOMPER! We're going to put it up, it's going to be whomp, and we are going to get back in the God-damn race... do you trust me you pea-brain nincompoop?

Will: We're out in the desert, so bring some beer!

[to Jessie]

Will: Is there anything you can't do?

Matt: She can't sing.

Will: Really?

Matt: Nope. Not a note. Sounds like a coyote in a trash compactor.

Matt: We've got a full HMI plan.

Will: HMO... H... M... O

Matt: No, it's different than that.

Bryan Davidson: [singing after he lost in the game spoons] The farmer in the dell, the farmer in the dell...

Will: [Asks Corey and Matt] So should we tell him?

Bryan Davidson: High ho the dairy-o. The farmer in the dell

Matt McKeague, Corey: Nah!

Christina: Have you never seen a hamburger before?

Beatrice 'Tris' Prior: No I've seen one I've just never eaten one.

Will: Abnegation eat plain food, plant-based style without sauces and no minimums.

Christina: Which textbook did you swallow?

Will: Nice to meet you too. I'm Will, Erudite.

Christina: Of course you are. No offense but I'm surprised Abnegation even eats at all. To selfish right? No wonder you left.

Will: You gotta be pretty self confident to be friends with a Candor.

Christina: What is that supposed to mean?

Will: You say the first thing that comes into your head.

Al: You mean like, "you're an idiot"?

Christina: [Christina laughs] Nice one Al!

Jack Merridew: Rodge, you okay, man? That was some jump.

Roger: I got him. Right up his ass.

Sam, Twin #1, Eric, Twin #2, Pablo, Andy: Up the ass!

Will: Come on, cut it out!

Ralph: Stop it!

Will: You dorks, it hurt!

Sam, Twin #1: I know it hurt.

[Will discovers that George is in trouble with Mrs. Little]

Will: What are you going to do now?

George Little: Which way's Canada?

Will: [as Stuart is flying] This is cool. All my brother does is jam crayons up his nose.

[Stuart has started the plane by accident; George and Will are playing a video game upstairs]

Will: Hey, what's that noise?

George Little: Sounds like a lawn mower.

Will: Inside the house?

Will, George Little: [alarmed] Stuart!

[the boys rush downstairs to find the plane has started with Stuart in the cockpit]

George Little: Stuart, what are you doing?

Stuart Little: I'm not doing anything!

George Little: Pull the break!

[Stuart pulls the break, and flies to another part of the house]

Stuart Little: [to George] Get the book!

Will: This is cool. All my brother does is jam crayons up his nose.

George Little: [reading the instruction booklet] It says here, "On takeoff, pull back on the throttle".

Stuart Little: "Take off"? I'm already in the air!

[Stuart flies over George and Will's heads]

Stuart Little: Snowbell, get out of the way!

Snowbell: [running] Please don't hurt me!

[Mr. Little is upstairs]

Fredrick Little: [to George and Will] What's going on?

Will: Oh, nothing. Stuart is just flying in the house.

[Mr. Little sighs, but then becomes alarmed]

Fredrick Little: [shouting] Flying in the house?

George Little: At least he's indoors, nothing bad can happen.

Stuart Little: Watch out! Hit the dirt!

[Stuart flies over the boys' heads again, as Mrs. Little opens the door, holding a bouquet of flowers]

Mrs. Little: [as Stuart crashes into the flowers] Stuart!

Will: Wow, this is cool. All my brother does is jam crayons up his nose!

Nate: I saw you talkin to tat gal back there. Ever ad a gal o your own?

Will: No.

Nate: Don't. They trouble.

Will: Not all o em.

Nate: Yeaa, all o em

[5 second pause]

Nate: But they werth it.

Will: [smiles]

Will: You wanna call me "Daddy" while I fuck you, huh?

Aileen: I'll try. Why? You like to fuck your kids?

Will: When are you going to learn that you can't trust anybody, not even yourself?

Calvin: Man, you messed shit up with Amy. You're lucky a girl like that would even talk to you. She's hot, sexy. She got a job. Man, that girl out of your league.

Will: She's not out of my league.

Calvin: Shit, she gotta put up with your stank breath. Not to mention your abnormally high plumber's crack.

Will: You're taking Jo-Jo?

[first lines]

Will: [after falling face-first into a pile of feces in his dream] Oh, shit.

Juney: Let me guess, an evil witch banished you from your fairy tale kingdom.

Enchanted Princess: No, my silly, pasty, quirky teen. Actually, I'm just a demented homeless chick who lives in the sewers.

Will: How'd you end up there?

Enchanted Princess: Drugs. Lots and lots snd lots of mind-altering, enchanting, DRUGS!

Will: [singing] I'm fucking Matt Damon.

Amy: You're fucking Matt Damon?

[singing]

Amy: Well I'm fucking Hannah Montana!

Hannah Montana: [singing] She's fucking Hannah Montana! Backstage, at my concert, fucks me on my parents' bed! After school, at my locker, in the car I give her head! I'm also fucking the Flava!

Flava-Flav Look-A-Like: [singing] Yeah, it's Flava-Flav, foo'! You know what time it is, 'cause I'm fucking Juney too!

Juney: [singing] Yeah, I know, but it's true: Flava-Flav, he fucks me too.

Michael Cera Look-A-Like: [singing] And I swap with Calvin, and he swaps with that dude.

All: And we're all fucking Hellboy!

Amy: [as she is leaving Wills sweet sixteen party] You know what will, every time we made love I was thinking about another guy!

Will: Well so was I!

Christine: You will end up childless and alone.

Will: Well, fingers crossed, yeah.

Will: The thing is, a person's life is like a TV show. I was the star of The Will Show. And The Will Show wasn't an ensemble drama. Guests came and went, but I was the regular. It came down to me and me alone. If Marcus' mum couldn't manage her own show, if her ratings were falling, it was sad, but that was her problem. Ultimately, the whole single mum plotline was a bit complicated for me.

Will: Once you open your door to one person anyone can come in.

[singing "Killing me Softly"]

Will: And there I was killing them softly with my song. Or rather being killed. And not so softly either.

Will: I am an island. I am bloody Ibiza!

Fiona: He's expressing himself!

Will: No, he's not! He's expressing YOU!

Will: I couldn't possibly think of a worse godfather for Imogene. You know me. I'll drop her at her christening. I'll forget her birthdays until her 18th, when I'll take her out and get her drunk and possibly, let's face it, you know, try and shag her. I mean, seriously, it's a very, very bad choice.

Couple: We know, I just thought you had hidden depths.

Will: No. No. You've always had that wrong. I really am this shallow.

[Fiona is crying]

Fiona: I mean, he's a special - very, very special boy and he's got a special soul, and I've wounded it.

Will: Oh, please, just shut up. You're wounding my soul.

Will: Me, I didn't mean anything. About anything, to anyone. And I knew that guaranteed me a long, depression-free life.

Marcus: I used to want Will to marry my mom.

Ali: You serious?

Marcus: Yeah, but that was when she was depressed and I was desperate.

Will: Thanks, mate.

Will: All men are islands. And what's more, this is the time to be one. This is an island age. A hundred years ago, for example, you had to depend on other people. No one had TV or CDs or DVDs or home espresso makers. As a matter of fact they didn't have anything cool. Whereas now you can make yourself a little island paradise. With the right supplies, and more importantly the right attitude, you can become sun-drenched, tropical, a magnet for young Swedish tourists.

[Regarding the first SPAT meeting]

Will: I'll tell you one thing. Men are bastards. After about ten minutes I wanted to cut my *own* penis off with a kitchen knife.

Will: I find the key is to think of a day as units of time, each unit consisting of no more than thirty minutes. Full hours can be a little bit intimidating and most activities take about half an hour. Taking a bath: one unit, watching countdown: one unit, web-based research: two units, exercising: three units, having my hair carefully disheveled: four units. It's amazing how the day fills up, and I often wonder, to be absolutely honest, if I'd ever have time for a job; how do people cram them in?

Will: [voiceover] Having been Will the Good Guy, I didn't relish going back to my usual role of Will the Unreliable, Emotionally Stunted Asshole.

Will: [to himself] No, Marcus, I do not want to come over for Christmas. I do not want to spend Christmas with Ms. Granola Suicide and her spawn.

Marcus: There's this girl at school. Ellie. I kind of want her to be my girlfriend. But I'm not exactly sure. I've been meaning to ask you.

Marcus: What's the difference between a girl who's your friend and a girlfriend?

Will: Well, I don't know. Do you want to touch her?

Marcus: Is that so important?

Will: Yeah, you've heard about sex, right? It is kind of a big deal.

Marcus: I know. I'm not stupid. I just can't believe there's nothing more to it. I mean, like, I want to be with her more. I want to be with her all the time.

Marcus: And I want to tell her things I don't even tell you or Mum. And I don't want her to have another boyfriend. If I could have all those things... I wouldn't really mind if I touched her or not.

Will: Well, you'll learn, Marcus. You won't feel like that forever.

[Fiona is crying]

Fiona: Will, am I a bad mother?

Will: No. No, you're not a bad mother. You're just a barking lunatic.

Will: [voiceover] She couldn't stay at my place, and she didn't have a DVD, or satellite, or cable, so we were always stuck watching some crap made for t.v. movie about a kid with leukemia. I had to end it.

Will: It's a CD, Marcus, by Mystikal. They're cool. You'll like them

Fiona: What kind of music is Mystikal?

Will: It's sort of, um, world music...

Marcus: [reads a song title] "Shake Ya Ass."

Will: ...Slash rap-type thing.

Marcus: [Opening a Christmas present] Oh brilliant! What is it?...

Will: It's a CD Marcus...

Will: How do I look?

Marcus: Good. How do I look?

Will: Just... just be as normal as you can, alright?

Will: It was terrible! Terrible! But driving really fast behind the ambulance was fantastic!

Christine: Oh, no... it's just I thought you had hidden depths.

Will: No, no, you've always had that wrong about me. I really am this shallow.

Will: [Will is in the supermarket. His father's song "Santa's Super Sleigh" begins to play over the speakers]

Will: Ah, shit! It can't be. November the sodding 19th... Six weeks before Christmas and already they were playing the bloody thing.

Will: [thinking] Every man is an island. I stand by that. But clearly some men are island CHAINS. Underneath, they are connected...

Marcus: [thinking] I used to think two was not enough. But now things are great; there are loads of people... I don't know what Will was so pissed about. I don't think couples are the future. The way I see it now, we both got back-up now. It's like that thing Jon Bon Jovi said: 'No man is an island.'

Marcus: [Out to lunch with Will & his mum] I made her put on that nice jumper.

Will: As for his mum, she appeared to be clinically insane, and wearing some kind of yeti costume!

Will: Hang on, come back.

Marcus: He's off his head!

Will: He's not.

Marcus: He said he'd cut me up into little pieces and hide me under the floorboards.

Will: He did?

Marcus: No, but I'm sure he's capable of it.

Will: Hello Barney.

[Barney blows a raspberry]

Will: Yeah.

Will: In my opinion, all men are islands. And what's more, now's the time to be one. This is an island age.

Will: My life is made up of units of time. Buying CDs - two units. Eating lunch - three units. Exercising - two units. All in all, I had a very full life. It's just that it didn't mean anything.

Will: This crying in the morning thing, this depression, let's get that fixed.

Will: I was in some strange territory. Was I frightened? I was petrified.

Marcus: I'll come if you take my mom, too. She hasn't got any money, so either we'll have to go somewhere cheap, or you'll have to treat us.

Will: Well, listen, don't beat about the bush, Marcus.

Marcus: Why should I? We're poor, you're rich, you pay. You can bring your little boy if you like. I don't mind.

Will: That's really big of you.

Will: [voiceover] There. She was gone. There was no more to say.

Rachel: Will, how do you use this blender thing?

Will: You don't.

Will: Oh for Christ sake! Because... she's got this rare disease and if she believes something that's not right and you tell her the truth her brain will boil in her head and she'll die! Ok?

Rachel: Allie finds all this rather difficult.

Will: Well yeah, so does Marcus. Don't ya mate, divorced parents and not knowing how to feel about new people.

Marcus: Absolutely. That's absolutely the way I feel.

Will: So... Hows it going at home then?

Marcus: Me and my mum? She's alright thanks.

Will: I mean... Y'know.

Marcus: Yeah I know. Nah, nothing like that.

Will: It still bother you then?

Marcus: Does it bother me...

Marcus: [Voice over] Every single day. That's why I come here instead of going home.

Marcus: Yeah. When I think about it.

Will: ...Fucking hell.

Marcus: [Voice over] I didn't know why he swore like that, but it made me feel better. It made me feel like it wasn't being pathetic to get so scared.

Will: I want to go out with her, OK. I'd like her to be my girlfriend, here I said it.

Marcus: How brilliant!

Will: [Responding to game show question on tv] Jon Bon Jovi, too easy. And, if I may say so, a complete load of bollocks.

Will: Eva was telling me that there are no men at this party that she's attractred to.

Albert: That's OK, there's no one here I'm attracted to either.

Gino: This whole town is going to shit.

Will: Yeah, because you're in charge of protecting it.

Gino: [about Becca] Listen, when she's done ordering she's going to be standing right there, totally bored. That's when you go up and you ask her out.

Will: Okay okay, that sounds doable.

[watches Becca standing in line]

Gino: Don't stare at her now, you look like a serial killer.

Will: Right, right...

[looks back at Gino]

Gino: And don't look in my eyes, why would you do that? That's so weird.

Will: Well what am I supposed to do?

Gino: What you normally do. Look at your computer.

[Will looks down at closed laptop]

Gino: Open your computer. Why would you look at a closed computer?

Will: What is this?

Tiffany: Uh, a video camera.

Will: VHS?

Tiffany: You know what VHS is?

Will: Yes, I once heard my forefathers speak of such a device.

Tiffany: I am pregnant! We are pregnant! Oh shit, how did this happen?

Will: Maybe we should watch the tape and find out.

Stacey: Where were you last night?

Will: Out.

Stacey: Out with who?

Will: Just out with friends.

Stacey: You don't have any friends.

Emilie: So, you don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but... they released you from prison to look after Stacey?

Will: Yeah, they um... gave me something called temporary compassionate leave so I can look after her.

Will: Did you ever think that once you found out how babies are made that maybe everything goes downhill after that?

Emilie: [chuckles]

Will: What? You know what I mean. That feeling you had when you were a kid. Just weightlessness, you know - it's gone forever.

Emilie: There is an old Romanian saying - 'A cow between two bales of hay will go hungry'.

Will: I don't think I understand.

Emilie: If a cow is the same distance away from both bales of hay, it cannot make a rational decision to choose one over the other. So... it dies of hunger.

Will: I still don't think I understand. Am I supposed to be the cow?

Emilie: You're one of the bales of hay.

[Last lines]

Will: I don't know what I'm going to do with you. Really.

Stacey: Why do anything?

Will: Well, something has to be done.

Stacey: I'm perfect the way I am.

Will: I think the cooker is broken.

Stacey: What do you need it for?

Will: To cook the salmon.

Stacey: Wrap it in cling film and put it in the dishwasher.

Will: Do you think I came down in the last shower, do ya?

Stacey: Not with those wrinkles you didn't.

Stacey: There's a few grey hairs there that we'll have to get rid of.

Will: You've got a big mouth.

Stacey: I'd rather have a big mouth than be going grey.

Will: You know Iove you, don't you? I Know I've never said anything about it, but... I mean, you know that, don't you?

Stacey: Is that you or the beer talking?

Will: Actually, that was me talking to the beer.

[smiles]

Stacey: [amused] Eejit!

Oscar: I saw a statue once. It was called, "the third time Phyllis saw me, she exploded."

Will: Man, what kind of statue was that?

Oscar: I dunno, it was made out of driftwood and dipped in fluoric acid. Very wild.

Will: Have some breakfast, man.

Walter Paisley: What're ya' having?

Maxwell H. Brock: Some soy and wheat germ pancakes, organic guava nectar, calcium lactate and tomato juice, and garbanzo omelettes sprinkled with smoked yeast. Join us?

Walter Paisley: No thanks... Sounds great, though!

Will: [Referring to Ida's boss] Bitch! No offence. Sorry ladies.

Alison: Oh please, we've called her way worse things than that.

[after some more talk]

Will: [Referring to Clark's ex-wife] Bitch! No offence.

Alison: We've called her worse.

Clark: Do you think I'm homophobic?

Will: Because you made out with a guy?

Clark: [while lighting pot] No, because I made out with a guy, and then threw up.

Gail Friedman: We can't control what happens to us or our loved ones. What happens when Annie goes to college?

Will: What are you saying?

Gail Friedman: People get hurt. There's only so much we can do to protect ourselves, our children. The only thing we can do is be there for each other when we do fall down to pick each other up.

Will: Even if he was in jail I wouldn't be happy.

Gail Friedman: Why?

Will: Because it would still want to rip his fucking head off.

Will: I wanna kill you so badly I can taste it.

Will: You're wrong, Arnie. You're wrong about most things, most of the time

Will: I'm gonna kill you. I am going to kill you. Not now. Not tonight. That would be too easy. Maybe next week. Next month. You'll never know. Think about it. One day, one night, I'll be there.

Will: Look at me. Look at what I've become. I sometimes don't talk to another living soul for fucking days, weeks. I'm always on the move. I trust no one, nothing. And it's got fuck-all to do with escape or withdrawal or fear. It's grief. For a life wasted. And now there's Davey. Another fucking wasted life. And I'm gonna find out why.

Will: How much was he turning? There was nearly eleven grand in that flat. You don't get that sort of money dealing the odd gram.

Arnie Ryan: He was webbed up with all the beautiful people. They have more money than sense. He stiffed them a little. They didn't have a clue what they were buying. They get off on a line of powdered fucking rat shit.

Arnie Ryan: You think you've changed, do you? You haven't changed. Not really. People like us don't change. Not deep down.

Will: Arnie, you're wrong. You're wrong about most things most of the time, mate.

Arnie Ryan: You know, all your life, you've raced this city. It's in your blood. You think living like a fucking animal in the back of a van is gonna change that? Do you? Cause nothing changes. Not really. You look at Frank Turner. He's still bad to the fucking bone. And he's gonna come for you, mate. He has to. It's on you, Will. But you knew that. You knew that the moment you stepped back in this city. You knew that there were gonna be bodies, someone's going to die. But then I think that's what you want.

Will: What was he into? He was always into something.

Arnie Ryan: Well, he didn't owe no one. I mean, no one was putting the hand on him, if that's what you mean. Everyone loved him, Will.

Will: Tell me.

Arnie Ryan: There's nothing to tell.

Will: Don't lie to me.

Arnie Ryan: He's dead. What does it matter?

Will: It matters. Of course it fucking matters. I wanna know why he died the way he died. I wanna know why he sat in a bath of cold water for twelve hours in his clothes, and then cut his throat. I want the fucking truth now.

[first and last lines]

Will: Most thoughts are memories. And memories deceive. The walk. The way he smoked a cigarette. Laughed. The dead are dead. He's gone. What's left to ever say he was here at all? Not much.

Sean: [sitting on a bench in in front of a pond in park] Thought about what you said to me the other day, about my painting. Stayed up half the night thinking about it. Something occurred to me... fell into a deep peaceful sleep, and haven't thought about you since. Do you know what occurred to me?

Will: No.

Sean: You're just a kid, you don't have the faintest idea what you're talkin' about.

Will: Why thank you.

Sean: It's all right. You've never been out of Boston.

Will: Nope.

Sean: So if I asked you about art, you'd probably give me the skinny on every art book ever written. Michelangelo, you know a lot about him. Life's work, political aspirations, him and the pope, sexual orientations, the whole works, right? But I'll bet you can't tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You've never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling; seen that. If I ask you about women, you'd probably give me a syllabus about your personal favorites. You may have even been laid a few times. But you can't tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy. You're a tough kid. And I'd ask you about war, you'd probably throw Shakespeare at me, right, "once more unto the breach dear friends." But you've never been near one. You've never held your best friend's head in your lap, watch him gasp his last breath looking to you for help. I'd ask you about love, you'd probably quote me a sonnet. But you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of hell. And you wouldn't know what it's like to be her angel, to have that love for her, be there forever, through anything, through cancer. And you wouldn't know about sleeping sitting up in the hospital room for two months, holding her hand, because the doctors could see in your eyes, that the terms "visiting hours" don't apply to you. You don't know about real loss, 'cause it only occurs when you've loved something more than you love yourself. And I doubt you've ever dared to love anybody that much. And look at you... I don't see an intelligent, confident man... I see a cocky, scared shitless kid. But you're a genius Will. No one denies that. No one could possibly understand the depths of you. But you presume to know everything about me because you saw a painting of mine, and you ripped my fucking life apart. You're an orphan right?

[Will nods]

Sean: You think I know the first thing about how hard your life has been, how you feel, who you are, because I read Oliver Twist? Does that encapsulate you? Personally... I don't give a shit about all that, because you know what, I can't learn anything from you, I can't read in some fuckin' book. Unless you want to talk about you, who you are. Then I'm fascinated. I'm in. But you don't want to do that do you sport? You're terrified of what you might say. Your move, chief.

Will: [continuing the therapy session] I don't care if Helen of Troy walks in the room, that's Game 6!

Sean: Oh, Helen of Troy...

Will: Oh my God; and who are these fuckin' friends of yours, they let you get away with that?

Sean: Oh... they had to.

Will: W-w-w-what'd you say to them?

Sean: I just slid my ticket across the table, and I said, "Sorry, guys; I gotta see about a girl."

Will: I gotta go see about a girl?

Sean: Yeah.

Will: That's what you said? And they let you get away with that?

Sean: Oh, yeah. They saw in my eyes that I meant it.

Will: You're kiddin' me.

Sean: No, I'm not kiddin' you, Will. That's why I'm not talkin' right now about some girl I saw at a bar twenty years ago and how I always regretted not going over and talking to her. I don't regret the 18 years I was married to Nancy. I don't regret the six years I had to give up counseling when she got sick. And I don't regret the last years when she got really sick. And I sure as hell don't regret missin' the damn game. That's regret.

[pause]

Will: Wow... Woulda been nice to catch that game, though.

Sean: [sheepishly] I didn't know Pudge was gonna hit a homer.

Sean: My father was an alcoholic. Mean fuckin' drunk. He'd come home hammered, looking to whale on somebody. So I'd provoke him, so he wouldn't go after my mother and little brother. Interesting nights were when he wore his rings.

Will: He used to just put a belt, a stick, and a wrench on the table. Just say, "Choose."

Sean: Well I gotta go with the belt there.

Will: I used to go with the wrench.

Sean: Why the wrench?

Will: Cause fuck him, that's why.

Sean: Your foster father?

Will: Yeah.

[pause]

Will: So, uh, what is it, like, Will has an attachment disorder? Is it all that stuff?

[Sean nods]

Will: Fear of abandonment? Is that why I broke up with Skylar?

Sean: I didn't know you had.

Will: Yeah, I did.

Sean: You wanna talk about it?

Will: No.

Sean: Hey, Will? I don't know a lot. You see this? All this shit?

[Holds up the file, and drops it on his desk]

Sean: It's not your fault.

Will: [Will shrugs] Yeah, I know that.

[Will averts his eyes to the floor]

Sean: Look at me son.

[Will locks eyes with Sean]

Sean: It's not your fault.

Will: [Will nods] I know.

Sean: No. It's not your fault.

Will: I know

Sean: No, no, you don't. It's not your fault.

[Sean moves closer to Will]

Sean: Hmm?

Will: I know.

[Will stands up, trying to keep distance]

Sean: It's not your fault.

Will: Alright.

Sean: It's not your fault.

[Will closes his eyes, he's fighting for control]

Sean: It's not your fault.

Will: Don't fuck with me.

[Will shoves Sean back]

Will: Don't fuck with me, Sean, not you!

Sean: It's not your fault. It's not your fault.

[Will breaks into sobs. They hug]

Sean: Fuck them, ok?

Will: [during a therapy session, after his job interview with the NSA] Why shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.? That's a tough one, but I'll take a shot. Say I'm working at N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, 'cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people I never met, never had no problem with, get killed. Now the politicians are sayin', "Oh, send in the Marines to secure the area" 'cause they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number got called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some kid from Southie takin' shrapnel in the ass. And he comes back to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, 'cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile, he realizes the only reason he was over there in the first place was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And, of course, the oil companies used the skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices. A cute little ancillary benefit for them, but it ain't helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. And they're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, of course, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and fuckin' play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So now my buddy's out of work and he can't afford to drive, so he's got to walk to the fuckin' job interviews, which sucks 'cause the shrapnel in his ass is givin' him chronic hemorrhoids. And meanwhile he's starvin', 'cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat, the only blue plate special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what did I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. I figure fuck it, while I'm at it why not just shoot my buddy, take his job, give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president.

Chuckie: [in a bar] Are we gonna have a problem here?

Clark: No, no, no, no! There's no problem here. I was just hoping you might give me some insight into the evolution of the market economy in the southern colonies. My contention is that prior to the Revolutionary War, the economic modalities, especially in the southern colonies, could be most aptly described as agrarian pre-capitalist.

Will: Of course that's your contention. You're a first-year grad student; you just got finished reading some Marxian historian, Pete Garrison probably. You're gonna be convinced of that 'till next month when you get to James Lemon. Then you're going to be talking about how the economies of Virginia and Pennsylvania were entrepreneurial and capitalist way back in 1740. That's gonna last until next year; you're gonna be in here regurgitating Gordon Wood, talkin' about, you know, the pre-revolutionary utopia and the capital-forming effects of military mobilization.

Clark: Well, as a matter of fact, I won't, because Wood drastically underestimates the impact of social...

Will: "Wood drastically underestimates the impact of social distinctions predicated upon wealth, especially inherited wealth"? You got that from Vickers' "Work in Essex County," page 98, right? Yeah, I read that too. Were you gonna plagiarize the whole thing for us? Do you have any thoughts of your own on this matter? Or do you, is that your thing, you come into a bar, read some obscure passage and then pretend - you pawn it off as your own, as your own idea just to impress some girls, embarrass my friend?

Will: See, the sad thing about a guy like you is, in 50 years you're gonna start doin' some thinkin' on your own and you're going to come up with the fact that there are two certainties in life: one, don't do that, and two, you dropped 150 grand on a fuckin' education you could have got for a dollar fifty in late charges at the public library!

Clark: Yeah, but I will have a degree. And you'll be servin' my kids fries at a drive-thru on our way to a skiing trip.

Will: That may be, but at least I won't be unoriginal. But I mean, if you have a problem with that, I mean, we could just step outside - we could figure it out.

Clark: No, man, there's no problem. It's cool.

Will: [talking through the outside of the glass windows at Dunkin Donuts] Do you like apples?

Clark: [talking through the glass on the inside] Yeah.

Will: Well, I got her number. How do you like them apples?

Will: [both leaning on a pick up truck while drinking beers and smoking cigarettes on a construction site] What do I wanna way outta here for? I'm gonna live here the rest of my fuckin' life. We'll be neighbors, have little kids, take 'em to Little League up at Foley Field.

Chuckie: Look, you're my best friend, so don't take this the wrong way but, in 20 years if you're still livin' here, comin' over to my house, watchin' the Patriots games, workin' construction, I'll fuckin' kill ya. That's not a threat, that's a fact, I'll fuckin' kill ya.

Will: What the fuck you talkin' about?

Chuckie: You got somethin' none of us have...

Will: Oh, come on! What? Why is it always this? I mean, I fuckin' owe it to myself to do this or that. What if I don't want to?

Chuckie: No. No, no no no. Fuck you, you don't owe it to yourself man, you owe it to me. Cuz tomorrow I'm gonna wake up and I'll be 50, and I'll still be doin' this shit. And that's all right. That's fine. I mean, you're sittin' on a winnin' lottery ticket. And you're too much of a pussy to cash it in, and that's bullshit. 'Cause I'd do fuckin' anything to have what you got. So would any of these fuckin' guys. It'd be an insult to us if you're still here in 20 years. Hangin' around here is a fuckin' waste of your time.

Will: [during a therapy session, referring to Sean's wife] So, when did you know, like, that she was the one for you?

Sean: October 21st, 1975.

Will: Jesus Christ. You know the fuckin' date?

Sean: Oh yeah. 'Cause it was Game 6 of the World Series. Biggest game in Red Sox history.

Will: Yeah, sure.

Sean: My friends and I had, you know, slept out on the sidewalk all night to get tickets.

Will: You got tickets?

Sean: Yep. Day of the game. I was sittin' in a bar, waitin' for the game to start, and in walks this girl. Oh, it was an amazing game, though. You know, bottom of the eighth, Carbo ties it up at 6-6. It went to twelve. Bottom of the twelfth, in stepped Carlton Fisk. Old Pudge. Steps up to the plate, you know, and he's got that weird stance.

Will: Yeah, yeah.

Sean: And BAM! He clocks it. High fly ball down the left field line! Thirty-five thousand people, on their feet, yellin' at the ball, but that's not because of Fisk. He's wavin' at the ball like a madman.

Will: Yeah, I've seen...

Sean: He's going, "Get over! Get over! Get OVER!" And then it HITS the foul pole. OH, he goes apeshit, and 35,000 fans, you know, they charge the field, you know?

Will: Yeah, and he's fuckin' bowlin' police out of the way!

Sean: Goin', "God! Get out of the way! Get 'em away!" Banging people...

Will: I can't fuckin' believe you had tickets to that fuckin' game!

Sean: Yeah!

Will: Did you rush the field?

Sean: [surprised at the question] No, I didn't rush the fuckin' field; I wasn't there.

Will: What?

Sean: No - I was in a bar havin' a drink with my future wife.

Will: You missed Pudge Fisk's home run?

Sean: Oh, yeah.

Will: To have a fuckin' drink with some lady you never met?

Sean: Yeah, but you shoulda seen her; she was a stunner.

Will: [after their last therapy session] Does this violate the doctor-patient relationship?

Sean: Not unless you grab my ass.

Will: [during a therapy session] You know, I was on this plane once. And I'm sittin' there and the captain comes on and he does his whole, "We'll be cruising at 35,000 feet," then he puts the mike down but he forgets to turn it off. Then he turns to the copilot and goes, "You know, all I could go for right now is a fuckin' blow job and a cup of coffee." So the stewardess fuckin' goes bombin' up from the back of the plane to tell him the mic's still on, and this guy behind me goes, "Hey hon, don't forget the coffee!"

Skylar: [before leaving the bar to catch up with his friends] Maybe we could go out for coffee sometime?

Will: Great, or maybe we could get together and just eat a bunch of caramels.

Skylar: What?

Will: When you think about it, it's just as arbitrary as drinking coffee.

Skylar: [laughs] Okay, sounds good.

Skylar: [in Skylar's dorm room] What is your obsession with this money? My father died when I was 13 and I inherited this money. You don't think that every day I wake up and wish I could give it back? That I would give it back in a second if I could have one more day with him? But I can't, and that's my life and I deal with it. So don't put your shit on me when you're the one that's afraid.

Will: I'm afraid? What am I afraid of? What the fuck am I afraid of?

Skylar: You're afraid of me! You're afraid that I won't love you back! Fuck it, I wanna give it a shot! At least I'm honest with you.

Skylar: [while drinking coffee on the outside patio of a coffee shop] Do you have lots of brothers and sisters?

Will: I'm Irish Catholic, what do you think?

Skylar: But how many?

Will: You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

Skylar: Why? Go on, what, 5? 7? 8? How many?

Will: I have 12 big brothers.

Skylar: You do not have 12 brothers.

Will: I swear to God, I swear to God, I'm lucky 13 right here.

Skylar: Do you know all their names?

Will: Do I... yeah, they're my brothers.

Skylar: What are they called?

Will: Marky, Ricky, Danny, Terry, Mikey, Davey, Timmy, Tommy, Joey, Robby, Johnny, and Brian.

Skylar: Say it again.

Will: Marky, Ricky, Danny, Terry, Mikey, Davey, Timmy, Tommy, Joey, Robby, Johnny, and Brian.

Skylar: ...and Willy.

Will: Willy? Will...

Will: I read your book last night.

Sean: So you're the one.

Will: [talking to Skylar in her dorm room] What do you wanna know? That I don't have 12 brothers? That I'm a fuckin' orphan? You don't wanna hear that... no, you don't wanna hear that. You don't wanna hear that I got fuckin' cigarettes put out on me when I was a little kid! That this

[points to his left ribs]

Will: is 'cause the motherfucker stabbed me! You don't wanna hear that shit, Skylar. Tell me you don't wanna hear that shit isn't fuckin' surgery!

Sean: [during a therapy session, after coming from the job interview with the NSA] Do you feel like you're alone, Will?

Will: [laughs] What?

Sean: Do you have a soul mate?

Will: Define that.

Sean: Somebody who challenges you.

Will: I have Chuckie.

Sean: You know Chuck; he's family. He'd lie down in fuckin' traffic for you. No, I'm talking about someone who opens up things for you - touches your soul.

Will: I got - I got...

Sean: Who?

Will: ...I got plenty.

Sean: Well, name them.

Will: Shakespeare, Nietzsche, Frost, O'Conner, Pope, Locke...

Sean: That's great. They're all dead.

Will: Not to me, they're not.

Sean: Well, you don't have a lot of dialogue with them. You can't give back to them, Will.

Will: Well, not without some serious smelling salts and a heater.

[laughs]

Sean: Yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You'll never have that kind of relationship in a world where you're always afraid to take the first step because all you see is every negative thing ten miles down the road.

Skylar: [eating on a counter at a fast food stand] You were hoping for a good night kiss.

Will: No, you know. I'll tell ya, I was hoping for a good night lay, but I'd settle for a good night kiss.

Skylar: [bursts out laughing] How very noble of you.

Will: Thank you... But I was, you know, hoping for a good night kiss.

Skylar: Well, let's just get it out of the way. Come on, come on.

[they have their first kiss, Skylar giggling the whole time]

Skylar: [after a few seconds, Skylar bursts out laughing] I think I got some of your pickle!

Skylar: What if I said I wouldn't have sex with you again 'til I got to meet your friends; what would you say?

Will: I'd say it's 4:30 in the morning; they're probably up.

[he picks up Skylar's phone and begins dialing]

Skylar: [laughing] Men are shameless. If you're not thinking with your wiener, then you're acting directly on its behalf.

Will: Thank you.

Chuckie: [answering the phone at the other end] Eh! What the fuck?

Will: Nothing, Chuckie; go back to sleep.

[Will hangs up the phone]

Sean: [during a therapy session] Maybe *you're* perfect right now. Maybe you don't wanna ruin that. I think that's a super philosophy, Will; that way you can go through your entire life without ever having to really know anybody...

Will: ...You ever think about gettin' remarried?

Sean: My wife's dead.

Will: Hence the word: remarried.

Sean: She's dead.

Will: Yeah; well, I think that's a super philosophy, Sean. I mean, that way you could actually go through the rest of your life without ever really knowing anybody.

Sean: Time's up.

Will: Beethoven, okay. He looked at a piano, and it just made sense to him. He could just play.

Skylar: So what are you saying? You play the piano?

Will: No, not a lick. I mean, I look at a piano, I see a bunch of keys, three pedals, and a box of wood. But Beethoven, Mozart, they saw it, they could just play. I couldn't paint you a picture, I probably can't hit the ball out of Fenway, and I can't play the piano.

Skylar: But you can do my o-chem paper in under an hour.

Will: Right. Well, I mean when it came to stuff like that... I could always just play.

Sean: [in Sean's office] One night her fart was so loud it woke the dog up, she woke up and said," was that you?" I said "yeah", I didn't have the heart to tell her

Will: [laughing] So she woke herself up?

Sean: [laughing] Yeah, She's been dead two years and that's the shit I remember wonderful stuff these are the things I miss the most these idiosyncrasies that only I know that's what made her my wife and she had the goods on me too she knew all my peccadillos people call these things imperfections that's the good stuff that's what intimacy is all about the only way you find that out is giving it a shot

Sean: [forcibly grabbing the front of Will's throat] If you ever disrespect my wife again, I will end you. I will fucking end you. You got that, chief?

Will: Time's up.

Will: Fuck you.

Sean: You're the shepherd.

Chuckie: Christ, who did you call?

Will: No one. I forgot the number.

Morgan: You fuckin' retarded? You went all the way out there in the rain and you didn't bring the number?

Will: No, it was your mother's 900 number. I just ran out of quarters.

Morgan: Hey, how about we get off of mothers, alright? I just got off of yours!

Morgan: [in a bar] Man, I can't believe you brought Skylar here when we're all fucking bombed and been drinking. What the fuck is she gonna think about us?

Will: [sarcastically] Yeah, Morgan, it's a real rarity that we'd be out drinking.

Will: [towards the end of a therapy session] Maybe you haven't met the right woman?

Sean: [angered] Maybe you should watch your mouth. Watch it right there, Chief!

Will: [in a police interrogation room] What the fuck do you want?

Lambeau: My name is Gerald Lambeau. The professor who you told to go fuck himself.

Will: Well, what the fuck do you want?

Chuckie: Hey asshole.

Will: What, bitch?

Chuckie: Happy birthday.

Will: I'm pumped! Let the healing begin!

Will: [during his first therapy session] Do you buy all these books retail or do you send away for, like, a shrink kit that comes with all these volumes included?

Chuckie: [in a bar] I didn't get on Cathy last night.

Will: No?

Chuckie: Nah.

Will: Why not?

Chuckie: I don't know.

[yells across room]

Chuckie: Cathy!

Cathy: What?

Chuckie: Why didn't you give me none of that nasty little hoochie-woochie you usually throw at me?

Cathy: Oh, fuck you and your Irish curse, Chuckie. Like I'd waste my energy spreading my legs for that Tootsie Roll dick? So go home and give it a tug yourself.

Will: I didn't ask for this.

Sean: No, you were born with it. So don't cop out behind "I didn't ask for this".

Skylar: [before she leaves the bar] You're an idiot.

Will: What?

Skylar: You're an idiot. I've been sitting there all night waiting for you to come over to talk to me. But I'm tired now, and I have to go home, and couldn't just keep sitting there waiting.

Sean: [during a therapy session] So what do you really want to do?

Will: I wanna be a shepherd.

Sean: Really.

Will: I wanna move up to Nashua, get a nice little spread, get some sheep and tend to them.

Sean: Maybe you should go do that.

Will: [during a therapy session] Do you find it hard to hide the fact that you're gay?

Henry Lipkin: [stammers] What are... talking... about... What?

Will: Look, buddy, a few seconds ago you were ready to give *me* a jump!

Henry Lipkin: [feeling somewhat insulted] A jump? I... I'm terribly sorry... I...

Will: Hey, I don't have a problem with it. I don't care if you putt from the rough!

Sean: [during a therapy session] You'd probably be better off shoving that cigarette up your ass, that'd probably be healthier for you

Will: Yeah, I know it really gets in my way of my yoga

Sean: You work out?

Will: Yeah, free weights you?

Sean: Yeah, big time

Will: What'd you bench?

Sean: Two eighty five, what'd you bench?

Will: There is a lengthy legal precedent going back to 1789 whereby a defendant can claim self-defense against an agent of the government if that act is deemed a defense against tyranny a defense of liberty, Henry Ward Beecher wrote in the Plymouth Pulpit 1887 and I quote...

Prosecutor: 1887, this twenty century your honor, his going to make a mockery of the court

Will: Excuse me, I'm afforded the right to speak in my own defense by The Constitution of the United States this document that guaranteed my liberty, liberty in case you've forgotten, is the soul's right to breathe, if it cannot take a long breath laws are girdled too tight

Judge George H. Malone: Son, my turn I've be sitting here for ten minutes now looking over this rap sheet of yours and I just can't believe it June 93 assault, September 93 assault, grand theft auto February of 94, in the panel you defended yourself and had the case thrown out by citing Free Property Rights of 1798, January 95 impersonating an officer, mayhem, theft, resisting all overturned I'm also aware you've been through several foster homes the state removed you for serious physical abuse

Will: [while drinking coffee on the outside patio of a coffee shop] Do you play the piano?

Skylar: A bit.

Will: Okay, when you look at a piano you see Mozart, right?

Skylar: I see "Chopsticks."

Sean: [at his first therapy session] Do you like books?

Will: Yeah.

Sean: [points to wall] Did you read any of these books?

Will: I don't know.

Sean: [points to shelf] How about any of these books?

Will: Probably not.

Sean: What about the ones on the top shelf? You read those?

Will: [looks] Yeah, I read those.

Sean: Good for you. What do you think about 'em?

Will: Hey, I'm not here for a fuckin' book report. They're your books. Why don't you read them?

Sean: I did. I had to.

Will: Must've taken you a long time.

Sean: Yeah, it did.

Will: [sitting on a bench in in front of a pond in park] What is this, a Taster's Choice moment between guys?

Sean: There's honor, ya know, in taking that 40-minute so those college kids could come in the morning, and their floors are clean and their wastebaskets are empty. That's real work.

Will: That's right.

Sean: Right, and that's honorable. Sure, that's why you took that job. I mean, for the 'honor' of it.

Lambeau: [in Gerald's office] What happened at the MacNeil meeting?

Will: Oh, I couldn't go. I had a date, so I sent my chief negotiator.

Lambeau: On your own time you can do whatever you'd like Will, but when I set up a meeting with my associates and you don't show up, it reflects poorly on me.

Will: Well then don't set up any more meetings.

Lambeau: Well, I won't. I'll cancel them. I'd give you a job myself, I just wanted you to see what was out there.

Will: Look, maybe I don't want to spend the rest of my fucking life sitting around and explaining shit to people.

Lambeau: I think you could show me some appreciation.

Will: A little appreciation?

[Will picks up the math sheet]

Will: Do you know how easy this is for me? Do you have any fucking idea how easy this is? This is a fucking joke! And I'm sorry you can't do this, I really am because I wouldn't have to fucking sit here and watch you fumble around and fuck it up.

Lambeau: Then you'd have more time to sit around and get drunk instead, wouldn't you?

Will: You're right, this is probably a total waste of my time

[Will lights the math sheet on fire]

Lambeau: [Runs and grabs the math sheet to blow out the fire] You're right Will. I can't do this proof. But you can, and when it comes to that it's only about... it's just a handful of people in the world who can tell the difference between you and me. But I'm one of them.

Will: Sorry.

Lambeau: Yeah, so am I. Most days I wish I never met you. Because then I could sleep at night, and I wouldn't... and I wouldn't have to walk around with the knowledge that there's someone like you out there.

[Will leaves the room]

Lambeau: I didn't have to watch you throw it all away.

Hypnotist: You don't have to be nervous, Will.

Will: We start dancin and dancin... It's just beautiful cause we

[begins singing]

Will: can make a lotta love before the sun goes down. Skyrockets in flight. Afternoon delight... -a-a-afternoon delight. Skyrockets in flight. Da-da-da-da... -a-a-afternoon delight!

Isla: Sometimes I feel like I'm taking someone else's spot and then I feel sad. How do you mean? Like, being here alive is a waste because... I don't enjoy it, I'm not happy or grateful... and I'm taking a spot away from someone who maybe would've gotten something more out of it.

Will: Yeah. I guess I don't think it works that way.

Interviewer: Death used to be something we just had to live with, and now it's a convenient way to escape pain. That's okay.

Will: That's okay? Another plane of existence, maybe. Who knows? But I look around, I see a lot of people jumping out of planes hoping they're gonna grow wings. And reality and fantasy are mutually exclusive. They don't exist in the same space.

Will: You look different, Edie.

Eden: I am different. I'm free. All that useless pain, it's gone. It's something anyone can have, Will, and I want you to have it too.

Miguel: Will thinks you guys are on pills. Figuratively.

David: You think we're crazy?

Will: I-I never said that.

David: It's okay, I'm not offended. A lot of people think we're crazy. But I doubt they're as happy as we are.

Will: Look at the sky. The clouds. We're healing the ecosystem. not harming it. Particles join the air, building themselves out of pollutant. Forests can be regrown. Water so pure, you can drink out of any river. This is your dream.

Audience Member: So you want to create a god? Your own god?

Will: That's a very good question. Isn't that what man has always done?

[when his Deputy Sheriff, his last hope of help, deserts him]

Will: Go on home to your kids, Herb.

[Johnny peers from the back room into Marshal Kane's office. He sees the marshal slumped over at his desk, sniffling. Kane hears him come in and looks up at him]

Will: What do you want?

Johnny - Town Boy: I found them, all but Mr Henderson.

Will: I found him, thanks.

Johnny - Town Boy: You're welcome. Marshal, let me fight with you. I ain't afraid.

Will: No.

Johnny - Town Boy: Please, let me, Marshal!

Will: You're a kid! You're a baby!

Johnny - Town Boy: I'm sixteen! I can handle a gun, too!

Will: You're fourteen. What do you wanna lie for?

Johnny - Town Boy: I'm big for my age! Please, Marshal!

Will: Well, you're big for your age, but no, go on, get out of here.

Will: I've got to, that's the whole thing.

Will: Don't shove me Harv. I'm tired of being shoved.

Will: Stay at the hotel until it's over.

Amy: No, I won't be here when it's over. You're asking me to wait an hour to find out if I'm going to be a wife or a widow. I say it's too long to wait! I won't do it!

Will: Amy!

Amy: I mean it! If you won't go with me now, I'll be on that train when it leaves here.

Will: [initially leaving town] This is crazy, I don't even have any guns.

Will: [Sees a teenage boy loafing near a storefront] Johnny, why aren't you in church?

Johnny - Town Boy: Why aren't you?

[Will raises his hand as if to slap the boy for being disrespectful]

[last lines]

Will: This essay, the essay that I have to write, it's called, "The Most Fascinating Person That I've Never Met."

Whip: Okay.

Will: So,

[turns on his tape recorder]

Will: who are you?

Whip: That's a good question...

Will: Chicks dig blind guys.

Kyle: Too bad they don't dig ugly guys.

Will: How do you know?

Kyle: [to his blind tutor that's throwing darts accurately] How do you do that?

Will: I went to this dance and an emo chick gave me a dart hex.

Kyle: Bite me.

Will: It's not about how others look at me. It's about how I look at myself.

Will: Defying expectations, blindy keeps up his bitchin' sense of style.

Will: [through the peephole to Kyle] Don't worry. I can't actually see.

Will: High school unquestionably sucks!

Will: Living hell has it's upside.

Will: You think I'm too old for you?

Charlotte: Oh, no... I collect antiques, or I aspire to.

Will: Ouch.

Will: You don't want to die! You want to live!

Charlotte: You don't think I've been through this so many times? I don't want to give people hope when there isn't any!

Will: Why not? Maybe we need hope.

Will: [after Charlotte takes his watch] When do I get it back?

Charlotte: When you forget that I have it.

Omar: Excuse me, you can talk to God, right?

Will: We all can talk to God.

Lilli: Trying to be funny?

Will: I was just wondering what it would take to make a princess smile.

[he touches her face and she moves away]

Lilli: I'm not a princess.

Will: What are you then?

Lilli: I'm the daughter of Friedrich Hoffman.

Will: Ah, so you're nothing more than a name.

Lilli: What right do you have to say that? You know nothing about me.

Will: I know enough of your kind.

Lilli: How could you know anything about anyone, you live like an animal; you hide out like a criminal.

Will: And what are you doing princess, is this some holiday you're taking?

Lilli: My father will find me -

Will: Where is this great father of yours? How come he hasn't rescued you?

Lilli: He'll find me, I know it!

[quietly]

Will: What if he doesn't?

[pause]

Lilli: I don't like the way you speak to me.

Will: How would you have me speak?

Lilli: Like a civilized gentleman, and not some savage -

[he slams her up against a pillar with his hand at her throat]

Will: That is a word I will not bear from the lips of any man or woman. The last time I heard that word spoken, it was by one of your so-called gentlemen, and there was nothing gentle about it. Or civilized.

Lilli: Let go of me!

[faintly mocking]

Will: Why?

Lilli: Because you frighten me.

[he looks haunted and releases her]

Will: Never look a raven in the eye for too long. Might steal your soul and fly away with it.

Lilli: Why are you staring at me?

Will: It hadn't occurred to me to look anywhere else.

Lilli: It's very rude.

Will: It's one of my better habits.

Lilli: I take it you have no manners, then.

Will: No manners then... and no manners now.

Lilli: Trying to be funny?

[Claudia has defaced Lilli's mother's grave]

Lilli: She knew I would come back.

[Stepping out from behind another grave]

Will: Let's not disappoint her then.

[Lilli walks towards him, and smiles]

[Lilli is tracing the scars on Will's back. He spins quickly and grabs her wrist]

Will: That's enough!

[she reaches up and touches the scar on his face. They kiss, and Lilli smiles]

[last lines]

Will: It's snowing.

Will: You're positive the door was already open?

Travis: Yes.

Sarah: Well then who opened it?

Will: [pointing a gun at Paul who's wearing a gas mask] Why is your mask on? Nobody's sick here.

Paul: I'm going to try and help you and your family.

Will: I want to thank you again for letting us stay here.

Travis: [as the dog starts to bark at something in the woods] What's he see? What's he see?

Will: He heard something.

Paul: Let's get back in the house! Now!

Paul: I think that Will and I should be the only ones who go outside for a while. We don't know what made Stanley sick, we don't know anything. Nobody touched him so I think we're fine, right?

Will: Positive. You just opened the door, right, you didn't go in?

Travis: I didn't touch the door.

Will: You did what?

Travis: It was already open.

Kim: What? What's happening?

Sarah: The door was already open when you got there?

Travis: Yeah.

Sarah: Then who opened it?

Will: The terrible thing about the truth is that sometimes you find it.

Alex Bernier: Your services don't come cheap.

Will: No, they don't

Alex Bernier: What did Dominic give you? I mean he... he had nothing.

Will: That's not true. He gave me friendship once, and i returned it.

Will: You measure life with a ruler... and a bathroom scale.

Alex Bernier: I performed the ceremony. I found Mara dying. I did it to set her free.

Will: How did it feel?

Alex Bernier: Like I was God.

Will: [repeating what Mack and the other kids had said earlier about using body parts as fertalizer] Bones are good for the soil!

Will: Memories make us.

Eve: You don't have to go today.

Will: Not today, no.

Eve: Stay with me.

Will: For a while.

Eve: Sing for me.

Will: You're not going to go out on the ice, are you?

Olivia: We used to skate hear all the time!

Will: That was before Global Warming.

Will: I'm tired of being a screw-up.

Trey: We're all screw-ups. I guess that's why we stick together.

Dante 'Pig' Pignetti: It's always 'fuck, shit, piss' all the time around here, I mean, if she could hear it, it would embarass her.

[looks at a picture of his girlfriend]

Will: But Pig, this is a photograph.

Dante 'Pig' Pignetti: I know that!

Will: It can't see, smell, hear, taste. Right? Mark... Now Mr. Santoro, if you please, adress a few obscene remarks to this totally inatimate photograph.

Mark: Jesus, would you look at the tits on that bitch!

Will: Pig, how we doin'?

[Pig is trying to control himself]

Will: Tradd?

Tradd: My, would I dearly love to play a little 'hide the sausage' with that spectacular piece of wop-ass.

Will: Pig?

Dante 'Pig' Pignetti: She... She can't hear ya!

Will: That a boy!

[Takes the picture]

Will: Hi baby. How'd you like a hot flesh injection with the old pork-sword, huh? Nine inches of steaming conga up that tight little...

Dante 'Pig' Pignetti: I'M GONNA KILL YA!

Will: We are you and me against the world.

Nick: [complaining to tenant who just moved in upstairs] I'm an artist, and at night, I work in my room.

Will: What's that got to do with me?

Nick: It's not you, it's the noise. You'll hear for yourself these walls are paper thin. Well, the landlord, he told me that he only used the top floor for storage.

Will: So what? You want me to move at 2:00 in the morning?