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The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the same reason. -- Navjot Singh Sidhu
Step outside the guidelines of the official umpires and make your own rules and your own reality. -- Phil Ochs
I made a game effort to argue but two things were against me: the umpires and the rules. -- Leo Durocher
Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking. -- Bill Vaughan
The trouble with women umpires is that I couldn't argue with one. I'd put my arms around her and give her a little kiss. -- Casey Stengel
The most cowardly thing in the world is blaming mistakes upon the umpires. Too many managers strut around on the field trying to manage the umpires instead of their teams. -- Bill Klem
Umpires sometimes have a quick trigger. -- Joe Torre
My favorite umpire is a dead one. -- Johnny Evers
Peace is the umpire for doing the will of God. -- Edwin Louis Cole
I never questioned the integrity of an umpire. Their eyesight, yes. -- Leo Durocher
Your job is to umpire for the ball and not the player. -- Bill Klem
Any umpire who claims he has never missed a play is . . . well, an umpire. -- Ron Luciano
The best umpired game is the game in which the fans cannot recall the umpires who worked it. -- Bill Klem
Umpire's heaven is a place where he works third base every game. Home is where the heartache is. -- Ron Luciano
I didn't mean to hit the umpire with the dirt, but I did mean to hit that bastard in the stands. -- Babe Ruth
Boys, I'm one of those umpires that misses 'em every once in a while so if it's close, you'd better hit it. -- Cal Hubbard
It isn't enough for an umpire to merely know what he's doing. He has to look as though he knows what he's doing, too. -- Larry Goetz
I know nothing of God or the Devil. I have never seen a vision nor learned a secret that would damn or save my soul. -- Anne Rice
The job of arguing with the umpire belongs to the manager, because it won't hurt the team if he gets thrown out of the game. -- Earl Weaver
Many baseball fans look upon an umpire as a sort of necessary evil to the luxury of baseball, like the odor that follows an automobile. -- Christy Mathewson
I couldn't see well enough to play (baseball) when I was a boy, so they gave me a special job - they made me an umpire. -- Harry S. Truman
In the olden days, the umpire didn't have to take any courses in mind reading. The pitcher told you he was going to throw at you. -- Leo Durocher
Umpires are necessary evils. That's just the nature of the beast. For years, people have looked on umpiring as a job they could get any postman to do. -- Doug Harvey
As all of us with any involvement in sports knows, no two umpires or no two referees have the same strike zone or call the same kind of a basketball game -- Herb Kohl
Umpires, like players, are expected to show constant improvement each season and at each level. Inconsistent plate work and the inability to handle situations are probably the two biggest problems that minor league umpires face. -- Jim Evans
I'd always have it (grease( in at least two places, in case the umpires would ask me to wipe one off. I never wanted to be caught out there with anything though, it wouldn't be professional. -- Gaylord Perry
Judges are like umpires. Umpires don't make the rules. They apply them. The role of an umpire and a judge is critical. They make sure everybody plays by the rules. But it is a limited role. Nobody ever went to a ballgame to see the umpire. -- John Roberts
I think umpires have too much power, without any system of checks and balances and the more money a player makes, the more the umpire tries to show off that power to him. Unfortunately, since I signed my contract my strike zone has suddenly become a lot larger. -- Ozzie Smith
America overflows with specious 'victims' demanding redress for spurious grievances. However, one genuinely oppressed minority is getting overdue relief. Beginning with spring training in Arizona and Florida, Major League Baseball, taking pity on traumatized pitchers, is directing umpires to enforce the strike zone as defined in the rulebook. What a concept. -- George Will
Umpires are most vigorous when defending their miscalls. -- Jim Brosnan
Umpires are like emotional girlfriends, once they make up their minds, there is no point in arguing -- Dmitry Tursunov
There are umpires, and there are those who hold the title. -- Al Barlick
If you don't need umpires out there, and you can put robots out there, then why do we need ballplayers? -- Doug Harvey
No player or manager has greater respect for the umpires than I do, and I have demonstrated that over the years. -- Pete Rose
I always told my young umpires, 'Don't get mad. Whatever you do, don't show it. But no matter how long it takes, get even.' -- Doug Harvey
It turns out umpires and judges are not robots or traffic cameras, inertly monitoring deviations from a fixed zone of the permissible. They are humans. -- Eric Liu
As all of us with any involvement in sports knows, no two umpires or no two referees have the same strike zone or call the same kind of a basketball game. -- Herb Kohl
I'd always have grease in at least two places, in case the umpires would ask me to wipe one off. I never wanted to be caught out there with anything though, it wouldn't be professional. -- Gaylord Perry
When I was 14, I played in a summer league. One night the chief umpire asked me if I would like to try umpiring. There was a Little League tournament coming up and he needed more umpires than he had. -- Jim Evans
First of all, you want umpires to call what they see. In the case of fair or foul, the smartest thing is to call the ball fair. Because if it's called foul and ruled fair, where do we put the runners? -- Joe Torre
People come out to see the players. When do you see a manager anyway? When he's out on the field arguing with the umpires, making a fool of himself and you know you can't win, and when he brings out the line-up card. -- Frank Robinson
I've heard it said that umpires are necessary evil. Well, we are necessary, but we are not evil. We are hard-working and dedicated people whose primary interest is to make sure the game is played fairly. We are the integrity of the game. -- Doug Harvey
Justified or not, the Supreme Court has a kind of sacred status in American life. For whatever reason, Presidents can safely run against Congress, and vice versa, but I think there is an inherent popular aversion to assaults on the court itself. Perhaps it has to do with an instinctive belief that life needs umpires. -- Jon Meacham
Most umpires are good about letting the argument go, but you can only go on for so long, or go so far. If you don't leave it alone after a minute or two, you're in trouble. They want to keep the game moving, so they've got to throw you out. I had trouble leaving it alone, I guess. -- Bobby Cox
Umpires got power, man. You ever notice if you go to a ballpark and there's a close play on first base, they will not run the replay at the ballpark? I've seen umpires go underneath and call up and say if you run one more of those replays, we're gonna forfeit the game. That's how strong their union is. -- Pete Rose
I don't think you can set up a computer to do a strike zone on a guy who's 6-foot-5 and then a guy who's 5-8. Where does it draw the line? One guy stands tall, and another squats down, and it changes the lines. Nah. I still love the umpires; they do a great job. I don't have a problem with any of that. -- Johnny Bench
We never went into a game that we did not feel sure of winning, and when we lost, we blamed it on hard luck or the umpires. We never gave any other team credit for being able to play ball, and the result was that we were hard to beat. If I could get my team to be confident, I think we would work our way to the front pretty quickly. -- Joe Kelley
National League umpires wear inside chest protesters. -- Jerry Coleman
Those amateur umpires are certainly flexing their fangs tonight. -- Jerry Coleman
Ten years from now I will tell you how I feel about umpires. -- Carlos Zambrano
Bishops are like umpires. You have to have them to call the close decisions. -- Frank Butler
Earl gave me his version of what happened and asked me not to suspend the umpires. -- Lee MacPhail
I told the umpires to walk back at least thirty-five feet from home plate. That reduced the arguements. -- Bill Klem
The one thing that all umpires have is pride, and if you don't have pride, you lose that edge. -- Doug Harvey
It is rather suitable for umpires to dress like dentists, since one of their tasks is to draw stumps. -- John Arlott
They are supposed to be dispassionate dispensers of Pure Justice, icy islands of emotionless calculation. In short, umpires should be acute Republicans. -- George Will
Chief Justice [John] Roberts compared judges to umpires, who apply rules they did not write and cannot change to the competition before them. -- Orrin Hatch
The system is in place whereby if an umpire cries off, or both as was the case here, those umpires are to be replaced. -- Mark Webber
Some have said that I can accept inadequacies in my players but not in umpires. That completely misses the point. I can't tolerate anyone's mistake. -- Earl Weaver
It is difficult batting in artificial light with a red ball but it's a horrible task for umpires to make a judgement, particularly if they're going by light meters. -- Adam Gilchrist
Minor league umpires are evaluated in their respective leagues each year and rated numerically. This enables umpires to know where they stand and helps them make prudent career decisions. -- Jim Evans
I'd get me a bunch of bats and balls and sneak me a couple of umpires and learn them kids behind the Iron Curtain how to tote a bat and play baseball. -- Dizzy Dean

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