The Judge Quotes in Mr. Toad's Wild Ride (1996)

The Judge: Before I pass sentence, will the jury care to find him guilty?

Rat: Wait. One of those wabbits is a weasel.

Chief Weasel: No I'm not. I'm a rabbit!

The Judge: [to the jury] Is he a rabbit?

Chief Weasel: [whispers] Say I'm a rabbit.

[Rabbits all nod, say "Rabbit" and stroke their long ears]

Rat: That weasel is never a wabbit!

The Judge: Would the prosecution like add something?

The Prosecution Counsel: No, Your Honour. But I would like to wag my finger at the accused a few times.

The Judge: Go ahead.

[Prosecution walks over importantly and tut-tuts Toad]

The Judge: Very well, How do you find the accused?

All Weasels: [all together shout] Guilty!

The Judge: I'm asking the Jury! Yes...

Chief Weasel: [whispering to the Jury] Say guilty!

Rabbit Jury: Guilty

Martin Eden: Your Honor, I've been handed this same magoo for thirteen days. You let Captain Butch Raglan come in here and tell a pack of lies that is fiction; he goes back to sea like a hero. I got the truth here. Why don't you make Old Man Morley come down here and listen to what goes on aboard his stinking death wagons? Why are you all so afraid of the truth?

The judge: One more word, young man and I'll have to hold you in contempt of court.

Martin Eden: Alright, Your Honor. You're the skipper here. But I'll make you listen someday. I'll make the whole world listen before I get through.

The Judge: By the way, that's a shame about your face.

Hatchet-Face: There's nothing the matter with my face. I got character!

Baldwin: You think you're a big man, Cry-Baby, but you're lower than your dead father! And guess who pulled the switch on that jerk? My grandpappy, that's who! And every Christmas since, my whole family gathers together and he retells the story of the day he electrocuted your daddy, and we just laugh!

Hatchet Face: Let me punch his ugly face!

Wade "Cry-Baby" Walker: It's okay, Hatchet. You're beautiful, baby. But I'll take care of this maggot! Do you know how to play the automobile game called Chicken?

Baldwin: Sure! My car and your jalopy! We head toward one other at full speed. First one to turn the wheel before we smash is a chicken!

The Judge: Is that legal?

Mrs. Vernon-Williams, Allison's Grandmother: Stop this insanity!

Wade "Cry-Baby" Walker: I got some new rules, sucker! How 'bout you and me on top of the car?

Baldwin: [hesitates] I'm man enough, you big cry baby!

Wade "Cry-Baby" Walker: That's "Mr. Baby" to you! Fellas of the press, this chicken race tonight is for my daddy. And I'd like to sing something in his memory. Something hill-billy... something colored!

[Baldwin groans]

Wade "Cry-Baby" Walker: Something my daddy would have loved!

The Judge: Mrs. Malnorowski, there is no smoking in this courtoom.

Hatchet's Mother: I pay taxes on cigarettes, don't I? And what do I get for those taxes? Happiness? *Hell* no! I get tuberculosis!

The Judge: [to Cry Baby] The only place you're going to sing is in jail.

The Judge: [to the courtroom] What a sad vision of today's youth. The juvenile authorities have had it with Drape gangs.

The Judge: [to Hatchet Face] I see that your parents haven't taken the trouble to come to get you.

Hatchet's Father: Oh, yes, we did. You happy now, Mona? Huh? You finally did it. You put your own Mother in an iron lung.

Claude Elsinore: And I'd like to point out that these tapes have not been faked, or altered in any way. In fact they have time coding, which is very hard to fake.

The Judge: For the benefit of the court would you please explain "time coding."

Claude Elsinore: Well, uh... just because I don't know what it is, it doesn't mean I'm lying.

[Bob and Doug are on the witness stand in the courtroom after being sworn on the Bible to tell the truth prior to testimony]

Bob McKenzie: I do.

Doug McKenzie: I do.

Bob McKenzie: I guess we're married, clerk.

Doug McKenzie: Oh.

Bob McKenzie: Where's the honeymoon?

The Judge: Order, Order!

Bob McKenzie: Gimmie a toasted back bacon, hold the toast.

Doug McKenzie: Don't make me laugh, eh.

The Judge: I remind you not to speak, until you are spoken to!

Bob McKenzie: He's startin' to sound like the old man. Soon he'll be sending me out for beers.

[Doug sneezes out the two bullets in his nose... which ricochet around the courtroom!]

The Judge: Members of the jury, as Sir Walter Scott is always saying... In peace, Love tunes the shepherd's reed; In war, he mounts the warrior's steed; In halls, in gay attire is seen; In hamlets, dances on the green. Love rules the court, the camp, the grove, and men below, and saints above; For Love is heaven, and heaven is Love. Will you please consider your verdict.

The Judge: Ladies and Gentlemen, good morning. Today you will become citizens of the United States of America. No longer are you an Englishman, Italian, a Pole or whatever, neither will you be a hyphenated American. From this day you are no longer a subject of a governement, but an intergal part of the government, a free man. May you find in this nation the fulfillment of your dreams of Peace and Security, and may America in turn never find you wanting in your new proud role of citizen of the United States. Will the petitioners please rise. Now let us take the oath of allegiance.

The Judge: [Noticing a sleeping juror] Juror #2, the jury will pay strict attention to the evidence.

Juror #2: I'm sorry, your honor, I was up all night with a terrible toothache.

The Judge: [Scolding him] Well, that's too bad, but it's your duty to stay awake and try to follow the evidence with as much intelligence as you've got.

The Judge: I thought I could rely on your honor!

The Judge: I want nothing.

Valentine: Then stop breathing.

The Judge: Good idea.

The Judge: Leave. It's your destiny. You can't live your brother's life for him.

Valentine: I love him. If only I could help.

The Judge: You can. Be.

Valentine: What do you mean?

The Judge: That's all: be.

The Judge: Deciding what is true and what isn't now seems to me...a lack of modesty.

Valentine: Vanity?

The Judge: Vanity.

Valentine: You're not afraid?

The Judge: I wonder what I'd do in their place. The same thing.

Valentine: You'd throw stones?

The Judge: In their place? Of course. And that goes for everyone I judged. Given their lives, I would steal, I'd kill, I'd lie. Of course I would. All that because I wasn't in their shoes, but mine.

Valentine: If I had to go to court...are there still judges like you?

The Judge: You won't go to court. Justice doesn't deal with the innocent.

The Judge: Perhaps you're the woman I never met.

Valentine: Do your dreams come true?

The Judge: It's been years since I dreamt something nice.

Valentine: Excuse me... the door was open. I'm sorry, I think I ran over your dog. Rita. A German Shepherd.

The Judge: [Displaying little interest] It's possible. She disappeared yesterday.

Valentine: She's in my car. Alive. I don't know what to do.

Valentine: [after getting no response from the judge] Would you like me to take her to a vet?

The Judge: [Displaying little interest] As you wish.

Valentine: If I ran over your daughter, would you react the same way?

The Judge: [Displaying no emotion] I don't have a daughter, miss.

The Judge: [pauses, then turns to her] Go away... and don't close the door!

The Judge: You think I'm a bastard?

Valentine: Yes.

The Judge: I give you His Catholic Majesty King James III, may God bless him and keep him in exile

The Doctor: My lord, when I heard of Ralph Gower's discovery, I was reminded of this old volume. Mock, sir, if you will. These sages had access to much wisdom.

The Judge: Doctor, witchcraft is dead and discredited. Are you bent on reviving forgotten horrors?

The Judge: You must have patience, even while people die. Only thus can the whole evil be destroyed. You must let it grow.

The Doctor: How do we know, sir, what is dead? You come from the city. You cannot know the ways of the country. See... this picture. Did Ralph not describe such a countenance?

The Judge: Perhaps some such thing.

The Judge: Leave me to judge who is innocent.

The Judge: I am ready to return, but understand, I shall use undreamed-of measures, to conquer the evil.

The Judge: Ralph here claims he discovered a deformed anatomy in those furrows. Knew you any such?

Reverend Fallowfield: Not since Meg Parsons died. But strange folk have been seen to pass this way from time to time.

The Judge: Doctor, I am leaving soon. As a favor, might I request the loan of this book? It might merit further study.

The Judge: Judge yourself fortunate... she would never have made a good wife for you