The Female Quotes in The Mating Habits of the Earthbound Human (1999)
The Female Quotes:
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Narrator: [the male performs oral sex on the female] As mating grows ever nearer, the male uses his tongue to explore the female's womb, clearing the passageway of any debris so that the infant will have an easy voyage into their world.
The Female: Oh, God! Oh God!
Narrator: It is painful for her, but for the good of their child, she makes the sacrifice.
-- The Female -
The Female: [the female told the male she is pregnant] Say something.
The Male: Uh, it is mine, isn't it?
The Female: Say something better!
-- The Female -
The Female: [while having sex] I... love... you!
The Male: I... love... this!
The Female: Bas... tard!
-- The Female -
The Female's Slutty Friend: Jen, it's been like five days already.
The Female: He's just playing it cool.
The Female's Slutty Friend: Cool? The man is a fucking accountant.
The Female's Friend: Could you show a little sensitivity? She liked the guy.
The Female's Slutty Friend: I just called him a fucking accountant. I didn't say he wasn't cute.
-- The Female -
The Male: Can I get your number?
The Female: I was wondering when you were gonna ask.
Narrator: The female scratches numerical symbols onto a thin white sheath of tree bark hoping the design will please the male.
The Male: Great!
Narrator: The male is pleased with the design! To him, it is the prettiest of all pictures.
-- The Female -
The Male: If you won't tell me what you do, will you at least tell me why you won't tell me?
The Female: You know, because guys find it a turn-off when girls babble on about themselves on the first date. Tell me about your accounting firm.
The Male: Oh, I can't.
The Female: Government work kinda stuff?
The Male: Girls find it a turn-off when guys babble on about themselves on the first date.
The Female: [laughs] We definitely have a problem.
-- The Female -
Narrator: [the female discovers the male sent flowers to her office] A gift from the male.
The Female: He didn't!
Narrator: Raw vegetation for the female to eat so she may keep up her strength for motherhood.
-- The Female -
The Female: [giving birth] Get away from me, you bastard! "I'll pull out" my ass! Fuck you! Fuckin' prick!
Narrator: And at long last, the female experiences the joy and pleasure of birth.
The Female: Oh GOD!
Narrator: It is a euphoric experience for her. Having had to suffer the pain of orgasm, she is now entitled to reap nature's reward.
The Female: Fuckin' piece of shit!
Narrator: It is a state of ecstacy the male will never enjoy.
-- The Female
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