Stoney Quotes in Encino Man (1992)

Stoney: If you're edged 'cause I'm weazin all your grindage, just chill. 'Cause if I had the whole brady bunch thing happenin' at my pad, I'd go grind over there, so dont tax my gig so hard-core cruster.

Stoney: Um, Robyn Sweeney, bro? She's not going to the prom with you, man. I wish she would, but she's really not.

Dave: What are you talking about? Robyn Sweeney is mine. She's become a major babe, and she loves me.

Stoney: She finds you crusty, Dave.

Dave: I'll convince her! She'll see the truth.

Stoney: The truth is bro, life's about greasing the 'do back, buddy, and wheezin' on the buff-fest, man. High school was interesting, alright? It was kinda like a harsh ride. Ah, ah...

Stoney: [howls twice]

Stoney: We're going on to bigger and better things, buddy!

Dave: Stoney, I am on to bigger and better things!

[repeated line]

Stoney: Meat group!

[repeated line]

Stoney: Bud-dy!

Dave: Matt Wilson? I mean, what a jerk! What does she see in him, anyway?

Stoney: Well, he's got the buff spikes chillin' on top of his melon, obviously, right?, - dude, he's checking her cheeks! oh oh! - he's got the serious beak, and his own personal holding company full of fundage, bro, that he weases off of ma... ma...

Dave: [finishing the phrase] ... jor.

Stoney: 18-inch bi's - mine are only 4...

Dave: ...besides that.

Stoney: He walks like this, right?.

[struts in a manly fashion]

Stoney: Just like this, right? The nugs fully loose.

Stoney: [a car horn is heard] Your parents!

Dave: My parents!

Link: AHH!

Stoney: Look, Dave, you're gonna have to just mellow out, bro, on this whole Robyn thing, she always shines you.

Dave: You don't understand; we have history.

Stoney: Hey, you had history: pre-freshman history. Could've had her back then, man.

Dave: She hadn't hit babehood yet!

Dave: Stop! Stop, where did you go? You just took off after school. Do you know how worried I've been?

Stoney: God, Dave, you sound like my Mom.

Dave: God, you can't do that to me.

[looking more closely at Link]

Dave: What's on his Nose?

Stoney: Ya know what, Dave, just Chill, 'cause you know why? Link and I had a Stoney time at the Mountain.

Dave: You took him to Mega Mountain? Are you crazy?

Stoney: Yeah, 'cause they're ridin' The Vapor in reverse.

Dave: They are?

Stoney: Unh-huh!

Dave: Oh, cool!

Link: Check out Fresh Nugs, wheezin' the juice...

Stoney, Link: [howling together] Oooooooowwwwww! Bud-dy!

Stoney: Far too much responsibility for me, anyways, I'm already popular!

Dave: Yeah, you travel in large groups of one, Stoney.

Dave: He melted...

Stoney: Dave, it wasn't meant to happen. Come on, I'll go buy you some Ho-Ho's.

Stoney: I hope he doesn't gnaw on our beaks.

Stoney: I'm not a geek, I'm a unique weasel.

Stoney: [at the party] How's it going?

Ray Elwood: Oh, the usual. Berman and Marshall are trying to suck a General's dick.

[At the Civil War-themed officers' party, Elwood and Stoney are serving drinks, dressed as Confederate soldiers. Stoney is black so this is a bit incongruous]

Sgt. Lee: Jesus Christ, look how they got you dressed up. Ain't you sick of being fucked by a white man?

Stoney: [threateningly] You and me can step outside right now.

Sgt. Lee: Whoa. You think you can take me?

Ray Elwood: Uh-oh, customers.

Sgt. Lee: Yeah, maybe. Straight up, hand-to-hand, you got a shot. Maybe. But maybe I wear a blade. Maybe I got a .45 cocked and locked to shove up your ass. You ain't considered that, have you?

Stoney: [rapping in Dave's rooftop crash pad] Is love lesson number one over, man?

Dave: All the games have to go, man. Cause it's all one big plastic hassle.

Stoney: So live in a jelly jar.

Dave: [gesturing] You see this little beam of light?

[shuts off beam with hand]

Dave: Well, that's all there is. The rest is in your head.

[Warren, hallucinating, has just tried to cut off his hand off with a power saw]

Jenny Davis: [upset] Why does he take that stuff?

Stoney: [pausing for emphasis] Don't judge people, Jenny.

[Stoney and his band have just gotten offstage]

Dave: [offering Stoney a joint] Why so happy? Is it the fame or the fortune?

Stoney: Oh man, Dave, you are relentless.

Dave: Tell me your philosophy, Stoney. Let's talk about something important. What color Continental are you going to buy?

Stoney: [putting Dave on] Cantaloupe, man.

Dave: That's interesting. Uh. Let me ask you this. How do you stand on monogrammed shirts?

Stoney: Love 'em, man, love 'em. Wear 'em for underwear all the time you know. Anything with my initials on it. Individual against the collective conforming society and all that

Dave: Hmm. Well, I don't care what your bag is man, as long as you're honest about what you want.

Stoney: Well, I'm honest Dave, very honest.

Dave: Well, pretty soon that little girl you're pretending not to notice, that one standing right there with her eyes full of love, pretty soon you'll start worrying about whether you can afford her. And then it's buy now, pay later. 9 to 5 the rest of your life.

Stoney: [sarcastic] Pretty soon the boogie man'll get me.

Dave: [to Jenny] You're looking lovely this morning, Jenny. Tell him I'm right. You're not one to play games. Tell him how it is.

Jenny Davis: I'm just catching a bus.